When Your Husband is Waiting to Land His Dream Job

Not too long ago I received an email from one of my readers asking for my help about her marriage.  We emailed back and forth several times and below you'll see her concerns of her husband not working.  Seeing how I have been writing a series on this topic, I thought I'd share her letter with you in hopes that it might help you or a friend who may find themselves in a similar situation.  Note:  this is a long post!

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Dear Jolene,

My husband and I have been married for 2+ years, sometimes I can't help but wonder, if this truly is from God?  And if God did not say 'YES' 2+ years ago, is everything too late for our marriage?

We were both believers, met at church, and finished pre-marital counseling by our pastor.  I thought everything was fine and according to the biblical teaching, until later.  When we got married, he was a student, pursuing a MBA degree, not working.  As gullible as it sounds, I did not know it would be a problem, not from the church, not from my own mother (dad passed away of cancer when i was 11).  Growing up, my dad worked to support the family financially, while my mom stayed home and took care of my brother and me, thus projected and painted an ideal picture for me.  My husband's family is the opposite, both parents worked full time, he has a different picture.

2+ years passed...he's finally out of school, but has not found a job.  I had been working, always came home tired and exhausted; not able to do what a wife 'should' do made me miserable.  He is great, the house is always clean, all chores taken care of, meals cooked when I get home, but I am not satisfied.  My heart has grown bitter and there seems to be no way out especially when work has become so demanding.  (There had been a lot of stress:  maternity leave from a coworker, manager refused to hire another, dumped all the work to me.  I had to do a lot of over time and now I am burned out).

Numerous times I talked to him about quitting my job, and the desire of me staying home.  He is not a bad guy, and has tried to land jobs.  None of us had been taught of anything in this field.  Is it my imagination that men should work to provide for the family?

Our Pastor visited today, wanting to help our marriage.  He brought up 'Proverbs 31' to advise me what a wife of noble character should look like.  He says wives need to sacrifice, and help their husbands to succeed.  Is there anything wrong with this picture?

We have been praying for a job for my husband.  I believe if this is God's promise, there is no way the door is not opened..right?  All I can think of right now is to quit my job, rid the burden of making all the payments.  I am physically and mentally exhausted.  I want to please God and be a submissive wife, yet at the same time, I don't know if i can make another day at work.

Please share any thoughts or verses Jolene...please help, I honestly do not know what to do, I'm searching up the Bible, yet my Pastor tells me to sacrifice and give my husband time to figure out what he can do.  My heart hates the workplace, yet there is payments needing to be met.

I was so lost and did not know what to think after listening to my Pastor.  My heart was just not at peace. He did quote that verse, Genesis 3:17, after I told him how stressful and exhausting working is for me, he mentioned this verse, and said, it is a curse to all mankind, meaning I should just accept it, at least that's how I took it.  I asked whether it is a God-given responsibility for guys to support the family, not women, and he said, God did not forbid women to, and reminded me of Proverbs 31 women.

My husband is still a believer to this day.  We were so confused, wanting to figure out what exactly is biblical.  It had been my desire to be a stay-at-home mom (we do not have kids yet, mostly because I do not think I can be a mom and at work at the same time, I just hate the idea of sending kids to daycare, period), but lately I just don't think I can do everything.  I started to ponder, is this what God really wanted me to do in my life? or am I looking for an excuse to justify my laziness of not wanting to work and provide for the family?  I do not know.

In the 4 gospels, Jesus mentioned the Pharisees and how they have placed the burdens on people, of doing things they themselves cannot do.. so I asked my Pastor, how can he ask me to do all these things when it seems impossible to do?  Again, he mentioned the Proverbs 31 woman.  He pointed out that I'm looking more at the situation, not God; that I'm expecting a lot from other people, and how I should look into changing myself, instead of expecting what others need to do.  I was waiting for him to point out what husbands need to do, but he said none, so I asked, what about husbands, they need not to do anything?  And he said again, I'm expecting from others again, and how I need to look into changing that.

