3 Types of Wives

I just love the topic of marriage!  I would have to say I am most passionate about discussing this topic with women than any other subject matter.   With that being said, I am going to take you on a journey.  A journey where we come to the Bridegroom reaching for His hand, dancing with Him and enjoying His presence as He sweeps us off our feet.  So put on your wedding dress (and pretend it still fits) because we are going to learn how to apply biblical principles to our own marriage so we can walk not only with our Bridegroom but our beloved groom as well.

But, before we go deep into this topic I thought I would let you know a few things.  According to the world's standards, I am not qualified to teach and guide you in your marriage because I am not a marriage counselor.  In fact, there is no degree even attached to my name.  All the information and guidance I have is what I have found in the scriptures and what the Lord has placed in my heart.  (I believe that is plenty!)  Now, I can have a fancy-schmancy title like,  'Biblical Marriage coach'.  (lol)  But funny thing about that title is I can't find it in the Bible, yet, what I do find there is one who is called an older woman.

So, please don't call me a writer, speaker, blogger or a marriage coach for that matter, but rather call me your sister in Christ; one who is willing to walk with you, to encourage you, to equip you and lead you to our precious Bridegroom, the One who is an expert on marriage.  Please know that ANY insight or wisdom that you receive here is not from me but rather it is DIRECTLY from the Lord Himself.

The Bridegroom, He's waiting for you.  Come, He says.

When you feel alone and abandoned...come as you are.

When you feel more like the maid, the cook, and the mother, rather than the wife...come as you are.

When the emotional or physical affair has taken place in your marriage...come as you are.

When the raging storms and hardships of life have ravaged your marriage...come as you are.

When your husband rules over you rather than servant-leads you...come as you are.

When your groom doesn't lead you but leaves it all up to you...come as you are.

With a broken heart... come as you are.

Marriage can be hard work.  Sometimes it's a struggle learning  how to be the godly wife the Lord desires us to be and once we have read those scriptures then we need to figure out how to apply them in our marriage with another human being!  It can all be so overwhelming and difficult especially when it doesn't come naturally for us, we didn't have the best examples of it and the world screams at us saying it should look totally different than what's in the Word of God.  But we have Hope.  We have the Bridegroom.

If you want to better your marriage, join me in this post.

If you have a difficult marriage, join me in this post! (smile)  Don't lose heart even if your marriage is filled with a crack as wide as the Grand Canyon, God has sent us the Holy Spirit to help us, guide us and comfort us.  If you are willing to grow in your marriage, than that in itself is already a huge step in the right direction.

In this post I am going to briefly discuss and introduce the 3 Types of Wives listed below and I have asked my Beloved for his insight as well.  Seeing how you are married to a man, I thought it would be helpful to get another man's perspective on this topic.  (In a future post I will discuss the 3 Types of Husbands that come alongside these type of wives.)  Plus, with each marital post I write, you'll find a section at the end called, "A peek inside my heart".  Hopefully what I share there will encourage you in your marriage.

3 Types of Wives

• The Contentious Wife


• The Doormat/Footstool Wife


• The Helper Wife

First, let's dig into the scriptures to find out what God has to say about wives and marriage.  Oh, the feminist out there are just gonna love this! 

If you are married, here is one of your main purposes in life:

For man is not from woman, but woman from man.  Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man.  1 Corinthians 11:8,9

Woman is the glory of man.  1 Corinthians 11:7

The Bible says we are created for our husband!  Imagine society being okay with that concept!

Now hold on.  Don't start screaming at the computer because of what you just read.  Even if you are married to an idiot, er, I mean,  Mr. Wrong, please keep reading or better yet, become a subscriber because we will cover many marital issues in future posts.


Take a deep breath and stay with me as we learn what God's Word says about the order of our relationship:

But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.  1 Corinthians 11:3

The husband, whether you view him as Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong, whether he's a Christian or not, he is your headship.  You can debate about that all you want, but you'll have to take it up with the Lord.

Let those concepts sink into your mind and heart just for a sec.  If you begin to embrace this truth, you are now at a point where your heart is softening, which is the beginning stages of producing good fruit in your marriage.  Your God-fearing, marital foundation is now being laid.

Let's get into the 3 types of wives.  (I will further develop these concepts in future posts and please know that I am going to speak in generalities here seeing how this is a blog post and not a marriage book.)

