11 Things the Lord Taught Me in 2011

Reflecting back on 2011, here are a few things that the Lord has taught me.

These are in no particular order.

1.  Walking the Narrow Path can sometimes leave me feeling like I am climbing a gruesome, uphill slope that makes me feel like a pack mule; sweaty, smelly and exhausted.  At times in my travel this year, I found the trail to be covered with snow, large jagged boulders, snakes, deteriorating bridges or sheer cliffs on either side.  Sticks, stones and dirt were thrown or kicked in my face as I drudged along in my journey of steep terrain, which ultimately left me crawling this past year.  But, when faced with a choice, I would've never chosen the wide path, which is the easier path.  Because Christ has called me by name; to be His daughter and walk the narrow path with Him, and it is during this arduous climb that all I had was Christ to hold on to.  He is always all I'll need, and when I realize that, it is during those moments that I have my mountain top experience with my Savior.

Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it.  Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.  Matthew 7:13,14

2.  Although serving in an outside ministry is a wonderful gift and sacrifice to the Lord, if it becomes too demanding of me, and the result is my priorities become out of whack, then I need to step away from it.  This was (and has been) hard to do, but it is what the Lord desires of me.

To obey is better than sacrifice.  1 Samuel 15:22

A list of First things, First to keep my priorities in order:

• Spending time with the Lord by reading His Word so I can know Him more.   He wants me to meditate on what the Bible has to say so I can learn to apply it to my life.  He wants me to pray and actually have a conversation with Him, but I need to be still long enough to hear His voice.  All of this takes time, but it is THE MOST important aspect of my life.


• He wants me ministering to my husband.  As I serve him and give him honor and respect.


• He wants me training and discipling my children for His glory.


• He wants my home kept and running so my family's needs are met.


• And then He wants me involved in outside ministry.  (Sometimes my list could be backwards with my outside ministry being on the top of this list and the time I spend with the Lord on the bottom.)  :(

3.  I will be persecuted by family, friends and strangers.... time and time again and I need to get used to it!  Even more so now that I am writing a blog for Him.

Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword.  Matthew 10:34

For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.  Hebrews 4:12

4.  I will be accepted by family, friends and strangers....time and time again, and I need to get used to it!  Even more so now that I am writing a blog for Him. (smile) Thanks for all of your kind words and loving support as I bare my heart for the Lord in order to encourage others.  It's very hard for me to come out of my so-called, reserved shell because it is there in that place where I am emotionally protected.  Thanks for your graciousness!

5.  My stability comes from the Lord, not my circumstances.

As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the LORD  is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.  2 Samuel 22:31

6.  When the storms come raging through my life, everything is going to be okay and I can rest in Him.  (No matter how many times we've had to move or when we lived with another family.)

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Matthew 11:28

7.  He always has a perfect plan for my life even when I can't see it.

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.  Hebrews 11:1 (NLT)

8.  God has allowed the chaos in our lives and He wants me to trust Him even when I forget this over and over again.

The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer.  2 Samuel 22:2

9.  My marriage can either get better or worse in adversity.  I choose better because the material things, financial strains, outside relationships and ministries do not matter to the most important human relationship I will ever have here on earth.

10.  My children will grow in the Lord in spite of what we go through in life.  It is my faith, my countenance and my prayers that will draw my children to Christ.  The Holy Spirit will work in their lives regardless of the hardships that we have endured.

11.  As self-sufficient that I would like to be in ALL aspects of my life, the Lord wants me to be God-sufficient.  This is so difficult to learn.  The letting go.  The controlling of my life.  My dreams.  My plans.  My schedule.  My health.  My bank account.  My marriage.  My child-raising.  My homeschooling.  My extended family and friend relationships.  My writing ministry....

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct  your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and depart from evil.  Proverbs 3:5-7

Bottom line:  My life is His to do what He pleases.  The good and the bad (as I see it.)

His plans and His purpose were perfect for me in 2011, and so they will be in 2012 as well.

What about you?  What did our Lord teach you in 2011?

Happy New Year sweet friend!  May you seek Him and see Him in the coming days of your life.

Broken but Useful

He stood at the top of a 10- story building while holding a vessel in His hands.  A vessel that was precious to Him.  A vessel that wanted to be used by Him.

Yet, He made the decision that it was best to throw the exquisite vase over the side of the building, shattering it.

The pot was now broken.

To the naked eye it no longer resembled a vessel, just tiny pieces.

Most would say it was no longer fit for use.   Something of value was now damaged beyond repair.  Or was it?

The Man at the top of the building was the Creator; He was the Potter and the vessel, His clay.

Even though He plummeted the vessel to its demise, He  knew what was best for the little pot for He had a great plan and purpose for it.

But now, O LORD, You are our Father; We are the clay, and You our potter; And all we are the work of Your hand.  Isaiah 64:8

Through His hands, what was once broken and of no use, was now being mended by the Potter.

 

That was me being dropped from that 10- story building as my body endured one chronic and debilitating illness after another.  Year in and year out.  Longing to be used by Him, but physically unable.  Broken and useless.

Why, Lord?  Were the thoughts that ran through my mind many years ago.

Yet, today He has given me a glimpse into His perfect plan.

 We are all broken and in need of our Potter because our brokenness comes in varying forms:

• A painful and disappointing marriage. (or singleness)


• Difficult or severed relationships.


• Prodigals.


• Financial hardships.


• Living with limitations.


• A fearful diagnosis.

Through the disappointments, hurting, and pain, He ever so gently fashioned the vessel back together again, but this time the vessel took on a new shape; one better than before.

He filled it with His might and power and sent it on it's way.

Calling out, "My grace is all you need, He said.  And My power works best in weakness."

The little vessel stood, for there was work for it to do.

One last thing He said,

Pour into others as I have poured into you.

Live a poured out life for the Master,



I am linked up with:

Dying to Self...Is It Worth It?

Die to self. We hear this message over and over as Christians, but actually doing it is something all together very challenging. Last month I was reading in the book of Ezekiel, and as I read verse after verse and chapter after chapter, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the poor man based on all that God had asked of him. The Lord wanted Ezekiel to do some pretty tough things for Him and I couldn’t help but wonder if I were in that situation would I be as obedient and faithful to God as Ezekiel was? Would I die to myself like that?

Let me give you a brief summary of Ezekiel’s story.

He was carried off with the Jewish exiles to Babylon, and while there, he became a prophet of God. The message that he spoke was one of coming judgment for those still in Jerusalem. Unfortunately, though, his preaching was not well received by the Jews that were with him in captivity. 39 out of the 48 chapters of this book, Ezekiel warned of the coming wrath from the Lord. Destruction, disaster and doom were going to take place because of the peoples’ idolatry, wickedness and rebellion. It was a fun read. (sarcasm noted)

Now, we all have trials and at times, life can become very problematic, tiresome, and downright painful but after I finished reading this book, I thought to myself, “I have no trials and what God asks of me is nothing compared to what He had asked of Ezekiel.”

Read the following portions of Scripture and you will see for yourself some of the shocking things that Ezekiel went through. I am sure after you read it, you won’t think your life is so hard either!

