9 Things About My Sex Life that I'd Share with a Young Wife

For those of you that don't already know some of my story, my man and I were not virgins when we married.  He was married once before, as was I.  However, when we dated and were engaged, we remained pure until our wedding night where we could receive our beautiful wedding gift from God; sex!

Looking back over the past 14 years of our marriage, I kinda feel like our sex life was ripped away from us within the first 2 years of our marriage because of the ravages of illnesses, birthing babies, hormonal imbalances, and of course, trials.

Photo Source

Elizabeth, from Warrior Wives asked us older women, (over 40) to share our insights and experiences of how our sex lives have changed over the years. Her desire is for us old ladies (smile) to pass on what we've learned to the younger wives.  So, today I'm doing just that!

You can read the rest of my post over at Warrior Wives.

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Stay Engaged to the One You're Married To...& a Link Up!

Do you remember the time of your wedding engagement?  How you were just so giddy and in love with your man?  You longed to see him.  Perhaps you couldn't wait to be held in his arms and receive that sweet tender kiss from him.  And you were so filled with excitement and anticipation as you were about to become his wife! 

He wooed you didn't he?  Pursued you?  Hung on your every word?  Complimented you?  You felt treasured and special.  You knew he was the one for you.

But now that you're married, it's easy to see the problems, bad habits, self-centeredness, and insensitivities that he has.  Your man is no longer focused on you because his focus has shifted. (Just like yours has.)  Perhaps now your husband is consumed with providing for you and the kids. Maybe he's focused on schooling or finding a new career, job, or building a business.  Perhaps he has fallen and gotten knocked down in life.  Maybe he has experienced a chronic and debilitating illness or lost a job or maybe he just can't figure life out and he's having a hard time getting back up again.  

20 Reasons a Wife Doesn't Want to Have Sex...& a Link Up!

Many, many years ago I couldn't wait to experience my honeymoon.  The day when I could finally know my husband on a sexual level.  But now the honeymoon is over and real life has begun. Yet, I can't help but think back to that first night, as well as, the early months of our relationship.  Oh how I longed to be with him!  And the idea of not desiring to be intimate with my husband was never a thought that crossed my mind.  But after 14 yeas of marriage, that newness that was once there has diminished, and life has crept into our relationship.

So this got me to thinking about wives in general.  I often hear how many of them don’t have much of a desire to be sexually intimate with their man.  And I have wondered what has changed for them.  You see, I personally do not believe that any new bride had intentions of avoiding or depriving her man of sex when she said yes to his marriage proposal.  But something has happened in their marriage.  There is a break down of some sort that is causing her to turn away from him intimately.  

The #1 Secret to a Great Marriage

It's the most simplest concept you'll ever hear, yet it's THE MOST DIFFICULT THING TO DO on a daily basis!

So........ what's this one little secret that will make your marriage great?

Can Female Friendships Threaten Oneness? and a Link Up!

Sister, I've got a treat for you!  Since I'm in the midst of writing my series on The Power of the Holy Spirit and today is Monday, the day I write on marriage, I thought I'd invite a special sister in the Lord to co-labor in the faith with me and share with you about marriage instead.

Elizabeth is our guest and she writes at her blogging home called, Warrior Wives.  Just the title of her blog alone resonated with my spirit and then when I read her words I knew she had a deep understanding for wedded bliss.  So without further ado, here's Elizabeth....

My Journey to Becoming a Godly Wife and a Link Up!

This week I received numerous emails, facebook messages and even phone calls from women asking me for marital counsel.  After hearing about their hurts and frustrations my heart was literally grieved for all wives everywhere.  Which, by the way, is an act of God because I'm not a very compassionate gal!  As the Lord continues to bring more and more people to my little online ministry home, it has struck me that I can't help all these women and it has truly pained my heart.


If you've been following my blog for any length of time now, then you already know that I had a past where I denied the existence of God and I was a feminist in every form of the word.  And I wasn't about to submit to some man and sit at home and raise babies!  But one thing I have not shared with you was my understanding or should I say, my lack of understanding, of a Godly marriage.


In all my years of growing up my parents never once slept in the same bed nor did I ever hear them say "I love you" or "I'm sorry" to one another.  I also never saw them hold hands or kiss each other, and the concept of biblical submission and respect was non-existent.  Needless to say, I had a lot to learn about marriage and a great deal to overcome based on what was emulated to me.  Rather than looking to the world for answers or repeating (and justifying) the same behaviors that were taught to me, I sought Godly counsel instead.

If You're Pure or Not, Before Marriage

I was 16 yrs. old when I gave up my virginity.  Yep, you read that right.  I gave it up, I didn't lose it because I made a choice.

Even though the teen-aged boy pressured me and I was scared to do 'that', I gave in anyways because I was more afraid that he would break up with me if I didn't.  What can I say, I was a stupid girl.

