The Wife Who Placed a Higher Priority On Motherhood vs. Her Marriage

13 Wives in 13 Days...Wives of the Bible Series

Wife #6

If you have children, then you'll most likely relate to this wife on some level.

She was one busy lady raising two rambunctious boys; so rambunctious she felt like a battle was taking place within her womb while she was pregnant.  Yes, she was carrying twins.

She made some poor decisions as she raised them, so much so, that her favorite son followed her deceptive ways.

She had more loyalty towards her offspring than her husband.

So who is this wife?

She's Rebekah.

Reading List 2012

I'm a little late to the reading party seeing how this is July, but I know that God doesn't care!

July

Forgotten God:  Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan
Wisdom for Today by Chuck Smith

August

Crazy Love by Francis Chan

September

Helper by Design by Elyse Fitzpatrick

October

Real Marriages by Mark and Grace Driscoll  (I'm curious about this one being that I've never heard him speak but I do know that controversy surrounds his name!)

November

How to Make Brothers and Sisters Best Friends by Sarah Mally

December

A Sacred Marriage:  What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy by Gary Thomas


So many books....so little time!

Sister, what are some good books that you're reading?


Live a poured out life for Christ,

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I'm Tired of Serving the Most High God... and a Link Up!

I've been in full-time ministry for many, many years now.

Ministry to my husband.

Ministry to my children.

Ministry within my home and outside of my home.

I'm tired of serving others all in the name of Jesus Christ.

I'm tired of being rejected and persecuted for my faith.

A Biblical Blueprint for Married Women

We have no reason to be ignorant about God's Word regarding what we, as wives, should be doing with our lives.  Here's a list to put things in proper order:

A Biblical Blueprint for Married Women

1.  God

She puts God first in her life.

"You shall have no other gods before Me.”  Exodus 20:3   “And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. This is the first commandment.”  Mark 12:30 “If you love me, you will obey what I command.”  John 14:15

2.  Husband

A husband and wife are one, and it is the most important ‘earthly’ relationship. “And the two shall become one flesh'; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.”  Mark 10:8

She is a helper to her husband. "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." Genesis 2:18

She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:12

She is respectful.  Let the wife see that she respects her husband.  Eph. 5:33

She is submissive.  Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.  Colossians 3:18

She is to be obedient to her husband.  Titus 2:5

3.  Children

She raises and trains up godly children.

“Didn't the LORD make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. Malachi 2:15

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.  Proverbs 22:6

She is to love her children.Titus 2:4

4.  Home

She manages the affairs of her home.

She is to be a keeper at home.  Titus 2:5

She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.  Proverbs 31:27

5.  Outside Ministries

She gives of her talents and gifts.

The older women are to be teachers of good things.  Titus 2:3

She extends her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.  Proverbs 31:20

6.  Enterprise

She is creative and capable.

She considers a field and buys it; from her profits she plants a vineyard.  Proverbs 31:16

She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies sashes for the merchants.  Proverbs 31:24

So why align your life like this? So the Word of God is not blasphemed.  Titus 2:5

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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I Could've Been Aborted

I’ve never written on this topic before, nor have I spoken much about it, but my Father has an uncanny knack of taking me to those deep, dark, painful places that are tucked away locked in the vault of my heart.  He has a way of stirring things up.  Getting to the root issues.  Ruffling my feathers.   I guess now I know where I get those attributes from!

42 years ago today, it was a part of God’s providential plan for me to be brought into this world, yet my birth mother could have easily made the decision to abort me.  Instead, she made the choice to give me up for adoption.

At just a few weeks old I was placed into my adoptive parents' home; a home that was already filled with their 3 biological sons.  I was the only girl and the baby of the family.

I grew up knowing that I was adopted; my parents didn't keep the truth from me.

"You're special."  "You're chosen."  Were the words that I heard at a young age.

Yet, I still struggled to find my way. I didn't fit in very well.  Sure, I may have had similarities like the brown hair and eyes, but I was clearly different from my family.

