Becoming Content While You're Waiting for Your Life to Change

Can you remember the time before you got married?  The time when you longingly waited with great anticipation to meet your future husband?  When you couldn't wait to fall in love and be a bride?  

I remember those days and I also remember thinking that the waiting was HARD!  And it's hard for this dear reader that wrote in too!  (For those of you that are already married, the principle I'm going to cover at the end of this post will help you greatly as you wait for whatever situation you may find yourself in today, especially if your man is not leading the home.  So I encourage you to keep reading!)

This young woman writes:

Dear Jolene,

I am so fully convinced that marriage is a gift from God, and I am excited to be a wife and a mother someday. What an amazing privilege those two callings are!  So, with this all said, I am no where near marriage or motherhood. But my heart aches and longs for it. It's what I desire, more than anything that this world has to offer. How should I deal with this, and how can I deal with knowing that this will definitely not come to pass for many years? I know discontentment is not from God, but I feel unhappy that I am unable to have either of these blessings (marriage or motherhood) for many many years.  But I can't have it yet. What should I do?

~an eager wife and mom

Dear Eager Wife and Mom,

What a beautiful heart you have for marriage and motherhood!  You are wise to realize that discontentment is not from God.  However, one thing that is from God is His timing in your life, yet God's timing is usually much slower than our own!

A Letter to My 16 Year Old Self

Dear Self,  (and all the other girls and women who need to hear this message,)

You've barely lived and you already have so many scars from this harsh world.  The loneliness, rejection and insecurities you're facing can still bring this 42 year old woman to tears.  I'm so sad for you that someone hasn't extend their hand to help and guide you to the One who made you and saw that you were good and that you were fearfully and wonderfully made.  No, this is not your reality at age 16...

However, I'm here to tell you there is One who is pursuing you, One who will never leave your side, and One who will call you His own.  So don't despair sweet child, He's coming for you.  And when He finds you, He'll heal your scars through His own.

But just know that He'll come for you a little bit later in life, after you've ran your world into the gutter and you've hit rock bottom.  Being that you're a strong, pig-headed kinda gal that's what it's going to take for you to admit your need for a Savior.

Words from a Former Atheist, Fornicator, and Feminist

I once took a path where I embraced a life of fornication, feminism, and, oh, and let's not forget my atheistic viewpoint!  And it was just yesterday that I drove back to that city where my former lifestyle all took place.

The memories were strong.  The sights were familiar. It was a bleak and depressing scene as I traveled the freeways for a mere 30 minutes.

Although it's been 16 years since I embraced the narrow-way path of being a born-again Christian, a submissive wife, mother, and homemaker, the memories of my sexual sins, my brazen feminist attitudes and actions, and the dark pit of despair I once lived, rushed to my mind.

Why My Heart Breaks

It breaks for the Christian woman who is barely holding on to her faith in Christ.

It breaks for the wife who is in a marriage filled with strife, bitterness, loneliness, opression, or God forbid, a form of abuse.

It breaks for the weary woman who doesn't know where to turn for strength, hope, and peace.

It breaks for the one who feels insecure, unsupported, and worried in her many roles of life.

It breaks for the lonely woman with only shallow friendships because she lives in a prison built by her own walls.

It breaks for all the women who are serving the Lord day in and day out who have been wounded by others.

If any of these describe you, friend, then know that I truly do hurt with you and I weep because I can't do much to help.

Have You Experienced Ministry Burnout Too?

Have you ever been drained or burnt out in ministry?  Ever felt like you couldn't possibly pour into another human being ever again?  Or maybe you became bitter while serving the Lord?  I've been there, my friend, and I must say it isn't a fun spiritual place to be.  

For several years my husband and I ran a homeschool group.  (And, no, I don't believe homeschooling is for everyone, but that's a different post.)  Anyhow, with running an organization like that I was able to use several of my talents and skills and some of my spiritual gifts.  After a few years into the ministry, I came to realize that I was spending the majority of my time in administering things, as well as, handling conflict.  Every leader knows that dealing with conflict is a crucial part of their role.  However, for me, my heart and passion was to encourage and equip the women, but my leadership and administration roles always took precedence.  

Discovering Your Spiritual Gifts

Did you know that God has given every single one of His children a gift?  Not just any old gift that can rust away but a spiritual gift hand-picked by God specifically for you!  Yep, He has.  He has given all of His kiddos a special ability to serve Him so the Body of Christ is uplifted and encouraged. Now, that's my kinda gift!  

Well, as a new believer I wanted to use my gifts for Him but I didn't know what they were.  So I just decided to jump into ministry hoping I'd figure them out along the way.  I tried several different ones and I kinda felt like Goldilocks going from one bowl of porridge to the next hoping to find the right fit for me!