I gave up my body because I longed to be loved.  And of course he said he loved me, because that's what all teen-aged boys say, don't they? 

Later he broke my heart; shattered it is a better choice of words.  It was in pieces for years.  And then I became numb.  Numb to so many men, so many 'experiences'.  I even married a man I was never in love with; after all, how could I be when my heart was still in the hands of the one I gave my virginity to. Yet marriage at that time of my life provided an escape for me.

26 years have passed and it still hurts to think about that young teen-aged girl, the one who gave part of me away to another that was not committed to me for the rest of my life.

The #1 Purpose of Marriage...

To Glorify God. 

Yep, that's the #1 reason.

Now, of course there are many other wonderful reasons for marriage like:

• So man is not alone.
• So we can have s*xual intimacy with another human being.
• So we can make babies or raise babies to be Christ-followers.
• So we can be in ministry together.

God did not create the institution of marriage just for us, but rather He created it so we can glorify Him through our marriage. 
 

"All things were created by him, and for him."  Colossians 1:16

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them."  Ephesians 2:10

Fight or Flight? Or Vulnerability?.....and a Link Up!

As a young child I cried A LOT.  My nickname was 'A bucket of water'. (Seriously.) After many years of growing up with older brothers I had no choice but to toughen up.  Rug burns and bruises can do that to a gal, you know.  So over the years I learned to stuff my feelings and put my walls up to protect my overly sensitive heart and the result of that was a young gal that was mean and one that fought often.  In fact, I was sent to the Principal's office twice during my elementary school years because of fighting!

The fighting in me continued on well into my teen years and then into young adulthood.  Although I no longer used my fists, instead I used my words, and let me tell you, I would tear people up!

Eventually the crying in me became less and less as more walls went up to barricade my heart.  I found that place to be the most safest, so that's where I stayed.

Then I met Jesus Christ and He changed my heart.  He began to heal it and soften it.  And He started to tear down the fortress that was surrounding it!  (That was and still is a painful process!)

The 3 inch Crocodile that Resides in Our Mouth

Recently, I had a reader ask if I could address the way some wives speak to their husbands.  This particular bride struggles with having an unkind tone and also has used jokes as a weapon towards her man.  The reader further asked if I could address how women often talk to their husbands as if they were speaking to their children.

I think this is a great question and one that I am sure is very relevant to many women today.  It's so easy to have our feelings hurt or lose our patience and then retaliate with unkind speech or speak to our husbands in a belittling way. 

A Fulfilling Intimacy Life

I had a reader ask me a question about how do good Christian women keep a healthy and fulfilling intimate life with our husbands based on all the immodesty that surrounds us, along with all the immoral women out in the world. 

So, today, I am going to address just the first part of that question and then in another post, I'll address the rest of it.


But before I answer, let me give you a little background first.

Before I came to Christ, I acted like the immoral woman; immodesty and all. But when I married my Beloved, I was a Christian but I had a very difficult time in my mind learning how to reconcile my old ways with my new ones.   Of course I learned a few things based on what I read in God's Word and one of those things was to keep the marriage bed pure and to not have sex outside of marriage.

So, my man and I waited to have sex until our wedding night.  Yes, it was very difficult to wait, but it was the right thing to do in God's eyes.  But here's something that I struggled with regarding intimacy:  I was unsure of how to act.  I certainly couldn't act like the tramp immoral woman I once was!  But the opposite of that was to be the good, Christian woman, but I didn't know what that looked like in the marriage bed.

I didn't have any godly women in my life teaching me those things.  What would be considered modest or immodest?  What's appropriate in my marriage bed and what isn't?  What do I show my husband and what don't I show him?  All those questions ran through my mind and it was all very difficult for me.   I think at one point I would have swung towards having a prudish attitude based on what I perceived from other Christian women.   But, I wanted the straight Truth, so I searched the scriptures for the answers.

What I found in God's Word was the furthest thing from a frigid or prudish wife!

So, I had resolved in my mind that I wouldn't turn my Beloved away whenever he wanted to be sexually intimate with me, and here were my reasons why:

#1  My man's body belongs to me.  I loved reading the following verse as a soon to be wife!  Remember, I hadn't been intimate with my man yet!

The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

#2  I wanted to protect my marriage from the Enemy

Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  1 Corinthians 7:5

#3  I wanted my husband to delight in me, not some other woman.  And I didn't want some other woman to entice him because I wanted to entice him! 

Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice with the wife of your youth. [As a] loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love. Proverbs 5:18,19

#4 The act of marriage is what makes a marriage different from all other relationships.  In other words, biblically speaking, you can't have sex with anyone other than your husband.

