The Contentious and Jealous Wife

13 Wives in 13 Days...Wives of the Bible Series

Wife #5

I so get this woman.

Controlling.

Jealous.

Discontent.

Most wives can identify with her, unless of course you're a dead wife!

So who is this woman?

She's Sarai. (You might know her as Sarah, but today she is Sarai.  I'll introduce Sarah to you later in the series.)

There's much we can learn from Sarai so we're going to spend quite a bit of time with her today.  

The Contentious and Jealous Wife

First, let me give you the definition of contentious:

1. Given to contention; quarrelsome.
2. Involving or likely to cause contention; controversial
3. Tending to argue or quarrel
4. Causing or characterized by dispute

I laughed at this list because I totally get it!

We contend with our husbands when we want to be in charge or in control.  Some women can be very vocal about wanting to be in charge, while others can be very quiet and manipulative.

Now let me give you the reason why we become contentious.

Remember the first wife in this series, Eve, who ate the forbidden fruit?  We'll she got busted. God had to chastise her for her disobedience.  

Here's her consequence.

Then he said to the woman, "I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.  Genesis 3:16 (NLT)

Okay, so now do you feel better in knowing that there's nothing wrong with you when you argue, fuss and fight with your man?  There's nothing wrong with your man, either.  It's part of our sinful nature to want to control our Knight in Shining Armor.  However, we have Power to overcome this tendency.  I'll share about this in a later post.

Now on to Sarai's blunders...

Now Sarai, Abram's wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian maidservant named Hagar;so she said to Abram, "The LORD has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my maidservant; perhaps I can build a family through her." Abram agreed to what Sarai said.  So after Abram had been living in Canaan ten years, Sarai his wife took her Egyptian maidservant Hagar and gave her to her husband to be his wife.  He slept with Hagar, and she conceived. When she knew she was pregnant, she began to despise her mistress.  Then Sarai said to Abram, "You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering. I put my servant in your arms, and now that she knows she is pregnant, she despises me. May the LORD judge between you and me."  "Your servant is in your hands," Abram said. "Do with her whatever you think best." Then Sarai mistreated Hagar; so she fled from her.  Genesis 16:1-6

The theme of Sarai and Abram's story is the promise to make Abram a father of many nations.  So the couple, in their old age waited and waited for that promise to be fulfilled.  But Sarai became desperate.

Sarai REALLY wanted to have a baby.  So she took matters into her own hands.  She told her husband to go have sex with another woman!  Oh yes she did.  Imagine that!  I doubt that he objected to that request from his wife.  In fact, she probably didn't have to nag him about it either.

"Sleep with my maid," she said.

Think about her for just a sec.
She's been promised by God that her husband will be the father of many nations.  They leave their home to follow God's leading, yet still no baby.  Infertility back then was viewed as a woman being in sin and Sarai was humiliated because of her barrenness.

So what does a woman do after waiting 10 yrs. for a child that was promised by God?  Help God deliver on His promise, of course!

Yep, that's what we wives do.  We think if things are not happening according to plan, our plan, that is, of course God needs us to intervene because He may not know what He is doing. (note my sarcasm.)

So Sarai figures out a way to fix her problem.  Oh, husband of mine, can you go sleep with another woman so I can have a kid?
(Note here:  Having Hagar as a surrogate mother was acceptable to the culture, but just because the culture agrees with a decision, doesn't mean that God does.)

Sarai's decision was not God's intended plan.  Hagar gave birth to Ishmael, who later fathered the Arabic/Muslim nations which is in direct opposition of the Israelites, who came from Abram, God's chosen people.   Although this was not God's original plan, He is a redeeming and loving God towards all people.

Sarai just couldn't leave well enough alone, could she?  She couldn't follow her husband and God's plan for her life.  She took the lead and Abram agreed to what she said.  (Genesis 16:2)  Sarai was a wife of influence just like you and I, my friend!

Now here's the kicker to Sarai's story....  She blamed her husband for the mistreatment she was receiving by Hagar.  Umm, and whose idea was it in the first place to sleep with Hagar?  I'm glad I wasn't invited to their house for dinner when Sarai and Abram were having that conversation.  You know they were having some words, and if they had doors, they'd be slamming them too!

Oh girlfriend, sometimes we just make stupid decisions and we let some of our absurd emotions lead us.  Poor Sarai, her discontentment, desperation, jealousy, and controlling plan backfired on her.

Of course Sarai became jealous of Hagar which caused Hagar to run away.  Later Hagar came back, but you know there was strife in the home, especially when Sarai gives birth to Issac.  Ishmael had disdain for the new kid in the family (Genesis 21:9) which ticked Sarai off so she told Abram to cast them out from their home, and he did.

Now here's something you'll find interesting.

Out of the 12 nations that were birthed through Abram, there are two of them at odds with each other to this day, several thousand years later.  One is the Jewish nation that came from Issac, Sarai's son, and the other one is the Arab nation fathered by Ishmael, Hagar's son.

Women don't wear jealousy well.  Nor manipulation and taking the lead of our homes.  Sarai made a mess.

How many times has that happened to us?  Times when we manipulate or try to control our husband only to have our situation become worse than what it already is.

What Not to Do According to Sarai's Life...

• Don't take the lead in your marriage.  The position of headship has been given to your husband so let him fill it.
• If you choose to go outside of the will of God, your life will be harder than what it is today. You will have consequences for your actions.
• This is a no-brainer... don't tell your man to sleep with another woman.  Ever.

What Sarai Could Have Done...

• Instead of taking control and telling Abram what to do, she could have trusted in God's plan.
• Instead of becoming controlling in her situation, she could have controlled her feelings and emotions instead.

Challenge for Today

Follow your husband's lead.  If you have the tendency to be controlling, demeaning, belittling or manipulative towards your man, then stop.  Bite your tongue and keep your mouth shut.  Let go of whatever issue is eating at you and give it to the Lord instead.

Are you living in a contentious marriage?  Does your situation seem hopeless?  Well, you and I have got one huge God and our God transforms lives.  Later in this series I'll show you how to go from a Contentious Wife to a Transformed Wife.

This is post #6 in the CMBA 1/2 Marathon Blogging Challenge to post everyday for 13 days in October.

Live a poured out life for Christ,

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