The Wife Who Placed a Higher Priority On Motherhood vs. Her Marriage

13 Wives in 13 Days...Wives of the Bible Series

Wife #6

If you have children, then you'll most likely relate to this wife on some level.

She was one busy lady raising two rambunctious boys; so rambunctious she felt like a battle was taking place within her womb while she was pregnant.  Yes, she was carrying twins.

She made some poor decisions as she raised them, so much so, that her favorite son followed her deceptive ways.

She had more loyalty towards her offspring than her husband.

So who is this wife?

She's Rebekah.

The Wife Who Placed a Higher Priority on Motherhood vs. Her Marriage

I can understand how Rebekah lost sight of her marriage, after all, as moms, we spend so much time with our children that it's simple for us to become more attached to our kids than our man.

But before we look at the wrong choice Rebekah made in her marriage, first we need to see where she went wrong in her parenting.

Isaac pleaded with the LORD on behalf of his wife, because she was unable to have children. The LORD answered Isaac's prayer, and Rebekah became pregnant with twins. But the two children struggled with each other in her womb. So she went to ask the LORD about it. "Why is this happening to me?" she asked.  And the LORD told her, "The sons in your womb will become two nations. From the very beginning, the two nations will be rivals. One nation will be stronger than the other; and your older son will serve your younger son."  And when the time came to give birth, Rebekah discovered that she did indeed have twins!  The first one was very red at birth and covered with thick hair like a fur coat. So they named him Esau.  Then the other twin was born with his hand grasping Esau's heel. So they named him Jacob. Isaac was sixty years old when the twins were born.  As the boys grew up, Esau became a skillful hunter. He was an outdoorsman, but Jacob had a quiet temperament, preferring to stay at home.  Isaac loved Esau because he enjoyed eating the wild game Esau brought home, but Rebekah loved Jacob. Genesis 25:21-28

Rebekah played favorites.  (So did Issac, but today's post is about Rebekah.)

Now here's Rebekah's marriage mistake.

One day when Isaac was old and turning blind, he called for Esau, his older son, and said, "My son." "Yes, Father?" Esau replied. "I am an old man now," Isaac said, "and I don't know when I may die.  Take your bow and a quiver full of arrows, and go out into the open country to hunt some wild game for me. Prepare my favorite dish, and bring it here for me to eat. Then I will pronounce the blessing that belongs to you, my firstborn son, before I die."  But Rebekah overheard what Isaac had said to his son Esau. So when Esau left to hunt for the wild game, she said to her son Jacob, "Listen. I overheard your father say to Esau, 'Bring me some wild game and prepare me a delicious meal. Then I will bless you in the LORD's presence before I die.' Now, my son, listen to me. Do exactly as I tell you.  Go out to the flocks, and bring me two fine young goats. I'll use them to prepare your father's favorite dish.  Genesis 27:1-9

Rebekah purposefully deceived her own husband and she encouraged her son to do the same thing.

She chose to have a deeper relationship with her son over her husband.

I know this is a marriage post, but today I'm going to mix in some parenting thoughts so we can gain a better perspective on Rebekah's mistakes.

Seeing how I'm a 'why' kinda gal, meaning, I like to know 'why' did Rebekah's mothering take precedence over her marriage, we're going to dig to the root issue of her problem.

Perhaps the verse below will shed some light on to why we moms do what we do.  Why do we move closer towards our kids than our husbands?

Remember the curse that fell on Eve in Genesis 3:16?  Part of it was that she, and you and I, will want to control our husbands.  Well, there's another part to the curse and it relates to parenting.

We generally just look at the curse as having pain during childbirth, but there's much more to it than that.  Let's take a look.

To the woman He said: "I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children.  Genesis 3:16

Notice that the verse does not say a baby, it says children.  You are raising up kids.  Kids that require so much from you.  Kids that need constant training.  Kids that can set you over the edge and bring you to your knees.  Kids that are sinners.  

