I wish I could write my story and tell you how wonderful and easy my Christian journey has been, BUT THAT IS SO FAR FROM THE TRUTH! Grab a cup of tea or coffee (I prefer iced, decaf mochas, hold the whipped cream, please!) and settle down in your favorite comfy chair because this story is a doozie. Even in the midst of heartache and despair, GOD DOES MIRACLES!
Before I came to Christ, I lived a life like the woman who was caught in adultery and dragged out in front of others, so of course I have a past and I wrote a little about it here. I also touched on being adopted as a child and my thoughts and feelings that went with that.
After I came to Christ at age 26, I married the man that God chose for me at age 28, and you can read my not so typical love story here. A few years later we welcomed our first born son into the world and that is when all hell broke loose in my body. I went through 10 long years of chronic and debilitating illnesses at the onset of motherhood. Training, raising, and homeschooling my children were extremely difficult during those years. You can read more of my Health Story here called, Lord, Why On Earth Would You Allow This? along with Aching Inside.
My chronic-ill health journey collided with our financial hardship story as my family and I endured a lawsuit, an IRS audit, and the loss of our home, not just once, but twice!
During all of this my faith became so weak that I could not find the Lord in any of what we were going through. I was filled with depression, despair and then denial. You can read about my time here called My Weakening Faith, along with Before the Rooster Crows Part 1 and Part 2.
During these storms, God was always with me as He was refining me for His glorious purpose (I didn't know it was going to hurt so bad!) You can read that here, called The Refiner's Fire. Later, as we were losing our home the first time, God was by our side reminding us that He is Bigger than Our Credit Score. We continued on in this broken journey desiring His will for our lives and not our own (that was painful as well!) But then I freaked out like the disciples did when they were in the boat with Jesus during the storm and of course Jesus took care of everything!
When we lost our home the first time (or so we thought) we moved into a rental and we were content there. But then several months later we had no money for rent and hardly any for food. The Body of Christ ministered to us in several ways. Here is the story of How to Lose Your Dream Home Not Just Once, But Twice (Part 1) and (Part 2).
God has always provided for us and there has never been a reason why I should have been so anxious, (but I was!)
I have been criticized for having a deep faith and holding strong to the scriptures as to why I don't work, and you can read my story here, Why God Has Not Called Me to Get a Job, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4.
Bottom line: I want to live for Jesus Christ no matter how hard life gets and no matter how many people criticize me for my faith. My time here on earth is short and I want to do what I can to build His kingdom and not my own.
I write a lot on marriage and deepening your faith with the Lord. I hope what you find here is encouragement in your journey. Please stick around and be my friend in this little corner of the internet!
Live a poured out life for the Master,
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Your story is touching my heart deeply already. Thank you for being so transparent.
ReplyDeleteIt's all for Jesus, Judith! My heart is to lift Him up for all to see. Even if that means sharing my scars with the world.
DeleteJolene, I appreciate how open you are here! I've been considering adding a My Story page to my site as well, but I get so nervous about putting everything out there! Any insight?
ReplyDeleteOh sweet friend....my story is shared only for the purpose of bringing Him glory. (No sense in me reliving it since I already know it, but God has called me otherwise!) If women can be encouraged to draw closer to Him as a result of my openness, then praise the Lord! He has told me time and time again to keep sharing my fears, failures, heartache, and scars. This blog is a ministry by Him and for Him. Go where the Lord leads you and seek to please your audience of One.
ReplyDeleteHi! I just stopped by from Emily's, and I wanted to comment on your Dear Me letter, but for some reason I can't. So please forgive me for commenting over here. I love the fusion of hope and humor that comes through in your writing. Your comments on "submit and respect" and the masks people wear remind me so much of myself at that age. Funny how God works on us in spite of us, right? :)
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog today, and I want to say you have been such a blessing and encouragment to me. I've read a few of your posts, and they have spoken to my heart. I appreciated your posts on women not working outside the home. That has been a real struggle for me. I worked our first 7 years of marriage, and have not worked the past 4.5 or so due to my husband's request, and my knowledge that I really should be home with the kids. I have struggled against it though in my heart so badly sometimes. I enjoyed working, and sometimes staying home seems so ??? We have 3 children, then eldest being 11 that we/I homeschool. Sometimes it seems like it would be so much easier to simply get a job and send them to a good Christian school. It seems like it would solve so many problems! My husband is a great man, faithful provider, and wonderful friend. However, we do live without a lot of extras. We live paycheck to paycheck, and have to save for special occasions. I struggle against wanting to get a job since that it what I used to do, and what so many expect me to do. My husband tries to encourage me that my highest priority is here, and what others think don't matter, but I still find myself having internal struggles during tight financial times because of it.
