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The Wife Who Placed a Higher Priority On Motherhood vs. Her Marriage

13 Wives in 13 Days...Wives of the Bible Series

Wife #6

If you have children, then you'll most likely relate to this wife on some level.

She was one busy lady raising two rambunctious boys; so rambunctious she felt like a battle was taking place within her womb while she was pregnant.  Yes, she was carrying twins.

She made some poor decisions as she raised them, so much so, that her favorite son followed her deceptive ways.

She had more loyalty towards her offspring than her husband.

So who is this wife?

She's Rebekah.

The Lying and Prideful Wife

13 Wives in 13 Days...Wives of the Bible

Wife #3

This wife unfortunately followed her lying husband's lead.

She was too proud to say she held some money back as her and her man chose not to give the Apostles all the profits from their land.

She was hoping the Believers would think she was more spiritually mature than what she truly was.

So who is this woman?

Sapphira, wife of Ananias.

The Wife of Influence

13 Wives in 13 Days....Wives of the Bible Series

Wife #1

She frustrates me to no end.

I know no one is perfect, but come on now, when was the last time you took counsel from a.....

Snake!  Really, a snake?

This woman needs no introduction because we all know she is Eve.

She's THE woman who caused the fall of mankind because she was deceived.

But the LORD God warned him, "You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden—except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die." Genesis 2:16,17

Are You an Overly Sensitive Wife?...and a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up!

If you like to watch videos, then I've got a treat for you!  I finally did my first 'speaking' video.  The Lord's been nudging me for some time to start doing videos and today I finally did it.  Thanks to my wonderful husband for his efforts.

If you're having trouble viewing the video, click here.

For those that are not video fans (which is how I am), I already had this post written, so you can read it below.

When You've Lost Respect for Your Husband... & a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up!

Did you ever view your husband as your Knight in Shining Armor?  A man you once had great respect and honor for?  Maybe in the early years of your relationship you thought very highly of him? But then the hard times of life have caused you to view your man quite differently than you once did? Perhaps now the shine and luster in that armor of his is gone and it's been replaced by some rust and dents?  Where did your dreamy man go?  And how do you go on respecting a man you no longer respect?

When the Seeds of Bitterness Sprout Up in Your Marriage

I recently had a reader contact me asking if I could address the bitterness that's growing in her heart towards her husband and what can she do about it.  Well, I don't believe she's alone in these feelings because I think it's pretty common among wives.  In fact, I believe there are so many wives who experience this towards their man that I even mentioned it in my post, 20 Reasons Why a Wife Doesn't Want to Have Sex!

So I figured I'd share some thoughts and ways to combat it for all who stop by here.  By the way, I just love all your questions!  It helps me to know what you'd like me to write on.  So feel free to contact me via email, FB, leave a comment, or write a question in the Forum of Friends and I'll do my best to answer them.

So, you've tried to forgive him and you thought you did, but deep down inside the seeds of bitterness are starting to grow and your love for him is starting to diminish by the second.

Are You a Wife that's Easy to Love?...& a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up!

There was a simple reason why I married my man, I did so because I loved him and I felt his love towards me.  I don't think I'm alone in this because I believe this is the same reason why most brides married their husbands.  We didn't say 'yes' to our man because we wanted to go through life feeling discouraged or rejected by them.  We said 'yes' because they made us feel treasured.

As wives, we need to feel cherished by our husbands but sometimes in our marital relationship the love extended by our husbands towards us can sometimes lessen or fade away.  This can happen for a number of reasons:

The Main Ingredient to Grow Your Marriage

Today I spent some time thinking about you, dear reader.  Yes, you.   My recent post, 20 Reasons a Wife Doesn't Want to Have Sex, has stirred up some openness in women as they've shared their hearts and hurts on infidelity, pornography, sexual abuse, marital/sexual problems, etc.  

I've read countless testimonies and comments from hurting wives all over the internet and my heart is just broken for all who are in painful and struggling marriages.  I literally wept for you.  I know that sounds absurd, but it's true.  

Now let me just say right now that I'm not the weepy, overly-emotional, feeling-oriented, type of gal.  And being a woman, I'm not sure why that is.  I've often thought it was because I had more testosterone in my body than most women.  Or maybe it was because I was raised with all boys and have boys myself.  Soft and delicate are two words that are not common in my vocabulary.  Or perhaps it's all the walls that I've built around me that keeps me somewhat numb, closed off.  I tell you all this because it's not in my fleshly nature to be so open and compassionate to....a complete stranger.  I'm more of the reserved kinda personality.  Guarded is a better word for it.  I tend to keep people at arms distance for fear that I might be rejected or attacked.  Yeah, that's how I roll. (And no, it's not that time of the month for me, either!)

