The Story of My Arranged Marriage

Yep, you read that right.  I have an arranged marriage by my Father.  Oh, and I live in America and I got married in 1998 when I was 28 years old.  It sounds absurd, doesn't it?  Who in their right mind would allow their Father to pick their husband?  In a free country?  In the 21st century?

I did!  Feel free to call me an idiot or one who made a wise decision. (smile)

For those of you that are already married, don't think this post doesn't apply to you because it does.  I have also written it for the single woman, along with women who have unmarried children.

So if you fit into any of these categories, read on my friend!

To my friends that are wives:

This was a hard post for me to write because you are already married!  To some that are reading this, you may have a fabulous marriage and to others, that's the furthest thing from the truth.  Now, I know how we women like to compare ourselves to one another, BUT I caution you NOT to do that!  Sister in Christ, don't go there!  We shouldn't be comparing or competing with one another ever, because all it does is bring hurt and disappointment.  Furthermore, the last thing I am here to do is plant seeds into your head telling you that you do not have a wonderful marriage if  the Lord did not arrange it.  You can still have a marriage that the Lord has blessed.  Remember, He has plans for you that are good, not evil.  Don't be discouraged either if your spouse happens to be Mr. Wrong in your eyes.  God is in the business of transforming lives!  The journey might be difficult and hard as you overcome many obstacles, but in the end you can have a glorious marriage.  In the coming weeks I will be writing many posts on marriage, so stay tuned!  But in the meantime, I wanted to share with you my pre-courtship story.  It will give you a little more background on me and my marriage, which I think might be helpful to you when reading future posts on the subject of Wedded Bliss, (or the lack of).

Also, I STRONGLY encourage you to be an older woman to a younger one who is in need of Biblical direction regarding marriage.  Share with her my story AND your story.  Plus show her what to look for in her future husband.

Now....on with the story!

How can a young woman without the proper Biblical upbringing know how to discern what to look for in a husband?  Those were my thoughts as I headed out on this journey.

For me, I felt with the right husband my life could be wonderful and with the wrong husband I could be living a life that was like a death sentence.  (No need to go there because I already made that choice!)  You can read a little more about that here and here.

I wanted my Father's help; my Heavenly Father, that is.  Surrendering to the Lord and asking Him to intercede on my behalf, for Him to choose my husband just for me.  I can honestly tell you it was the second best decision I made, with following Christ as my number one.

Here's where I was when this process began.

I came to Christ at age 26 with a desire to someday meet my Prince Charming and have the fairy tale wedding that all women dream of.  However, as I dug into the scriptures I soon learned that a God-fearing woman was to submit to her husband.  (I had to do what?)  Not wanting to do that anytime soon, nor wanting to settle for a man that was second-best, I soon became content in my singleness!  (Before Christ, I was the epitome of a contentious woman, with a capital 'C'. There was much for me to learn before I was willing to hand my life over to some man that I had to follow.)

I read the Bible, referencing all the scriptures that talked about a woman or a wife because Godly wisdom is the BEST wisdom to have!  Along with that, I also read a short book called, Let Me Be a Woman, by Elisabeth Elliot which certainly made a profound impact on me.  (And no, I don't receive compensation for saying that.)

I had a lot to learn about being a Godly woman.  I became asleep to my desires of being married, much like when God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep so He could fashion Eve from him.

So, into a deep sleep Adam went while God was in the process of arranging the first marriage of mankind.

And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. Genesis 2:21,22

While being asleep to my desires, I started to grow in the things of the Lord.  Seeking the scriptures and trying to be obedient to what I was learning, even if it didn't feel good.

Soon, I started to meet men (mostly from church because that was the only place I went to, outside of my job or the all-female gym that I had attended).  Remember, I wasn't seeking out the next hot guy that I could date for fun.  I was content seeking the Lord.   Learning.  Growing.  Serving Him.

"But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you."  John 14:26

Some rules that I had established in my mind, thanks to the Lord's prompting:  I made the decision that men had to approach me because I was unwilling to approach them.  Not because I was playing any games with them but because I wanted to start off any future courtship with the man God chose for me with the right foundation.  In God's word it says that a wife is to follow her husband.  So, I felt it was best to not play the game, Follow the Leader as me being the leader.  If the man was interested in me, then he needed to ask me out, not the other way around.

Here's the right foundation:  When married, the man leads.  Therefore, when courting, the man leads.  If the man did not act like a God-fearing man or a gentleman when I first met him, then he soon learned he was not the man that God had for me.  In other words, if he couldn't lead me while on a date, he couldn't lead me in marriage. (Next.)

Also, I would examine their character more so than their outer appearance (even if they were easy on the eyes!)  I wanted to see if they would qualify to the standards held in the scriptures for a Godly man, after all my future husband would be leading me for the Rest. Of. My. Life. so I didn't want to make that decision based on how I felt about him.  I asked the Lord to guard and protect my heart.  To not be deceived by my emotions.

During this time I made a list of character traits along with other things that I felt my future husband should have and then I daily, prayed over the list.

1. He was to be a God-fearing man.  I know that may seem vague to some, but being that I had only been a new Believer for about 1 year, that was the only way I knew how to define my standards.  Very quickly I learned that even though some men proclaimed to be Believers their actions said otherwise.   Watching him is how you can determine his character.  If it doesn't measure up in the beginning...Tell him to hit the door Jack and don't you come back no more.


2. He was to lead-(not rule).  Now that might be an odd character trait to some women, but to me it wasn't.  The reason why is because I was always the one who led in prior relationships.  Most of the men were unwilling to take charge...so I always did, plus I would have fought for control even if they tried.  (Remember, I used to be a contentious woman.)


3. He was to be a man of honor and integrity.  His 'yes' was to be his 'yes' and also, he would honor the Lord by keeping me pure until our wedding day.


4. He was to attend my church.  Here was my reason why. When I first got saved I went church-shopping.  After attending 3 different churches in 6 months, I later found the church where I still attend 15+ years later.    The several churches that I attended said the same message over and over.  "Jesus loves me and died for my sins." Yes,  true statements but I hungered for more.  The Bible is a big book and I knew there was more for me to learn but it wasn't being preached on a Sunday morning at the churches that I had attended.  Being that I did not know much about the Word of God and that a husband was to be the spiritual leader of the home, I wanted my future husband to know more about the Bible than I did because I did not want to lead him spiritually.  I wanted him to take me by my hand and lead me spiritually.  I felt I was most protected, spiritually speaking, if my future man sat under the same teaching as I did.  Plus, I was not willing to leave my church because I was being equipped there.  If I married a man who happened to attend another church....guess what?  I would have to follow him and he might believe in some weird doctrine that I did not know about when we were courting.  (I wasn't willing to risk my spiritual growth in order to be married.)


5. I wanted a man that was just like me.  I wanted his spiritual convictions, morals, values, and resolve to be in-line with my own.  I also wanted his personality and the way he thought to be very similar to the way I thought because I wanted him to understand me.  I know that sounds strange especially when people say opposites attract.  But I figured there would be less problems and misunderstandings in our marriage if we were able to understand one another.  Males and females bring in their own uniqueness just by being, 'males and females'.   We are opposites by nature and that is still a BIG enough difference in my book.