ReplyDeleteWe too lost our home 4.5 years ago, only to move back 3 weeks before the sheriffs sale and re-sign papers for our home. We were ill informed of the happenings and didn't take time to learn what was going on. We still live here, although we would love to move out of this neighbourhood.
Hi Jasmine, I'm so glad you're here! Yes, sometimes it seems hard to go from the career world to the life of a stay at home mom! But, God will honor you and bless you as you spend time raising up your kids. Listen to your man, he sounds like he knows what's most important. It's our relationships not our things!! Stay strong my sweet friend!
DeleteJolene, I too just 'stumbled' upon your blog.I am simply amazed at the amount of similarities in our stories. So many of the same struggles and lessons. Most amazing similarity is the 10 years of Chronic Illness. I too became sick after the birth of my child, but not immediately & not all at once-and thankfully so as my husband was dx with cancer when our son was 2 months old. He is cancer free to this day! Praise God! Sadly, we could no longer have anymore children-naturally anyway- but what a blessing we had the one! So back to my health issues-they started with small symptoms that I didn't know were related & I didn't really consider them an issue until 3- 4 years later. Symptoms piled & progressed. After a few more years they were debilitating. I visited countless doctors. Thousands of dollars of debt due to medical bills & homeopathic doctors as well. I tried to homeschool, but it wasn't meant to be-a heartbreak for me. Most striking is that I was healed in August of 2010 after what I think of as 10 years of chronic illness (although some symptoms began several years earlier), 6 years of which were debilitating. Then healing. I don't know the moment or the day (I think I know the day, but it wasn't like a bolt of lightening or anything like that) but it was kind of slowly over at least a week following specific events-and most specifically a 3 day period alone where I immersed myself in the Lord through the Word, praise/worship, & prayer. I started feeling better, not suffering from activity, accomplishing tasks and having energy. Normal tiredness vs. bone crushing fatigue. Muscle aches from activity vs. pain for no reason. No more meds. I had been on upwards of 80+ meds a day between RX, supplements, shots and IV's at one point. I had been weaning off of them - but I don't remember how many I was on when healed. Finally 3 weeks after feeling normal again, I realized that He ~ Jehova Rapha ~ My Lord and Savior had healed me! It has been over 2 years. Some people are skeptical and continually ask me how I am feeling, but it's ok. The first year afterward was like a honeymoon-I was full & overflowing with the fruits of the Spirit (not perfectly, but life was so wonderful!) Like you, I learned a lot from the Lord about marriage and life in Him. That was the first year after healing. There have been a few things that have occured in the last 14 months which have challenged me and caused me to feel like I am definitely in another season of growth in the refiners fire. Some things are causing me to feel like I am not living a victorious life and the battle is raging. I am just trying to hold fast and keep my eyes on Jesus. It is deflating after such a major victory and feeling those shackles of sickness removed, to feel like I different shackles on now. But I am trusting. Struggling but trusting.I know I am not alone & that He will be faithful to finish what He started. People close to me wonder how I could be struggling (emotionally) after experiencing such a miracle. I often wonder too, but-well-what can I say? It is what it is and I am waiting upon Him. Reengaging into life after being a 'prisoner' in so many respects due to illness has been very challenging. I am relearning life if you will. A few of your blog posts touched on subjects that have been in the forefront of my life. They have confirmed things the Lord has been telling me & one was an answer to prayer. Thank you for your faithfulness to bring honor and glory to Him through your struggles and triumphs! I thought about starting a blog awhile back but wasn't sure there would be anyone who would read it. Still waiting for the Lord on that. I've been 'hiding' lately-just feeling like I am in a pit-not sure how to handle some things in my life that are making it difficult to move forward. I'll keep reading your posts and look forward to see what you will write next! May the Lord continue to bless you richly!
ReplyDeleteTrish, don't ever forget that we have a redeeming God. My heart hurts for you for what you've been feeling because I'm no stranger to that place; walking and journeying in the valleys for what seems like a lifetime. But, there is a purpose for all the the Lord takes us through. Remain faithful and strong. He's doing a good work through you even though you can't see the big picture. Thank you for sharing your story. God will use your life for His glory!
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