"Stand up, son of man," said the voice. "I want to speak with you." The Spirit came into me as he spoke, and he set me on my feet. I listened carefully to his words. "Son of man," he said, "I am sending you to the nation of Israel, a rebellious nation that has rebelled against me. They and their ancestors have been rebelling against me to this very day. They are a stubborn and hard-hearted people. But I am sending you to say to them, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says! 'And whether they listen or refuse to listen—for remember, they are rebels—at least they will know they have had a prophet among them. "Son of man, do not fear them or their words. Don't be afraid even though their threats surround you like nettles and briers and stinging scorpions. Do not be dismayed by their dark scowls, even though they are rebels. You must give them my messages whether they listen or not. But they won't listen, for they are completely rebellious! Son of man, listen to what I say to you. Do not join them in their rebellion. Open your mouth, and eat what I give you." Ezekiel 2:1-8

"The voice said to me, "Son of man, eat what I am giving you—eat this scroll! Then go and give its message to the people of Israel." So I opened my mouth, and he fed me the scroll. "Fill your stomach with this," he said. And when I ate it, it tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth." Ezekiel 3:1-3

Now, I don’t know about you, but that is not a very encouraging ministry to be a part of!

Think about it for a moment. God is telling you to go speak with His people, but by the way, they are not going to listen to you. They will threaten you and treat you harshly. Hmmm, I doubt that there would be a long line of people waiting to sign up to serve in that church ministry!

Let’s keep reading about our good man, Zeke.

"Son of man, go to the people of Israel and give them my messages. I am not sending you to a foreign people whose language you cannot understand. No, I am not sending you to people with strange and difficult speech. If I did, they would listen! But the people of Israel won't listen to you any more than they listen to me! For the whole lot of them are hard-hearted and stubborn. But look, I have made you as obstinate and hard-hearted as they are. I have made your forehead as hard as the hardest rock! So don't be afraid of them or fear their angry looks, even though they are rebels." Ezekiel 3:4-9 Then go to your people in exile and say to them, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says!' Do this whether they listen to you or not." Ezekiel 3:11

Just envision for a moment you're walking into a room filled with people like that and you have to give them a message of repentance! Generally, a message of repentance will not produce people who will like you. I am sure you would not walk out with many new friends, but rather lots of enemies!

God used the obstinate, Ezekiel to give a difficult, hard-to-swallow message to other stubborn people. For all of us that are hard-headed….God has a great plan for us as well! Since I am included in this list, I prefer to use a much nicer word like 'tenacious' instead. (smile) Maybe you're not like this, but you have a kid who is. Keep praying for them to be used by the Lord. God created them in a certain way just for His pleasure and purpose. He gave me one too! (smile)

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10

Let’s continue with our obstinate prophet’s story.

Prepare and eat this food as you would barley cakes. While all the people are watching, bake it over a fire using dried human dung as fuel and then eat the bread. Then the LORD said, "This is how Israel will eat defiled bread in the Gentile lands to which I will banish them!" Then I said, "O Sovereign LORD, must I be defiled by using human dung? For I have never been defiled before. From the time I was a child until now I have never eaten any animal that died of sickness or was killed by other animals. I have never eaten any meat forbidden by the law." "All right," the LORD said. "You may bake your bread with cow dung instead of human dung." Ezekiel 4:12-15

Sounds delicious doesn’t it?

When you read this, you can’t help but be thankful for the food you have in your pantry. As Ezekiel is cooking his food over dung, it is kinda hard to complain that you can’t afford to go out to dinner?

If you want your life to get easier, change your perspective.

Now here’s the part of Ezekiel’s story that broke my heart.

"Son of man, with one blow I will take away your dearest treasure. Yet you must not show any sorrow at her death. Do not weep; let there be no tears. Groan silently, but let there be no wailing at her grave. Do not uncover your head or take off your sandals. Do not perform the usual rituals of mourning or accept any food brought to you by consoling friends." So I proclaimed this to the people the next morning, and in the evening my wife died. The next morning I did everything I had been told to do." Ezekiel 24:16-18

This portion of the Scriptures was difficult for me to read.

Ezekiel had already endured so much persecution and physical hardship (which I did not recount in this post) and I could not help but wonder why God would take away his wife and then have him not mourn about it. Poor guy!

Yet, here you have in Ezekiel 24:18,

"The next morning I did everything I had been told to do."

Bottom line: Ezekiel was obedient to the Lord regardless of what God had called him to do, regardless of what the Lord took him through, and regardless of what the Lord took away from him.

What a beautiful example of a God-fearing man. Ezekiel was more concerned about satisfying the Spirit rather than his flesh. He died to self. We can all learn a lesson from him.

Keep reading... the story gets better.

“During the twenty-fifth year of our captivity—fourteen years after the fall of Jerusalem—the LORD took hold of me. In a vision from God he took me to the land of Israel and set me down on a very high mountain. From there I could see toward the south what appeared to be a city. As he brought me nearer, I saw a man whose face shone like bronze standing beside a gateway entrance. He was holding in his hand a linen measuring cord and a measuring rod. He said to me, "Son of man, watch and listen. Pay close attention to everything I show you. You have been brought here so I can show you many things. Then you will return to the people of Israel and tell them everything you have seen." Ezekiel 40:1-4

God gave Ezekiel a vision of the new temple area along with the rooms for the priests, the altar, the division of land, etc. Imagine if you received a vision like that from the Lord.

Now here comes the best part of the story. My heart beats fast just reading this passage!

"After this, the man brought me back around to the east gateway. Suddenly, the glory of the God of Israel appeared from the east. The sound of his coming was like the roar of rushing waters, and the whole landscape shone with his glory. This vision was just like the others I had seen, first by the Kebar River and then when he came to destroy Jerusalem. I fell face down on the ground. And the glory of the LORD came into the Temple through the east gateway. Then the Spirit took me up and brought me into the inner courtyard, and the glory of the LORD filled the Temple. And I heard someone speaking to me from within the Temple, while the man who had been measuring stood beside me. The LORD said to me, "Son of man, this is the place of my throne and the place where I will rest my feet. I will live here forever among the people of Israel. They and their kings will not defile my holy name any longer by their adulterous worship of other gods or by honoring the relics of their kings who have died." Ezekiel 43:1-7

Oh, to see the glory of the Lord! Wow, to be Ezekiel, what an honor for him. Yes, he did go through some horrendous stuff….stuff I don’t care to go through, yet, look at what the Lord entrusted him with? Can you see how Ezekiel continually died to himself and how the Lord blessed him? I do hope so!

We all want to be used in a nice, easy and uplifting way but sometimes that is not a part of God’s plan.
· Sometimes we are called to minister to rebellious and obstinate people; maybe even to those in our own family.
· Sometimes we are asked to endure a difficult life filled with persecutions and hardships.
· Sometimes we have to eat things that don’t taste very good (those that are on special diets for health reasons know what I am talking about!)
· Or for those who have endured the greatest of grief and sorrow because they have lost a loved one way too soon.

