When Your Husband is Waiting to Land His Dream Job

Not too long ago I received an email from one of my readers asking for my help about her marriage.  We emailed back and forth several times and below you'll see her concerns of her husband not working.  Seeing how I have been writing a series on this topic, I thought I'd share her letter with you in hopes that it might help you or a friend who may find themselves in a similar situation.  Note:  this is a long post!

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Dear Jolene,

My husband and I have been married for 2+ years, sometimes I can't help but wonder, if this truly is from God?  And if God did not say 'YES' 2+ years ago, is everything too late for our marriage?

We were both believers, met at church, and finished pre-marital counseling by our pastor.  I thought everything was fine and according to the biblical teaching, until later.  When we got married, he was a student, pursuing a MBA degree, not working.  As gullible as it sounds, I did not know it would be a problem, not from the church, not from my own mother (dad passed away of cancer when i was 11).  Growing up, my dad worked to support the family financially, while my mom stayed home and took care of my brother and me, thus projected and painted an ideal picture for me.  My husband's family is the opposite, both parents worked full time, he has a different picture.

2+ years passed...he's finally out of school, but has not found a job.  I had been working, always came home tired and exhausted; not able to do what a wife 'should' do made me miserable.  He is great, the house is always clean, all chores taken care of, meals cooked when I get home, but I am not satisfied.  My heart has grown bitter and there seems to be no way out especially when work has become so demanding.  (There had been a lot of stress:  maternity leave from a coworker, manager refused to hire another, dumped all the work to me.  I had to do a lot of over time and now I am burned out).

Numerous times I talked to him about quitting my job, and the desire of me staying home.  He is not a bad guy, and has tried to land jobs.  None of us had been taught of anything in this field.  Is it my imagination that men should work to provide for the family?

Our Pastor visited today, wanting to help our marriage.  He brought up 'Proverbs 31' to advise me what a wife of noble character should look like.  He says wives need to sacrifice, and help their husbands to succeed.  Is there anything wrong with this picture?

We have been praying for a job for my husband.  I believe if this is God's promise, there is no way the door is not opened..right?  All I can think of right now is to quit my job, rid the burden of making all the payments.  I am physically and mentally exhausted.  I want to please God and be a submissive wife, yet at the same time, I don't know if i can make another day at work.

Please share any thoughts or verses Jolene...please help, I honestly do not know what to do, I'm searching up the Bible, yet my Pastor tells me to sacrifice and give my husband time to figure out what he can do.  My heart hates the workplace, yet there is payments needing to be met.

I was so lost and did not know what to think after listening to my Pastor.  My heart was just not at peace. He did quote that verse, Genesis 3:17, after I told him how stressful and exhausting working is for me, he mentioned this verse, and said, it is a curse to all mankind, meaning I should just accept it, at least that's how I took it.  I asked whether it is a God-given responsibility for guys to support the family, not women, and he said, God did not forbid women to, and reminded me of Proverbs 31 women.

My husband is still a believer to this day.  We were so confused, wanting to figure out what exactly is biblical.  It had been my desire to be a stay-at-home mom (we do not have kids yet, mostly because I do not think I can be a mom and at work at the same time, I just hate the idea of sending kids to daycare, period), but lately I just don't think I can do everything.  I started to ponder, is this what God really wanted me to do in my life? or am I looking for an excuse to justify my laziness of not wanting to work and provide for the family?  I do not know.

In the 4 gospels, Jesus mentioned the Pharisees and how they have placed the burdens on people, of doing things they themselves cannot do.. so I asked my Pastor, how can he ask me to do all these things when it seems impossible to do?  Again, he mentioned the Proverbs 31 woman.  He pointed out that I'm looking more at the situation, not God; that I'm expecting a lot from other people, and how I should look into changing myself, instead of expecting what others need to do.  I was waiting for him to point out what husbands need to do, but he said none, so I asked, what about husbands, they need not to do anything?  And he said again, I'm expecting from others again, and how I need to look into changing that.