Knowing those scriptures and resolving to hold fast to them helped me as a young bride to lay the proper order for our marriage. So when the homemaking duties came, the babies entered into the world, the homeschooling began, and the outside ministries took place, my marital life (including intimacy) did not take a backseat to any of these very important responsibilities. 

Modesty and the Marriage Bed  

Let me touch on this one because I think it needs to be discussed.  Plus, I believe it will bring a greater amount of fulfillment to your intimacy.

The marriage bed is undefiled.

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.  Hebrews 13:4 (ESV)

Perhaps you have been raised in a very conservative, Christian home and you're not sure how to act.  Well, mama done taught you well!  She showed you what was modest and what was not and what was appropriate and inappropriate for a lady.  She has helped you act in such a manner that it caught your man's eye and ultimately, you became his wife!

But mama's time teaching you is done.....at least when it comes to the marriage bed.  Your gauge for what to do and how to act in the marriage bed is what your man wants, not what your mama taught you!

Wannna know how to act, just ask your husband what he likes!  Yes, it is that easy.  If you're newly married, he may not have all the answers just yet, but over time, he will.

If he likes a lot of makeup, then wear it.  If he likes lingerie, then wear.  If he likes high-heeled shoes, then wear them.  You get my point.

When I walk outside and go through life I try to be modest.  When I am in the house with my boys, I try to be modest, but when I am with my husband and no one else, I am not modest.  As insecure as I am about my body, I realize that my body is the ONLY naked body that my husband is biblically allowed to look at.  That's why I am eating less chocolate now!  I do what I can to make sure my husband is sexually content and he is enjoying the wife of his youth.


Many times we get busy in life meeting all of the demands and responsibilities before us and adding the act of marriage at the end of the day can seem exhausting.  Here's my advice to you.  Take a nap in the middle of the day or feed your husband a hot dog for dinner.  I'm sure he won't care if you don't cook him a 3-course meal because you decided to save your energy for the marriage bed that night!

Or sometimes our husbands are just flat out jerks and the last thing we want to do is have sex with them.  Talk to him and let him know your feelings have been hurt over XYZ issue.  Do your best to forgive him, resolve your conflict and move on.

My encouragement to you would be to protect your marriage and one of the ways that you could do this is to not deprive your husband of sexual intimacy. 

Live a poured out life for Christ,

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Finding Beauty, 

I have a passion for marriage so I invite you to join me every Monday for this link-up!

Please share your post on any and all things related to being a wife, i.e. homemaking ideas, ways you minister to your husband, dating ideas, and/or hearing what the Lord is telling you about your most important earthly relationship!

Link to your actual “Marital Oneness Mondays” post, not just your general blog address--that way if readers come by later in the week, they can click your relevant post.

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When You Need Help..... & a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up

Imagine for a moment that the Creator of the Universe asked you to do something that you are totally uncomfortable with.  Something you felt completely unqualified and ill-equipped to do.  Yet, He asked you to do it anyways?

He told you to go take charge of something and lead it, oversee it, and be completely responsible for it even though you knew you would fall short. You knew this would not be easy for you because you're not a natural at this task.

He also asked you to handle this responsibility with the utmost care and do it in a way that reflects Him while you're doing it.

Seems like a daunting task so far, doesn't it?

But He sends someone to your side to assist you in this big task in hopes that it will alleviate some of your responsibilities.

Even though you have someone to help you, you are still trying your best to figure out how to lead and reflect Christ, but of course, you still fall short.  You begin to doubt yourself.  You start to make bad decisions.  Soon, you are forced to make choices in situations that you don't know how to handle.  You look to find examples for help, but unfortunately, those examples are few and far between.  You become discouraged as others are telling you that you are doing it all wrong.  Those around you are mocking you.  Even society tells you what a fool you are.  You feel defeated.

What if the person by your side in this monumental task was kind, gracious, and encouraging?  Would that make a difference to you?  Would you be less fearful?  Feel better equipped?

Or, what if the person was judgmental, critical, and condemning?  How would that make you feel?

Which one would you rather have by your side?

Well, anyone in their right mind would choose the person who is gracious, kind, and encouraging, of course!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

If you haven't figured out what this monumental task is that I am referring to, it is that of being a godly husband.  I did a role-reversal for you!  You know, walk in his shoes for a day.

Source: wearethatfamily.com via Jolene on Pinterest

God has given our men the huge responsibility of leading our families.  He asked them to lead in such a way that is not natural to their flesh, after all, they are to love us the way Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for it.  That's a tall order, girlfriend!

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.  Eph. 5:25

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.  Colossians 3:19 NIV

Many men don't know how to be the godly husband they want to be.  Where and who do they turn to for their examples?

Let's just be real for a moment.  We all know there are not too many godly men in the world today!  Perhaps if they watched some t.v. they might find some good examples of a husband or father there, right?  That that's the furthest thing from the truth!  Our society has become so female dominant that it's disgusting!!  Men are being emasculated all over the place and the ones who do stand for the Lord are being mocked and told they are chauvinistic.