God has entrusted you with a great message; a message of Hope. I am sure He is either taking you through something very difficult or He is asking you to do something that you don't want to do, either way He wants you to DIE TO SELF. When you do that, not only do you bring Him glory, but in His timing, He reveals to you His glory as well. It is beautiful and it is worth all our pain and suffering.

Now don't think for one minute that I am always dying to myself...because I am not. I am a work in progress and I need to learn to daily lay down my life for Christ. In the meantime, I hoping to indulge myself in a bowl of ice cream tonight!

God ALWAYS has a wonderful plan for His children...we just need to remember that we are not here on earth to build our kingdom, but we are here to build His Kingdom.

Dying to self is worth it because we show others our hope in Christ; which is a way His glory is revealed.

Be Anxious for Nothing

Anxious was the word that described me the day I heard the news that we had to move again.  The day when the Bank told us we needed to move out of our house that was foreclosed upon.

First, let me take you back to the day of July 11, 2011, when our home was sold back to the Bank.  I had prayed that morning for Not My Will, But Yours Be Done knowing full well that my life was in the Lord’s hands (which is the best place for it to be but yet a scary place because I had no control over the situation).  As I heard the news that our house did in fact sell that day, the Lord brought a friend to my mind. 

“You need to call your friend”, was the Lord’s prompt to my spirit.  Seeing how this friend of ours was a male friend I told my husband he should call his buddy.  Now this friend of ours owns a home that my husband sold to him well over 10 years ago but this man had recently married and bought a new home with his bride.  I wasn’t even certain if our friend even still owned his old home or if he was renting it or what the situation was.  All I knew was the Lord prompting me to have my husband give our friend a call.

A few days later the Bank’s agent shows up and tells us about our property being sold and so forth.  She tells us to just stay put because the Bank is so back logged and we could end up staying in our home for several months.  Okay great, I thought.  As soon as I was done speaking with her and shut the door, again, the Lord prompts my spirit and says, “You should call your friend.”

My husband gets home from his day of work and I share with him all that has taken place and I tell him again what the Lord has put on my heart about him calling our friend.  He takes it all in.

We wait to hear more news from the Bank.  In our minds we are thinking that we will be in our home for several months based on what the agent shared with us, yet, less than a week later we get a voice mail message telling us that the Bank is going to offer us a relocation package (cash to move out of our property if we are out in 30 days).

Jesus parted the Red Sea in my life.

The money sounded great, but the 30 days seemed impossible along with having the money upfront for the first month’s rent and a deposit to rent a place.  We didn’t have the cash for it and our credit was a huge obstacle where most would not rent to us.  We needed to make a decision.  I became anxious. 

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6,7

I cried out to my God, my Father, my Savior and my closest friend in my time of need.  I brought my petitions before the Lord and laid them at His feet.

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

As I was trying to Sleep in the Boat with Jesus during my storm, the following morning on July 20^th, sisters in Christ lifted up my situation to the Lord in prayer.

“Call on me in prayer and I will show you great and mysterious things that you do not know about.” Jeremiah 33:3

I will show you great and mysterious things….I just love that!

Here was my prayer to my God.

Lord, where ever you send me, I will do my best to be content. No matter the size of the home and the location.  I will submit to Your will because You know what is best for us.

“Now godliness with contentment is great gain.  For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content.”  1 Timothy 6:6-8

And because you are my Dad, I know you want to know the desires of my heart so here they are:

• ·      I’d like a house with extremely low rent.


• ·     I’d like a house in a safe neighborhood, and in case you are asking, I’d like it to be on a cul-de-sac.


• ·     I’d like a 3 bedroom so we have a room for the bride and groom, a room for my boys and a room for an office for my Beloved.


• ·     I’d like 2 bathrooms because I’m tired of cleaning 3.


• ·     I’d like a clean and well-maintained home.


• ·     2 car garage, so my Beloved can store all of his tools so he can continue to make a living.


• ·     Indoor laundry, so I don’t have to deal with sawdust and metal shavings getting all over the clothes.


• ·      I’d like the house small so I don’t have to manage and clean a lot.


• ·     Oh and by the way, I would love to have a nice pretty yard with a pool.

This was a tall order and unrealistic wish list but I knew my God could move mountains. So I prayed.  (It doesn't hurt to ask!)

The rental homes that we could afford were 2 bedroom homes in undesirable areas.  According to all of the properties that I had searched, this dream home did not exist in our price range.  But it did exist in God’s!  Remember, the verse, “Call on me in prayer and I will show you great and mysterious things”?

Here’s God’s great and mysterious things that He did on our behalf.

That same day as sisters in Christ lifted me up in prayer, my Beloved calls his friend.  His friend informs him that he is renting his home but he is not renewing the current tenants lease because they are not maintaining the property very well; the owner likes to keep his home very nice. (smile)  The tenants will be getting out of the property at the end of September. If we were willing to mow the lawn and clean the pool instead of him paying for those expenses, the amount of rent would come to…yep, you guessed it- the EXACT amount that I had in mind and prayed for.

Here’s more great things about the house:

It has 3 bedrooms

2 baths

2 car garage

On a cul-de-sac

Indoor laundry

Nice neighborhood

With a pretty yard and a pool

On top of all the wonderful attributes of the home, the owner knows us and he knows our entire situation.  Our credit score is not an issue with him.  That’s the exact list that I had prayed for.  The Lord truly does great and mysterious things. 

"But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him."  Hebrews 11:6

So my Beloved negotiated with the Bank to allow us 45 days before we needed to move out, which will be Sept. 3^rd and our move in date at the rental home is October 1^st, so for a month our closest and dearest friends have graciously opened their home to us so we can live with them until we move again.

 “And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:19

At the beginning of this journey I asked you in an earlier post titled, Are Trials Really Good for Us? if you wanted to join me as we watch God together show us His hand of faithfulness as He performs miracles in this situation.  Did you see Him show up in all of this?  Did you see Him part the Red Sea in my life the way He parted the Red Sea in the life of the Israelites?  I pray you did and I do hope your faith in Christ has been strengthened as a result of what I have testified.

Yes, I became anxious and fearful as I cried out to the Lord, but His Word is clear.  Be anxious about nothing!  Although we become anxious in our trials, we never need to be.  Boldly bring your requests to God.  Even when you don’t understand or you can’t figure out how things will work out, He will give you the peace that surpasses your understanding.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28 

He continually does miracles in my life and He will do the same in your life as well.  Keep seeking Him because You will find Him.

Ever Question God?

I was angry at God the other day, (but I have since repented, lol). I was bent out of shape because I had to move again for the 4^th time in the last 18 months.  Now, these moves have not been the kind of moves that are filled with happiness and excitement, but rather they are filled with snappy attitudes, weariness, broken dreams and disappointment.  (And by the way, I am not married to a man who is in the military and we are not missionaries.  We are just your ordinary family trying to get by in this fallen world.)

As I stood in the kitchen of our rental home unpacking pots and pans again, I soon became disheartened and my heart sank and my flesh gave way.  Trials.  Tribulations.  Long-suffering.  Heartache.  (Ughh!)