There is another couple in the church with a similar situation, except they have a 4-month old.  Dad is not working, mom is working full time.  Our pastor pointed out, that how there is similarity between this sister and me, we are both looking at the situations and expecting from our husbands.  There is a lot of bitterness within that sister too, we shared a lot, but apparently we were 'expecting' too much from our husbands.  It leads me to wonder, if God loves us so much, treasures us, could this be right?  I was searching, but do not have an answer until I read your blog.  And of course, there is always the other side of the story, husbands felt discouraged and all, but we (and the sister) were so exhausted having to do everything we just couldn't afford to care how they feel.

~Vivian

When I read Vivian's letter my heart broke for her and then I was immediately angry at the unwise counsel that her Pastor gave her.  In fact, I was so bent out of shape I couldn't even speak to read the email to my husband!  Now, I realize we don't hear too many sermons on whether a wife should work outside of the home or not, but in all my years of following the Lord, I have never once heard a Pastor discourage a woman from her calling as a wife and mother.  I understand that Vivian's husband was having a hard time finding work....but the Pastor's admonishment to Vivian was to suck it up and deal with your mental and physical exhaustion like a good little Proverbs 31 woman so your husband can........... succeed!  Funny thing is, I've never read that verse in the Bible.

A man does not toil the field so he can succeed.

A man does not provide for his family so he can succeed.

A man toils the field because that is his curse.

And to the man he said, "Since you listened to your wife and ate from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat, the ground is cursed because of you.  All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it.  Genesis 3:17

A man provides for his family because that is what he is commanded to do.

For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat.  2 Thessalonians 3:10

But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.  1 Timothy 5:8

Nowhere in that verse does it say that a man should succeed before he should take a job and provide for his family!

But, we are naive Christians because we listen to the enemy ALL THE TIME instead of listening to the Word of God!  We get sucked into the lie that we can have things our way and we can have it all the time!  No, no we can't.  There is a price to pay for the choices that we make in our lives.

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.  Galatians 6:7,8

We get caught up into the ways of the world.   We assume if we get a good education then that will most certainly give us a good paying job.  (Perhaps that may happen and perhaps that won't.)  That college diploma does not give us a guarantee of that happening.  And God certainly does not owe us anything.  Look at the situation that Vivian's dear husband is in.  For goodness sakes, he has his Master's degree, yet, he can't find the job he went to school for!

Today, there are so many people out of work.  There are more people in college and more women in the workforce.   The job market is smaller and the competition is larger.  All these things make it harder for a man to get a job and provide for his family.  Yet, one coming out of school thinks they did the right thing and that they'll easily land the job that is suited just for them.

Can someone please show me where it says in the Scriptures that the man will love toiling the field?  And that he'll be doing his dream job while he's at it?  You can't, because it's not in there.  That's why it is called, WORK!  This is not to say you might not ever find a job that you enjoy more than another.  What I am saying is that we won't always land our dream job and we shouldn't go through life with a sense of entitlement because we earned our degree in our chosen field.

Our first priority should be that of being a disciple of Jesus Christ; not about being successful in life.  A follower of the Lord is to be obedient to His Word so it is not blasphemed.  Many believers today bring the Bible under scrutiny by the way we live because our actions are  contrary to the Word of God.

I know a family who were missionaries for 10 years, yet, the Lord brought them back to  the states.  The husband has a heart to be a pastor, however, he has a wife and kids and they need food and shelter, so he needs a JOB.  Today he is working in the banking/real estate industry and it is not his cup of tea, but he is thankful that he has a job so he can take care of his family.  Even though God has not called him to the high calling of full-time pastoral ministry today, that does not mean He never will.  In the meantime, this man is doing what the Word of God says to do...GET A JOB!

It's unfortunate that Vivian's Pastor put a greater importance on her husband's job success rather than encouraging him to take an active leadership role in the marriage and provide for his family; thus the husband being obedient to the Scriptures.  However, the Pastor turned to Vivian and told her to be a better Proverbs 31 woman, while also filling the man's role in the marriage as being the provider.  It was a mixed message and very confusing and coming from a Pastor nonetheless!

I was stunned by the counsel that she received.  In fact, my husband said the Pastor was a blasphemer and he was not rightly dividing the Word of God.  Our encouragement was for the husband and wife to pray together, seek the Scriptures together, test all things by the Word of God, and try another church!