Sure, there are men who have a a better understanding of the scriptures and they pursue the Lord with their whole heart, but they fall short too!

But God being a great God, He knew that the person by the husband's side could help him be a better husband......unless the wife is like the helper who was judgmental, critical, and condemning.  A helper like that certainly makes the husband's job a lot more difficult!

But, have no fear, the Lord also gave your husband the Helper of the Holy Spirit!

"But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.  John 14:26

And because we can't do this whole 'helper, kind, gracious, and encouraging wife thing' on our own either, the Lord gave us the Helper too.

Husbands and wives ALL fall short.  We ALL need forgiveness.  And we need to forgive each other.  Every. Single. Day. Until. Death. Do. Us. Part.

I am thankful that God forgives me and doesn't keep a record of my sins!!

If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared.  Psalm 130:3,4

Love keeps no record of wrongs.  1 Corinthians 13:5

Which kind of helper would you like to be for your husband?  Don't forget that you have the Helper as well!

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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I have a passion for marriage so I invite you to join me every Monday for this link-up!

Please share your post on any and all things related to being a wife, i.e. homemaking ideas, ways you minister to your husband, dating ideas, and/or hearing what the Lord is telling you about your most important earthly relationship!

Link to your actual “Marital Oneness Mondays” post, not just your general blog address--that way if readers come by later in the week, they can click your relevant post. And link back to this community, either by using the button below or a text link. You can find the button code here for you to insert in your post:

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An Angry Fit and a Flying Racket on My Honeymoon...plus a Link Up!

We were married for all of two days.  My dreamy husband and I were off to play a fun game of tennis in the wonderful sunshine of Maui, Hawaii.  I didn't know how to play tennis, in fact, I didn't even know how to keep score, yet, I owned a racket because I thought the sport would be fun.  Seeing how I had spent years playing volleyball, I felt I could pick up the game pretty quick and I thought I would be rather good at it.  Little did I know that I would be dead wrong about my athletic ability!

My man on the other hand, he knew how to play.  He was good at it and he smoked me in the game.  I became so frustrated and angry that I threw my racket!  Yep, I did!  Although, I didn't throw it at him, I threw it nonetheless!  This sweet, new, Christian bride threw it because I was so mad that I lost.  Can you say, "poor loser"!

Photo Source

Protection Against a Divisive Spirit

We quickly learned that it was not best for our relationship to compete against each other, and over the course of our 14 years of marriage, we have not.  Not even in board games!  Because I like to win at those too!  I even have a son when he was very young, chuck the board game across the room when he would lose.  Hmmm, I wonder where he got that trait from?  But the Bible tells us that one of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control, so you'd think that I, being a Christian woman, might have been able to maintain some and have a little dignity as well.  Yay, well, that was not the case on the court that day!

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.  Galatians 5:22,23

My Beloved loves to compete as well, and of course when he competes he wants to win too; who doesn't!  But  we made a choice that our marriage, our unity/oneness, was more important than either of us beating the other person in some silly game no matter how much we liked the sport.

However, after 14 years of marriage, we decided to play tennis the other day.  But this time was going to be different because we were going to play as a family.  We thought it was a good activity that all of us could do together seeing how my bad knees and hip can't handle doing many things.

Afterwards, husband and wife took to the court for a more rigorous workout.  I fully felt that I could handle playing, because after all, the Lord has fed me some humble pie for the last 14 years with all the long-suffering that I have been through.  I was much more controlled and I had a lot more gentleness.  I now had at least a few of the fruits of the Spirit under my belt!  It was okay if I didn't win, I was just happy for the opportunity to play.  Or so I thought!

Even though my Beloved lowered his playing ability, I was still poor at my game and he could see the frustration on my face and the smoke coming out of my ears.  But this time I didn't throw my racket!

He walked over to my side of the court and put his arm around me and said, "Is this a good idea?"  "Do you think we should continue playing?"

"I'm fine!" I said.  I really wasn't fine, I was bent out of shape because I was losing!

Competing Against Each Other Does Not Breed Unity

Well, the next time we played, we didn't keep score (smile) because our relationship is more important than who wins a tennis match!

So do you ever find yourself competing in any way with your husband?  If you do, ask yourself if it is hindering your oneness; the unity in your marriage.  A friendly game of competition here and there may be a little thing, but over time it could seep into other areas and become a big wedge in your marriage, slowly putting you at odds with your man.  The Lord wants the husband and wife joined and united, not just in the big things but the little things as well.

"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."  Ephesians 5:31

Maybe you're not so big on the competition thing, but your man is and perhaps he is likely to throw his racket!  Or quite possibly you love to compete like I do.  I understand your viewpoint, friend!  Here's some tips below to help you.