How much longer, Lord? 

How much more will You take my children, my husband and myself through?    

Will You uproot us from this place as well?  

All those questions ran through my mind and the little seeds of anger and self-entitlement started to sprout in my wicked heart that morning.   

Did you happen to notice how I was cleverly questioning what the Lord was doing in my life?

Interestingly enough, just two days earlier I sat for a few moments to write a new post on marriage, (well that didn't happen) because the Lord felt it fit for me to learn a few more things about Him, Job and his sufferings, along with Satan and what God would allow him to do.  As I studied the scriptures, I had a hard time swallowing what the Lord had to say to Satan in regards to Job’s life, (and mine as well).

Picture this scene in your mind’s eye for just a moment.

God is seated on His throne in heaven and angels come to present themselves before the Lord, along with Satan. (Job 1:6)  The Almighty God asks Satan where he is coming from and Satan replies, “From to and fro on the earth and from walking back and forth on it.

Can you see that scene, dear sister?  Satan is roaming the earth, seeking whom he may devour.  Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.  1 Peter 5:8

Now here’s come the part of the story that was painful to read because it is just a matter of time before that same statement will apply to either you or me!

As Satan tells the Lord that he has been walking back and forth on the earth, the Lord says to him, “Have you considered My servant Job, that there is none like him on earth, a blameless and upright man, one who fears God and shuns evil?”  Job 1:8

Think about that statement for just a moment and let it sink into your brain.  Now, take a look at your trials and apply the above verse to you.

“Have you considered my servant (insert your name).”

Whatever is going on in your life, God is ALLOWING it to take place!

The conversation between the Lord and Satan continues on in Chapter 1 of Job.  Satan basically tells the Lord that the reason why Job is a man who fears God is because the Lord has blessed the work of Job’s hands by providing him with many riches.  Satan further says that the Lord has protected Job by putting up a hedge around him and all his household.  In other words, Satan basically said,  Of course Job is righteous and fears You God, because you have abundantly blessed him!  Snicker, snicker, with a hint of sarcasm. 

Satan continues to say to the Lord, “But now, stretch out Your hand and touch all that he has, and he will surely curse You to Your face!”

Here’s the Lord’s response.  “Behold, all that he has is in your power; only do not lay a hand on his person.”  Job 1:12 (later in the story, God allowed Satan to bring devastation to Job's body as well.)

Let me show you something in this verse:  God knew the heart of Job and He knew that Job could go through his trials and thus, God allowed Satan to harm Job.  The Lord knew Job better than Satan did.

The Lord knows our hearts and minds as well and He knows us better than the enemy.  He knows that you and I can go through the trials that He has already sifted through His hands.

Here's 5 Things to Know About the Enemy (in case you were wondering!)

1.  Satan is accountable to God.  (Job 1:6)

2.  Satan is a created being, he is finite.  He is not all-powerful and he can only be in one place at a time. (Job 1:7)  Although he does have his demonic minions running around trying to trip us up.

3.  Satan can tempt us, but he cannot know what we are thinking nor can he foretell our future.  (Job 1:9-11)

4.  SATAN CAN DO NOTHING TO US WITHOUT THE LORD’S PERMISSION! (Job 1:6-12)  Love this!!!

5.  God actively restrains Satan.  (Job 1:12; 2:6)

We can be confident that with God’s power we can overcome Satan.

Satan does not have free reign to do whatever evil he wishes.  God is still, and will always be, sovereign.

Yes, God ALLOWED Satan to test Job for a time. But God also delivered Job from suffering, he restored him and blessed him even more.

As Job endured much, he asked the Lord the 'why' question?  Yet, God never gave Job the answer, instead God asked Job many questions.

God may never give you or I the answer to our 'why' as well, but here is something for you to think about:

The scriptures say that as Believers we are to be set apart for God’s holy purpose.  Did it ever occur to you that the purpose God had in mind for your life was to go through trials faithfully and obediently the way Job did?  “Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast.  You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.”  James 5:11

In the end,  Job responded to the Lord, "Behold, I am vile; What shall I answer You? I lay my hand over my mouth."  Job 40:4  (You can add vile to the list next to my wicked heart as well.)

 

Although our lives may be filled with pain, there is a purpose for it and we never need to question God, because He is sovereign. 

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How to Lose Your Dream Home Not Just Once, But Twice

Sometimes I just want to close my eyes and pretend I am not living this life because this is not what I had expected, yet, this is what I prayed for.

Between being sick for so many years and now this?  The home being lost, again!

The Lord had asked me to revisit my dreams, to live in my home once again only to have it taken away again.  My emotions fought with my spirit.  I didn’t want to question Him because I KNOW He knows what is best for me.

Let me tell you a story about,  How to Lose Your Dream Home Not Just Once But Twice.  It’s a ridiculous story, but a true one nonetheless and I can’t wait to share it with you so you can find God in the midst of your own hardships (and sometimes absurdities) of your life.

It was March of 2010 when we received the first notice from the Bank that our home was going to be sold on the courthouse steps (foreclosed upon) on April 6^th.  So we moved out and moved into a rental.  We were very blessed for our rental home and we were content there.  We had no desire to move back to our dream home on Ashbury Lane (nor did we think it was ever a possibility), instead we looked ahead to our future with hope.  That chapter of our book was now closed, we thought.  

April through August of 2010 we were able to pay our bills.  Praise the Lord!  For 5 months we were just getting by.  My health was improving and I felt wonderful.  Perhaps there was a light at the end of the tunnel after all? 

Until I turned the page of my book to September, where a visit to the Urgent Care cost us almost $400.00.  A boy's hand with a sliced finger that needed stitches was the reason.  Having no health insurance we relied on the Lord to provide, and of course He did.  But would we have enough money to pay our rent, was the thought that ran through my mind?

I continued to read on until October came.  It was during that time that my beloved was rushed to Emergency.  An EKG was ordered because of a low heart rate and a Cat Scan later revealed a kidney stone.  Thousands of dollars are now owed to the hospital, yet thankful for a healthy husband.

I now become hesitant to turn the page to November.  What's next?  Can we afford to pay rent?  The escrow my husband had been working on for months still had not closed, which meant he wouldn't get paid.  We were told by the Lender that it would close before Thanksgiving.  Thanksgiving came and went but with no paycheck.  Our landlord was so gracious to us and told us to pay him when the escrow closed.  He also showed up with a small Christmas tree for our boys, in addition to gift cards for them to buy Christmas presents.  We were blown away by his generosity, empathy and compassion.  In the meantime, the property on Ashbury Lane, (my dream home) still had not sold on the courthouse steps.  The Bank kept postponing the sale of our home but we didn't understand why.  In our minds it didn't really matter to us because it wasn't like we were going to move back there. Or so we thought!

I started to think I was reading a book on horror when I came across the pages of December.  Week after week the escrow still had not closed.  In the meantime my Beloved is doing everything he can to make money to feed us and to keep the utilities on, yet some were disconnected.  Plus, it's been raining and my boy has holes in the bottom of his shoes and his socks are now getting wet.  We hardly have any money and what we do have is for food.