Here's her follow up email to me:

We went to a different church this past Sunday, and was prayed for.  Have been sharing some thoughts with my husband, and your ideas on a different perspective interpreting the Bible, it was a nice surprise that my husband wanted to get prayed for this past Sunday, and asked to pray for guidance & being the head of the household.  He is letting ideas into his mind and allowing the Holy Spirit to speak into his heart as well.  We spent more time praying, reading, it was just a really good time, reconnecting in the body of the Christ.

There must be something God is doing at our church.  The Pastor had his last official sermon this past Sunday, left the church, and is currently taking a sabbatical leave.  There had been a lot going on with the pastoral team, and  he resigned.

And here's God's hand in the midst of our dear Vivian's situation:

My husband and I are spending time together, daily, to read up His Words, it's such a blessing God using this time to bring us together to seek Him.  Another crazy, yet amazing story I have to share!  Since I was so stressed back then with all of the demands at work.  I was doing overtime every day as I handled and additional workload.  I was silently praying/pleading to God one day during work, for Him to come to rescue..and been having suicidal thoughts.. (sigh), thought about taking a leave (thank God I still know it's a sin to end your life).  Upon coming home, first thing my husband told me, he looked at me straight in the eye, and suggested for me to take a long break from work.  I knew it had to come from the same Spirit, for I'm weary and God had heard my prayer... so I applied for a 2-month leave, the company gave me a 2-month non-paid leave.  And God has amazingly met our financial needs!

We continue to pray for my husband's job situation. God totally opened doors thru the new church we are currently attending.  His fingerprints are with us EVERYDAY of the life.  We are completely in awe.  Things are not happening yet, situation is the same, but our hearts were changed, there is hope, and of course, no suicidal thoughts :)

Perhaps you have a husband who is waiting for the perfect job to come his way and he doesn't want to settle for just anything, yet, the bills need to get paid.  Either he doesn't know what the Bible has to say about a man toiling the field and providing for his family, or he does know and he is not willing to sacrifice his dreams or let get of his pride.

What do you do as a wife if you find yourself in this situation?

• Talk to your husband and find out his heart regarding providing for the family.  He may see the Scriptures differently, like Vivian's husband did.  However, as you share your heart with him, he may be open to seeking the Scriptures, praying with you, and getting counsel.  Again, like Vivian's husband did.

Or, your husband may not care what the Bible has to say and he is still going to wait for his dream job to come along.  If this is the case, you are dealing with a husband who has a selfish heart regarding this matter.  He wants what he wants and he is not too concerned about the overall well-being of the family.

• If you find yourself in this situation, you need to pray for his heart to soften and for him to be content for the Lord's will in his life.  Your nagging, whining, complaining, 'see I told you so' type of talk will not draw your husband closer to you or the Lord in this situation.  Let God move in him as you move out of the way.  You do what God has asked of you as a wife and let the Lord deal with your husband.  This is not an easy task because you are living in financial fear, but remember that you have a God who can move mountains and you are the delight of His eyes.  The Lord may take your man through some tough things, but He won't forsake you in the process.  He holds the whole universe in His hands, remember that, dear one!

When You're Married to a Lazy Husband

Based on today's economy there are many wives finding themselves in situations where their husband is no longer working or barely working to provide for the family.  In a prior post that I wrote, A Working Wife, Welfare, or a Wild Faith,  I mentioned that having a wild faith is not meant to be used as an excuse for a husband to be lazy, but unfortunately, for some that is the case.

Today I am going to address this issue in marriage, but first let me tell you that I wasn't planning on this post being a part of a series, however, the Lord led me to write other posts before this one.  So, if you haven't already done so, please read the following for a better understanding of this counsel.

#1  A Working Wife, Welfare, or a Wild Faith

#2  The Good Samaritan Wife

#3 When Your Faith is Deeper Than Your Husband's  (read this one if your husband wants you to get a job.)

We are all lazy.  Every single one of us.  No one would be exempt from this because in some aspect of our lives, we just fall short in the diligence department.  It's  human nature.

If you don't believe me, take a look at the disciples in Matthew 26.   Jesus took Peter, James, and John to the Garden of Gethsemane and He asked them to watch and pray in His darkest hour.

