The Alabaster Jar: If You're Pure or Not, Before Marriage

I was 16 yrs. old when I gave up my virginity. Yep, you read that right. I gave it up, I didn't lose it because I made a choice.

Even though the teen-aged boy pressured me and I was scared to do 'that', I gave in anyways because I was more afraid that he would break up with me if I didn't. What can I say, I was a stupid girl.

I gave up my body because I longed to be loved. And of course he said he loved me, because that's what all teen-aged boys say, don't they?

Later he broke my heart; shattered it is a better choice of words. It was in pieces for years. And then I became numb. Numb to so many men, so many 'experiences'. I even married a man I was never in love with; after all, how could I be when my heart was still in the hands of the one I gave my virginity to. Yet marriage at that time of my life provided an escape for me.

26 years have passed and it still hurts to think about that young teen-aged girl, the one who gave part of me away to another that was not committed to me for the rest of my life.

As an older woman I share my emotional scars with you, my dear single sister, because often times we only hear about the ramifications of s*xual sins and what it does to our bodies in the physical sense, but I am here to tell you about the damage it does to our mental and emotional state as well. I'm sharing with you the reality of living outside of the Word of God and ALL the consequences that come with it.

26 years is a long time, don't you think? Especially since I have been saved for 16 of those years, married to a wonderful man that I do not deserve for 14 years, and blessed with two children for the past 12 years. Yet, there is still a twinge of pain, sorrow, and of course, regret from the choices that I made earlier in life.

And lots of demons were in my mind when I met my Beloved as I shared my past with him. I was blemished, tainted, filled with shame and I knew I couldn't offer him the type of purity he deserved, and that just broke my heart.

Oh how I wish I could go back to that night when I was 16 yrs. old and just say no. Knowing that would allow me to give my husband the gift that belonged to him and him alone. Oh how I wish, but I can't. And because of my poor choices, my husband has had to share me with others.

Now let me be quite frank...no wife wants to feel like she has to compete with the memories that her husband has from being s*xually involved with other women, and I'm sure no husband wants to compete with the memories his wife has from being with other men. It's not how God designed marriage and it's a lot to overcome. But of course with Jesus you can overcome anything. But just know that it's not a cake-walk.

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. Romans 8:37

Sin to your physical body wreaks a whole lot of havoc on so many different levels.

When you go outside of the Word of God and take matters into your own hands regarding pre-marital s*x, be prepared to experience some of the following:

Broken fellowship with God.
Regret.
Guilt.
Shame.
Emptiness.
S*xually transmitted diseases
Unplanned pregnancy
And all the ramifications that goes with the above.

If You're Pure Today...

Remain pure. I know that doesn't sound easy, but it's a lot easier than dealing with the consequences of sin. Here's a few tips to help you:

Be fully committed to being obedient to Christ and what His word says. Don't waver when it comes to this area of your life. Remain a virgin until your wedding night. I can not stress this enough!
Be wise and don't put yourself in a compromising situation. Don't hang out alone with just your man because temptation will come knocking on your door sooner than you know it.
If you've got a so-called godly guy pressuring you in the areas of s*xually-related activities, remove yourself from the relationship because a 'godly' man wouldn't intentionally want to grieve the Lord. It's one thing to fight your fleshly temptations when it comes to pre-marital s*x, but it's altogether different when you're getting pressure from a man to sin against God.

If Your Virginity Was Taken From You...

Unfortunately, I realize this is a reality for some. We live in a fallen world where free will is given to every person under the sun and sometimes we encounter evil people that do horrific things to others. If your virginity was taken from you, dear friend, know that the Lord is with you and covering you. And when the time comes for Jesus to send you your future husband, rest assured that Christ has a special one chosen just for you. One that will embrace you, care for you, nurture you and love you immensely. Don't allow the Enemy to condemn you or blame you for your situation because he is just speaking lies into your life.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

If You Gave Yourself Away...

Now if you gave yourself away then start over and remain pure until marriage. Yes, this is possible; not easy, but possible! Remember that He has covered you in His blood, He has cleansed you, and redeemed you. Plus, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

I, personally, wrestled with my past s*xual sins for quite some time. I had a very difficult time getting over them even though I knew that Jesus washed me clean. Here's a verse that I clung to:

Forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. Philippians 3:13

'Forgetting' was the key word that helped me to overcome my past. This was a verse that I had to repeat in my mind over and over again.

If you allow Christ to have complete access to your heart and you're committed to pleasing Him, He'll restore you as well, my friend! Just have faith.

Oh, and on my wedding day....the bride wore white.... Why yes, yes I did, because I was washed clean by the blood of the Lamb and I was now whiter than snow! And I also ate my wedding cake as fast as I could so I could leave immediately for my honeymoon. wink! Honest to goodness this is a true story!

If You're In Sexual Sin Today...

Get out of it!
Stay out of habitual and unrepentant sin because it will hinder your fellowship with God. And once you're no longer living a life of fornication, just start over and remain pure until marriage. Remember that God is a God of second chances.

Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20

So if you've been following my Smitten for Him Single's Series then you know that today it has come to an end with this post. I realize that many of my readers are already married, so my encouragement to you would be to pour into the lives of others about this very important topic. Whether it is your own children, grandchildren, co-workers, friends, etc. Extend yourself to be that older woman, that Titus 2 woman, willing to teach and share with others so they can start their marriages off on the right biblical foundation. By doing so, you're strengthening their future marriage!

For more resources for singleness, click on the button at the top of my site and you'll find a list of bloggers with a heart for singles as well.

And in case you missed a post or the entire series you can find them listed below:

#1 4 Things You Need to Do Before You Meet Prince Charming

#2 To Date or Not to Date, That is the Question

#3 What Not to Settle for In Your Future Husband

#4 The #1 Purpose of Marriage

#5 Don't Put Your Best Foot Forward Before Marriage

Live a poured out life for Christ,