There is another couple in the church with a similar situation, except they have a 4-month old.  Dad is not working, mom is working full time.  Our pastor pointed out, that how there is similarity between this sister and me, we are both looking at the situations and expecting from our husbands.  There is a lot of bitterness within that sister too, we shared a lot, but apparently we were 'expecting' too much from our husbands.  It leads me to wonder, if God loves us so much, treasures us, could this be right?  I was searching, but do not have an answer until I read your blog.  And of course, there is always the other side of the story, husbands felt discouraged and all, but we (and the sister) were so exhausted having to do everything we just couldn't afford to care how they feel.

~Vivian

When I read Vivian's letter my heart broke for her and then I was immediately angry at the unwise counsel that her Pastor gave her.  In fact, I was so bent out of shape I couldn't even speak to read the email to my husband!  Now, I realize we don't hear too many sermons on whether a wife should work outside of the home or not, but in all my years of following the Lord, I have never once heard a Pastor discourage a woman from her calling as a wife and mother.  I understand that Vivian's husband was having a hard time finding work....but the Pastor's admonishment to Vivian was to suck it up and deal with your mental and physical exhaustion like a good little Proverbs 31 woman so your husband can........... succeed!  Funny thing is, I've never read that verse in the Bible.

A man does not toil the field so he can succeed.

A man does not provide for his family so he can succeed.

A man toils the field because that is his curse.

And to the man he said, "Since you listened to your wife and ate from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat, the ground is cursed because of you.  All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it.  Genesis 3:17

A man provides for his family because that is what he is commanded to do.

For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat.  2 Thessalonians 3:10

But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.  1 Timothy 5:8

Nowhere in that verse does it say that a man should succeed before he should take a job and provide for his family!

But, we are naive Christians because we listen to the enemy ALL THE TIME instead of listening to the Word of God!  We get sucked into the lie that we can have things our way and we can have it all the time!  No, no we can't.  There is a price to pay for the choices that we make in our lives.

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.  Galatians 6:7,8

We get caught up into the ways of the world.   We assume if we get a good education then that will most certainly give us a good paying job.  (Perhaps that may happen and perhaps that won't.)  That college diploma does not give us a guarantee of that happening.  And God certainly does not owe us anything.  Look at the situation that Vivian's dear husband is in.  For goodness sakes, he has his Master's degree, yet, he can't find the job he went to school for!

Today, there are so many people out of work.  There are more people in college and more women in the workforce.   The job market is smaller and the competition is larger.  All these things make it harder for a man to get a job and provide for his family.  Yet, one coming out of school thinks they did the right thing and that they'll easily land the job that is suited just for them.

Can someone please show me where it says in the Scriptures that the man will love toiling the field?  And that he'll be doing his dream job while he's at it?  You can't, because it's not in there.  That's why it is called, WORK!  This is not to say you might not ever find a job that you enjoy more than another.  What I am saying is that we won't always land our dream job and we shouldn't go through life with a sense of entitlement because we earned our degree in our chosen field.

Our first priority should be that of being a disciple of Jesus Christ; not about being successful in life.  A follower of the Lord is to be obedient to His Word so it is not blasphemed.  Many believers today bring the Bible under scrutiny by the way we live because our actions are  contrary to the Word of God.

I know a family who were missionaries for 10 years, yet, the Lord brought them back to  the states.  The husband has a heart to be a pastor, however, he has a wife and kids and they need food and shelter, so he needs a JOB.  Today he is working in the banking/real estate industry and it is not his cup of tea, but he is thankful that he has a job so he can take care of his family.  Even though God has not called him to the high calling of full-time pastoral ministry today, that does not mean He never will.  In the meantime, this man is doing what the Word of God says to do...GET A JOB!