"And the LORD went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so as to go by day and night."  Exodus 13:21

And the Lord went before me...

For single women

Here is a list of ways to discern if the man is spiritually mature enough or not to be your future husband.  (I am sure more could be added to this list.)

• Are they passionate about their relationship with Jesus Christ?


• Do  they attend church even if you can't make it for some reason?


• Are they daily reading God's Word?


• Do they initiate spiritual conversations with you or others?


• Do they complement your character, virtues or just your outer beauty?  If he is a God-fearing man, then he will be looking for Godly attributes in you. 

Watch for some of the 'Red flags,' that are listed below.  If he is not the man God has chosen for you, these will surface, either when you are just getting to know him or when the relationship is just beginning to develop.  Be alert and pray for discernment.  And if ANY of these come up, run away from him as fast as you can before your emotions get the better of you!

• He makes continual poor choices or decisions that you do not respect.  (This will continue in marriage and it will make it extremely hard for you to respect him.)


• He has his hands all over you.  Obviously entering into a physical relationship too soon is a big fat no-no!  What I mean by a physical relationship is lots of kissing, embracing, touching.  In this instance, I am not referring to the act of marriage (s*x).  That time is only reserved for a husband and wife.


• He only complements your outer appearance, personality or things the two of you have in common, yet never refers to your heart for the Lord because that is not important to him.  (For some married women, they have this issue in their marriage and the result:  their husbands do not like it when they are serving Christ.)


• He only talks about the Lord when you bring Christ up in your conversation.


• You have become his 'girl' way too soon.  (After all, you can't even remember his last name!)  He becomes possessive of you or is extremely jealous.  (There are insecurity issues with him!)


• He is calling you all the time.  (Didn't he have a life before he met you?)


• You have become the center of his life rather than Jesus Christ being the center of his.  (This will show you real quick if Jesus Christ is really the Lord of his life.)

If there are any 'Red Flags' surfacing at the onset of your time with him, this is NOT God's best for you!

Things I did so my Heavenly Father could arrange my marriage:

1. I surrendered and prayed for the Lord to choose my husband.  Seeing how God is a lot smarter than I am, I decided to let Him make the decision.  (I knew I would mess it up and lead with my heart rather than have the decision Spirit-led.)


2. I was content in my singleness.


3. During my singleness, I sought to grow in the things of the Lord, becoming the Godly woman that a Godly man desired.  (That's a big key ladies!)


4. I made a God-fearing list and prayed over it so I knew what to look for when the Lord brought the man to me.


5. I prayed for discernment and for the Lord to open my eyes to see any 'Red Flags'.


6. I prayed for the Lord to protect my heart so I would not make a decision based on my emotions.


7. I prayed for the Lord to keep my passionate feelings to a minimum so as not to cloud my vision.

For Parents

You can take all of these thoughts and concepts and teach them to your daughters (and sons).  Since I only have sons, my husband and I teach many of these ideas and principles to our boys and they are only 10 and 12 years old!  (Obviously, for boys you will add to the list to teach them to lookout for the 'immoral woman' as well as other things.)

So, in closing, did my Father deliver when I surrendered my life to Him...in the choosing of my husband?  Did He give me a God-fearing husband?  One that matched the list?

You bet He did!  He blew me away with His choice, but funny thing about it was I was rather shocked and surprised by who He picked.

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."  Ephesians 3:20,21

You can read about my courtship and engagement post called, This is Not Your Typical Love Story.

Live a poured out life for the Master,

I am linked up with:

Thankful for Afflictions

Thanksgiving.  A day when it is a time to be thankful, but sometimes when life is hard, it is difficult to utter a word of thanks.

How could I see good in these afflictions?

Broken relationships with my family
Hurt by Christian women
Struggled in ministry to stay afloat
Years of chronic and debilitating illnesses
Lost of our home (twice)
A Christmas season when we barely had money for food, let alone presents (again)
The inability to pay for our rental home and then having to move again
Living with another family because we didn’t have a place to go
Dealing with my own fears, insecurities, failures, depression and rejection

How do I say, "Thank you Lord, for this life?"

Only because of Him.  Only because of His promises.  Knowing that all things work together for good.

My afflictions have produced good seeds.

They have:

• Strengthened my faith


• Deepened my convictions and resolve


• Brought me closer to Christ


• Weakened me; causing me to cling to Jesus, to rely on His strength rather than my own


• Given me the opportunity to watch for His hand of faithfulness upon my life


• Allowed me, a broken vessel, to be used by Him even though I am unworthy

When the seeds of affliction come falling down into the soil of your life, friend, let the Gardener pour His Living Water over you so you can produce good fruit.

"I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.  John 15:5

Yes, afflictions are hard in the physical sense, but good for us spiritually.

Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Philippians 4:11-13

Thankful for my afflictions because without them, I would remain more like me: sinful, selfish me, rather than more like Him.

Be thankful for your afflictions too, friend, because they can produce good fruit in your life as well!

Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name.  Hebrews 13:15

Live a poured out life for the Master,


I am linked up with:

Broken but Useful

He stood at the top of a 10- story building while holding a vessel in His hands.  A vessel that was precious to Him.  A vessel that wanted to be used by Him.

Yet, He made the decision that it was best to throw the exquisite vase over the side of the building, shattering it.

The pot was now broken.

To the naked eye it no longer resembled a vessel, just tiny pieces.

Most would say it was no longer fit for use.   Something of value was now damaged beyond repair.  Or was it?

The Man at the top of the building was the Creator; He was the Potter and the vessel, His clay.

Even though He plummeted the vessel to its demise, He  knew what was best for the little pot for He had a great plan and purpose for it.

But now, O LORD, You are our Father; We are the clay, and You our potter; And all we are the work of Your hand.  Isaiah 64:8

Through His hands, what was once broken and of no use, was now being mended by the Potter.

 

That was me being dropped from that 10- story building as my body endured one chronic and debilitating illness after another.  Year in and year out.  Longing to be used by Him, but physically unable.  Broken and useless.

Why, Lord?  Were the thoughts that ran through my mind many years ago.

Yet, today He has given me a glimpse into His perfect plan.

 We are all broken and in need of our Potter because our brokenness comes in varying forms:

• A painful and disappointing marriage. (or singleness)


• Difficult or severed relationships.


• Prodigals.


• Financial hardships.


• Living with limitations.


• A fearful diagnosis.

Through the disappointments, hurting, and pain, He ever so gently fashioned the vessel back together again, but this time the vessel took on a new shape; one better than before.

He filled it with His might and power and sent it on it's way.

Calling out, "My grace is all you need, He said.  And My power works best in weakness."

The little vessel stood, for there was work for it to do.

One last thing He said,

Pour into others as I have poured into you.

Live a poured out life for the Master,



I am linked up with:

Not All Mothers and Daughters Get Along, Part 2

Welcome back. If you missed part 1 of this post you can find it here at, Not All Mothers and Daughters Get Along.

