The Alabaster Jar: The Enticing Wife

13 Wives in 13 Days...Wives of the Bible Series

Wife #9

She's insecure with her outer appearance. (I love her already!)

She let's her husband sexually delight in her.

She sexually delights in her man.

But then she rejects him. Later, she realizes she's made a mistake so she goes after him.

So who is she?

She's the Shulamite Woman, also known as Solomon's Wife.

The Enticing Wife

She has insecurities....
She's embarrassed with her body.

Don't stare at me because I am dark— the sun has darkened my skin. My brothers were angry with me; they forced me to care for their vineyards, so I couldn't care for myself—my own vineyard. Song of Solomon 1:6 (NLT)

She sexually desires her man...
She can't get enough of him.

Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine. Song of Solomon 1:2

The Hebrew noun for love in this verse means sexual love. Awe, remember those days, my friend? The days when you couldn't get enough of your man? And your heart beat so fast for him?

He sexually desires her...
He is drawn in and intoxicated by her.

You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride. You hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes, with a single jewel of your necklace. Your love delights me, my treasure, my bride. Your love is better than wine, your perfume more fragrant than spices. Your lips are as sweet as nectar, my bride. Honey and milk are under your tongue. Your clothes are scented like the cedars of Lebanon. Song of Solomon 4:9-11

She denies her man...

She's already gone to bed. She doesn't want to get up and let him in because she'll get her feet dirty. (That just cracked me up!)

I slept, but my heart was awake, when I heard my lover knocking and calling: "Open to me, my treasure, my darling, my dove, my perfect one. My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night." But I responded, "I have taken off my robe. Should I get dressed again? I have washed my feet. Should I get them soiled?" My lover tried to unlatch the door, and my heart thrilled within me. I jumped up to open the door for my love, and my hands dripped with perfume. My fingers dripped with lovely myrrh as I pulled back the bolt. I opened to my lover, but he was gone! My heart sank. I searched for him but could not find him anywhere. I called to him, but there was no reply. Song of Solomon 5:2-6

She realizes she messed up when she turned him away....

She goes after him to try to restore their relationship.

I opened to my lover, but he was gone! My heart sank. I searched for him but could not find him anywhere. I called to him, but there was no reply. Song of Solomon 5:6

What to Do According to the Shulamite Woman...

In spite of your insecurities, listen to your husband when he tells you you're beautiful. (Song of Solomon 6:4)
If you deny your man of sexual intimacy, then work on restoring it in your relationship. Make sure you apologize and don't head down that path again. It's better that you're honest with him as to why you don't want to have sex than to keep denying him for no good reason.
Make yourself visually beautiful for your man because he's visual!
Sexually delight in your husband and let him fully delight in you! When you're fully participating and enjoying the act of marriage, guess what? You're man is even more into you! That's a win, win in my book!

What Not to Do....

Here's a line you'll never want to use in your marriage....I'm sorry honey, but not tonight because I'll get my feet dirty! To us that sounds absurd because we have showers in our homes but that wasn't the case for the Shulamite woman. People back then wore sandals and walked around on dirt so they had dirty feet all the time. Remember how Jesus washed the disciples' feet? That was the norm for the times. Anyways, the reason I pointed this out was because the Shulamite woman was just like you and I; tired and busy. They have dirty feet, we have headaches. (Oh, and let's not forget she was insecure too!) Same premise just different lifestyles.
So don't deny your man because it'll bring damage to your marriage, furthermore, you'll run the risk of opening your relationship up to being attacked by the Enemy. God designed sex in marriage to be a fabulous thing! It strengthens your loyalty to each other and it connects you physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Challenge for Today

Dress yourself in a way that you know your husband would like. Kinda like you did when you were newly married? Is there a certain outfit he likes you in? Does he like your hair worn a certain way? A particular perfume he enjoys? Put forth some effort today to show him how much you desire him. Throw the sweatpants and slippers in the closet, girlfriend, and put on something sexy! It's okay. You can do it. You're married!

Here's something you might find interesting about Solomon...

Although he was deeply in love with his wife, he still had business to attend to; he had a kingdom to run. He couldn't be with his woman all the time nor could he always focus on her. It was the same premise with his wife. She had other responsibilities as well. (Solomon 6:1,3)

It's easy for a wife to feel neglected once the honeymoon period is over. But don't allow your mind to go there. The two of you are just building your lives together. However, don't neglect your intimacy. Be intentional about having it. That's why you married your man in the first place, right? So you could have sex with him? That's why I married my man, otherwise we'd just be good friends.

Now before I close the book on The Enticing Wife....let me ask you this question. If you're not very intimate with your man, why is that? What has changed in your marriage that you don't want to have sex with him? Is it because additional responsibilities have been add to your plate? Does he expect too much from you? See if you can lessen some of your commitments so you'll have more energy for him (and you!)

Another thing you can do is plan your times of intimacy so you're refreshed and looking forward to when the two of you will be together. I think this one is imperative when you're in the midst of raising a family and you're exhausted! Hey, we plan play-dates for the kiddos, doctor's appts., sporting events, church, etc. Why not plan sex? Now here's another benefit to planning sex. For women, sex is a huge mental thing, so when you're looking forward to it that day, you're in essence putting yourself in the mood which will help you to desire your man more. This little thing will increase your sex-drive if your's happens to be non-existent.

On a side note: If you're struggling through some sexual issues, just know that you're not alone. I spent several years with sexual problems in my marriage and I openly shared all that I've suffered through in a prior post of mine. I have no shame in telling my story like it is because I know it will minister to someone who has suffered silently with their own afflications.

Do you struggle with intimacy in your marriage? Why or why not?

Next up in this series, The Wife Who Wasn't a Doormat.

This is post #10 in the CMBA 1/2 Marathon Blogging Challenge to post everyday for 13 days in October.