It's unfortunate that Vivian's Pastor put a greater importance on her husband's job success rather than encouraging him to take an active leadership role in the marriage and provide for his family; thus the husband being obedient to the Scriptures.  However, the Pastor turned to Vivian and told her to be a better Proverbs 31 woman, while also filling the man's role in the marriage as being the provider.  It was a mixed message and very confusing and coming from a Pastor nonetheless!

I was stunned by the counsel that she received.  In fact, my husband said the Pastor was a blasphemer and he was not rightly dividing the Word of God.  Our encouragement was for the husband and wife to pray together, seek the Scriptures together, test all things by the Word of God, and try another church!

Here's her follow up email to me:

We went to a different church this past Sunday, and was prayed for.  Have been sharing some thoughts with my husband, and your ideas on a different perspective interpreting the Bible, it was a nice surprise that my husband wanted to get prayed for this past Sunday, and asked to pray for guidance & being the head of the household.  He is letting ideas into his mind and allowing the Holy Spirit to speak into his heart as well.  We spent more time praying, reading, it was just a really good time, reconnecting in the body of the Christ.

There must be something God is doing at our church.  The Pastor had his last official sermon this past Sunday, left the church, and is currently taking a sabbatical leave.  There had been a lot going on with the pastoral team, and  he resigned.

And here's God's hand in the midst of our dear Vivian's situation:

My husband and I are spending time together, daily, to read up His Words, it's such a blessing God using this time to bring us together to seek Him.  Another crazy, yet amazing story I have to share!  Since I was so stressed back then with all of the demands at work.  I was doing overtime every day as I handled and additional workload.  I was silently praying/pleading to God one day during work, for Him to come to rescue..and been having suicidal thoughts.. (sigh), thought about taking a leave (thank God I still know it's a sin to end your life).  Upon coming home, first thing my husband told me, he looked at me straight in the eye, and suggested for me to take a long break from work.  I knew it had to come from the same Spirit, for I'm weary and God had heard my prayer... so I applied for a 2-month leave, the company gave me a 2-month non-paid leave.  And God has amazingly met our financial needs!

We continue to pray for my husband's job situation. God totally opened doors thru the new church we are currently attending.  His fingerprints are with us EVERYDAY of the life.  We are completely in awe.  Things are not happening yet, situation is the same, but our hearts were changed, there is hope, and of course, no suicidal thoughts :)

Perhaps you have a husband who is waiting for the perfect job to come his way and he doesn't want to settle for just anything, yet, the bills need to get paid.  Either he doesn't know what the Bible has to say about a man toiling the field and providing for his family, or he does know and he is not willing to sacrifice his dreams or let get of his pride.

What do you do as a wife if you find yourself in this situation?

• Talk to your husband and find out his heart regarding providing for the family.  He may see the Scriptures differently, like Vivian's husband did.  However, as you share your heart with him, he may be open to seeking the Scriptures, praying with you, and getting counsel.  Again, like Vivian's husband did.

Or, your husband may not care what the Bible has to say and he is still going to wait for his dream job to come along.  If this is the case, you are dealing with a husband who has a selfish heart regarding this matter.  He wants what he wants and he is not too concerned about the overall well-being of the family.

• If you find yourself in this situation, you need to pray for his heart to soften and for him to be content for the Lord's will in his life.  Your nagging, whining, complaining, 'see I told you so' type of talk will not draw your husband closer to you or the Lord in this situation.  Let God move in him as you move out of the way.  You do what God has asked of you as a wife and let the Lord deal with your husband.  This is not an easy task because you are living in financial fear, but remember that you have a God who can move mountains and you are the delight of His eyes.  The Lord may take your man through some tough things, but He won't forsake you in the process.  He holds the whole universe in His hands, remember that, dear one!

When You're Married to a Lazy Husband

Based on today's economy there are many wives finding themselves in situations where their husband is no longer working or barely working to provide for the family.  In a prior post that I wrote, A Working Wife, Welfare, or a Wild Faith,  I mentioned that having a wild faith is not meant to be used as an excuse for a husband to be lazy, but unfortunately, for some that is the case.