I will never forget that day. The day when my mom hurled insults and made accusations towards me and my husband. I was not hurt at the time, I was ANGRY! How dare she say those things. Well, I was ready to fight, again... and momma taught me best!

But now I was saved and my heart was to be the light and show my mom how wonderful life could be with Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. So I made the decision to pray instead of fight. (So, for all you fighters out there, that is generally a much better decision.)

During this fit of rage as my mom is screaming at me (at the mall and now in the parking lot; I decided it was best to cut our shopping trip short!) I prayed. I specifically asked the Lord to give me His words to defend the Biblical upbringing that my son was receiving and the Godly marriage He blessed me with.

This is what the Lord said, "Keep your mouth shut."

What? I said to myself.

What do you mean Lord? I should be defending what the Bible has to say and the reasons for our decisions.

Again, I kept praying for the words, but He gave me none and quite frankly I was bent out of shape about that! I did not understand why the Lord did not come by my side and speak through me.

As I drove my mom home, she made a piercing statement,

"Jolene, where do you find all these losers."

She stabbed me in the heart with her words.

My Savior, My King and My God handpicked my husband specifically for me. The 'Great I Am' gave me a gift that I was (and still am) so undeserving of.

"I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine." Song of Solomon 6:3

I gently said to her, "You need to stop speaking."

There was silence in the car.

I was at a defining moment with my relationship with mom and these were the scriptures that went through my mind,

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24

"And let the wife see that she respects her husband." Eph. 5:33

I had a choice to make.

Choice #1- the easy choice. I can pretend that what my mother said was no big deal.   In time, those hurtful things would get swept under the rug because after all, that's how things generally happened with my family, plus, our relationship would stay intact.

Choice #2- the hard choice.   A threat was made that my son could be taken away from me. On top of that was the complete disregard for my husband, our beliefs, and the way we wanted to raise our son in the Lord.

Spiritually and mentally it was a no-brainer. I was going with Choice #2.

Why would anyone allow someone in darkness make decisions on behalf of a family who lives in the light?

One word: Emotions.

I did not want to lose my mom, but neither did I want to live in fear over that fact that I might lose my son based on some false accusations, nor was I willing to have my mom 's opinions of darkness come between my husband and I.

In a moment it was like I was being asked to take sides. Either I stand with my mom so I could continue to have a relationship with her or stand with my husband and the promises in God's Word.

Well, I am 'one' with my husband so there were no sides to take on this one, plus, I am a daughter of the King!

I would be lying to you if I said it wasn't painful to stand on those Biblical precepts and truths, but it was right.

The tears came down my face immediately. The relationship that we finally had was now torn apart.

"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" 2 Cor. 6:14

As I dropped her off, I let her know that I loved her but I could not have her threaten my family, attack my husband and our decisions, nor could she insult him. I had drawn the line and I had established boundaries. I was hoping she would be respectful of them.

The relationship was gone and I cried myself to sleep for many, many nights.

Now, do you remember earlier in the story when I prayed to the Lord to give me the words to say to my mother? And He told me to keep my mouth shut?

Here's why. About a week or two after the incident, I got a phone call from one of my brother's saying he heard that mom and I got in a fight. I smiled to myself and I thought about when the Lord told me to shut my mouth.

Here was my response. "I did not get in a fight with mom. Mom was the one who did all the fighting and yelling."

Because I heeded the words of the Lord, I did not get into a heated argument with her. I did not feel convicted by how I conducted myself. I had peace, which was the by-product of obedience. Oh, if only I could be obedient more often!

Although I established boundaries for my family, unfortunately my mom was not willing to respect them. I soon gave birth to my second son and I have to admit, I was really heartbroken over the fact that she was no longer in my life. My boys did not go to grandma and grandpa's house to play, even though they lived within walking distance from our house. We did not attend family gatherings nor were they at birthday parties and celebrations for my children.

I often prayed to the Lord for restoration. He had me write letters to her even when I did not want to. Soon she became ill and I visited her, bringing flowers and such. She informed me then, that she did not want to see me if she could not see my children, yet, she was unwilling to be respectful of the way I was raising my family. I knew how the manipulation worked. I was raised in it and therefore I would not allow her to undermine all that God was doing in my life, my marriage and in the life of my children.

I would see me Dad often but he walked out of my life about a year later on Christmas Eve. I then turned to my husband with tears coming down my face saying, "My biological parents left me and now my adoptive ones have too."

Days, months, and years went by. I would call on holidays, and her birthdays and asked her if she had a change in heart and the answer was always no. My brothers would then get on the phone and attack me and my spiritual beliefs and then I would eventually hang up in tears.

I paid a price to follow Jesus Christ, but Christ paid a price for me as well. My mom is not the enemy in this story, Satan is.

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12

Because I am God's child,

"I know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

I clung to that verse for 5 years and on my youngest child's 5th birthday, God restored my relationship with my mom and she met my son for the first time.

Perhaps you don't have the best relationship with your mom, please know that I feel your hurt and pain . In fact, as I sit here typing these words tears are rolling down my face. You are not alone. Your Father in Heaven will bring you comfort, peace and healing. Show your mom the love of the Father as best you can. Continue to pray for her and your relationship. Remain hopeful that God will touch her heart.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:2

Not All Mothers and Daughters Get Along, Part 1

For a couple hours now I have been wrestling with the Lord about writing this post...in fact, if you could take a peak inside my heart you could see me pleading with Him about how I am not ready to show some of my scars and how I don't want to be vulnerable and transparent to people that I am afraid to let in.   

I cry out to Him, You are asking me to share a lot.  I am not ready to let down some of my walls.  I don't have the courage to open up to complete strangers.  They will criticize me and reject me, I say to Him.  But my Lord asked me, "Daughter, if you could reach just one woman and minister to her and encourage her or affirm her for My sake, would you be willing to share your scars with her?  Of course, Lord.  Like the words from Isaiah, "Here I am, send me."  Isaiah 6:8  So, I submit to His will and not my own.

For all those daughters out there that do not have the best relationship with their moms, this is written to help you know that you are not alone in your pain and suffering.  The Lord knows all that we need in order to cling to Him and to become more like Him.  He cares about your tears and what you have been through.  For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."  Hebrews 13:5

So here's my story.  I was adopted at birth into a family that already had 3 biological sons of their own.  (My biological parents were 26 and 29 yrs. old when they gave me up for adoption.) I grew up knowing I was adopted and I was told that I was chosen and special, yet, I did not feel like I ever fit in.  For some reason I was never really close to my mom and I am not sure why.  My insecurities developed at a very young age.  I did not have many friends at school and those I did have later rejected me and I was left to myself each afternoon on the playground.  I felt unwanted again.  Because of much hurt, the anger in me quickly became a part of who I was.  Kids called me, "Mean Jolene" (that still hurts to hear it to this day!) and of course that added to my pain and created even more hostility in me.  I lashed out in my anger when I was just in the third grade as I was sent to the Principal's Office for fist fighting!  Of course over the years I put up more walls to protect myself and more pain became my friend, whether it was being sexually molested as a child or just feeling unwanted in my own home.