Jesus will provide, I tell my son.  We continue to pray for the Lord to meet our needs. 

My Beloved husband feels like a failure.

I hold him and tell him that the Lord has a plan in all of this.  “Don’t lose hope, I say.  God is moving and working on our behalf.”

I try to encourage and affirm who he is, “Regardless of your decisions and where ever they take us, do not doubt yourself because God has anointed you as the head of the household.  I will be by your side every step of the way."

With tears in his eyes, he says to me, “I am like water to his thirsty soul,”

“It is not I that quenches your thirst, but the Lord, I remind him.”

Jesus replied, "If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water."  John 4:10

It broke my heart to see my Knight in Shining Armor so defeated in all of this.  I couldn’t fix his problem but what I could do was pray for him and our situation and try to have a good attitude as we endured this difficult time.

The sale of the Ashbury property has now been postponed yet another month.  We receive a certified letter from the Bank.  After a phone call is made to them, they inform us that we could qualify for a loan modification but we had to be living in our property (seeing how the Bank had yet to foreclose upon our house back in April like they had told us, the home was still considered our property).  We had no desire to pack up all of our belongings and move back because we knew we would never qualify for the loan modification, plus the home could be foreclosed upon the next month!  We were hopeful that the Lord would provide for us financially so we could just stay in our rental.

Now things we owned were being sold on either Craigslist or Ebay so we would have money for food.

“God will provide all our needs”, was a constant reminder in our household.

Our boys were told not to expect any Christmas presents from us this year because we didn’t have any money for toys.  “I am sorry boys, but you won’t be getting any Legos this year,” I said.

It was a tough December for us.  At the beginning of the Christmas season I wrote a short e-book called, Strengthening Your Child’s Faith at Christmas and I posted a link to it on Facebook.  Unfortunately, a family member of mine decided to smear my name on Facebook because of my Christian faith which he was (and still is) hostile towards.  I sobbed.  I was so tired of being persecuted by my family for my faith. “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”  Matthew 5:10 

A few days later we hear from the neighbor kids that their parents don’t like me.  In fact, they tell our kids that their parents can’t stand us and we would probably sue them for all sorts of ridiculous reasons.  What!  That’s odd to hear, seeing how we hardly spoke to them! It still hurt my feelings.  “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.”

Even though I knew what the Bible had to say and I knew we were under attack by the Enemy it was becoming more increasingly difficult to bear.  How much longer Lord?  When will the storms let up?

New Year’s Eve we decided to drive over to the Ashbury home to see the condition that it was in.  I remember that day well and it is still painful to think about it.

As others were out celebrating and ringing in the New Year with hope, I couldn’t help but think we were probably moving back to the home and enduring another move filled with even more uncertainty.  Life did not look hopeful at this time, in fact, it looked downright depressing.

After a 10 month period, what we saw was a dismal sight:

• Weeds around the yard that were at least 3 feet tall


• Grass, bushes and trees that were either dead or on the verge of dying due to lack of water


• Our once beautiful pool was now devoid of crystal blue water; instead it was filled with trash, debris and rain water.

We unlocked our front door and stepped into the dust covered house.

I looked around to what was once filled with many memories... birthday parties, Christmas celebrations, friends, family, fellowship. I couldn’t help but question why would the Lord bring us back to this place?  Not only was the home a depressing sight, but we soon realized that our home had been broken into as the back doors were busted and left wide open and banging in the wind.

Dust covered everything.  There was minor vandalism and theft as well.  More sorrow and pain were added to my heart that day.  Along with more work because I had to clean the place!  Could the Lord really bring us back here, I thought?

I wanted to stop reading this book but I didn’t have a choice.

So I turned the page to January 2011, where I received more bad news.

One morning I discovered that there was something wrong with my car.  Later my Beloved takes a look at it and he said I would never believe what was wrong with it.  My response, “I would believe anything at this moment based on how our lives have been.”  He informed me that someone stole the catalytic converters off of the car.  I laughed (my other option was to cry).  That was clearly the enemy wanting to discourage us.  

No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment You shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is from Me," says the LORD.  Isaiah 54:17 

We later find out that parts alone for the car would cost us $3500.00.  That wasn’t in our budget!

Seeing how we had little money and the escrow still had not closed, we felt we had no other choice but to make the move back to our home on Ashbury Lane.  It was a daunting and miserable time of a move, to say the least.

Although I wanted to curl up in the fetal position and just cry, it would serve me no good.  I had a home to pack, a family to care for, my health to manage, and a ministry to run.

We got all of our things into the home around January 23^rd and the sale date of the property was scheduled for Feb. 9^th.  Less than 3 weeks and we might have to move again.

Should I unpack our things? I thought.

What would that teach our boys?  Would my actions show them that I was trusting in Jesus if I left our things in boxes?  Or did these young souls need to see my actions showing them that I trusted in the Christ?

The Lord made it clear,  “Take your boys to Me.  Show them that you trust Me.”  He said.

So I unpacked our home knowing full well that we may have needed to get out in less than 30 days.   Yet, it wasn’t until 7 months later that we moved. 

So, we have now officially moved out of our dream house, not just once, but twice!

At the beginning of this post I said, "this is what I prayed for", and this is what I meant by that:

My desire and prayer over the years that I have walked with Christ is to be closer to Him, to know Him more and to filled with His glorious presence.

His answer: Daughter, you will lose your home…again, and you will move…again.  It will be exhausting, painful and difficult.  You will cry in anguish and you will doubt and question Me.  You will live in uncertainty and you will long for stability, but the stability that you long for is false.  I am all you need.

This is what I prayed for and it hurts (my flesh), yet my spirit sings.

But the best part of the story is yet to come!  Join me soon for Part 2 where I will tell you of the many miracles that God did during that time on our behalf!

Plus, I will share with you what I learned about allowing God to be the main character of my story/my life, rather than me being the 'leading lady'.

 
I am linked up with:

Getting down with JesusGetting Down With Jesus

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Her Children Rise Up and Call Her Stressed

Those were not the words that I longed to hear from my children a few weeks ago, yet, based on how I acted, it certainly was a possibility!

Stressed was an understatement.  HI hollered at my kids.  Not only did I yell at them but I also slammed the kitchen cupboard doors and drawers as I went about my business of purging and packing the home.  I was angry and I wanted to pull my hair out.  I exploded.

The enemy, knowing full well of my past, got a foothold of me that morning.

The Lord convicted my heart.  Daughter, your actions are not of Me.  They are of your flesh and not My Spirit.

I know Lord.  Forgive me. 

“Boys, will you forgive Mommy?  I am sorry for yelling and screaming at you.”

“I was being nasty and Jesus does not want me to act this way.  He wants me to trust in Him even in the midst of moving again.”

“This is the path that He has us on and He knows we can go through this.”

“He does not want us to rely on our own strengths but instead, rely on Him”

“I am sorry for treating you bad, will you forgive me?”