3 Ways to Strengthen Your Oneness

• Whatever game it is, instead of trying to compete and beat him, be on the same team.  This will help you guard your tongue from snide and sarcastic jabs that you may say to one another.  (And it will help keep you from throwing your racket in case you happen to be playing tennis!)


• Encourage him while playing.  You will be building him up rather than tearing him down.

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.  Proverbs 31:26

• Don't keep score if you are on opposing sides.  You're objective is not to win but to stay united and have fun.

A Song of Ascents. Of David. Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!   Psalm 133:1

A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones.  Proverbs 17:22

Competing can be lots of fun, but someone always loses.  This issue could seem petty, but what the Lord wants is for us as brothers and sisters (husband and wife) to be united with no division amongst us.  These few and seemingly insignificant things listed above will fortify your marriage and protect it from the sly, little, undermining thistles that opposing, competing, and contending with one another can bring.  I encourage you to be proactive in bolstering your oneness because when you are faced with bigger issues, you'll have a tighter bond.    Don't leave even a small crack in your relationship because Satan will do his best to get in there and tear the two of you apart.

How about you?  Do you struggle with selfish ambition as you compete and contend with your husband?  What do you do to combat your divisive spirit?

Live a poured out life for the Master,

Did you enjoy reading The Alabaster Jar?

Subscribe through email or 'like' my page on Facebook to receive future posts.

I am linked up with:  Graceful, The Better Mom, These Five of Mine Plus Two, The Modest Mom, Raising Arrows, Time-Warp Wife, Deep Roots at Home, Women Living Well, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Raising Mighty Arrows, Our Simple Country Life, No Ordinary Bloghop

I have a passion for marriage so I invite you to join me every Monday for this link-up!

Please share your post on any and all things related to being a wife, i.e. homemaking ideas, ways you minister to your husband, dating ideas, and/or hearing what the Lord is telling you about your most important earthly relationship!

Link to your actual “Marital Oneness Mondays” post, not just your general blog address--that way if readers come by later in the week, they can click your relevant post.  And link back to this community, either by using the button below or a text link. You can find the button code here for you to insert in your post:

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Becoming One with Your Man & a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up

As a former woman at the well, with sin in this skin...

I've never known a love like this.

A blood-spilled love.

A love that covers a multitude of sins.

A Perfect Love that cast out fears.

When HE became my Bridegroom, HE took up residence in my heart and it is there that I gave HIM access to my vault; those dark, forbidden places where you let no one in, but now my spirit welcomes HIM knowing that the unconditional love and healing will begin.  And I will walk with HIM, hand in hand, from now until all eternity.

No, I've never known a love like this.  A trusting love.  A transparent love.  A vulnerable love.  A love that is intertwined with my soul.

And yet, HE calls me to connect and intertwine my soul to another; to become one with the one I exchanged my vows with and gave my life and body to--

To become one with him, my earthly groom.

But what does that look like?  How does that happen? How do two people become one flesh?  Came the thoughts of a young bride.

It's through a wild and relentless pursuit...

Of knowing HIM and him.

Of following HIM and him.

Of studying HIM and him.

Of respecting HIM and him.

And submitting to HIM and him.

Learning to fall in love with both of them over and over again, day in and day out, in spite of living through the torrential financial storms, walking through this life with a broken body, dealing with the attacks against our family and having my faith weakened.

It is there in the downright difficult life, where I clench my fists tightly to HIS robe and I take HIM at HIS Word knowing that all things work together for our good.  And when life interrupts and the enemy seeks to rip apart that which God has brought together, I do my part to protect our oneness at all costs.

And both my hands now hold each one of theirs.

And both of them have my heart.  "Please be careful with it, I whisper to them.  It's been through a lot.  It's been broken and it's fragile."

And when I look HIM in HIS eyes, I see HIS love for me.

A love so deep.

A love full of forgiveness.

A love covered in grace.

A love undeserved.

And it is because of HIS poured out love for me that I do my best to have a deep love for him.

Learning to love him with a love full of forgiveness and covered in grace enables us to have...

A trusting love.

A vulnerable love.

A transparent love.

A love where two souls become one.

"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one."  Ephesians 5:31,32

It's a love where one flesh is intertwined with the Spirit.

Tips to Making More Oneness with Your Man

1. Here's a simple one--  take his last name.  This show's HIM and him your honor and respect.  (It's the leaving and cleaving principle that we need to be reminded of in today's culture.)


2. Trust him.


3. Let him lead you as you let HIM lead your man.


4. Let go of all bitterness.


5. Learn to resolve conflict in a godly way.


6. Be vulnerable.


7. Apply the 15 Things You Can Do to Strengthen Your Marriage.


8. Take HIM at HIS Word.

Now it's your turn.  What are some of your tips?