Then my teen years came.  I never felt that I could please my mom or measure up to her standards, so I stopped trying and I became indifferent and I sought to receive love somewhere else.  Later I had a boy who said he loved me; oh how he broke my heart, again.  More scars and more walls were added along with more bad choices that left me so broken that I wanted to take my own life.  Later as I got older, I lived a life where I denied the existence of God and boy, those sure were some dark years.

Then  I met Jesus Christ.  My Hero showed up on the scene and saved not only the day, but my life as well.

"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons (& daughters) through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will--to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves." Ephesians 1:4-6 (my paraphrase)

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." 1 Peter 2:9



Shortly after I became saved I decided to move back in with my parents so I could be the 'light' and be a witness to them.  Unfortunately, they were not open to my new found faith.  One day in particular I remember sharing with my mom how I asked Jesus to come into my heart, forgive me of my sins and be the Lord of my life.

My mom's response:, "You have just matured, that's all."  I was perplexed by her words.  I thought maybe she did not understand what I said or she did not hear me so I repeated myself.

Her response again was, "You have just matured."  Now, I was not okay with her denying my transformation and denying what God had done in my life, so my old self of being 'Mean-Jolene' came alive, and I fiercely repeated myself for the third time!

Her response, "No, you have just matured, that's all."

In that moment I was saddened by the fact that she had discounted what I had to say and what was taking place in my life, but what she was really doing was rejecting my Savior.  "Remember the word that I said to you, 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you." John 15:20

About a year later I was getting married to a wonderful man that God chose specifically for me.  My parents did not approve of my husband-to-be, nor did they approve of my faith and the church we were getting married in, which is still the church we attend to this day.  Mom and I continued to be at odds.  Of course they were invited to my wedding and I hoped they would come but I informed them that in 4 weeks I would be getting married whether they attended or not.  (I did not know if my dad would be walking me down the aisle until the night of the rehearsal when they happened to show up.)

"Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword.  "For I have come to 'set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law'; "and 'a man's enemies will be those of his own household.'  Matthew 10:34-36

We moved forward in our relationship.  She was respectful of my faith and my marriage.  Within a year of  my wedding, I became pregnant with my firstborn and mom and I became so close.  It was wonderful and she was a fabulous grandma!  I continued to pray for hers and my extended family's salvation.  A year later I became pregnant again.  

Now comes the part in the movie when the music goes bad...really, really bad.  I am going to leave you with a cliff-hanger.  Below are some words that my mother vehemently spewed out to me one afternoon when I was 7 months pregnant.  (Shortly after what was said to me I went into pre-term labor.)

Mom:  "Jolene, if I ever see you spank your child again I am going to call Child Protective Services."

Mom:  "Because you are going to homeschool your children they are going to be withdrawn, socially retarded and they are going to end up in prison." 

Mom:  "Jolene, where do you find these losers"?  (she was referring to my beloved Solomon; my husband Eric.)

Those were some fightin' words and I was ready for a throw-down! By the way, this is all taking place at a Mall!

Let me leave you with this,  "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. " Romans 3:23

I will post Part 2 in the comings days.

I Don't Wanna Be A Peacemaker!

A few months ago, rather than having my eldest son attend his regular Sunday School class, he sat in the sanctuary with us to hear our pastor's message.  We felt it was a good time to expose our son to the adult message to see if he had enough spiritual understanding for it.

The teaching that day was on the Beatitudes, more specifically the 'peacemakers'. 

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God."  Matthew 5:9

After the service, my husband asked our son if he understood the message and he said, "yes" and he also proceeded to tell us that he liked being in the sanctuary rather than his class.  Well , we will give that some thought.

Shortly after church, we headed to our car and as my two boys climbed in the backseat, my eldest (the one who just came out of the service where he heard about peacemakers, started to argue and fight with his younger brother!) my husband gently said to my boy, "Peacemaker".  

My boys' growling response, "I don't wanna be a peacemaker!"

I could not help but laugh hysterically. 

Here's why: my son spoke his heart and he spoke it openly and unashamedly.  After I laughed at him I could see the look of conviction along with embarrassment on his face.  I realized in that moment that my actions could hinder him from wanting to share his heart with me again.  My laughter came across as if I were mocking him, but in reality, I WAS COMPLETELY IDENTIFYING WITH HIM. 

"I do not want to be a peacemaker either", I said to him.  I told him that it is hard for me to be a peacemaker but it is pleasing to Jesus if I do.  I continued to tell him that he just openly said how many adults feel, but they do not express it to others.  I thanked him for sharing his heart and told him there was nothing wrong with the way he felt. 

"Living the 'Narrow Path' is hard to do", I said.

Under his breathe he said, "I am a warrior".  A smile came over my face and I laughed again.  "I am a warrior too, my son", I replied. 

Just like the impetuous Peter, who cut off the servants ear, we can relate to Peter's personality. 

"Then Simon Peter, having a sword, drew it and struck the high priest's servant, and cut off his right ear." John 18:10 

I would imagine Peter had to learn to be a 'peacemaker' and  it was not natural for him either, however, I am sure he did the best he could to please the Lord to live peacefully with all men. 

I told my son that a warrior for the Lord is also a 'peacemaker' because we are showing love to others.  As soldiers in the Lord's army we can help build the Kingdom of God if we exercise restraint and self-control and extend graciousness, mercy, and love to others.  Yes, it is hard to do because we are denying our flesh. 

"I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. " Galatians 5:16  

Perhaps my boy is not quite ready for such a hard lesson and he is still better off to be ministered at his level!  I know the message is hard for me as well.  Lord, help me to walk in the Spirit so I do not satisfy my flesh.

Being a peacemaker is hard, but it is pleasing to the Lord.

Dying to Self...Is It Worth It?

Die to self. We hear this message over and over as Christians, but actually doing it is something all together very challenging. Last month I was reading in the book of Ezekiel, and as I read verse after verse and chapter after chapter, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the poor man based on all that God had asked of him. The Lord wanted Ezekiel to do some pretty tough things for Him and I couldn’t help but wonder if I were in that situation would I be as obedient and faithful to God as Ezekiel was? Would I die to myself like that?

Let me give you a brief summary of Ezekiel’s story.

He was carried off with the Jewish exiles to Babylon, and while there, he became a prophet of God. The message that he spoke was one of coming judgment for those still in Jerusalem. Unfortunately, though, his preaching was not well received by the Jews that were with him in captivity. 39 out of the 48 chapters of this book, Ezekiel warned of the coming wrath from the Lord. Destruction, disaster and doom were going to take place because of the peoples’ idolatry, wickedness and rebellion. It was a fun read. (sarcasm noted)

Now, we all have trials and at times, life can become very problematic, tiresome, and downright painful but after I finished reading this book, I thought to myself, “I have no trials and what God asks of me is nothing compared to what He had asked of Ezekiel.”

Read the following portions of Scripture and you will see for yourself some of the shocking things that Ezekiel went through. I am sure after you read it, you won’t think your life is so hard either!