“It’s okay Mommy, I forgive you”, said my gentle and sensitive Noah.

“I forgive you Mommy.  Will you forgive me too for not doing what you asked and not helping you?”  My strong-willed, Seth replied.

My heart melted.

They are learning.

I am learning.

My action of rage was not what a God-fearing, Christian woman should be displaying towards her children (or anyone else for that matter).

I still have much to overcome based on my past.

(Deep sign) Oh, my past...A home filled with rage.  A home where I walked on eggshells.  A home where I was afraid to have a messy room because of the repercussions.  I was frightened by one of my parents and tried to avoid them at all costs.  Belts were used in anger.  Plastic baseball bats were used as the parent sat lying in wait to use on young children.  With a boiling temper, books and glass figurines were thrown at us.  Of course we were blamed for all of the problems.

Note: I have since forgiven my parents for their actions. They did not have the biblical understanding nor the God-fearing wisdom needed when they raised me.  They did the best they could and I am thankful for their sacrifice. 

However, just because of what I experienced as a child, that does not give me license to sin towards my children when I parent them.  (Although I am sure Oprah would enjoy me sitting on her couch letting the world know how I was wronged as a kid like the rest of the world!)  Sometimes we need to learn to let go of our past and take responsibility for our own actions and selfish behaviors and stop blaming our upbringing.  Yes, my upbringing certainly made an impact on me but the Word of God is very clear…

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”  2 Corinthians 5:17

God, the ‘Great I Am’ has made a bigger impact on my life than the impact that my parents made on me.

It is who I am in Christ that defines me.  Not my upbringing.

I have become new and I needed to learn to change my old ways.

“Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 3:13, 14

I wanted to parent my children in a way that was pleasing to the Lord.  I made changes and learned some patience and self-control (and I am still learning it!)

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.”  Galatians 5:22, 23

I don’t want my boys to remember this time in our lives as a difficult time where their mother was relying more on herself rather than resting in Christ.

“Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”  Isaiah 40:30, 31

I don’t need to be angry, Anxious and Overwhelmed on this journey, I just need to keep my eyes on the Lord and do my best to remain in Him; in His Spirit… not my flesh.

 "I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.  John 15:5

When I am in the flesh… is when I become stressed.

When I take on too much… then I become stressed.

When I take on other roles… then I become stressed.

When things are outside of my control, (and I want to control it)… then I become stressed.

Even if I feel like I'm in a pressure cooker and I am about to explode... I need to learn to be still.

Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!  The LORD of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah  Psalm 46:10, 11 

I do not want to be yelling at my children while I’m telling them that Jesus loves them!  That doesn’t work, it gives them mixed messages.

“I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.”  Galatians 5:16, 17

In His presence there is no stress… only His strength.  

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”  Psalm 46:1

That is where I want to be all the time so one day I will hear, 

“Her children rise up and called her blessed.”  Proverbs 31:28

Here's some tips to remove the stress in your life:

• Be in God's Word.  Be in God's Word. Be in God's Word.


• Be in prayer.


• Worship the Lord.


• Be in fellowship.


• Don't take on too many responsibilities.  Keep life simple.


• Eat chocolate! (smile.)

Yes, our children will emulate us…the good and the bad.  Will they become stressed too?

As parents, our main job is to take our children to THE PERFECT PARENT, God Himself.  But we can’t do that if we don’t go to the Lord ourselves.

Not My Will But Yours Be Done

Have you ever prayed this prayer?  As Jesus said, "Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done." Luke 22:42   If things are going well in one’s life then that prayer is easy to say, but when your world is falling apart, it is a difficult prayer to utter because you are ultimately asking the Lord to do whatever He wants to do with your life.  You are giving Him complete control over your circumstances.  It is a tough prayer to pray because you are leaving your entire situation in the Lord's hand.  Which, by the way, is a wonderful place to be, but sometimes our flesh says otherwise. 

Asking for God's will to be done in your life is sometimes hard.

This past Monday morning our home was scheduled to be sold on the courthouse steps (again); in other words, to be foreclosed upon. For many months now, the sale of our home has been postponed month after month after month and we wondered if this time it would be any different.  So we waited for the outcome.  You can read more of my story here at, Are Trials Really Good for Us?As I sat down that morning for my time with the Lord, I had every intention of  bringing my petitions before Him regarding this urgent matter on our house.  I had plans to ask the Lord to postpone the sale of our house, however, something unusual took place in my prayer life that morning.

When I was about to write down my petitions in my prayer journal, I stopped.  I could not ask the Lord to allow us to stay in our home.  I sat there with my Bible off to the side and my journal on my lap and all I could hear through my mind was, "Not my will, but Yours be done."  I thought about that prayer and the implications of it.  I knew what I would be praying to God if I uttered those words.  I would be giving Him complete control of my situation.  I would be surrendering all of my fleshy desires along with all my fears to Him.  I was telling Him,  "Have it your way Lord."

While I sat there writing those words I thought is was odd for the Lord to speak to my spirit so clearly about what I should pray.  There is certainly nothing wrong for a believer to bring his requests before God because the Word encourages it!  I’ve done that a thousands times in my life.  "And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him."  1 John 5:15  But this time was different.  It was clearly God’s voice directing me to lay down my desires and let go of the situation.  Put it in God’s hands and let Him do His thing.  I felt compelled to pray for His will to be done in our lives regardless of the outcome because He always knows what is best for us.  So, I prayed, Not my will, but Yours be done.

When we pray that prayer we are in essence asking the Lord to take our life and let it be His- for the molding, the shaping, the using.

All for His purpose and for His benefit

To become a vessel for Him

God answered that prayer on Monday and our home was sold that afternoon.  Yesterday, my emotions were all over the place. One minute I knew that God would provide for us and I knew that He had great plans for our lives, but then the next minute I was reminded of my reality. Where do we go from here?  Where will we live and how are we going to survive?  Will we end up living in a homeless shelter? I looked around my home mentally taking in, all that would need to be packed (again) and all that I would need to let go of because where I was going, I could not take it with me.  I stood there thinking, "Perhaps I should have prayed for the Lord to prolong the sale."  I needed to keep my mind on the Lord and His will, not my emotions and the fear that was starting to take over in my mind.  "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in You."  Isaiah 26:3

It is hard to submit to the Lord and surrender to Him.  Sometimes we need to learn to not control things and learn to let God be God and do His job.  We don’t need to micromanage Him and we don’t need to help Him fix our problems.  What God asks of us is for our obedience, our love, our faith and our willingness to be used by Him.

"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?  "Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Matthew 6:25,26

"Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear? For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."  Matthew 6:31-33

The word Gentile in this particular passage is referring to an unbeliever.  Jesus is saying that an unbeliever seeks those things.  The unbeliever does not have his eyes on the Lord, he is only seeking to satisfy his flesh.  The Lord further tells us, His children, to seek His kingdom first AND His righteousness and then He will provide us with all we need.

When we worry we act like unbelievers.  Regardless of our circumstances we need to remember God’s promises…He will provide us with all we need.

