What Not to Settle for In Your Future Husband

I'm continuing my Smitten for Him Single Series, and today I'm discussing what not to settle for in your future husband. 

As a single person, one of the most important decisions in your life that you'll ever make is who you're going to marry.  Marriage can be wonderful and glorious when two believers walk towards pleasing the Lord in their lives....or it could feel like you're living a life long prison sentence being that God hates divorce.  So choosing your mate is a big deal so you probably don't want to make a mistake! 

(And for those that are already married that are reading this....perhaps you feel that you didn't make the wisest choice in your spouse.  If that's how you feel remember a few things about our great big God:  It is His job to redeem, restore, and transform lives so don't lose heart regarding your marriage!) 

So back to my single friend (and any mama who'd like to share these truths with her kids)...

• What if you had someone in your life who knew exactly what to look for in your future spouse?  Would you listen to that person? 
• And what if that person also knew exactly what you needed in your future husband?  Would you take their advice regarding their choice for you? 
• And lastly, what if that person knew exactly where to find that person?  Again, would you heed their counsel? 

Perhaps you can call this Person a Matchmaker?

My sweet single sister, did you know that God has ALL those answers?  After all, our God is all-knowing, He is all-powerful, He spoke the world into existence, and He created you and knows the number of hairs on your head.  Not only can He do all things but He is the Perfect Matchmaker for you and your future husband!

As Believers, it is a common thing to hand over so many aspects of our lives to the Lord.  For example, we pray for the Lord's will for what job we should have, or where we should live, or what school we should go to, etc.  But sometimes it seems like we stop short of asking for the Lord's will (His choosing) for who our spouse should be.  Instead, we make our 2nd most important life decision (the 1st being that we've given our heart to the Lord) based off of lust and emotions.  Doesn't that system sound absolutely ludicrous?

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?  Jeremiah 17:9

Well, I propose a brighter path for the choosing of a spouse and this one is based on God's choice.

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, and whose hope is the LORD.  Jeremiah 17:7

Let's take a look at the Lord's wisdom regarding what not to settle for in your future spouse.  My prayer for you is to let God qualify or I should say in this case, disqualify, a potential suitor.

1.  He is not a follower of Jesus Christ.  Don't. Even. Go. There. My. Friend!

Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?   2 Cor. 6:14 (NKJV)

I like the New Living Translation on this verse as well:

Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?  2 Cor. 6:14

2.  He is not passionate about the things of the Lord. You can tell this by what he talks about, what he spends his money on, and who he spends his time with.

And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. This is the first commandment.  Mark 12:30

3.  He lacks integrity.  Is he a habitual liar, schemer, wheeler and dealer?

Better is the poor who walks in his integrity than one who is perverse in his lips, and is a fool.  Proverbs 19:1

4.  He does not want to take a leadership role, yet, he is called to lead his wife.  If he can’t lead you before marriage, don’t expect him to lead you when you’re married. 

For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.  Ephesians 5:23

5.  He is a passive man afraid to take the lead.  Being that God has commanded the wife to submit to her husband's leadership, if your future husband is passive, this will make your job all the more difficult!

He is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.  James 1:8

6.  He is spiritually immature.  Who wants to marry some weak-minded Christian who will be tossed to and fro?  (Remember, you have to follow him!)

We should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting.  Ephesians 4:14

7.  He has no desire to lead you spiritually even though he is commanded by God to do so.

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word.  Eph. 5:25,26 (NLT)

8.  You don’t respect him.  If you don't respect him before marriage you'll have a big hurdle to climb over once you're married!

And let the wife see that she respects her husband.  Ephesians 5:33 

9.  You would be unwilling to submit to his headship when you're married.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  Ephesians 5:22

10.  He rules over you, bosses you, and tries to control you.  He does not lead you the way Jesus led.  Jesus was a servant-leader.  Read more about the husband being a Ruler, here.

Use these scriptures as a guide and filter for when single men cross your path. Now keep in mind that your future man will not be perfect for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.  Romans 3:23.  With that said, you should be looking at his overall character.  Is he growing towards the Lord?  Is he repentant when he falls short and sins? Or does he not care that he has grieved God based on his sinful words and actions?  This will give you a good indication of his heart.

There's a lot more than can be added to this list so my encouragement to you would be to read through the book of Proverbs to find out more regarding what makes a godly or ungodly (the bible refers to them as a fool) type of man.

Also, take the time to read the book of 1 Timothy, Chapter 3 and find out what the Word says about being an overseer or Elder/ Bishop, along with a deacon.  Even though this chapter refers to these men as being married, you can still glean a lot from their god-fearing character.

If you haven't had the chance, I encourage you to read The Story of My Arranged Marriage, along with This is Not Your Typical Love Story, for I think they'll give you more guidance and insight of what God can do when He plays Matchmaker!

Prior posts in the Smitten For Him Single Series:
4 Things You Need to do Before You Meet Prince Charming
To Date or Not to Date, That is the Question


So, Titus 2 wives, do you have any more you'd like to share with these young women?  Also, do you mind sharing this post to encourage others in their singleness?


Live a poured out life for Christ,

Did you enjoy reading The Alabaster Jar?

To receive future posts you can subscribe via email and Facebook. 

Linking up with:  Time-Warp Wife, Women Living Well, Cornerstone Confessions,