"Stand up, son of man," said the voice. "I want to speak with you." The Spirit came into me as he spoke, and he set me on my feet. I listened carefully to his words. "Son of man," he said, "I am sending you to the nation of Israel, a rebellious nation that has rebelled against me. They and their ancestors have been rebelling against me to this very day. They are a stubborn and hard-hearted people. But I am sending you to say to them, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says! 'And whether they listen or refuse to listen—for remember, they are rebels—at least they will know they have had a prophet among them. "Son of man, do not fear them or their words. Don't be afraid even though their threats surround you like nettles and briers and stinging scorpions. Do not be dismayed by their dark scowls, even though they are rebels. You must give them my messages whether they listen or not. But they won't listen, for they are completely rebellious! Son of man, listen to what I say to you. Do not join them in their rebellion. Open your mouth, and eat what I give you." Ezekiel 2:1-8

"The voice said to me, "Son of man, eat what I am giving you—eat this scroll! Then go and give its message to the people of Israel." So I opened my mouth, and he fed me the scroll. "Fill your stomach with this," he said. And when I ate it, it tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth." Ezekiel 3:1-3

Now, I don’t know about you, but that is not a very encouraging ministry to be a part of!

Think about it for a moment. God is telling you to go speak with His people, but by the way, they are not going to listen to you. They will threaten you and treat you harshly. Hmmm, I doubt that there would be a long line of people waiting to sign up to serve in that church ministry!

Let’s keep reading about our good man, Zeke.

"Son of man, go to the people of Israel and give them my messages. I am not sending you to a foreign people whose language you cannot understand. No, I am not sending you to people with strange and difficult speech. If I did, they would listen! But the people of Israel won't listen to you any more than they listen to me! For the whole lot of them are hard-hearted and stubborn. But look, I have made you as obstinate and hard-hearted as they are. I have made your forehead as hard as the hardest rock! So don't be afraid of them or fear their angry looks, even though they are rebels." Ezekiel 3:4-9 Then go to your people in exile and say to them, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says!' Do this whether they listen to you or not." Ezekiel 3:11

Just envision for a moment you're walking into a room filled with people like that and you have to give them a message of repentance! Generally, a message of repentance will not produce people who will like you. I am sure you would not walk out with many new friends, but rather lots of enemies!

God used the obstinate, Ezekiel to give a difficult, hard-to-swallow message to other stubborn people. For all of us that are hard-headed….God has a great plan for us as well! Since I am included in this list, I prefer to use a much nicer word like 'tenacious' instead. (smile) Maybe you're not like this, but you have a kid who is. Keep praying for them to be used by the Lord. God created them in a certain way just for His pleasure and purpose. He gave me one too! (smile)

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10

Let’s continue with our obstinate prophet’s story.

Prepare and eat this food as you would barley cakes. While all the people are watching, bake it over a fire using dried human dung as fuel and then eat the bread. Then the LORD said, "This is how Israel will eat defiled bread in the Gentile lands to which I will banish them!" Then I said, "O Sovereign LORD, must I be defiled by using human dung? For I have never been defiled before. From the time I was a child until now I have never eaten any animal that died of sickness or was killed by other animals. I have never eaten any meat forbidden by the law." "All right," the LORD said. "You may bake your bread with cow dung instead of human dung." Ezekiel 4:12-15

Sounds delicious doesn’t it?

When you read this, you can’t help but be thankful for the food you have in your pantry. As Ezekiel is cooking his food over dung, it is kinda hard to complain that you can’t afford to go out to dinner?

If you want your life to get easier, change your perspective.

Now here’s the part of Ezekiel’s story that broke my heart.

"Son of man, with one blow I will take away your dearest treasure. Yet you must not show any sorrow at her death. Do not weep; let there be no tears. Groan silently, but let there be no wailing at her grave. Do not uncover your head or take off your sandals. Do not perform the usual rituals of mourning or accept any food brought to you by consoling friends." So I proclaimed this to the people the next morning, and in the evening my wife died. The next morning I did everything I had been told to do." Ezekiel 24:16-18

This portion of the Scriptures was difficult for me to read.

Ezekiel had already endured so much persecution and physical hardship (which I did not recount in this post) and I could not help but wonder why God would take away his wife and then have him not mourn about it. Poor guy!

Yet, here you have in Ezekiel 24:18,

"The next morning I did everything I had been told to do."

Bottom line: Ezekiel was obedient to the Lord regardless of what God had called him to do, regardless of what the Lord took him through, and regardless of what the Lord took away from him.

What a beautiful example of a God-fearing man. Ezekiel was more concerned about satisfying the Spirit rather than his flesh. He died to self. We can all learn a lesson from him.

Keep reading... the story gets better.

“During the twenty-fifth year of our captivity—fourteen years after the fall of Jerusalem—the LORD took hold of me. In a vision from God he took me to the land of Israel and set me down on a very high mountain. From there I could see toward the south what appeared to be a city. As he brought me nearer, I saw a man whose face shone like bronze standing beside a gateway entrance. He was holding in his hand a linen measuring cord and a measuring rod. He said to me, "Son of man, watch and listen. Pay close attention to everything I show you. You have been brought here so I can show you many things. Then you will return to the people of Israel and tell them everything you have seen." Ezekiel 40:1-4

God gave Ezekiel a vision of the new temple area along with the rooms for the priests, the altar, the division of land, etc. Imagine if you received a vision like that from the Lord.

Now here comes the best part of the story. My heart beats fast just reading this passage!

"After this, the man brought me back around to the east gateway. Suddenly, the glory of the God of Israel appeared from the east. The sound of his coming was like the roar of rushing waters, and the whole landscape shone with his glory. This vision was just like the others I had seen, first by the Kebar River and then when he came to destroy Jerusalem. I fell face down on the ground. And the glory of the LORD came into the Temple through the east gateway. Then the Spirit took me up and brought me into the inner courtyard, and the glory of the LORD filled the Temple. And I heard someone speaking to me from within the Temple, while the man who had been measuring stood beside me. The LORD said to me, "Son of man, this is the place of my throne and the place where I will rest my feet. I will live here forever among the people of Israel. They and their kings will not defile my holy name any longer by their adulterous worship of other gods or by honoring the relics of their kings who have died." Ezekiel 43:1-7

Oh, to see the glory of the Lord! Wow, to be Ezekiel, what an honor for him. Yes, he did go through some horrendous stuff….stuff I don’t care to go through, yet, look at what the Lord entrusted him with? Can you see how Ezekiel continually died to himself and how the Lord blessed him? I do hope so!

We all want to be used in a nice, easy and uplifting way but sometimes that is not a part of God’s plan.
· Sometimes we are called to minister to rebellious and obstinate people; maybe even to those in our own family.
· Sometimes we are asked to endure a difficult life filled with persecutions and hardships.
· Sometimes we have to eat things that don’t taste very good (those that are on special diets for health reasons know what I am talking about!)
· Or for those who have endured the greatest of grief and sorrow because they have lost a loved one way too soon.

God has entrusted you with a great message; a message of Hope. I am sure He is either taking you through something very difficult or He is asking you to do something that you don't want to do, either way He wants you to DIE TO SELF. When you do that, not only do you bring Him glory, but in His timing, He reveals to you His glory as well. It is beautiful and it is worth all our pain and suffering.