Anyways, I tell you this because God was moving in my heart for you.  So I wanted to share with you something that will help you grow your marriage, no matter how good, bad or ugly it is.  

I'm Married to a Crummy Husband & a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up!

My husband and I are so different.  In fact, you can call us opposites.

I've often wondered what I was thinking when I married him.  I mean, after all, this is not what I thought married life would be like!

Sometimes he's so rude in the way that he speaks to me that I feel like he never considers my feelings.

He just doesn't understand me.

He hardly ever spends any time talking to me like he used to.

All he ever wants from me is sex.

He's certainly not very affectionate like he was when we were dating.

He throws a fit every time we have a disagreement.  Or he doesn't say a word.

I don't like they way he handles conflict with others.  Sometimes he does absolutely nothing about it and sticks his head in the sand.  Other times I wish he'd handle things my way because I'd be much more caring and gentle.

I don't think he works hard enough.  Or he's always working and he's never home.

I wish he'd make more money for our family.

I'm not sure he knows how to parent our children well enough.  Sometimes he acts like a distant father.  Or he acts like a child himself.

He never helps out around the house.  Or he expects the house to be in perfect order.

He's a tight wad with the money.  Or he does a poor job handling the money.

Perhaps if he was a better spiritual leader, maybe all my problems with him would disappear?

Unfortunately, these are the many things that I hear from wives about their husbands.

Be Careful Little Eyes What You Read

I love to read books, I always have even when I was younger.  When I was unsaved, I read mostly romance novels- which isn't a wise path, by the way, and a path that I wouldn't encourage anyone to take; whether one is single or married.  

Now, I know there are Christian romance novels that are out, but when I married, I didn't find that these books would add any value to my relationship with my husband.  In fact, in my mind, I thought what I read would only cause me to stumble in my own marriage.  I didn't want to compare what was written on the pages of a book, to my romance with my husband.  I believe it would have set me up for failure if I took that approach.  So, I just resolved to stay away from them and even the Christian ones.  I guess you can say I was more adamant about writing my own romance novel as I lived out my marriage.

So, this brings me to my point of the post.  I know there are many women who do read romance novels and I've recently heard about a new e-reader book that's now out all over the internet.  Apparently this book falls under the 'erotica' type.  I know just a little about this book, in addition to what I have read from other fellow, Christian bloggers on this topic.  I don't intend to gather much more research because I don't care to put that kind of filth before my eyes any more than I have to.  Plus, I don't care to be tempted by the Enemy.  So, I'll trust their judgement and just stay away from it.

But now I'm sharing this information with you in hopes that it with help you, strengthen you, or protect you depending on your situation; whether you're single or married.  Plus, if you're a parent of a teen daughter, this will help you protect her as well.  That's something I wish would've taken place in my life when I was a teen.

Although I'm quite hesitant to share the title of the book with you because I don't want you to be tempted, however, on the flip side, I don't want you to innocently pick up the book and start reading it either.  

Hmmm, what to do, what to do!

Well, I feel it's best to give you the head's up on this.  The title of the book is called 50 Shades of Grey, but I don't know the author's name. 

If you happen to be a woman who's drawn into the romance and erotica novels, please take the time to read Sheila Gregoire's post addressing this issue, Why Kindles Can Wreck Your Marriage.  Even though her post is addressed to married women, I believe a single woman can glean from what she has shared.

Oh, be careful little eyes what you read!

Live a poured out life for Christ,

When Your Husband is Attracted to Other Women...& a Link Up

Immodesty is EVERYWHERE in our society.  You can find it on the billboards, t.v. shows, commercials, movies, driving through town, at a shopping mall and sadly even at church.  You can't avoid the bare-skinned, tight-fitted, short skirts, and cleavage that is displayed ALL OVER THE PLACE and neither can a visually-made MAN!  Not only are these women immodest, but some of them are down right gorgeous and it's hard not to notice them!  And I'm a woman saying this so imagine how a married man must feel!

I had a reader ask me a question about how do good Christian women keep a healthy and fulfilling intimate life with our husbands based on all the immodesty that surrounds us, along with all the immoral women out in the world. 


Last week I addressed the first part of her question on how to have a fulfilling intimate life and this week I'm going to address the beautiful, exquisite, and immodest women that are found far and wide.

Male or female, attractive people are just that, attractive, and sometimes you can't help but gawk notice them.

But what happens when your man's eyes are on just about every attractive woman that walks into a room?

Sorry to say friend, but you don't have too many options.