The Main Ingredient to Grow Your Marriage

Today I spent some time thinking about you, dear reader.  Yes, you.   My recent post, 20 Reasons a Wife Doesn't Want to Have Sex, has stirred up some openness in women as they've shared their hearts and hurts on infidelity, pornography, sexual abuse, marital/sexual problems, etc.  

I've read countless testimonies and comments from hurting wives all over the internet and my heart is just broken for all who are in painful and struggling marriages.  I literally wept for you.  I know that sounds absurd, but it's true.  

Now let me just say right now that I'm not the weepy, overly-emotional, feeling-oriented, type of gal.  And being a woman, I'm not sure why that is.  I've often thought it was because I had more testosterone in my body than most women.  Or maybe it was because I was raised with all boys and have boys myself.  Soft and delicate are two words that are not common in my vocabulary.  Or perhaps it's all the walls that I've built around me that keeps me somewhat numb, closed off.  I tell you all this because it's not in my fleshly nature to be so open and compassionate to....a complete stranger.  I'm more of the reserved kinda personality.  Guarded is a better word for it.  I tend to keep people at arms distance for fear that I might be rejected or attacked.  Yeah, that's how I roll. (And no, it's not that time of the month for me, either!)

Anyways, I tell you this because God was moving in my heart for you.  So I wanted to share with you something that will help you grow your marriage, no matter how good, bad or ugly it is.  

Why We Believe the Lies from the Enemy

I turned sweet 16 this past Friday.  On July 6th, 1996, it was the day I became a born-again Christian, a new creation in Christ Jesus.  And as a babe in Christ I had so much to learn (and still do!)

Not too long after my Christian journey began, I heard of false prophets.

False what?

What's a prophet?  Never heard of one.

How was I suppose to know what these liars had to say was a truth or a lie when I didn't even know the truth?

Don't people realize the Bible is a BIG book and you can't read it nor understand everything in it overnight?

Yep.  Those were pretty much my thoughts on the matter.

Reading List 2012

I'm a little late to the reading party seeing how this is July, but I know that God doesn't care!

July

Forgotten God:  Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan
Wisdom for Today by Chuck Smith

August

Crazy Love by Francis Chan

September

Helper by Design by Elyse Fitzpatrick

October

Real Marriages by Mark and Grace Driscoll  (I'm curious about this one being that I've never heard him speak but I do know that controversy surrounds his name!)

November

How to Make Brothers and Sisters Best Friends by Sarah Mally

December

A Sacred Marriage:  What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy by Gary Thomas


So many books....so little time!

Sister, what are some good books that you're reading?


Live a poured out life for Christ,

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I'm linking up with:  Sarah Mae,

How Often Do You See Your Best Friend?

I'm holding something sacred in my heart and somehow I need to get His words across to you, dear reader, making sure I'm representing Him and Him alone.  Oh how I long to share with you about my BFF (best friend forever); Who He is, His power, His understanding, and His wisdom, and I want to do so in such a way that you can clearly see Him even though He is, well..... invisible!

If you're joining me for the first time, I'm currently writing a series on The Power of the Holy Spirit, and let me just say right now that I'm not worthy to pen any of these words. But my heart is heavy for you to know Him more and to experience Him more abundantly so that's why I'm sharing this with you.  And if you've missed the first post, My Burning Bush Experience, you can read it here.

My Burning Bush Experience

Jesus.....

You're all I want.

You're all I need.

You're everything.

Oh how I wish I can dwell on those words every minute of the day because when I do, my spirit absolutely soars and I'm ushered into the presence of God.  And when that happens I just see life so differently.  

In fact, I experience...

• No family concerns.  
• No physical exhaustion.  
• No fear of the future.  
• No broken relationships.
• No insecurities or feelings of rejection.  
• No worries.  
• Nope.  Nada.  None of the above, because it's just me resting in my sweet Savior!

Don't You Just Love Him!

                                                                     Photo Source 

Dwell on who He is rather than your circumstances!

Have a blessed Friday looking to Him in all things.



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I Hurt

I have nothing to offer you today, because I hurt.  I can't encourage you or equip you or even inspire you to draw closer to the Lord because my spirit has been crushed.  I know I should be writing my final post in my single's series, but I can't because I'm just empty inside.

As a Christian woman, my heart hurts.

As a mommy, my heart hurts.

As a friend, my heart hurts.

I know I'll never be enough.

I will always lack.

I will always fall short.

But Jesus is always enough.

He is never lacking and He never falls short of loving us and meeting us right where we are.

She Provides Food for Her Household

Today I thought I'd share with you one of my favorite blogs...

It's Janelle, from Comfy in the Kitchen.

Janelle has a heart for hospitality and she loves to cook.  I, on the other hand, am a complete opposite of my fellow sister in Christ, for I don't have a heart for either of those two things, at least not hospitality in the traditional sense.  For me, cooking and serving food to others, especially since I have to do it 3 times a day, is a flat-out chore.  In fact, sometimes I'd rather like to remove that whole 'cooking for my family' from my job description as a godly homemaker.  And by the way, there's a reason why I never worked in a restaurant!