Now don't think for one minute that I am always dying to myself...because I am not. I am a work in progress and I need to learn to daily lay down my life for Christ. In the meantime, I hoping to indulge myself in a bowl of ice cream tonight!

God ALWAYS has a wonderful plan for His children...we just need to remember that we are not here on earth to build our kingdom, but we are here to build His Kingdom.

Dying to self is worth it because we show others our hope in Christ; which is a way His glory is revealed.

Be Anxious for Nothing

Anxious was the word that described me the day I heard the news that we had to move again.  The day when the Bank told us we needed to move out of our house that was foreclosed upon.

First, let me take you back to the day of July 11, 2011, when our home was sold back to the Bank.  I had prayed that morning for Not My Will, But Yours Be Done knowing full well that my life was in the Lord’s hands (which is the best place for it to be but yet a scary place because I had no control over the situation).  As I heard the news that our house did in fact sell that day, the Lord brought a friend to my mind. 

“You need to call your friend”, was the Lord’s prompt to my spirit.  Seeing how this friend of ours was a male friend I told my husband he should call his buddy.  Now this friend of ours owns a home that my husband sold to him well over 10 years ago but this man had recently married and bought a new home with his bride.  I wasn’t even certain if our friend even still owned his old home or if he was renting it or what the situation was.  All I knew was the Lord prompting me to have my husband give our friend a call.

A few days later the Bank’s agent shows up and tells us about our property being sold and so forth.  She tells us to just stay put because the Bank is so back logged and we could end up staying in our home for several months.  Okay great, I thought.  As soon as I was done speaking with her and shut the door, again, the Lord prompts my spirit and says, “You should call your friend.”

My husband gets home from his day of work and I share with him all that has taken place and I tell him again what the Lord has put on my heart about him calling our friend.  He takes it all in.

We wait to hear more news from the Bank.  In our minds we are thinking that we will be in our home for several months based on what the agent shared with us, yet, less than a week later we get a voice mail message telling us that the Bank is going to offer us a relocation package (cash to move out of our property if we are out in 30 days).

Jesus parted the Red Sea in my life.

The money sounded great, but the 30 days seemed impossible along with having the money upfront for the first month’s rent and a deposit to rent a place.  We didn’t have the cash for it and our credit was a huge obstacle where most would not rent to us.  We needed to make a decision.  I became anxious. 

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6,7

I cried out to my God, my Father, my Savior and my closest friend in my time of need.  I brought my petitions before the Lord and laid them at His feet.

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

As I was trying to Sleep in the Boat with Jesus during my storm, the following morning on July 20^th, sisters in Christ lifted up my situation to the Lord in prayer.

“Call on me in prayer and I will show you great and mysterious things that you do not know about.” Jeremiah 33:3

I will show you great and mysterious things….I just love that!

Here was my prayer to my God.

Lord, where ever you send me, I will do my best to be content. No matter the size of the home and the location.  I will submit to Your will because You know what is best for us.

“Now godliness with contentment is great gain.  For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content.”  1 Timothy 6:6-8

And because you are my Dad, I know you want to know the desires of my heart so here they are:

• ·      I’d like a house with extremely low rent.


• ·     I’d like a house in a safe neighborhood, and in case you are asking, I’d like it to be on a cul-de-sac.


• ·     I’d like a 3 bedroom so we have a room for the bride and groom, a room for my boys and a room for an office for my Beloved.


• ·     I’d like 2 bathrooms because I’m tired of cleaning 3.


• ·     I’d like a clean and well-maintained home.


• ·     2 car garage, so my Beloved can store all of his tools so he can continue to make a living.


• ·     Indoor laundry, so I don’t have to deal with sawdust and metal shavings getting all over the clothes.


• ·      I’d like the house small so I don’t have to manage and clean a lot.


• ·     Oh and by the way, I would love to have a nice pretty yard with a pool.

This was a tall order and unrealistic wish list but I knew my God could move mountains. So I prayed.  (It doesn't hurt to ask!)

The rental homes that we could afford were 2 bedroom homes in undesirable areas.  According to all of the properties that I had searched, this dream home did not exist in our price range.  But it did exist in God’s!  Remember, the verse, “Call on me in prayer and I will show you great and mysterious things”?

Here’s God’s great and mysterious things that He did on our behalf.

That same day as sisters in Christ lifted me up in prayer, my Beloved calls his friend.  His friend informs him that he is renting his home but he is not renewing the current tenants lease because they are not maintaining the property very well; the owner likes to keep his home very nice. (smile)  The tenants will be getting out of the property at the end of September. If we were willing to mow the lawn and clean the pool instead of him paying for those expenses, the amount of rent would come to…yep, you guessed it- the EXACT amount that I had in mind and prayed for.

Here’s more great things about the house:

It has 3 bedrooms

2 baths

2 car garage

On a cul-de-sac

Indoor laundry

Nice neighborhood

With a pretty yard and a pool

On top of all the wonderful attributes of the home, the owner knows us and he knows our entire situation.  Our credit score is not an issue with him.  That’s the exact list that I had prayed for.  The Lord truly does great and mysterious things. 

"But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him."  Hebrews 11:6

So my Beloved negotiated with the Bank to allow us 45 days before we needed to move out, which will be Sept. 3^rd and our move in date at the rental home is October 1^st, so for a month our closest and dearest friends have graciously opened their home to us so we can live with them until we move again.

 “And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:19

At the beginning of this journey I asked you in an earlier post titled, Are Trials Really Good for Us? if you wanted to join me as we watch God together show us His hand of faithfulness as He performs miracles in this situation.  Did you see Him show up in all of this?  Did you see Him part the Red Sea in my life the way He parted the Red Sea in the life of the Israelites?  I pray you did and I do hope your faith in Christ has been strengthened as a result of what I have testified.

Yes, I became anxious and fearful as I cried out to the Lord, but His Word is clear.  Be anxious about nothing!  Although we become anxious in our trials, we never need to be.  Boldly bring your requests to God.  Even when you don’t understand or you can’t figure out how things will work out, He will give you the peace that surpasses your understanding.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28 

He continually does miracles in my life and He will do the same in your life as well.  Keep seeking Him because You will find Him.

Are You a Courageous Woman?

Recently, my family and I were given tickets to the movie, Courageous.  Not knowing much about the film other than the fact that it was made by the same folks who produced Facing the Giants and Fireproof, I was really looking forward to seeing it.

After watching this wonderful, phenomenal, God-fearing, and biblically accurate (according to a man's biblical role in life, that is) show, I was shocked and ever-so touched by how well the movie turned out! The writers and producers presented a VERY powerful message as the story line portrayed how men should act as God-fearing fathers, protectors and leaders of their families.

I am sure every woman that walked out of the theater was thankful that her husband, son, father, brother, or any other male by her side, saw that movie.  It was such a strong, God-breathed message on film that I have a hard time thinking the men that saw that show were not challenged to rise to the occasion  in some sort of way.  If you have seen the movie, then you know what I am talking about.