Today I am going to address this issue in marriage, but first let me tell you that I wasn't planning on this post being a part of a series, however, the Lord led me to write other posts before this one.  So, if you haven't already done so, please read the following for a better understanding of this counsel.

#1  A Working Wife, Welfare, or a Wild Faith

#2  The Good Samaritan Wife

#3 When Your Faith is Deeper Than Your Husband's  (read this one if your husband wants you to get a job.)

We are all lazy.  Every single one of us.  No one would be exempt from this because in some aspect of our lives, we just fall short in the diligence department.  It's  human nature.

If you don't believe me, take a look at the disciples in Matthew 26.   Jesus took Peter, James, and John to the Garden of Gethsemane and He asked them to watch and pray in His darkest hour.

So, what did these men who spent 3 years with the Messiah do?  (Remember, one of these men, Peter, more specifically, Jesus was going to build His church upon him!)  Were they diligent in the task that the Messiah had asked of them?  Nope.  These spiritual giants took a nap and sawed some logs!  Jesus returns and rebukes them, tells them to wake up to watch and pray, again.  Then He leaves.   Upon returning to the disciples once again, He finds His closest friends, those that were most loyal to Him...sleeping again!  This is what Christ had to say about the whole situation:

The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."  Mark 14:38

Let's face it, we are not as diligent as we'd like to think we are!

So before you move into reading about your man, please take a moment to read this verse.

"And why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, 'Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,' when you can't see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye.  Matthew 7:3-5 (NLT)

Remember that you are not perfect either.

The intentions of this post is not to encourage you to have a critical or condemning spirit towards your husband, but rather, to come alongside of you to help you have a better marriage while you find yourself in a difficult financial situation.  Here's one more verse to help you have a gracious and loving heart before you read any further.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.  Psalm 139:23,24

So, your man has lost his job, or his hours were cut, or business has dropped off and you can't afford to make ends meet.  Now what?

You see that he's not trying too hard to find new work and he's sitting at home in his pj's all day long doing a whole lot of nothin'.

This is what the Bible has to say about a man and work:

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Timothy 5:8

Even while we were with you, we gave you this command: "Those unwilling to work will not get to eat." Yet we hear that some of you are living idle lives, refusing to work and meddling in other people's business. We command such people and urge them in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and work to earn their own living.  2 Thessalonians 3:10-12

Those are some strong words to swallow!

Perhaps you have wondered if your husband has ever read those verses?  Maybe if you posted the verse up on the bathroom mirror it might help improve your situation?

Well, I strongly advise against doing this because it is not the wisest move you can make in the wifey department!

Instead, try something similar to this:

There's several different scenarios to what one would consider a lazy husband to be, so let's take a look at each of them.

Husband A

He fully takes his biblical role as a man providing for his family to heart.  He wants to be the sole provider and have his wife stay home to raise the kids and be a homemaker like the Bible states.  Yet, because of his lack of work, he feels useless and his situation seems hopeless.  Depression and despair become his companions and closest friends.  He becomes mentally paralyzed as if he has lost his way, and therefore, he could be viewed as lazy because the income that he is providing does not seem to be enough for his family.

Husband B

He is in denial about his situation.  He thinks everything will be just fine, yet, he is not dealing with his reality.  Bills are mounting up, pink notices are lying all over the place and he starts to act like an ostrich who sticks his head in the sand.  He is hoping that his financial hardship will just go away or that it will magically get better overnight.

Husband C

He's waiting to find the perfect job with the best possible pay and one that suites his job history, degrees, and qualifications.  He is not interested in settling for some unglorified position at Wal-Mart, because he is just too good for that type of work!  For help with this scenario, read, When Your Husband is Waiting to Land His Dream Job.

