10 Things a Broken Husband Needs from His Wife

I'm a broken woman in so many ways.  I was broken before I came to Christ. I was broken before I got married.  God has broken me after I walked down the aisle and He has broken me while I've been walking The Narrow Path.

I'm broken.....and I'm okay with that.  However, I didn't always feel that way!

So as I write this post to you, dear friend, I write it as a broken vessel; one who is fully acquainted with:

• pain
• rejections
• persecutions
• rejections
• physical limitations
• heartaches
• rejections
• failures
• depression
• despair
• and oh, I can't forget....rejections!

I'm a walking scar and I know it.  Although my scars don't define me, they have shaped me.

But.....I'm transformed, made whole, and embraced by the One Who is Defined by His Scars.

So I get it.  I get the hurting, the fear of the unknown, the disappointments, as well as the insecurities that one faces.

So this brings me to The Broken Husband whom I'm discussing today.  If you've missed my prior posts in this series of Helping Your Husband to Lead, you can start here.

Becoming Content While You're Waiting for Your Life to Change

Can you remember the time before you got married?  The time when you longingly waited with great anticipation to meet your future husband?  When you couldn't wait to fall in love and be a bride?  

I remember those days and I also remember thinking that the waiting was HARD!  And it's hard for this dear reader that wrote in too!  (For those of you that are already married, the principle I'm going to cover at the end of this post will help you greatly as you wait for whatever situation you may find yourself in today, especially if your man is not leading the home.  So I encourage you to keep reading!)

This young woman writes:

Dear Jolene,

I am so fully convinced that marriage is a gift from God, and I am excited to be a wife and a mother someday. What an amazing privilege those two callings are!  So, with this all said, I am no where near marriage or motherhood. But my heart aches and longs for it. It's what I desire, more than anything that this world has to offer. How should I deal with this, and how can I deal with knowing that this will definitely not come to pass for many years? I know discontentment is not from God, but I feel unhappy that I am unable to have either of these blessings (marriage or motherhood) for many many years.  But I can't have it yet. What should I do?

~an eager wife and mom

Dear Eager Wife and Mom,

What a beautiful heart you have for marriage and motherhood!  You are wise to realize that discontentment is not from God.  However, one thing that is from God is His timing in your life, yet God's timing is usually much slower than our own!

Helping Your Passive Husband to Lead

I'm a mom of two boys, ages 11 and 12.  Both of them came straight from my womb.  They have the same father, the same upbringing, same teacher their entire life (I home school them), and they even share the same bedroom.  Yet, they are complete polar opposites!

My eldest is a dominant personality.  He's aggressive and assertive and a natural born leader.  When he was about 5 yrs. old he asked me who it was that was in charge of the Indians.  I told him it's the chief.  He then proceeded to tell me that he wants to be the chief!  

My youngest is gentle, sweet, and sensitive.  At a very young age he expressed that he was content to be a follower!  If this boy were to ever lead a family, then I knew as parent I had some work to do.

One boy naturally steps forward and the other naturally steps back.

As their character continues to grow, I watch.....

I watch for the weeds in my eldest.  Weeds of domination and insensitivity towards others. Tendencies to ruler rather than to servant-lead like Jesus.

I watch for the weeds in my youngest.  Weeds of passivity; tendencies to be so laid back that things go undone.  

They each have their own strengthens and weaknesses and both are fearfully and wonderfully made. God has etched out a purpose for both their personalities to be used for His glory.

Just like God has for your man!

Helping Your Husband to Lead When He Doesn't Know How...& a Link Up!

Last week I covered the 14 Reasons Why a Husband Doesn't Lead His Home.  If you missed that post, you can read it here because you'll want to know why he's not leading so you can help him.

For the next several days I'm going to list out various ways you can help your man step up into his God-ordained leadership position of your family.  Today I'm addressing when he doesn't know how to lead.

Marriage Lessons from a Bicycle Built for Two

The tandem bike.  