Now, I have the privilege to be married to a man that has walked with his Savior for over 40 years now.  (He gave his heart to Christ when he was just a boy at age 7 and has faithfully followed Him since.)  By the way, after 13 years of marriage, I do not feel worthy to be his wife.  When I met him, I would refer to him as my 'Solomon' and I was his Shulamite woman.  And still to this day, I sign his cards to 'My Solomon', From, Your Shulamite.  I believe I got the better end of the deal in our marriage.  hehe!

Anyways, my point being is this.  My man does his best to follow the Lord and he faithfully tries to be the God-fearing husband and father that is laid out in the Scriptures.  Of course he fails and sins just like the rest of us.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.  Romans 3:23

Here's my point:  Even though my husband follows Christ to the best of his ability, the movie still brought a conviction to his heart knowing that he could do better in his role as a husband and father. 

Anyways, we left the theater that day and my husband said the message of the movie could make a huge impact on the men in this world and I wholeheartedly agreed.

But then I made this statement,

The sad thing is, I do not believe producers would ever make this kind of movie to encourage women to be God-fearing wives and mothers.

I went on to say,

"I just couldn't see many women lining up to buy a movie ticket in order to learn how to submit, respect, and honor their husbands, nor could I see many women wanting to know how to better serve and instruct their children!  It just wouldn't happen in our society."

I wondered how many women already knew the story line of Courageous and they either manipulated, nagged, or dragged their husband to see that film in hopes that their man would be a better husband or father as a result of the show?  How many women walked out of the theater disappointed that her husband was not a man of God like the ones portrayed on the screen?

Imagine for a moment if someone produced a movie to encourage women to be better wives or mothers.  How many men would like to take their wives to go see it?  I am sure A LOT!  How many women would be angry that their husbands took them to see that movie?

Of course all of this is speculation but our society today is so feminine dominate and it is constantly beating down men and emasculating them.

My spirit was grieved just thinking about how the movie of Courageous probably wouldn't be reversed for women because it wouldn't be received.

The biblical role of womanhood is so misunderstood, frowned upon and demoralized by those in and out of the church today.  Btw, it is usually a woman who has an issue with biblical womanhood and not a man, (not always the case, but usually.)  Note:  before I came to Christ, I WAS ONE OF THOSE WOMEN!

So I had this thought.  If I couldn't see a movie made for us, how about it if God-fearing women made their own Courageous Resolution on paper?

A Resolution that stood for what the Bible had to say about our role as wives and mothers.

Could we make an impact through the blogosphere and social media letting other women know it is okay (and wonderful, I might add) to live out a life according to God's Word?

Well I don't know how much of an impact can be made, but I have made up my mind to do something about it!

Here is A Woman's Courageous Resolution that I have made just for the above purpose!

Post it, share it, reprint it, frame it.  LIVE IT!

This is where I stand!  Will you stand with me?

I WILL diligently pursue Christ with my whole heart.

I WILL submit to my husband as the leader of my home, knowing that it is God who has appointed him as my headship.

I WILL diligently give my husband honor and respect.

I WILL be a helpmate to my husband, coming alongside of him as he leads our family for Christ.

I WILL share my heart with my husband so he can learn to dwell with me with understanding, rather than shout my words like a contentious woman or stuff my feelings and allow bitterness to grow in our marriage.

I WILL be faithful to my husband both physically and emotionally.

I WILL diligently serve my husband and my children with a loving and kind heart.

I WILL train up my children in the ways of the LORD as I nurture and instruct them.

I WILL seek to be content and have a cheerful heart as I keep our home.

I WILL be mindful of how much time I spend doing other activities or ministries that may hinder me from serving my family first.

I WILL forgive others who have hurt me and restore the relationship of those that I have offended.

As Christ has poured out His life for me, I WILL seek to pour out my life for Christ as I pour into the lives of my husband and children.

A woman who fears the LORD shall be praised.  

Proverbs 31:30

Let's take the stand together,

I am linked up with

Bringing Up My Broken Past

Chronic ill health.  Broken Relationships.  Persecutions.  Lawsuit.  IRS Audit.  Foreclosured home.  Poor Credit.   Despair.  Inward denial of Christ.

This has been my past as I have walked with Christ.

Life has not been easy.

But to His name be the glory.

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.  Romans 12:1

Yes, there is pain in the offering of our lives.

But He carries our burdens and He has taken on our scars.  In fact, if you look at Him close enough, you will find your scars on His hands.

He wants my broken past to come up once again, for all to see.

Digging up the past to be used for His glory

Here's what has happened.  Since I have moved my blog over to this new site, many of my past posts did not transfer over with the recent move.  So I will be adding them here one by one.  God has a great plan in all of this I know!

For the next several days I will be re-publishing posts that many people have already read.  If that is you, perhaps you know of someone who could relate to some or all of my story or maybe you know someone who just needs to be encouraged in their journey of following Christ.  I ask that you pass along the posts to them in hopes that the Holy Spirit may touch their lives.

Other readers who are new to The Alabaster Jar will have the opportunity to read more about my struggles, my failings, and times when I was gripping and clinging to Christ.  Hopefully what I share with you will draw you closer to Christ knowing you are not alone in your own pain and struggles.

Present yourselves, yes even with all of your scars, as a living sacrifice to the One with the scarred, stretched hands.

Live a poured out life for the Master,

The Sting of a Christian Woman

Since you are reading this post, I could betcha a dollar that you too, have felt the sting by another Christian woman.  Boy, the knife sure goes down deep in the heart on that one!

Let's read, what I will refer to as, The Stinging Sisters List, shall we?

• Betrayed


• Criticized


• Condemned


• Talked about behind your back- and I don't mean they were praying for you either; most likely they were talking some smack about you and it was gossip and/or slander!
  


• Lied to


• Stole from


• How about this one:  flirted with your man! I am so not okay with that one, in fact, my fists might even come out swinging!  Woman, you better back up before you get hurt!


• Hindered you in the ministry that God has called you to- this one saddens my spirit deeply.  Sometimes to follow the Lord's leading it takes a GREAT amount of faith to get out of the boat and walk on water to Jesus.  He has called you to do something that you do not feel qualified nor equipped to do and now a Sister in Christ has stumbled you from following the Lord in ministry.  Satan LOVES this one...actually, he loves all of the above.

I am sure you can add to, The Stinging Sisters List, but you get my point.

Confession time:  because I don't think I can write a post without being completely honest and real with you.  As I looked back through The List, unfortunately over the years as I was growing in Christ (and still growing), you could find my name written down in several of those sections.  Ouch!

"...for the accuser of our brethren, (Satan) who accused them (believers) before our God day and night, has been cast down."  Revelation 12:10 (my emphasis)

I don't know about you, but the last thing I want in my heart is tear down another Sister in Christ.  Satan does not need any more help in that department and I don't want to be aligned with him.

So, why do we do it?  Why do we tear down another woman?  I pondered that question for quite some time and here were some of my thoughts:

• Insecurity


• Fear


• Doubt


• Guilt


• Control


• Pride


• Competition
  

All of the above actions happen when we are in the flesh and not in the Spirit.  They all have to do with 'self'.  We are often taught in this world to have self-confidence and be self-reliant.  (By the way, there is nothing wrong with feeling like you can make your own breakfast...that's not the type of self-confidence and self-reliance I am referring to!)  It is when those attributes lead to self-centeredness and you become self-absorbed.  As God's daughters we should seek to have God's-confidence and become God-reliant rather than self.