Husband D

He thinks his wife should get a job.   Maybe she had one at some other time in their marriage and he sees no reason why she shouldn't have one now.  After all, that gave him an easier life with less responsibility (along with more money).  What man wouldn't want a more leisurely and comfortable lifestyle?  It's human nature, girlfriend!  But now he is out of work and he is turning into Mr. Mom along with Susie the Homemaker and you are starting to resent him as you become the major breadwinner for the family.

Let's add a 5th husband...

Husband E

He could be a little of all 4, or various combinations from the above list.

As we move on to 'What To do in Your Situation', please take the following things into consideration because any of them can play a part in each of the scenarios above:

• Some men entered into the marriage before they were saved and they are still learning the biblical roles of a husband.  Or they were saved, but they too are still learning, (just like us as wives!)  Graciousness is needed.


• Saved or not, some men felt it was just fine for a wife to work, but at some point, the couple made the decision for the wife to stay at home.


• Some men are not concerned about holding on to what the Bible has to say because they don't want to give up their comfort or they are too proud to face tough and somewhat humiliating situations.

What To Do in Your Situation

• In all scenarios, pray first!  Then go talk to your husband making sure you have a loving heart.  Find out what his plan/direction is for your family.  This will help you to know where he is coming from.  Maybe he wants you to get a job, maybe his doesn't.


• Perhaps he feels that it is okay for you to get a job, but just for a short time.  If that is the case, ask him at what point you can come back home (if that is even an option).  Examples, marriage is starting to crumble, children are acting out, etc.  Know your exit point from the workplace.  Keep your eyes peeled out for potential red flags in the home and make the commitment to leave the workplace if your home life starts to go down the toilet, even if it means less income for you.  Make sure you and your husband are in agreement with this.


• If both of you are Believers, and your man is in denial (Husband B) about his situation and he refuses to communicate with you, then go to one of the Elders (men) of your church.  Ask them if they (the body of Christ) would be willing to feed you and your children if you ever get to the point where you have no money for food because your husband is not working.   You can still share your situation with them, but be ever mindful that you DO NOT tear down your husband in the process.  Remember, the two of you are 'one'.  In doing this, your man might just get admonished by another brother in the Lord, and because of this, he might be a little more diligent to find work.   Here is what the Apostle Paul had to say regarding a man not working found in the 2 Thessalonians passage:

And if anyone does not obey our word in this epistle, note that person and do not keep company with him, that he may be ashamed. Yet do not count him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.  2 Thessalonians 3:14,15

• If your man is Husband A, then stay the course laid out in the scriptures.  This is NOT easy.  It takes great faith and a surrendered life.  Both husband and wife need to be fully committed to God's will for their lives in this scenario regardless of how bad their life gets.  If this is your man, you need to encourage him greatly.


•  One of woman's greatest fears is the lack of financial security. We figure if our man can't provide the income, than we'll provide it for ourselves.  So, we veer off from the path that God has laid out before us and we take matters into our own hands.  Many, many women do this because they don't know what else to do.  Some don't really know the path or the role of a wife, so they figure they'll help their husband by getting a job even if their husband would rather them not.  But the idea of living a tremendously difficult financial life seems daunting to the wife.  This woman does not take into consideration what working will do to her marital relationship and the role that she has a mother and homemaker.

Whatever your situation, keep this in mind:  The more a wife steps up and takes control, then the less apt the man would be to step forward and fill the role that God has called him to.  Why?  Because the role is already filled and therefore, he is not needed.  That, dear one, is a DANGEROUS place for your husband to be!

My challenge and encouragement to you is this:  Don't allow your pursuit of comfort to tear down your marriage and family, because if you allow it, it will.  Not only will you have financial problems, but you'll have marital and family problems as well.  Satan would love to have another believer leave their spouse and have a broken family over monetary issues.

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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When You Need Help..... & a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up

Imagine for a moment that the Creator of the Universe asked you to do something that you are totally uncomfortable with.  Something you felt completely unqualified and ill-equipped to do.  Yet, He asked you to do it anyways?