There are now a lot of things in my life that I don’t know. I don’t know when we will receive a notice on our door to get out of our house.  I don’t know how much longer we will have to live here and I don’t know where we will move to.  (Uncertainty can take hold of my spirit if I allow it and I allowed it yesterday)But this is what I do know:

Although I don’t know what my tomorrow holds, what I do know is Who holds my tomorrow.

I can’t tell you what a blessing it was to have had the Holy Spirit breathe that prayer into my heart this past Monday morning.  I am thankful I did not run ahead of Him or that I did not quench His spirit because He has brought me to a place spiritually that I do not believe I would have been at had I prayed a prayer of my own will to be done.

God's will be done, I pray...even if it hurts. Even if it will cost me my own comfort and heartache.

I have peace knowing that God will guide us to the best situation for our family because I have prayed for His will.  Yes, the days are coming when life will become more increasingly difficult.  Times when the Lord will be carrying me through all of this and when dark times rear their ugly heads and bring discouragement to my soul.  Tough decisions will need to be made again and physical exhaustion will fill our days and nights as we prepare to move again.  But through all of this, I can rest in the center of His will.  That’s where God wants us all the time- with Him. (You can read an update of my story here at, Dying to Self...Is It Worth It?)In His presence is where we will feel loved, cared for, and nurtured.  In His presence we will not see our needs or our desires.  Our fears and our pain are diminished because we are in our Savior’s arms.  Submitting to the plans that He has for our lives will bring us comfort and peace.A note to my friends: Based on our current situation, I am not sure how much time I will have to devote to writing new posts (articles) in the coming days, but the time I do have to write for my precious Jesus, He has prompted me to write a little bit differently than I have had in my prior posts.  What I have written in the past is my story; you learning about me, the journey the Lord has had me on, and God's faithfulness in all of it.  But now He is guiding me to write to teach and equip you in your journey as you face your own pain, trials, heartaches, and fears so your walk will be strengthened and so you can encourage others.  But beware, you may have to take off your mask. (wink!)  Don't worry, it is not required.I still have a few more posts to share with you such as, Why God Has Not Called Me to Get a Job and How to Lose Your Dream Home Not Just Once but Twice, however, those posts will have to wait!I would love to hear from you as you have sought the Lord's will for your life.  Was it easy?  What was the outcome like?  Did you draw closer to the Lord as a result of it?

His Will is beautiful....it removes our doubts and brings us peace.

God is Bigger than Our Credit Score

So, after my last post on despair and denial of the Lord, I figured I would address another elephant in the room amongst Christians.

I often wonder why we don't share about certain topics because who better to understand our fragility, brokenness, sin, failures, and hard times than another sister in the Lord, after all, they are no different than we are plus we worship the same God.

Of course we want to be discreet as God-fearing women and we don't want to be complainers but somewhere in the middle of all of that is a place where we should be able to share our struggles, but that's another post.

So here comes the elephant.

In America, the all-powerful credit score has a way of defining us even as Christians.  If we have great credit we have a tendency to think we have arrived at a place of financial success, freedom, or more importantly, stability.  If we have poor credit, then we have the tendency to feel like we will never again be able to purchase something of value, we will have a hard time 'getting ahead in life' and our overall financial outlook can seem depressing until our score is raised.  In a snapshot, our FICO number tells the lender who we are, thus, it does define us to a certain extent.

I have lived a life where I have had both types of credit.  Once, my credit was excellent.  In fact, I used to receive catalogs in the mail for fur coats!  I am not sure how I got on that mailing list because I don't even wear fur coats, not because I have an issue with wearing fur, but because that is just not my style.  Yet, all the while I am receiving these high-end catalogs because of my credit score, I am still shopping at the Dollar Tree.

Then our financial stability came crashing down.  Now, I am all for saving money but you can only save so much. The financial experts say you should have 6 months worth of your expenses in savings in case you lose your job or some other disaster comes your way.  This is a very shrewd principle and one that we followed as best we could.

As believers, God has entrusted us with His resources.  We are managing all that He has given us, so to be good stewards was something that we desired to be.  But sometimes life does not go according to our plans. 

“I form the light and create darkness, I make peace and create calamity; I, the LORD, do all these things.”  Isaiah 45:7

But what happens when you have already lived off all of your savings and there is no new income for you to start building your wealth again?  When you are literally living day to day as you seek to provide the basic needs for your family, how do you build your savings again?  Where do you go from here when your score starts to plummet?  What do we cling to?

Having our credit going from excellent to poor was a fearful time for us.  We put a lot of our worth and weight into our credit score.  We were so uptight about not being able to pay our bills and we wondered what was going to happen to us.

My heart sank when I saw the notice.

In the midst of all that worry, shortly we received the dreaded notice that was posted on our door....the one that said our property was going to sale on the courthouse steps on April 4th, 2010.  My dream home, the house that we deemed as 'the land of milk and honey' was no longer going to be our home.  My heart sank when I saw the paper.  I knew it was just a matter of time when we would need to move but it was still hard to experience the reality of our situation.

Now we needed to find a place to rent, but who in their right mind was going to rent to us?  We had bad credit!  Our property was going to be foreclosed upon in a matter of weeks and my husband was self-employed so it wasn't like he could show proof of employment along with pay stubs.  We were high-risk renters.

I fretted and worried again.  

“Fear not for I am with you be not afraid.”  Isaiah 41:10

• Lord, how are we going to find a home?  


• Logically, who would rent to us based on our financial situation?  


• Lord, we only have so much money saved up.  


• How are we going to afford the additional deposit required because of our poor credit?


• Do you know what our credit score is Lord?

"I am bigger than your credit score," He said to me.

“Be still and know that I am God.”  Psalm 47:10

As I look back at this time, it is sad for me to see how I doubted God.  Over and over in my life He has shown me His hand.  Through the months leading up to this time, He literally led me to a doctor where healing and restoration was taking place in my body after so many years of chronic illnesses, (you can read more about that here at, Lord, Why on Earth Would You Allow This? (The Refiner's Fire Part 2)).  He also pulled me out of the pit of despair and denial as He set me back on His path, (and you can read that story here at, Before the Rooster Crows Part 1 and 2.)  Yet, through all of this, I still doubted Him.  I forgot about His faithfulness because I looked at my circumstances.

As I write this I realize I needed to reverse my thinking and it should go something like this:

I need to look at His faithfulness while He looks at my circumstances.

It’s His nature to care for His sheep because it’s part of His job for being God.

God is in the business of doing miracles, in fact, miracle making is a part of who He is.  It defines Him.

If God had a job description it would read something like this:

-Owner and Chief Executive Officer of Making Miracles

-Responsible for doing miracles all day, everyday.  No time off and no vacations.

So, back to my story.  Once again, the Miracle Maker showed up on the scene and within one week of looking for a place to rent, we became renters.  How does that happen?  It happens because of God.

My husband told the Landlord our entire financial story and the Landlord still rented his home to us.  He said, “There’s just something about you guys.”  He further reduced the monthly rent, gave us an extra 2 weeks free and we paid a ridiculously low deposit.  Who does that?  The Miracle Maker had His hand in all of this.