That's what my man and I received from a friend.

The bike was left to her by someone else and it was practically brand new.  And we received it as a gift; for free.  I was surprised the original owners just gave it away.

My Beloved and I couldn't wait to take it out for a ride. 

Since both my man and I already knew how to ride a bike we figured riding a tandem one would be A. Piece. of. Cake!  

This is when we learned that riding a tandem bike is much like living an intentional, Biblical marriage....

Ask Jolene

I get emails from readers quite often and I must say that I absolutely LOVE your questions because my favorite type of ministry is one on one discipleship!  Therefore, I decided to openly invite you all to ask whatever it is that you're struggling with or the dilemma you can't seem to figure out.  If I can't answer your question, I'll let you know.

My heart's passion is in discipling and encouraging wives to grow a Godly marriage, single women, women's issues/friendships, outside ministry, and the discipleship of our children.

Here's a peak into my little corner of where I write for God's glory.  What you can't see in this pic is my laptop computer that is resting on a basket near my feet!

Top 15 Ways a Wife Can Strengthen Her Marriage

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, 

but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones. 

Proverbs 12:4

10 Ways to Handle a Spiritually Unequal Marriage...& a Link Up!

Question from a reader.......

Dear Jolene,
I am 22 and a newly married woman and my husband and I got married in July of this year.  He comes from a Jewish background and he accepted the Lord into his heart around 1 1/2 years ago to 2 years ago. He is still very new to the Lord.  I was raised in a Christian family.  I accepted the Lord into my heart when I was 6 and stood firm for a while but then reached high  school and university years and drifted away.  I have come back to the Lord and am walking with him, and trying to grow with Jesus now that I am an adult. 
One way we really need to work on our marriage is spending time with the Lord together. We will wake up have breakfast and then sit down and read separately in the bible and then come together at the end and share a little about what we read and then read our daily "Utmost for His Highest" devotional.  However we always end up bickering about something. I guess because I am from a Christian family I just know more about the scriptures or I don't know.  I don't like saying it like that but anyway I have walked with the Lord longer and have had all of His teachings around me pretty much my whole life. But my husband hasn't and so I guess because of that he voices his opinions and sometimes it freaks me out because they won't be right on track with what the Bible says. Or not even that, sometimes he just won't feel moved about what we've read or he feels like me voicing my opinions or what I thought of our devotional makes him a bad leader. He doesn't feel like he's being a leader.  I just need advice.  I feel discouraged and he does too and then I just feel fruitless.  
 ~frustrated newlywed

Are You More Like His Mother or His Lover?

The need to control.  That's what we do as wives.

It's our flesh seeping out and if we can't get it under control, then our marital oneness will start to erode.

And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.  Genesis 3:16 (NLT)

Here's what mothering our men looks like:

We tell him he doesn't know how to parent, how to handle finances, how to lead the family, or even how to buy groceries!  Don't believe me on this?  Take a look around at our society and you'll see how we're being conditioned by the world as they tell us that men are a bunch of idiots, completely incompetent to handle even the smallest tasks.

Can you just let things go and enjoy the man you married?

Continue reading here where I'm guest posting today at Unveiled Wife!

Live a poured out life for Christ,

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The Transformed Wife

13 Wives in 13 Days...Wives of the Bible Series

Wife #13

This wife had a lot of brokenness.

But instead of choosing bitterness, she chose to become better.  And she did so when she walked by faith.

The Lord redeemed her.

And through His mighty hand, she became joyful and transformed.

Who is she?

She's Sarah, wife of Abraham.

The Wife After God's Own Heart

13 Wives in 13 Days...Wives of the Bible Series

Wife #12

I have a love/hate relationship with this wife.

She is a wife I look up to and one I try to emulate, but she puts me to shame.

  

She's dedicated to her husband and children.

She's hard-working.

She's filled with graciousness, compassion, and wisdom.

