14 Reasons Why a Husband Doesn't Lead His Family...& a Link Up!

I've been wanting to write this post for a while now and since one of my readers contacted me over this very issue, I thought I share this topic with everyone.  I know this dear wife is not alone in her situation. 

Dear Jolene,

I have been the bread winner in my family for some time now and I believe my husband is having a hard time figuring out how to step into this role. He has a tendency to be lazy.  I don’t want to be the head of our house, spiritually, financially, or in any other way.  But I feel like this is the route our life is taking and I want to get off that highway (so to speak) and live the way God intended with my husband in that role.  I just need him to be the leader in our home.

Signed,
~Needing help understanding and supporting my husband

Ask Jolene

I get emails from readers quite often and I must say that I absolutely LOVE your questions because my favorite type of ministry is one on one discipleship!  Therefore, I decided to openly invite you all to ask whatever it is that you're struggling with or the dilemma you can't seem to figure out.  If I can't answer your question, I'll let you know.

My heart's passion is in discipling and encouraging wives to grow a Godly marriage, single women, women's issues/friendships, outside ministry, and the discipleship of our children.

Here's a peak into my little corner of where I write for God's glory.  What you can't see in this pic is my laptop computer that is resting on a basket near my feet!

10 Ways to Handle a Spiritually Unequal Marriage...& a Link Up!

Question from a reader.......

Dear Jolene,
I am 22 and a newly married woman and my husband and I got married in July of this year.  He comes from a Jewish background and he accepted the Lord into his heart around 1 1/2 years ago to 2 years ago. He is still very new to the Lord.  I was raised in a Christian family.  I accepted the Lord into my heart when I was 6 and stood firm for a while but then reached high  school and university years and drifted away.  I have come back to the Lord and am walking with him, and trying to grow with Jesus now that I am an adult. 
One way we really need to work on our marriage is spending time with the Lord together. We will wake up have breakfast and then sit down and read separately in the bible and then come together at the end and share a little about what we read and then read our daily "Utmost for His Highest" devotional.  However we always end up bickering about something. I guess because I am from a Christian family I just know more about the scriptures or I don't know.  I don't like saying it like that but anyway I have walked with the Lord longer and have had all of His teachings around me pretty much my whole life. But my husband hasn't and so I guess because of that he voices his opinions and sometimes it freaks me out because they won't be right on track with what the Bible says. Or not even that, sometimes he just won't feel moved about what we've read or he feels like me voicing my opinions or what I thought of our devotional makes him a bad leader. He doesn't feel like he's being a leader.  I just need advice.  I feel discouraged and he does too and then I just feel fruitless.  
 ~frustrated newlywed

Your Marriage is Your First Ministry & a Link Up!

I recently received an email from a reader asking me for some advice that I'd like to share with you as well.
  

Dear Jolene,
How do I balance being a wife at the same time while serving in the church as a leader?   Keep in mind, my husband isn't saved yet. We normally have differences & at times I feel like resigning.   What should I do?

I'm so glad this reader wrote in and asked this question because this issue needs to be addressed and in a big way!  Many marriages are crumbling because Godly women are gone from the home and serving in the Church.  Their men have been left to fend for themselves on a constant basis.  A marriage should not be like this, nor would Jesus be too pleased if the marriage is being forsaken so outside ministry can take place.

So this response is to all wives, whether one's husband is saved or not.  Also, if you're involved in outside ministry but you don't hold a position of leadership, the counsel given here is designed to give you clarity regarding your Godly priorities.

9 Things About My Sex Life that I'd Share with a Young Wife

For those of you that don't already know some of my story, my man and I were not virgins when we married.  He was married once before, as was I.  However, when we dated and were engaged, we remained pure until our wedding night where we could receive our beautiful wedding gift from God; sex!

Looking back over the past 14 years of our marriage, I kinda feel like our sex life was ripped away from us within the first 2 years of our marriage because of the ravages of illnesses, birthing babies, hormonal imbalances, and of course, trials.

Photo Source

Elizabeth, from Warrior Wives asked us older women, (over 40) to share our insights and experiences of how our sex lives have changed over the years. Her desire is for us old ladies (smile) to pass on what we've learned to the younger wives.  So, today I'm doing just that!

You can read the rest of my post over at Warrior Wives.

Live a poured out life for Christ,

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I'm linking up with:  Unveiled Wife,

Are You an Overly Sensitive Wife?...and a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up!

If you like to watch videos, then I've got a treat for you!  I finally did my first 'speaking' video.  The Lord's been nudging me for some time to start doing videos and today I finally did it.  Thanks to my wonderful husband for his efforts.

If you're having trouble viewing the video, click here.

For those that are not video fans (which is how I am), I already had this post written, so you can read it below.

When You've Lost Respect for Your Husband... & a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up!

Did you ever view your husband as your Knight in Shining Armor?  A man you once had great respect and honor for?  Maybe in the early years of your relationship you thought very highly of him? But then the hard times of life have caused you to view your man quite differently than you once did? Perhaps now the shine and luster in that armor of his is gone and it's been replaced by some rust and dents?  Where did your dreamy man go?  And how do you go on respecting a man you no longer respect?

Help! I'm Married to an Unrepentant Husband...& a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up!

So your husband professes to be a Believer yet he goes through life in a state of habitual and unrepentant sin. Well, this is one tough spot for a wife to be!  Your man knows the Word of God, however, he doesn't care too much about following the Scriptures unless of course it comes down to these two:

For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  Ephesians 5:22 (NLT)

The husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband's needs.  1 Cor. 7:3  (NLT)

He seems to neglect the verses on loving his wife like Christ loves the church (Eph. 5:25) and to dwell with his wife with understanding (1 Pet. 3:7).  In his mind, he probably thinks he does these things and his wife is either overly sensitive, unrealistic, and/or demanding of him.  Or maybe he doesn't even know these verses!

When the Seeds of Bitterness Sprout Up in Your Marriage

I recently had a reader contact me asking if I could address the bitterness that's growing in her heart towards her husband and what can she do about it.  Well, I don't believe she's alone in these feelings because I think it's pretty common among wives.  In fact, I believe there are so many wives who experience this towards their man that I even mentioned it in my post, 20 Reasons Why a Wife Doesn't Want to Have Sex!

So I figured I'd share some thoughts and ways to combat it for all who stop by here.  By the way, I just love all your questions!  It helps me to know what you'd like me to write on.  So feel free to contact me via email, FB, leave a comment, or write a question in the Forum of Friends and I'll do my best to answer them.

So, you've tried to forgive him and you thought you did, but deep down inside the seeds of bitterness are starting to grow and your love for him is starting to diminish by the second.