The Alabaster Jar: The Wife After God's Own Heart

13 Wives in 13 Days...Wives of the Bible Series

Wife #12

I have a love/hate relationship with this wife.

She is a wife I look up to and one I try to emulate, but she puts me to shame.

She's dedicated to her husband and children.

She's hard-working.

She's filled with graciousness, compassion, and wisdom.

She seeks to make her home comfortable for her family.

And she ministers to others.

But what stands out to me the most about this wife is not what she did or what she said, but Who she pursued...

She pursued the Lord.

Who is she?

She's the Proverbs 31 Wife.

The Wife After God's Own Heart

If you've been walking with the Lord for any length of time now, then you're probably very familiar with the Proverbs 31 Woman. Generally speaking, when we learn about her we delve into all the things she does or says, but today I'm not going to do that. Nope. I'm going to get to the bottom of this woman as I uncover 'why' she does what she does. We're going to see what makes this wife tick and why she arises while it's still night.

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Proverbs 31:10-31

This wife was my very first mentor.

I purposed my life in trying to become like her only to fail miserably. As a new Believer and a new bride many years ago, I passionately pursued her way of life, but there was a problem...I was physically incapable of doing so. My limitations had nothing to do with lack of discipline or lack of understanding. No, that wasn't it. My deal was I couldn't fulfill what was laid out before me in the Scriptures because I was sick, and I don't mean for just one day, either. My illnesses went on for a decade and it started at the onset of motherhood. I became so ill that I couldn't even do the basic things like feed my children lunch on a regular basis. As a wife and mother I felt like a failure for so many years and I often wondered why the Lord would take me through so many health trials when all I wanted to do was serve Him.

In my mind, I equated doing things for the Lord to being a Godly woman and wife.

Well now I can say I know why the Lord took me through those 10 long years. One of the reasons is so I can write this post! He's given me some insight into this passage as a result of my trials. So I'm going to share with you what He shared with me!

We often miss the point of this passage of Scripture when all we see is this Godly wife's to do list. But hidden right at the very bottom of the passage is this:

"Many women do noble things......"
Yes, giving honor and respect to our husbands is noble, so is taking care of our children, our homes, ministering to others, etc. They're noble pursuits, are they not?

"But you surpass them all because you fear the LORD."

The noble things didn't make this wife Godly. What made her Godly was she feared the Lord and not her to-do list!

Sometimes as Christian women will feel like we need to be Superwoman when we read this passage in Proverbs but that is the furthest thing from the Truth!

Think about some of these questions....

Are we less Godly if we can't do all the things listed above in this passage? Are we spiritually lacking if we can't manage everything on the list? Have we fallen short because our home is not always (or ever) in tip-top condition? What if we're not making sashes of fine linen or even sewing buttons on clothes, not that I'd know anything about that? Does that mean we are less Christ-like than another woman who does these things? Friend, we have been listening to that dirty-rotten Snake, again! Satan is speaking lies into our hearts and minds all the time!

God looks at your heart, (1 Sam. 16:7) not how much you've accomplished in a day!

While our intentions are good in wanting to emulate the Proverbs 31 wife, we need to make sure we're more intentional about pursuing God.

The story of Mary and Martha comes to mind when I think of this concept. Remember these two sisters? Martha's busy serving and she's bent out of shape that Mary is sitting at Jesus' feet learning from Him. Martha barks out an order to Jesus and tells Him to tell Mary to get up and help her. Jesus' response, "Martha, Martha, you are troubled about many things but Mary has chosen the better part.

Sitting at Jesus' feet is the better part, my friend. Learning from Him and being filled with His presence is the key to the heart of the Proverbs 31 wife; not how well she could sew on a button or make a linen garment.

Sometimes we get the order all wrong with the Proverbs 31 wife. It's the heart that matters, not what the hands do. Our hands will naturally follow the motives of our heart. And out of the abundance of your heart, the mouth speaks. (Luke 6:45) When your heart is filled with the love of Christ, you'll look at your man with Christ-like eyes; eyes filled with graciousness, love, patience, and mercy. You know, all those things you once had for him back in the day!

If you draw closer to Jesus, you won't be able to help yourself in giving honor and respect to your man, because that's what God wants you to do! And the more you give your man honor and respect, the more he'll trust in you and the better your marriage will be. Again, you are a wife of influence, but you need the influence of your Savior to be a Godly wife!

The Wife After God's Own Heart is wrapped up in pleasing the Lord before pleasing others.

There's a Biblical order to becoming a wife after God's own heart and it goes like this:
The Lord first.
Husband second.
Children third.
Home.
Outside ministries, cottage industries, etc.
When you get these things out of order, you're life can quickly turn into a mess. When you get the order correct, everything will flow accordingly.

I know when I neglect spending time with the Lord it's easier for me to go through life in my own strength rather than the strength of the Holy Spirit. As wives, we need the Holy Spirit to help us in our marriage and our family life. If you want to know more on the Power of the Holy Spirit in your life, then check out my series on it.

What to Do According to the Proverbs 31 Wife....

She had a reverent fear of her Maker.
Her life pursuit was to please the Lord, not man.
She willingly submitted and surrendered her life to Him.
Her heart for the Lord led her to serve others with a willing and joyful spirit.