She seeks to make her home comfortable for her family.

And she ministers to others.

But what stands out to me the most about this wife is not what she did or what she said, but Who she pursued...

She pursued the Lord.

Who is she?

She's the Proverbs 31 Wife.

The Wife Who Wasn't a Doormat

13 Wives in 13 Days...Wives of the Bible

Wife #10

Her husband was a ruler.

She was fearful of him.

She needed to stand up for what was right.

Even if it meant her death.

Who is this wife?

She is Esther.

The Enticing Wife

13 Wives in 13 Days...Wives of the Bible Series

Wife #9

She's insecure with her outer appearance.  (I love her already!)

She let's her husband sexually delight in her.

She sexually delights in her man.

But then she rejects him.   Later, she realizes she's made a mistake so she goes after him.

So who is she?

She's the Shulamite Woman, also known as Solomon's Wife.

The Wife Who Didn't Nag, But Could Have

13 Wives in 13 Days...Wives of the Bible Series

Wife #8

Her spirit was disturbed.

She knew something wasn't right.

She shared her thoughts and concerns with her man but he didn't heed her concern and warning.

So who is she?

She's Pontius Pilate's Wife.

The Submissive Wife & a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up

13 Wive in 13 Days...Wives of the Bible Series

Wife #7

I love this wife.

She was bold.

She was strong and willing to go against family, friends, customs and traditions.

Yet, she submitted to her husband.

What?  She submitted?  Did she lose her mind?

Why would any woman willingly submit to their husband?

Hmmm, perhaps she knew something about submission that others didn't.

Who is this wife?

She is Elizabeth, the wife of Zacharias.

In my book, she is one Godly woman to emulate!

The Wife Who Placed a Higher Priority On Motherhood vs. Her Marriage

13 Wives in 13 Days...Wives of the Bible Series

Wife #6

If you have children, then you'll most likely relate to this wife on some level.

She was one busy lady raising two rambunctious boys; so rambunctious she felt like a battle was taking place within her womb while she was pregnant.  Yes, she was carrying twins.

She made some poor decisions as she raised them, so much so, that her favorite son followed her deceptive ways.

She had more loyalty towards her offspring than her husband.

So who is this wife?

She's Rebekah.

The Contentious and Jealous Wife

13 Wives in 13 Days...Wives of the Bible Series

Wife #5

I so get this woman.

Controlling.

Jealous.

Discontent.

Most wives can identify with her, unless of course you're a dead wife!

So who is this woman?

She's Sarai. (You might know her as Sarah, but today she is Sarai.  I'll introduce Sarah to you later in the series.)

There's much we can learn from Sarai so we're going to spend quite a bit of time with her today.  

The Worldly Wife

13 Wives in 13 Days...The Wives of the Bible Series

Wife # 4

This wife makes me sad.

She lived in a desirable land.  Very luxurious.  Yet, also very wicked.

God had a much better plan for her life than what she was capable of seeing.

The Lord was leading her and her family to a new place, but she didn't care.

She wasn't willing to let go of her current lifestyle.

She longed for it as she looked back....

So who is this wife?

She's Lot's Wife

The Lying and Prideful Wife

13 Wives in 13 Days...Wives of the Bible

Wife #3

This wife unfortunately followed her lying husband's lead.

She was too proud to say she held some money back as her and her man chose not to give the Apostles all the profits from their land.

She was hoping the Believers would think she was more spiritually mature than what she truly was.

So who is this woman?

Sapphira, wife of Ananias.

The Discouraging Wife

13 Wives in 13 Days....Wives of the Bible

Wife #2

She faced a lot of trials.

She lost her possessions, her cattle, wealth, home and even her children.  And then her husband fell ill.

This couple lived through some depressing times.

In spite of all their horrendous trials, her husband did his best to follow the Lord.

A Godly man he was, yet, she didn't care too much about that.

So who is she?

She's Job's wife.