Live a poured out life for the Master,

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I have a passion for marriage so I invite you to join me every Monday for this link-up! Please share your post on any and all things related to being a wife, i.e. homemaking ideas, ways you minister to your husband, dating ideas, and/or hearing what the Lord is telling you about your most important earthly relationship!

1. Please link to your actual “Marital Oneness Mondays” post, not just your general blog address--that way if readers come by later in the week, they can click your relevant post.

2. If you are new to this link up, please leave me a comment so I can visit you at your site and follow you there!

3. Try to visit others in this community to offer encouragement as they use their gifts to minister to others in the name of our Lord – plus, you might just hear God speak to you over there!

4. Do me a favor and spread the word about this link up as well.

5. Link back to this community, either by using the button below or a text link.   You can find the button code here for you to insert in your post:

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A Biblical Blueprint for Married Women

We have no reason to be ignorant about God's Word regarding what we, as wives, should be doing with our lives.  Here's a list to put things in proper order:

A Biblical Blueprint for Married Women

1.  God

She puts God first in her life.

"You shall have no other gods before Me.”  Exodus 20:3   “And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. This is the first commandment.”  Mark 12:30 “If you love me, you will obey what I command.”  John 14:15

2.  Husband

A husband and wife are one, and it is the most important ‘earthly’ relationship. “And the two shall become one flesh'; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.”  Mark 10:8

She is a helper to her husband. "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." Genesis 2:18

She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:12

She is respectful.  Let the wife see that she respects her husband.  Eph. 5:33

She is submissive.  Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.  Colossians 3:18

She is to be obedient to her husband.  Titus 2:5

3.  Children

She raises and trains up godly children.

“Didn't the LORD make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. Malachi 2:15

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.  Proverbs 22:6

She is to love her children.Titus 2:4

4.  Home

She manages the affairs of her home.

She is to be a keeper at home.  Titus 2:5

She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.  Proverbs 31:27

5.  Outside Ministries

She gives of her talents and gifts.

The older women are to be teachers of good things.  Titus 2:3

She extends her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.  Proverbs 31:20

6.  Enterprise

She is creative and capable.

She considers a field and buys it; from her profits she plants a vineyard.  Proverbs 31:16

She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies sashes for the merchants.  Proverbs 31:24

So why align your life like this? So the Word of God is not blasphemed.  Titus 2:5

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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Resolving Conflict in Your Marriage

Today, I'm going to address one of my reader's questions regarding conflict in marriage:

I was wondering if you and your husband could address how you have gotten through times when you did not necessarily agree or feel united together. While I admire your strong marriage, I wonder if you could share times when you and your husband were struggling in your relationship and how you overcame those challenges.

So, has there ever been a time in my marriage that I was at odds with my man?

When we couldn't see eye to eye?

When we weren't on the same page?

When he made me fuming mad?

When he brought this sweet thing to tears?   (lol)

You betcha!

Take two, imperfect, human beings that are filled with sin, put them under the same roof and guess what you get?  CONFLICT, with a capital "C"!

But who enjoys having a marriage like that?  Certainly not me!

So, let me give you some biblical principles that my Beloved and I have applied to our marriage so we can:  decrease the amount of conflict in our marriage,  reach a resolution much quicker so we can remain 'one', and minimize my tears!

Conflict WILL take place in your marriage- expect it!  But this list should help you be prepared to handle it in a way that is pleasing to the Lord.  I've called this list my Marital Manifesto.  It's not an exhaustive list, but rather a starting place.  Feel free to come up with some of your own rules for your marriage.

• If you want to remain in the center of God’s will, then don’t even mention the idea of getting a divorce*.  Nothing good can come from spewing the word, 'divorce' from your mouth and threatening your spouse with it.  You are tearing down your house when you do so and you're giving place to the enemy.  Make an agreement to not even bring up that word in your marriage no matter how bad the argument or situation is.  You may think your life is bad right now, but going outside of God’s will, will make your life even worse!  His word is clear on that.

"So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."  Matthew 19:6

• Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.  Work out your conflict before you put your head on the pillow that night…even if it is 3am and you have responsibilities to take of the next day.  Your marriage is more important than those responsibilities.  Give your marriage the priority it deserves.  By going to bed and not resolving your conflict, once again, you are giving place to the enemy to sow seeds of discord in your marriage, not to mention a host of other things that you can dig up in your mind while you stew over the argument, I mean, sleep.

"Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.  Ephesians 4:26,27

• Choose your words wisely.  Don’t hurler insults because once those words have left your mouth, you can’t take them back.  Yes, your man can forgive you for the harsh and cruel words you said, but that does not mean he'll forget about what you said, what you accused him of, or what you called him.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me...well, let me tell you something about that funny school-yard rhyme:  IT IS A BIG FAT LIE!  Mean words hurt.