It's not like you can shield him from society or lock him up in a room so he'll only have eyes for you.  Nor can you put extra clothes on these women and make them look ugly!  And putting a bag over their head isn't the answer either.  (Wishful thinking, I know!)
 

So, what do you do?  How do you deal with this issue?

First, here's two things to help you better understand your man....

1. God made men to be visual.  Your man is a flesh-filled, imperfect human being; he's not Jesus.  So this is one area where you'll want to practice extending grace to your husband.
2. Recognize the fact that you can't control your husband's flesh and you can't control his heart; these two issues are a matter for the Holy Spirit to transform. 

But I think this thought might help you in your situation.....

 

There's a big difference between a man who finds a woman attractive, and a man who is lusting after her.  One is a sin and the other is not.

"But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."  Matthew 5:28

"Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, nor let her allure you with her eyelids."  Proverbs 6:25

"But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts."  Romans 13:14

7 Tips for a Healthy Marriage

• Let's face it, there will always be someone prettier than us, so make sure you check your jealousy at the door because if you don't, it'll harm your marriage.  Remember who you are in Christ and that you were made in His image; let Him speak to your heart so you can ward off the jealousy that might be brewing in your heart.

• Refrain from pointing out to your spouse how you think another man or woman is drop dead gorgeous.  Essentially, it's like you're opening a window to let the Enemy come in and sow seeds of insecurity, jealousy, and potentially lust into your marriage.  This seemingly innocent and fun people-watching activity doesn't build up your marriage nor you and your spouse in anyway, shape or form.   

• Do what you can to look attractive for your husband.  (But be careful on this one because it can be a slippery slope, meaning your outer appearance should not become an idol.) Also, a wise husband will be understanding of a woman's changing body and that's when he should be gracious to her.  Babies change things, illnesses and injuries change things, hormones change things, and of course the aging process takes a toll on a woman's body.

• Don't deprive your husband of your body; let him see you in your birthday suit!  Generally speaking, there is a reason why men find immodest women attractive....it's because they are! These women are all dolled up and they're showing their parts!  Try doing that for your husband on a regular basis.  You can read more about that here and here.

• Be vulnerable with your husband and share your heart with him.  Let him know how it makes you feel when he is looking at other women, or worse yet, when he's making comments about them in your presence!  He may not even realize he is doing this or that it even bothers you. 

Here's a simple dialog you can have with him:  Hey love, I know there are beautiful women all over the place, and I wished I looked like some of them!  I do realize that God has made you to be very visual, however, when I'm with you and you're looking at these women, it makes me feel unattractive to you and it hurts my feelings.  So can you do me a favor?  Do you mind keeping your eyes on me when you're with me?  When you do that, I feel a great amount of love by you and I feel desired by you.

• Pray for your man and what he wrestles with.  Don't forget that we are in a spiritual battle and the Enemy would love to destroy our marriage.

 "The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."  Matthew 26:41

• One last tip, but this one is to help you help someone else's husband.  Be mindful of how you dress in public.  Is what you're wearing something that you would want another woman to wear around your husband?  Seeing how you'll want to be modest in public, you'll need to come up with some creative ways to be immodest around your husband!  

Talk to your man about what I've shared here and get his thoughts on this as well!


In case you're wondering why I don't spell out s*x, it's because I don't want this post to be blocked because of parental controls or filters on one's computer.

Live a poured out life for Christ,

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I have a passion for marriage so I invite you to join me every Monday for this link-up!

Please share your post on any and all things related to being a wife, i.e. homemaking ideas, ways you minister to your husband, dating ideas, and/or hearing what the Lord is telling you about your most important earthly relationship!

Link to your actual “Marital Oneness Mondays” post, not just your general blog address--that way if readers come by later in the week, they can click your relevant post.

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A Fulfilling Intimacy Life

I had a reader ask me a question about how do good Christian women keep a healthy and fulfilling intimate life with our husbands based on all the immodesty that surrounds us, along with all the immoral women out in the world. 

So, today, I am going to address just the first part of that question and then in another post, I'll address the rest of it.


But before I answer, let me give you a little background first.

Before I came to Christ, I acted like the immoral woman; immodesty and all. But when I married my Beloved, I was a Christian but I had a very difficult time in my mind learning how to reconcile my old ways with my new ones.   Of course I learned a few things based on what I read in God's Word and one of those things was to keep the marriage bed pure and to not have sex outside of marriage.

So, my man and I waited to have sex until our wedding night.  Yes, it was very difficult to wait, but it was the right thing to do in God's eyes.  But here's something that I struggled with regarding intimacy:  I was unsure of how to act.  I certainly couldn't act like the tramp immoral woman I once was!  But the opposite of that was to be the good, Christian woman, but I didn't know what that looked like in the marriage bed.