He told you to go take charge of something and lead it, oversee it, and be completely responsible for it even though you knew you would fall short. You knew this would not be easy for you because you're not a natural at this task.

He also asked you to handle this responsibility with the utmost care and do it in a way that reflects Him while you're doing it.

Seems like a daunting task so far, doesn't it?

But He sends someone to your side to assist you in this big task in hopes that it will alleviate some of your responsibilities.

Even though you have someone to help you, you are still trying your best to figure out how to lead and reflect Christ, but of course, you still fall short.  You begin to doubt yourself.  You start to make bad decisions.  Soon, you are forced to make choices in situations that you don't know how to handle.  You look to find examples for help, but unfortunately, those examples are few and far between.  You become discouraged as others are telling you that you are doing it all wrong.  Those around you are mocking you.  Even society tells you what a fool you are.  You feel defeated.

What if the person by your side in this monumental task was kind, gracious, and encouraging?  Would that make a difference to you?  Would you be less fearful?  Feel better equipped?

Or, what if the person was judgmental, critical, and condemning?  How would that make you feel?

Which one would you rather have by your side?

Well, anyone in their right mind would choose the person who is gracious, kind, and encouraging, of course!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

If you haven't figured out what this monumental task is that I am referring to, it is that of being a godly husband.  I did a role-reversal for you!  You know, walk in his shoes for a day.

Source: wearethatfamily.com via Jolene on Pinterest

God has given our men the huge responsibility of leading our families.  He asked them to lead in such a way that is not natural to their flesh, after all, they are to love us the way Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for it.  That's a tall order, girlfriend!

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.  Eph. 5:25

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.  Colossians 3:19 NIV

Many men don't know how to be the godly husband they want to be.  Where and who do they turn to for their examples?

Let's just be real for a moment.  We all know there are not too many godly men in the world today!  Perhaps if they watched some t.v. they might find some good examples of a husband or father there, right?  That that's the furthest thing from the truth!  Our society has become so female dominant that it's disgusting!!  Men are being emasculated all over the place and the ones who do stand for the Lord are being mocked and told they are chauvinistic.

Sure, there are men who have a a better understanding of the scriptures and they pursue the Lord with their whole heart, but they fall short too!

But God being a great God, He knew that the person by the husband's side could help him be a better husband......unless the wife is like the helper who was judgmental, critical, and condemning.  A helper like that certainly makes the husband's job a lot more difficult!

But, have no fear, the Lord also gave your husband the Helper of the Holy Spirit!

"But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.  John 14:26

And because we can't do this whole 'helper, kind, gracious, and encouraging wife thing' on our own either, the Lord gave us the Helper too.

Husbands and wives ALL fall short.  We ALL need forgiveness.  And we need to forgive each other.  Every. Single. Day. Until. Death. Do. Us. Part.

I am thankful that God forgives me and doesn't keep a record of my sins!!

If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared.  Psalm 130:3,4

Love keeps no record of wrongs.  1 Corinthians 13:5

Which kind of helper would you like to be for your husband?  Don't forget that you have the Helper as well!

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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I have a passion for marriage so I invite you to join me every Monday for this link-up!

Please share your post on any and all things related to being a wife, i.e. homemaking ideas, ways you minister to your husband, dating ideas, and/or hearing what the Lord is telling you about your most important earthly relationship!

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Resolving Conflict in Your Marriage

Today, I'm going to address one of my reader's questions regarding conflict in marriage:

I was wondering if you and your husband could address how you have gotten through times when you did not necessarily agree or feel united together. While I admire your strong marriage, I wonder if you could share times when you and your husband were struggling in your relationship and how you overcame those challenges.

So, has there ever been a time in my marriage that I was at odds with my man?

When we couldn't see eye to eye?

When we weren't on the same page?

When he made me fuming mad?

When he brought this sweet thing to tears?   (lol)

You betcha!

Take two, imperfect, human beings that are filled with sin, put them under the same roof and guess what you get?  CONFLICT, with a capital "C"!