Who was I?

Why was I given up?

At age 16, my mother (adoptive) gave me some background information on my biological parents.  When I read about their interests and talents, I was blown away by how much I was like them.   That small piece of paper that I held in my hands said who I was, yet the truth on the page showed two people I had never met.  It was weird, I connected and identified with mere words.  Not  souls, but words.

I was haunted by the fact that my biological mother was 26 and my biological father was 29 yrs. old when I came into this world.  It's not like they were 2 teenagers who couldn't care for a baby, nor was I a product of rape.  Was it an affair?  Too much peace and free love in the year of 1969?

I'll never know why they gave me up, and for many years since I was a young girl, I have lived with the feelings of being rejected and unwanted by my own birth parents.

I wish I could say that my relationship with my adoptive parents was filled with lots of love and acceptance, but it wasn't.  Mom and I had a rocky relationship; we were at odds a lot.  I'm not sure why.  Must have been my strong-willed personality that she didn't know what to do with. Dad, on the other hand, brought home a paycheck and was involved with the boys' sporting events.  That's about it.  We didn't have much of a relationship.  However, I am thankful for the fact that my parents were brave enough to take me into their home and raise me.

Then I met Jesus Christ and my whole perspective on the adoption thing changed.  I realized that God had a plan for me to be a part of their family.

What I didn't know was that a few short years later, my adoptive parents would walk out on my life because of my faith in Jesus Christ. (There's a cost to pay for following Him.)  That hurt deeply.  I was rejected again.  First by my biological parents, then by my adoptive parents. 

How do I live with a legacy of rejection?  How do I not let those scars define who I am?

I try to figure out who I am and who I belong to.  My spirit knows those answers, but I get lost in my flesh, my fears, and my insecurities of not being accepted.

Most of the time I silently deal with the rejection.  Some days are better than others, yet the enemy knows my weaknesses and he goes straight for the jugular.

The thoughts come:

Who am I?

Who do I belong to?

Who am I like?

Who will love me?

Who will approve of me?

Who will affirm me?

And my Father steps in and answers all those questions....

He tells me over and over again that I am His Daughter.  Oh how I cling to those words.

I was bought with His blood; a crimson love.  I'm an heir to His throne.  I'm the apple of His eye.

But now God has me writing this story out.  Facing my issues head on.  Verbalizing my brokenness and clenching to the Cross in the process.

He knows the on-going rejection I face by others is hindering me in ministry.  (And the devil knows that as well.)

Child, you belong to Me.  I chose you and adopted you.  Those are life-sustaining words for me.

Just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.  Ephesians 1:4-6

And He calls me Daughter.

But on this day I can't help but think about her, the one whose womb I came from.

And then I wonder...

Who is she?

Is she still alive?

Does she hurt each year the calendar page turns to February 10^th?

Does she know Jesus?

Then I think about if she wonders who I am.

What I look like.

If I hurt each year the calendar page turns to Feb. 10th.

And if I know Jesus.

Then, the little girl tears (and the grown woman tears) fall down my face….

Without fail, my Father tenderly wipes them away.

And then, He calls me Daughter.

I belong to Him and He has my heart.  He has a perfect plan for my life.

So today I reflect on the fact that He gave me life, and yet He gave up His own life so...

He can call me Daughter.

Whatever your story and the scars you wear ...

He calls you Daughter, too.

(FYI:  my relationship with my mom has since been restored, and my dad is in heaven with Jesus.  God decided to use me to bring my father to Christ right before his death.  Hmmm, go figure.  Even in the midst of pain and heartache, God's plan for us is always perfect even if we can't see it.)

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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Her Children Rise Up and Call Her Stressed

Those were not the words that I longed to hear from my children a few weeks ago, yet, based on how I acted, it certainly was a possibility!

Stressed was an understatement.  HI hollered at my kids.  Not only did I yell at them but I also slammed the kitchen cupboard doors and drawers as I went about my business of purging and packing the home.  I was angry and I wanted to pull my hair out.  I exploded.