I didn't have any godly women in my life teaching me those things.  What would be considered modest or immodest?  What's appropriate in my marriage bed and what isn't?  What do I show my husband and what don't I show him?  All those questions ran through my mind and it was all very difficult for me.   I think at one point I would have swung towards having a prudish attitude based on what I perceived from other Christian women.   But, I wanted the straight Truth, so I searched the scriptures for the answers.

What I found in God's Word was the furthest thing from a frigid or prudish wife!

So, I had resolved in my mind that I wouldn't turn my Beloved away whenever he wanted to be sexually intimate with me, and here were my reasons why:

#1  My man's body belongs to me.  I loved reading the following verse as a soon to be wife!  Remember, I hadn't been intimate with my man yet!

The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

#2  I wanted to protect my marriage from the Enemy

Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  1 Corinthians 7:5

#3  I wanted my husband to delight in me, not some other woman.  And I didn't want some other woman to entice him because I wanted to entice him! 

Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice with the wife of your youth. [As a] loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love. Proverbs 5:18,19

#4 The act of marriage is what makes a marriage different from all other relationships.  In other words, biblically speaking, you can't have sex with anyone other than your husband.

Knowing those scriptures and resolving to hold fast to them helped me as a young bride to lay the proper order for our marriage. So when the homemaking duties came, the babies entered into the world, the homeschooling began, and the outside ministries took place, my marital life (including intimacy) did not take a backseat to any of these very important responsibilities. 

Modesty and the Marriage Bed  

Let me touch on this one because I think it needs to be discussed.  Plus, I believe it will bring a greater amount of fulfillment to your intimacy.

The marriage bed is undefiled.

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.  Hebrews 13:4 (ESV)

Perhaps you have been raised in a very conservative, Christian home and you're not sure how to act.  Well, mama done taught you well!  She showed you what was modest and what was not and what was appropriate and inappropriate for a lady.  She has helped you act in such a manner that it caught your man's eye and ultimately, you became his wife!

But mama's time teaching you is done.....at least when it comes to the marriage bed.  Your gauge for what to do and how to act in the marriage bed is what your man wants, not what your mama taught you!

Wannna know how to act, just ask your husband what he likes!  Yes, it is that easy.  If you're newly married, he may not have all the answers just yet, but over time, he will.

If he likes a lot of makeup, then wear it.  If he likes lingerie, then wear.  If he likes high-heeled shoes, then wear them.  You get my point.

When I walk outside and go through life I try to be modest.  When I am in the house with my boys, I try to be modest, but when I am with my husband and no one else, I am not modest.  As insecure as I am about my body, I realize that my body is the ONLY naked body that my husband is biblically allowed to look at.  That's why I am eating less chocolate now!  I do what I can to make sure my husband is sexually content and he is enjoying the wife of his youth.


Many times we get busy in life meeting all of the demands and responsibilities before us and adding the act of marriage at the end of the day can seem exhausting.  Here's my advice to you.  Take a nap in the middle of the day or feed your husband a hot dog for dinner.  I'm sure he won't care if you don't cook him a 3-course meal because you decided to save your energy for the marriage bed that night!

Or sometimes our husbands are just flat out jerks and the last thing we want to do is have sex with them.  Talk to him and let him know your feelings have been hurt over XYZ issue.  Do your best to forgive him, resolve your conflict and move on.

My encouragement to you would be to protect your marriage and one of the ways that you could do this is to not deprive your husband of sexual intimacy. 

Live a poured out life for Christ,

Did you enjoy reading The Alabaster Jar?

Subscribe through email or 'like' my page on Facebook to receive future posts.

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Finding Beauty, 

I have a passion for marriage so I invite you to join me every Monday for this link-up!

Please share your post on any and all things related to being a wife, i.e. homemaking ideas, ways you minister to your husband, dating ideas, and/or hearing what the Lord is telling you about your most important earthly relationship!

Link to your actual “Marital Oneness Mondays” post, not just your general blog address--that way if readers come by later in the week, they can click your relevant post.

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A Strong Friendship in Your Marriage will Make for a Stronger Marriage...& a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up!

We all want to be loved and accepted.  We want to be appreciated and heard.  We want our man to take notice of us and love us unconditionally.  But after the wedding vows are said, life happens and for some marriages, the love that was once so strong slowly starts to fade.  

Problems start to surface.  Fighting becomes the norm.  The cold shoulder is given.  And intimacy is lacking or maybe even non-existent.  

What went wrong?  

How did your marriage end up like this?