No matter where you live or how much money you make (or don’t make) and regardless of your credit score, none of that defines you.  Christ wants your heart and your complete devotion to Him, and Him alone.  He wants you to rely solely on Him- not your credit score, not your bank account, and not your job.

God wants to get all the glory all the time.

"Trust in the LORD, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.  Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass."  Psalm 37:3-5

I am bigger than your credit score.  ~God

Before the Rooster Crows Part 2

David, Peter, and Paul, mighty men of God, who were determined to live for Jesus Christ, were men that resonated with my spirit. Whether it was their personalities or their passion for the Lord, I have been drawn to them over the years as I have read the Scriptures. I have viewed them as warriors for Christ. Many times as I would turn the pages of my Bible and read about their lives, I would often identify with them and learn from them. They would speak to my soul.

However, years ago when I was new in Christ, I did not understand how Peter could have denied the Lord after all the time he spent with Jesus in the flesh! Peter was so devoted to Christ, and so it just did not make any sense to me as to Why or How he could deny the One True God.

I thought to myself, "I would never deny the Lord," unfortunately, many years later I did, and Jesus Christ taught me a few things in the process.

Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me.

If you did not get the chance to read about my despair and inward denial of Christ, you can read it here at, Before the Rooster Crows Part 1.

We all know the story of Peter's denial.

"Jesus said to him, "Assuredly, I say to you that this night, before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times." Matthew 26:34 "And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times." So he went out and wept bitterly." Matthew 26:75

Shortly after that passage, I read about how Jesus asked Peter if he loved him, three times.

"So when they had eaten breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more than these?" He said to Him, "Yes, Lord; You know that I love You." He said to him, "Feed My lambs."  He said to him again a second time, "Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?" He said to Him, "Yes, Lord; You know that I love You." He said to him, "Tend My sheep." He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?" Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, "Do you love Me?" And he said to Him, "Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You." Jesus said to him, "Feed My sheep.  John 21:15-17

"Feed My lambs.  Tend My sheep.  Feed My sheep."

Those words leaped off the page when I read them back in 1997.  My heart quickened and I realized that was something that I wanted to do!  What I did not know at the time was that God was going to take me through tumultuous storms and deep dark valleys for many years so He could prepare me to do just that…Feed His Sheep.

God has a specific purpose for each one of His children and sometimes it means that life will be filled with much suffering as we go through the sanctification process.  His molding and shaping of our lives can be very painful and difficult but He is making us more effective for His purpose and His glory.

As He was preparing to use me, my preparation came through long-suffering, persecutions, spiritual attacks, broken relationships, etc…in other words, Christ used PAIN AND HEARTACHE to shape me so He could use me.

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.  But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."  James 1:2-4 

So what is the sanctification process?  The word sanctify means:

1. To set apart for sacred use; consecrate.

2. To make holy; purify.

God is setting all of His children apart so we can be used by Him.

Through a difficult time in my life, He was purifying me.

Here is something I did not realize at the time of my despair and denial two years ago.  I was in the midst of a spiritual attack, but this time was very different from other attacks that I had experienced over the years.  This one was stealth-like and it came out of nowhere and played with my emotions.  Now, what is so ironic and somewhat moronic on my part is that for many years I would counsel women and tell them that the Gospel message is not based on emotions.

Here is my own counsel, given over and over, yet I could not discern my own problem.

The attack lingered for weeks as the enemy was slowing breaking down my faith.  I felt oppressed and I was deceived.  Satan was gunning for me and he wanted to take me down.  Over time, the Lord lifted me out of that pit and He has since restored me.  The entire experience was about 6-8 weeks out of my life.

I did not dwell on my failure because Satan would have wanted that to happen, instead, I looked to the Cross for forgiveness and restoration.

"There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit."  Romans 8:1

Jesus doesn't condemn us but Satan does.

He uncovers deep things out of darkness.

So, here comes a piece of the puzzle that is so from the Lord and I just had to share it with you!  As I was preparing to write this post, I re-read the passage of Scripture regarding Peter's denial and I came across this verse,

And the Lord said, "Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat.  "But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren."  Luke 22:31-32 

Now, let me show you some of the 'Whys'.

Here was the 'Why' of Peter's denial.  Satan asked to go after Peter and take him down.  The Lord allowed Satan to attack him.  The Lord went on further to say, I have prayed that your faith should not fail you...(but He knew it would), because it says right here in God's Word, "when you have returned to Me."

Jesus knew that Peter was going to deny Him.  Jesus knew that I was going to deny Him as well.

Let me show you another "Why" or should I say the purpose of the denial.  So Peter could strengthen the brethren.  Did you catch all of that?  I hope you did!  I was SO EXCITED when the Lord pointed that out to me.

In my brokenness I did not understand 'why' I experienced all that I went through and in His perfect timing He revealed it to me, it just happened to be two years later. 

He uncovers deep things out of darkness, and brings the shadow of death to light.  Job 12:22

As you recall in part 1 of this post, I, too, denied the Lord like Peter.  Satan was sifting me as wheat as well.  The Lord sent a stranger to intercede on my behalf to strengthen my faith because it was failing.  Not only did He send one intercessor, but He sent another one in the weeks that followed.

This intercessor I knew.  She is a beloved woman who embodies the love, grace and mercy of Jesus; in fact it oozes from her!  As I spoke with her and shared my struggles regarding my faith, the Lord used her to shower His unconditional love upon me.  In time, my faith was starting to grow again and I was getting back up on my feet so I could continue to follow Him.

Since I got saved back in 1996, I always wanted to be used by the Lord and offer my life up to Him, hence the title of this blog.  Remember too, I wanted to feed His sheep!  Two years ago, when I went through that despair, I could not see what my life would be like today.  I did not know that God was preparing me to go out and minister to others as I blog about my life story of pain and heartache.  (I did not even have a blog two years ago!)

I am humbled and honored that He has chosen to take me through all of that misery, heartache, and afflictions so I could draw closer to Him and ultimately so I could by used by Him to strengthen the brethren; those whose faith is failing and weakening and those who are hurting.  Perhaps it takes one broken vessel to know another one!

God is putting together the pieces of your puzzle as well.  Continue to wait on Him and trust in Him.  He will reveal His will and purpose for you in His perfect timing.

In our society we often ask God, “Why me?”  “Why, Lord?”  Why are you allowing this to happen to me?”  I have asked the Lord those same questions as I have faced my own trials, but now when a storm comes into my life, I say, “Why not me?”

“So I am willing to endure anything if it will bring salvation and eternal glory in Christ Jesus to those God has chosen.”  2 Timothy 2:10

Because this is my story, you have seen my scars and although my scars may give you some comfort and encouragement as you go through your own troubles, it is not my scars that will bring healing to your life; but His scars will!  His scars will restore you and His scars will breathe new life into you and His scars will bring you hope.

It is His scars that we should look to when more scars are added to our own lives.

"Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him."  Job 13:15 

May we be found faithful to trust in Him as He slays us, knowing that He is setting us apart for His sacred service.