But who enjoys having a marriage like that?  Certainly not me!

So, let me give you some biblical principles that my Beloved and I have applied to our marriage so we can:  decrease the amount of conflict in our marriage,  reach a resolution much quicker so we can remain 'one', and minimize my tears!

Conflict WILL take place in your marriage- expect it!  But this list should help you be prepared to handle it in a way that is pleasing to the Lord.  I've called this list my Marital Manifesto.  It's not an exhaustive list, but rather a starting place.  Feel free to come up with some of your own rules for your marriage.

• If you want to remain in the center of God’s will, then don’t even mention the idea of getting a divorce*.  Nothing good can come from spewing the word, 'divorce' from your mouth and threatening your spouse with it.  You are tearing down your house when you do so and you're giving place to the enemy.  Make an agreement to not even bring up that word in your marriage no matter how bad the argument or situation is.  You may think your life is bad right now, but going outside of God’s will, will make your life even worse!  His word is clear on that.

"So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."  Matthew 19:6

• Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.  Work out your conflict before you put your head on the pillow that night…even if it is 3am and you have responsibilities to take of the next day.  Your marriage is more important than those responsibilities.  Give your marriage the priority it deserves.  By going to bed and not resolving your conflict, once again, you are giving place to the enemy to sow seeds of discord in your marriage, not to mention a host of other things that you can dig up in your mind while you stew over the argument, I mean, sleep.

"Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.  Ephesians 4:26,27

• Choose your words wisely.  Don’t hurler insults because once those words have left your mouth, you can’t take them back.  Yes, your man can forgive you for the harsh and cruel words you said, but that does not mean he'll forget about what you said, what you accused him of, or what you called him.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me...well, let me tell you something about that funny school-yard rhyme:  IT IS A BIG FAT LIE!  Mean words hurt.

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.  Ephesians 4:31 

• Don't allow seeds of bitterness to grow in your marriage.  If you allow those seeds to grow, it will break down your marital union.  You’ll lose the emotional, spiritual, and physical closeness you once had with your spouse, plus, you'll run the risk of losing respect for your man, and that, my friend, is not a good place to be!  Deal with your issues, don't sweep them under the rug.  Be intentional about resolving your conflict otherwise the weeds of bitterness can choke out the love in your marriage.

Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.  Hebrews 12:15

• Be mindful of the fact that your spouse is not perfect nor is he designed to be; he does not fill the role of your Savior.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.  Romans 3:23

• Be the more mature Christian.  Try to let go of your fleshy desires and apologize first, even if it goes against every fiber of your being!

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

• Be mindful of Who you belong to and Who you're representing when you have conflict with your spouse.  During your disagreement, ask yourself if what you're saying and how you're acting is pleasing to the Lord?  This one little tip will start to extinguish the 'selfishness flame' real quick in your argument!

For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.  1 Corinthians 6:20

Take the time to share some of these ideas with your spouse.  Ask him what his thoughts are and what you guys can add or subtract from this list to better your times of disagreements. Then put those things into practice when the arguments come.

Here's a hint sweet friends.....the more you do those things, the less conflict you'll have in your marriage and the more unity and closeness you'll have with your man! :)

Conflict in marriage certainly makes life difficult.  Our flesh screams for our rights but my encouragement and challenge to you is this:  Be more concerned about building God's kingdom rather than building your own.

Now, this is just a short snippet of how to resolve conflict in your marriage.  You can listen in on our radio show and hear my Beloved and I talk about this topic in much greater lengths- just click the link below.  We also feel the Lord prompting us to do a Part 2 on this topic so we can give you specific examples and more application for your marriage.  I'll keep you posted here when we finish the taping of it.

*Here's two areas where the Bible allows for divorce:  1) if your man has been unfaithful and 2) if he is an unbeliever who wants a divorce.  A note:  If you are in a physically abusive relationship, please do everything you can to protect yourself and family.  This may mean you'll need to separate from your man.

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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