Our struggle isn't just in birthing the babes, it's also in raising them.

Let me ask you a mom question.  Do you ever feel like you've done enough for your kiddos?  Feel like you got everything covered in the mom department?  I already know your answer because it's the same as mine. We know we fall way short in our mothering and that's why we have the mommy guilt.  

This struggle is what makes it so easy for us to be lopsided in our family relationships; investing more of ourselves into our mothering vs. our marriage.  And of course it's much easier to become emotionally connected to a child who makes you feel unconditionally loved.  Also, our children don't hurt us or let us down nearly as much as our husbands, thus, it's easier to draw closer to our kids.

Motherhood and Marriage is not about balance, it's about prioritizing.  I know we hear the word balance all the time, but instead of seeking balance, look to change your perspective just slightly. Prioritize instead, and I think this viewpoint will help you to feel not so overwhelmed in all of your roles and responsibilities.

What Not to Do According to Rebekah's Life...

• Don't view your role as a mother as more important than your role as a wife because this is not the proper biblical order.  I know it's so easy to do especially when you've got little tykes all around you or even if you're homeschooling.  Kids take time to nurture and train. Young children require a great amount of energy from mama.  I'm certainly not discounting the role of motherhood as I share with you this post.  Not. at. all. I'm just saying it's easy to lose sight of your marital relationship because you're so busy parenting. Someday your children will leave your nest and cleave to a family of their own. 
• Don't take on the role of parenting all by yourself.  Let your husband become involved as much as possible, even if he doesn't do things the way you do.
• Don't place your relationship with your children above your marriage.  Work to become more emotionally connected to your man than your children.
• Don't have a favorite child.  Love and treat each child the same.

What to Do...

• Be mindful of the fact that you are one flesh with your husband, not your children.  I know it certainly doesn't feel that way when you're pregnant and nursing, but as Godly wives, we heed God's Word, not our feelings and emotions.
• Be intentional about making time to date your spouse.  This doesn't have to be fancy or expensive.  It's just a time set aside for you to reconnect with your husband.  In my home we haven't had the funds to go out to dinner in quite sometime, so instead we stay home and put the kids to bed earlier so we can have some alone time.

Challenge for Today

Plan times of togetherness with your husband so you can focus more on your marital relationship vs. your role as a mother.  If you're raising your kids in Christ, then you should be preparing them to be self-sufficient.  If and when they marry, the correct biblical encouragement when taking a spouse is for your offspring to leave and cleave; leaving not just your home, but attaching themselves physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to their spouse more so than you.  I know you probably just felt a sharp knife being inserted into your mama's heart right now but those are God's plans, not mine.

Here's a link to The Romantic Vineyard's site that's doing the 1/2 Marathon Blogging Challenge as well.  Their theme is 13 Fall Date Ideas.  You can find great ideas at their place.

On a side note:  Let me give you a little glimpse into some more messed up parenting from Rebekah's lineage.

If you go back into Rebekah's family you'll see that her brother is Laban.  Laban is the father of Rachel and Leah.  Rebekah's son, Jacob, whom she favored, married Rachel but Laban deceived him and he ended up marrying Leah instead.  Jacob was heartbroken because of the love he had for Rachel.  So he decided to work another 7 years for Laban so he could then marry Rachel.  Deception and favoritism runs through this family tree.  

But wait, there's more!

Do you know or remember the story about Joseph and his brothers who threw him in a pit?  They did so because his father favored him and thus, his brothers despised him.  Do you know who Joseph's father was?  If you guessed Jacob, you're right!

Now how about you, sweet friend.  Do you have a hard time prioritizing your marital relationship because you're so busy with mothering?

Next up in this series, The Submissive Wife.  I betcha can't wait to hear about her!

This is post #7 in the CMBA 1/2 Marathon Blogging Challenge to post everyday for 13 days in October.

Live a poured out life for Christ,

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