The enemy, knowing full well of my past, got a foothold of me that morning.

The Lord convicted my heart.  Daughter, your actions are not of Me.  They are of your flesh and not My Spirit.

I know Lord.  Forgive me. 

“Boys, will you forgive Mommy?  I am sorry for yelling and screaming at you.”

“I was being nasty and Jesus does not want me to act this way.  He wants me to trust in Him even in the midst of moving again.”

“This is the path that He has us on and He knows we can go through this.”

“He does not want us to rely on our own strengths but instead, rely on Him”

“I am sorry for treating you bad, will you forgive me?”

“It’s okay Mommy, I forgive you”, said my gentle and sensitive Noah.

“I forgive you Mommy.  Will you forgive me too for not doing what you asked and not helping you?”  My strong-willed, Seth replied.

My heart melted.

They are learning.

I am learning.

My action of rage was not what a God-fearing, Christian woman should be displaying towards her children (or anyone else for that matter).

I still have much to overcome based on my past.

(Deep sign) Oh, my past...A home filled with rage.  A home where I walked on eggshells.  A home where I was afraid to have a messy room because of the repercussions.  I was frightened by one of my parents and tried to avoid them at all costs.  Belts were used in anger.  Plastic baseball bats were used as the parent sat lying in wait to use on young children.  With a boiling temper, books and glass figurines were thrown at us.  Of course we were blamed for all of the problems.

Note: I have since forgiven my parents for their actions. They did not have the biblical understanding nor the God-fearing wisdom needed when they raised me.  They did the best they could and I am thankful for their sacrifice. 

However, just because of what I experienced as a child, that does not give me license to sin towards my children when I parent them.  (Although I am sure Oprah would enjoy me sitting on her couch letting the world know how I was wronged as a kid like the rest of the world!)  Sometimes we need to learn to let go of our past and take responsibility for our own actions and selfish behaviors and stop blaming our upbringing.  Yes, my upbringing certainly made an impact on me but the Word of God is very clear…

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”  2 Corinthians 5:17

God, the ‘Great I Am’ has made a bigger impact on my life than the impact that my parents made on me.

It is who I am in Christ that defines me.  Not my upbringing.

I have become new and I needed to learn to change my old ways.

“Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 3:13, 14

I wanted to parent my children in a way that was pleasing to the Lord.  I made changes and learned some patience and self-control (and I am still learning it!)

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.”  Galatians 5:22, 23

I don’t want my boys to remember this time in our lives as a difficult time where their mother was relying more on herself rather than resting in Christ.

“Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”  Isaiah 40:30, 31

I don’t need to be angry, Anxious and Overwhelmed on this journey, I just need to keep my eyes on the Lord and do my best to remain in Him; in His Spirit… not my flesh.

 "I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.  John 15:5

When I am in the flesh… is when I become stressed.

When I take on too much… then I become stressed.

When I take on other roles… then I become stressed.

When things are outside of my control, (and I want to control it)… then I become stressed.

Even if I feel like I'm in a pressure cooker and I am about to explode... I need to learn to be still.

Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!  The LORD of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah  Psalm 46:10, 11 

I do not want to be yelling at my children while I’m telling them that Jesus loves them!  That doesn’t work, it gives them mixed messages.

“I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.”  Galatians 5:16, 17

In His presence there is no stress… only His strength.  

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”  Psalm 46:1

That is where I want to be all the time so one day I will hear, 

“Her children rise up and called her blessed.”  Proverbs 31:28

Here's some tips to remove the stress in your life:

• Be in God's Word.  Be in God's Word. Be in God's Word.


• Be in prayer.


• Worship the Lord.


• Be in fellowship.


• Don't take on too many responsibilities.  Keep life simple.


• Eat chocolate! (smile.)

Yes, our children will emulate us…the good and the bad.  Will they become stressed too?

As parents, our main job is to take our children to THE PERFECT PARENT, God Himself.  But we can’t do that if we don’t go to the Lord ourselves.