When we take our eyes off of us (self) and we put it on the Lord, then we will not see our Sisters in Christ as a threat to us, we won't feel insecure nor will we have fear or doubt about who we are in Christ.  When our eyes are fixed on Him, then we can encourage our Sisters rather than belittle them, criticize, condemn, and compete with them.

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.  Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.  Philippians 2:3,4 

I'd like to pretend I never read those verses, except for the part where it says someone should look out for my interests! 

I have only scratched the surface with this topic and I want to share more about how to handle the hurt and get over the pain, so look for future posts!

Live a poured out life for the Master,

What is Your Alabaster Jar?

Night after night I would find myself up until 2 or 3 in the morning as I would pour over this site either designing it or learning the ropes in order to utilize it.  My eyes would burn from staring at this screen for so many hours.  I would become frustrated and I would wake up the next morning exhausted only to do it all over again.

Let me be completely honest with you as I share my thoughts on this recent process.

"Why am I bothering to do this?" 

"Why am I spending so much time and effort to work on this blog site?" 

"Does anyone read it?"

I knew all the answers to those questions but what I was really saying to myself was this:

Is this on-line, writing ministry worth my time, sacrifice and (recent headache as I have moved my blog over to Wordpress?) 

After all, I can not see who I minister to.  Let that thought sink in.  There are no hugs to give.  No dinners to serve.  No one to laugh or cry with.  No facial expressions to gauge and no words to hear (unless of course you have left me a comment.)  It certainly feels like a one-sided relationship, yet, God calls it ministry.

However, it leaves me wondering...Is there anyone out there in cyberspace land taking in anything that is written here?  If there is,  is anyone encouraged by what I write when I spend hours doing so?  Is anyone closer to the Lord or have a stronger faith because of what I have shared?  I believe I know those answers as well. (smile) Thanks friends for your sweet comments!

But the wicked enemy was wanting to tear me down and through all those discouraging and self-centered thoughts, God spoke to my heart yet again. 

Daughter, are you willing to pour your life out for Me?  Yes, Lord, was my reply.

Then write for Me.  Pour out your life like the very costly fragrant oil in The Alabaster Jar that you have found in the Scriptures.

So here I sit, typing, and convicted yet again!

Below I have shared a passage of Scripture from several of the Gospels referring to an immoral woman and her Alabaster Jar.  Join me as we dig deeper and learn what Jesus has to say to us and our own Alabaster Jars.

When a certain immoral woman from that city heard he was eating there, she brought a beautiful alabaster jar filled with expensive perfume.  Luke 7:37

A woman came to Him having an alabaster jar of very costly fragrant oil, and she poured it on His head as He sat at the table. But when His disciples saw it, they were indignant, saying, "Why this waste? "For this fragrant oil might have been sold for much and given to the poor." But when Jesus was aware of it, He said to them, "Why do you trouble the woman? For she has done a good work for Me.  Matthew 26:7, 10

"I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love."  Luke 7:47

A few things to notice about this passage...

• She was an immoral woman.


• What she had was costly.


• She poured it out on Christ.


• She was criticized for doing it. (By the disciples I might add!)


• She had many sins and yet Christ had forgiven her.


• She showed the Lord much love as a result of her forgiveness.

(There is more to her story, and I encourage you to open the Scriptures and read more about this precious woman when you have the time because I am sure it will make an impact on your life like it has on mine.)

So I ask you today, what is your Alabaster Jar?  What is it that is very costly to you?  And are you willing to give it up for Christ knowing that you have done a good work for Him?

Is it...

1. Your time?


2. Your rights?


3. Your resources?


4. Your ideals?


5. Your dreams?


6. Yourself?


7. All of the above?

Here are some examples.

• What if you served your husband, submitted to him and respected him even when he didn't deserve it nor appreciated it (and you did it with a loving heart)?  Would you still pour your life out for Christ?


• What if you served your children day in and day out yet you never heard a thank you from them?  Would you still pour your life out for Christ?


• What if you cleaned your house from top to bottom only to have it messed up again within minutes? Would you still pour your life out for Christ?


• What if you ministered in Jesus' name only to have people criticize and condemn you for it?  (Hmmm, kind of like the disciples in the above passage.) Would you still pour your life out for Christ?


• What if God called you into an area of ministry that you felt outside your comfort zone?  Would you still pour your life out for Christ?


• Or perhaps God has called you to minister to someone you will never see and you will never experience the fruits of your labor? (smile)  Would you still pour your life out for Christ?

Tough ideas.  Aren't they?

Here is what I found to be so miraculous about this 'poured out' concept.

As I have poured out my life for Christ, He in turn, has poured Himself into me.

I can honestly tell you that all the hours that I have poured out into this computer, for the sake of lifting Christ up for all to see, has been worth it.  Jesus, my precious Savior, is worthy to receive every ounce of costly, fragrant oil that is in my Alabaster Jar.

Is He worth yours as well?

On a different note: As you can see, the new site of The Alabaster Jar is up and working.  Praise the Lord.  That is a miracle in itself because I am the one doing all of this stuff.  That's not to say I didn't have any problems with this, because of course I did!  I lost my entire blog over at Blogger (good thing I backed it up) and I lost this one as well, so I had to recreate it all over again.  I guess the Lord felt I needed an additional tutorial when it comes to this technical stuff!

This site is still missing some items and features, but I am able to write to you so that is what really matters.  So let me tell you what's going on around here.

First, I know blogging brings a sense of community through all of the comments that a post receives, yet, the comments from my Blogger site for some reason did not transfer over.  (That's okay, because I have hidden all that you have shared in my heart.)  However, not having comments does affect which posts are popular and so forth.  So in essence, at this time, I can't list the 'Popular Posts' like I did before because according to the computer, there are no popular posts! I also can not keep track of how many people visit this site yet, nor can I keep track of which posts women are drawn to.  So I am basically ministering blindly!  Any feedback that you give me would be appreciated until I can figure out how to add the statistics to this site!  Thanks friend.

Second, I am unable to redirect you from my old site, (www.joleneengle.blogspot.com) to the new site, (www.joleneengle.org).   That's how I lost my blog before so I am not going to try that again!  Also, if you are a blogger and have added The Alabaster Jar's button to your site, can you please replace my old button with the new one?  Thanks a million!

Third, if you have subscribed to this site through the Google Friend Connect or you are a Facebook friend of The Alabaster Jar, the Lord has parted the Red Technical Sea and you made it over here!

And last, but not least, if you have subscribed via email or through an RSS feed/reader, I am currently at the mercy of Feedburner waiting for them to transfer you over to my new site.  I won't be holding my breath on that one, nor should you, so you just might want to re-subscribe here!

Thanks for your patience and understanding.  I realize that those who come to this site are coming for the Word and not for the design of it. (smile.)

Live a poured out life for the Master,

I am linked up with:



http://www.goodmorninggirls.org/