4 Things You Need to Do Before You Meet Prince Charming

Recently, I've had some single women contact me asking if I could write a few posts just for them. Being that most of my readers are married women, I figured that if you're a mama, you could tuck some of these thoughts away and share them with your daughters when the time is right.  And if you're a boy mama like me, you can share some of these same principles and tweak them for your godly man in training, as well.

 

Because many of my marriage posts often deal with problems in wedded bliss, I wanted to give these single sisters a head-start so they can lay the proper foundation for their future marriage.  God designed marriage to be good.  He designed it to be a reflection of the love in which Christ has for the Church but unfortunately many Christian marriages do not reflect that kind of love and it truly breaks my heart. 

So what do you think?  Shall we encourage these women to have a beautiful start to what could be a glorious marriage?  Let's be Titus 2 women together, so feel free to chime in at the comment section if you have more counsel to give. (And pass this post on to others that might benefit from it.)

Remaining in the Vine

Every week you can find me writing a post or two on marriage, but I want you to know that here at The Alabaster Jar, this site is more than just a place where you receive godly counsel and encouragement for the married life.  I also have a passion for discipleship as well!  Perhaps you have noticed this, lately?  I refer to these types of posts as 'Growing in Godliness'.  Being that we are Christ-followers, we can always learn more about drawing closer to our Savior, don't you think?

So here's the story of where my discipleship heart came from, (of course it came out of pain, much like where most growth comes from).....When I was 19 years old I heard the Gospel message.  I received it with joy, but unfortunately the joy was short lived because I just didn't understand the Truth.  At that time of my life I had no one teaching me and guiding me towards Jesus, and those Kingdom seeds that were sown were easily snatched away by the Enemy.

When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path.  Matthew 13:19

During the next 7 years I made poor choices, lived a sin-filled life, and denied the existence of God.  

You Mean I Should Glorify God?

So today while reading my bible I read about the paralytic man in Luke, chapter 5 where Jesus healed him, and afterwards the man got up and he 'glorified God'.  Just a few sentences later the people that were looking on were amazed at what took place and they too, 'glorified God.'

That little statement, 'glorified God' stuck with me throughout the day.  So I decided to do a search through the scriptures to find more about this wonderful statement.  And of course I couldn't help but share these nuggets of wisdom with my closest on-line friends, now could I?  I know, I know, that's pretty generous of me, isn't it?  Well, before you start thanking me you might want to wait until you finish reading the entire list of scriptures below!  Perhaps now would be a good time to grab that chocolate for emotional support because this is going to be painful!

Fight or Flight? Or Vulnerability?.....and a Link Up!

As a young child I cried A LOT.  My nickname was 'A bucket of water'. (Seriously.) After many years of growing up with older brothers I had no choice but to toughen up.  Rug burns and bruises can do that to a gal, you know.  So over the years I learned to stuff my feelings and put my walls up to protect my overly sensitive heart and the result of that was a young gal that was mean and one that fought often.  In fact, I was sent to the Principal's office twice during my elementary school years because of fighting!

The fighting in me continued on well into my teen years and then into young adulthood.  Although I no longer used my fists, instead I used my words, and let me tell you, I would tear people up!

Eventually the crying in me became less and less as more walls went up to barricade my heart.  I found that place to be the most safest, so that's where I stayed.

Then I met Jesus Christ and He changed my heart.  He began to heal it and soften it.  And He started to tear down the fortress that was surrounding it!  (That was and still is a painful process!)

Developing God-Confidence

Whether you're a single woman or married one, all of us in some way or another deal with insecurities.  I just wish that statement weren't true, however, that's just not our reality while we're living here on planet earth.

Writing this post makes me sad because I know that somewhere out in cyberspace there is someone reading this that is feeling the way I did for many, many years and my heart just breaks for them.  That's not to say that I have mastered my insecurities because I haven't.  From time to time I let the Enemy into my life so he can speak lies to me.  It's like I put a doormat out for him that says, "Welcome."  "Come on in!"  This always happens when I'm walking in my flesh rather than my spirit!  Sigh!

Here's a snapshot of where I've been in my journey.

The 3 inch Crocodile that Resides in Our Mouth

Recently, I had a reader ask if I could address the way some wives speak to their husbands.  This particular bride struggles with having an unkind tone and also has used jokes as a weapon towards her man.  The reader further asked if I could address how women often talk to their husbands as if they were speaking to their children.

I think this is a great question and one that I am sure is very relevant to many women today.  It's so easy to have our feelings hurt or lose our patience and then retaliate with unkind speech or speak to our husbands in a belittling way.