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.  Ephesians 4:31 

• Don't allow seeds of bitterness to grow in your marriage.  If you allow those seeds to grow, it will break down your marital union.  You’ll lose the emotional, spiritual, and physical closeness you once had with your spouse, plus, you'll run the risk of losing respect for your man, and that, my friend, is not a good place to be!  Deal with your issues, don't sweep them under the rug.  Be intentional about resolving your conflict otherwise the weeds of bitterness can choke out the love in your marriage.

Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.  Hebrews 12:15

• Be mindful of the fact that your spouse is not perfect nor is he designed to be; he does not fill the role of your Savior.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.  Romans 3:23

• Be the more mature Christian.  Try to let go of your fleshy desires and apologize first, even if it goes against every fiber of your being!

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

• Be mindful of Who you belong to and Who you're representing when you have conflict with your spouse.  During your disagreement, ask yourself if what you're saying and how you're acting is pleasing to the Lord?  This one little tip will start to extinguish the 'selfishness flame' real quick in your argument!

For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.  1 Corinthians 6:20

Take the time to share some of these ideas with your spouse.  Ask him what his thoughts are and what you guys can add or subtract from this list to better your times of disagreements. Then put those things into practice when the arguments come.

Here's a hint sweet friends.....the more you do those things, the less conflict you'll have in your marriage and the more unity and closeness you'll have with your man! :)

Conflict in marriage certainly makes life difficult.  Our flesh screams for our rights but my encouragement and challenge to you is this:  Be more concerned about building God's kingdom rather than building your own.

Now, this is just a short snippet of how to resolve conflict in your marriage.  You can listen in on our radio show and hear my Beloved and I talk about this topic in much greater lengths- just click the link below.  We also feel the Lord prompting us to do a Part 2 on this topic so we can give you specific examples and more application for your marriage.  I'll keep you posted here when we finish the taping of it.

*Here's two areas where the Bible allows for divorce:  1) if your man has been unfaithful and 2) if he is an unbeliever who wants a divorce.  A note:  If you are in a physically abusive relationship, please do everything you can to protect yourself and family.  This may mean you'll need to separate from your man.

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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Remember, You're Married to a Man--Not a Woman

Men.

They don’t get a lot of things we say to them.

They don’t understand why we get all emotional and why our feelings get hurt.

They are not designed to sit and listen to us talk for endless hours.

They like to fix our problems and situations rather than be a sounding board that is filled with compassion and empathy.

Many are not in tune with the feelings and emotions of a woman, because after all, they are men and God wired them differently.

photo source

Here's a few tips to better your relationship with your man:

1. Don’t expect him to respond to you the way your girlfriends do, OR more importantly, the way your Savior does.


2. Don’t expect him to always understand you, and don't fault him when he falls short in this area.


3. Don’t expect him to know how to comfort you.  As a wife, make it a point to share your heart with him and let him know how he can comfort you.  Men are doers.


4. Don’t expect him to read your mind.  Just because you have been married to him for more than one day that does not mean he knows what you are thinking and feeling on a regular basis.


5. Don't expect him to fulfill all of your emotional and relational needs.  He can't.


6. Be mindful of the fact that he does not think and feel the same way you do.


7. Extend him grace because He. Is. A. Man., not a woman, and it is not right for us to expect our men to act like a female. (We gotta love God's grace when it is extended to us, but it's sure difficult to extend to our men, yet that should be the first place grace is extended on a regular basis!)

Just being aware of these things should bring more harmony and unity into your marriage.

A peak inside my heart..............................♥

During the course of my marriage there have been many instances that I haven't been able to articulate my thoughts and feelings to my Beloved.  Seeing how I couldn't express what was going on in MY OWN MIND, I soon realized that I couldn't expect my man to understand me if I couldn't understand myself.  That would've been an absurd notion!

Whether it is today or tomorrow, the following week or month.... my advice to you to better your marriage is:

Remember, your man is a man.  Cut him some slack and appreciate his masculinity, and he just might appreciate your femininity a little bit more!

Live a poured out life for the Master,

Did you enjoy reading The Alabaster Jar?

Subscribe through email or 'like' my page on Facebook to receive future posts.

I am linked up with:

A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Raising Homemakers, A Holy Experience, Women Living Well, Raising Mighty Arrows, Deep Roots at Home

The Foundation of a Christ-Centered Marriage

We just completed our first radio show!  Praise the Lord.

I was so nervous.

We had some crazy sound issues after we played the show back.  There was an annoying beeping while I spoke then the volume on my voice would go low.  Sorry about that.  We didn't know about it while taping and thankfully my Beloved was able to fix it for our next show.

Overall the message is clear so at your convenience, feel free to take a peek, or should I say, a listen to our new ministry!

May the words we have shared draw you and your man closer to Christ.

You can click the button below to hear our show.  Give it some time to download.