The Contentious Wife

Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.  Genesis 3:16

The word desire can also mean an attempt to control or usurp.  You will have a natural tendency to dominate and control your husband and he will have the tendency to be a tyrant as he tries to rule over you.

A contentious wife is one who can feel or do any of the following: 

• She feels that she is smarter than her husband and he either cannot lead as well as she can, or he doesn't take the lead so someone has to.


• She does not trust him or his decisions.


• She is emasculating and bitter, and it’s not hidden from him.


• She doesn't listen to him.


• She will make (or want to make) the decisions in the marriage.


• She fights and argues with him.


• She will compete with him or want to assert herself because she is trying to overcompensate for her insecurities.  The world applauds this woman.  She is prominent in business and industry.  She is offended by the idea of totaling submitting to any man.


• She has a difficult time giving him honor and respect.

A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.  Proverbs 27:15

Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.  Proverbs 21:9

Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman.  Proverbs 21:19

Better is a dry morsel with quietness, than a house full of feasting with strife.  Proverbs 17:1

It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.  Proverbs 25:24

Footstool/Doormat Wife

Unfortunately some husbands are rulers, ruling over their wives as they put their feet up on a footstool or upon a doormat.  Because of this type of treatment from the husband, the wife becomes passive, not saying a word for fear of his rejection, disapproval, temper or the unrealistic demands that are placed on her.

• Her main focus is that her husband's needs are met because she serves him out of fear rather than love and obedience to the Lord.


• She also instructs the children that they need to fulfill the standards of their father as well so she can protect them from his scorn.


• She seldom shares her heart with her husband because she is afraid of how he will respond.


• This wife will have the tendency to walk on eggshells when she is in her husband’s presence.


• She will keep her mouth shut while bitterness grows in her heart.

The husband may be demanding and critical of her making her feel like she is not the helper wife that she is called to be, but rather a helpless wife because she can’t measure up to all his expectations.  He may also have the tendency to treat his wife harshly (not in an abusive way) but in a way where the wife does not feel heard nor loved and appreciated by her husband.  The wife, trying to be a good and submissive wife, doesn't like to approach her husband with her feelings because if she does, she may feel like she is being disrespectful to him (which he may say she is) but in reality she isn't as long as she doesn't do it in a complaining, criticizing, condemning and nagging way.  She is just sharing her heart in a loving way but he still sees it as a sign of disrespect when in reality it isn't.

Husbands of these wives will have the tendency to want to rule over them as stated in Genesis 3:16

And he shall rule over you.  Genesis 3:16

The Bible is clear that a husband should NOT treat a wife like this, but unfortunately some do.

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.  1 Peter 3:7

Here's another version that I want you to take a look at:

In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.  1 Peter 3:7 (NLT)

The Helper Wife

And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone, I will make him a helper comparable to him.”  Genesis 2:18

God created Eve for Adam because Adam was lonely, not because Adam needed an extra pair of hands to help clean up the garden!  He made Eve as a partner, one who was comparable to Adam.  The woman was comparable to man; she was truly fitting and fully adequate- just right.  Now, don’t think for one minute that God, himself, designed the role of a ‘helper’ to be a demeaning role, because that is NOT the case.  Far from it to be exact!  The term ‘helper’ means “one who helps”.  If you take a look into the scriptures, do you know of anyone else that was referred to as a helper?  If you mentioned the Holy Spirit, you hit the nail on the head!

"But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.  John 14:26

Of course we all know the Holy Spirit is in no way inferior or secondary to Jesus Christ or God the Father, rather, the Spirit just serves a different role, just like us as wives.

You want to strive to be the ‘Helper’ wife; the excellent wife, it’s in the middle between the Contentious and Doormat/Footstool wife.

In closing, we will ALWAYS fall short of becoming that excellent Helper Wife, however, we can surrender and allow the Bridegroom to tightly embrace us and lead us to the wife He desires us to be.

A peek inside my heart....♥

There have been times in my own marriage where the wife pendulum has swung from contentious to footstool, yet neither of them is what I desire to be.  So,  a phrase I have learned to practice over and over in my marriage..."I am sorry, will you forgive me?"

Don't miss the 3 Types of Husbands post!  You can read it here.

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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