Before we deal with the symptoms (problems), let's look at the types of love in the Bible, and afterwards I'm going to give you some tips that you can apply to help make your marriage stronger.

There are 3 types of love depicted in the Bible.

1. Agape Love which would describe God’s divine love for us.  John 3:16 reflects Agape love.
2. Phileo Love is brotherly love.  The passage in John 21:15-17 where Jesus asked Peter if he (agape) loved him 3 different times, and each time Peter replied with "yes Lord you know I (Phileo) love you."  This is a picture of brotherly love. 
3. Eros Love is simple to understand.  It is an erotic or romantic love; the type of love between a husband and wife found in the Song of Songs.

A typical love story goes something like this:

He's good-looking.  He finds you attractive.  You talk for hours.  He's kind to you.  Your heart skips a beat when you see him, and he starts to sweep you off your feet.  Romantic feelings, emotions, and lust take over, then you fall in love, hence Eros love has taken place.  You get married with the hopes and expectations of living happily ever after.  

Many husbands and wives try to live off of Eros love, but when the problems of life creep in and your emotions and feelings for your man start to wane, the future of your marriage almost seems like it is doomed to fail.  But is it? 

A strong marriage has a strong Phileo love.  The couple has established, built, and continually works on the deepening of their friendship.  

So, that's where we're going to spend our time today; strengthening your Phileo love in your marriage.

Work on building your friendship with your husband.

But first, let's read what the Bible has to say about us as wives.

In the book of Genesis, even after God created all the animals, Adam was still alone.  God, being an all-knowing God, knew that Adam needed a companion, one that was suitable for him.  So what did our smart God do?  He made woman.  That's you and I friend!  Wives are designed to complete the husband. 

And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." Genesis 2:18

We play a huge role in our marriage and don't let society (or the Enemy) tell you otherwise.  Our men need us; they were designed that way and we were designed for them.

As a married woman, you were created for your husband.  This is a concept that the world does not embrace and many times we wouldn't even hear this message in the Church, but, hey, it's right there in the scriptures so don't ignore God's wisdom!

For man is not from woman, but woman from man. Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man.  1 Corinthians 11:8,9

Your man needs you.  He needs loving you.  Encouraging you.  Uplifting you.  Gracious you.  Kind and content you.  If you haven't noticed, all these things make for a great friend, but unfortunately your man has let you down.  He disappointed you.  Hurt you.  Offended you.  Stopped listening to you.  Stopped wooing you.  And romancing you went out the window a long time ago, unless of course he's trying to have sex with you!

So, how in the world do you turn your cold, angry, and maybe even bitter heart around and love him back and make your marriage stronger?

It all starts with Phileo love; brotherly love.  Well, really it starts with forgiveness first, but as a Christian woman, that's implied here.

Build your friendship first before you fix the Eros love in your marriage.  Learn to do things with your husband.  Here's a quick tip.  Seeing how you were created for man, don't expect your husband to pick up needlepoint or scrapbook with you because that is not how he is designed!  It is much easier for a woman to learn to do something that the man likes.  Get involved with his hobby or his favorite sports team, rather than expecting him to do something you enjoy. They lead, we follow.  Keep taking an interest in him and learning about him.  Do these things without criticizing, condemning, questioning, or bossing him.  You are not there to change him, rather you are there to be his friend.

Think of building your friendship with him the way you would with one of your girlfriends.  

Would you treat him differently?  

Would you speak to him differently? 

Would your attitude towards him be different?  

Would you be more loving, kind, and gracious?

Use these questions as a tool to help you become a better friend to your man.

By building the Phileo love; friendship love in your marriage, you are essentially building your marriage.  And over time, your respect for him will grow and so will your Eros love. (Plus, when this takes place, that whole submission thing that you may be struggling with, that will get a whole lot easier as well!)

Live a poured out life for Christ,

Linking up with: No Ordinary Bloghop, The Better Mom, These Five of Mine Plus Two, Raising Arrows, Time Warp Wife, Far Above Rubies, Women Living Well, A Wise Woman Builds Her House, A Pause on the Path, Wifey Wednesday, Lessons from Ivy,
Unveiled Wife,

I have a passion for marriage so I invite you to join me every Monday for this link-up!

Please share your post on any and all things related to being a wife, i.e. homemaking ideas, ways you minister to your husband, dating ideas, and/or hearing what the Lord is telling you about your most important earthly relationship!

Link to your actual “Marital Oneness Mondays” post, not just your general blog address--that way if readers come by later in the week, they can click your relevant post. And link back to this community, either by using the button below or a text link. You can find the button code here for you to insert in your post:

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