For those of you that are not audio learners and/or you prefer to read instead, I thought I would briefly share some of my notes about what we spoke on.

God has placed within me such a huge heart for discipleship, so much so, that when it comes to writing or speaking; the two areas He has called me to are the two areas that terrify me.  But it is with His prompting, leading and strength that I am able to overcome those fears, because I want all women to know our Savior more deeply and intimately.  And I want all married women  to have an absolutely beautiful and glorious marriage in Christ.  Those are the two topics that I am most passionate about that I will discuss here on The Alabaster Jar Out Loud.

Let’s get a few things straight before we get started:

I speak to Christian women, wives and mothers.  I am here to encourage you.  Inspire you.  Sometimes challenge you and at times I hope to equip you.

I am not here to speak to men.  The Bible is very clear that women are not to teach men and that is not up for debate on this show.  But because one of the topics we’ll be discussing is the topic of marriage, my Beloved and I thought it was best for him to be on this show as well, giving a man’s perspective in hopes that it will help you in your marriage.

Also ladies, I encourage you to bring your man into the room while this show is on so he can be encouraged, challenged and equipped by another man.  Not by me, but another man.

If you haven’t noticed yet, I am a very direct and straight to the point individual.  That’s just how God made man.  Trust me,  I have asked Him to change this quality for many years now but, it’s a no-go.

My beloved is also very direct and blunt as well.  I tell you these things because the way we communicate may surprise or shock some of you so I thought I would warn you in advance.  Some may be offended by how we speak with one another.

But please know this:

I have a very deep friendship with my man.

My husband safely trusts in me.

He knows that I have his back

He knows that I will give him honor and respect

He knows that I will not compete with him

And he knows that I will not tear him down

I may challenge him to do better or be better in many aspects of his life, but I won’t challenge his authority

Therefore, he is not threatened by how I speak to him in a direct manner.  Our brains and our personalities understand this type of language, however, that does not mean all husbands and wives communicate the way we do, so I caution you to not start speaking to your man the way I speak to mine.

We will get into communicating with your spouse in another show.

 Tonight's topic:

The Foundation of a Christ-Centered Marriage

We are going to dig deep today because the concept that we are presenting is not one that is discussed very much.  We are going to dig deep down to the root of our marriages.

• Love and respect your spouse- But why?


• Here is the answer to the 'why' question...Because the Word of God says so!!

The Bible is the authority in which Eric and I live by but not all couples agree on that authority.   Some may say they do but when the rubber meets the road their actions say otherwise.

What are some people’s authorities in their marriage?  What governs them?  What dictates their actions?

• Fairness


• Feeling good


• Feeling heard


• Being happy


• Being respected


• Feeling loved


• Having comfort


• Having security


• Having the comfort for my family


• Looking good


• Your children’s education

When I get off track of what the Bible says, then I get into self-worship.

All of these things can become idols, and our biggest idol is ourselves.

My authority is not fairness, feeling good or being happy.  My authority is the Bible. ~Eric

Here are some principles to build a Christ-centered Foundation

• Have a common authority/common ground with your spouse and build on it.


• Strengthen your walk with the Lord.


• Learn who the Lord is.


• Pray to become the spouse that the Lord desires you to be.


• Learn to become that spouse.  Put into action what you found in the scriptures as a God-fearing wife.


• Emulate Jesus Christ in your marriage.

HERE IS THE CONCEPT THAT I WANT YOU TO GET THIS EVENING...

This is how the marriage is Christ-centered

• The marriage is not about you but it is about Jesus Christ.

We are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works. Ephesians 2:10

• We are here on earth to bring Christ glory.

And when I am lifted up from the earth, I will draw everyone to myself."  John 12:32

Practical How-to’s for a Christ-Centered Marriage

• Be in the Word of God on a daily basis


• Pray for God to change you


• Pray for His strength to lay aside your flesh


• Go to church as a family


• Be in prayer as a couple


• Attend a Bible study if it is condusive to your season of life.  This will help you to learn more about Christ.


• Be in fellowship with other strong women of God so you can glean from them, be encouraged by them, be strengthened and supported by them and challenged by them as well.

As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.  Proverbs 27:17

I am God’s daughter first before I am Eric’s wife.

Remember that these are just notes from the show.  If you have the time to listen in, I encourage you to do so.  Also, do me a favor and spread the word for this new ministry.  I believe there are many Christians marriages out there that are hurting and I think what my Beloved and I shared can certainly encourage them and strengthen them.

Live a poured out life for the Master,

Did you enjoy reading The Alabaster Jar?

Subscribe through email or 'like' my page on Facebook to receive future posts.

I am linked up with:

Growing Home

The Better Mom

The Time-Warp Wife

Far Above Rubies

Deep Roots at Home

Raising Homemakers

A Wise Woman Builds Her Home

A Holy Experience