So, what did these men who spent 3 years with the Messiah do?  (Remember, one of these men, Peter, more specifically, Jesus was going to build His church upon him!)  Were they diligent in the task that the Messiah had asked of them?  Nope.  These spiritual giants took a nap and sawed some logs!  Jesus returns and rebukes them, tells them to wake up to watch and pray, again.  Then He leaves.   Upon returning to the disciples once again, He finds His closest friends, those that were most loyal to Him...sleeping again!  This is what Christ had to say about the whole situation:

The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."  Mark 14:38

Let's face it, we are not as diligent as we'd like to think we are!

So before you move into reading about your man, please take a moment to read this verse.

"And why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, 'Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,' when you can't see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye.  Matthew 7:3-5 (NLT)

Remember that you are not perfect either.

The intentions of this post is not to encourage you to have a critical or condemning spirit towards your husband, but rather, to come alongside of you to help you have a better marriage while you find yourself in a difficult financial situation.  Here's one more verse to help you have a gracious and loving heart before you read any further.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.  Psalm 139:23,24

So, your man has lost his job, or his hours were cut, or business has dropped off and you can't afford to make ends meet.  Now what?

You see that he's not trying too hard to find new work and he's sitting at home in his pj's all day long doing a whole lot of nothin'.

This is what the Bible has to say about a man and work:

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Timothy 5:8

Even while we were with you, we gave you this command: "Those unwilling to work will not get to eat." Yet we hear that some of you are living idle lives, refusing to work and meddling in other people's business. We command such people and urge them in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and work to earn their own living.  2 Thessalonians 3:10-12

Those are some strong words to swallow!

Perhaps you have wondered if your husband has ever read those verses?  Maybe if you posted the verse up on the bathroom mirror it might help improve your situation?

Well, I strongly advise against doing this because it is not the wisest move you can make in the wifey department!

Instead, try something similar to this:

There's several different scenarios to what one would consider a lazy husband to be, so let's take a look at each of them.

Husband A

He fully takes his biblical role as a man providing for his family to heart.  He wants to be the sole provider and have his wife stay home to raise the kids and be a homemaker like the Bible states.  Yet, because of his lack of work, he feels useless and his situation seems hopeless.  Depression and despair become his companions and closest friends.  He becomes mentally paralyzed as if he has lost his way, and therefore, he could be viewed as lazy because the income that he is providing does not seem to be enough for his family.

Husband B

He is in denial about his situation.  He thinks everything will be just fine, yet, he is not dealing with his reality.  Bills are mounting up, pink notices are lying all over the place and he starts to act like an ostrich who sticks his head in the sand.  He is hoping that his financial hardship will just go away or that it will magically get better overnight.

Husband C

He's waiting to find the perfect job with the best possible pay and one that suites his job history, degrees, and qualifications.  He is not interested in settling for some unglorified position at Wal-Mart, because he is just too good for that type of work!  For help with this scenario, read, When Your Husband is Waiting to Land His Dream Job.

Husband D

He thinks his wife should get a job.   Maybe she had one at some other time in their marriage and he sees no reason why she shouldn't have one now.  After all, that gave him an easier life with less responsibility (along with more money).  What man wouldn't want a more leisurely and comfortable lifestyle?  It's human nature, girlfriend!  But now he is out of work and he is turning into Mr. Mom along with Susie the Homemaker and you are starting to resent him as you become the major breadwinner for the family.

Let's add a 5th husband...

Husband E

He could be a little of all 4, or various combinations from the above list.

As we move on to 'What To do in Your Situation', please take the following things into consideration because any of them can play a part in each of the scenarios above:

• Some men entered into the marriage before they were saved and they are still learning the biblical roles of a husband.  Or they were saved, but they too are still learning, (just like us as wives!)  Graciousness is needed.


• Saved or not, some men felt it was just fine for a wife to work, but at some point, the couple made the decision for the wife to stay at home.


• Some men are not concerned about holding on to what the Bible has to say because they don't want to give up their comfort or they are too proud to face tough and somewhat humiliating situations.

What To Do in Your Situation

• In all scenarios, pray first!  Then go talk to your husband making sure you have a loving heart.  Find out what his plan/direction is for your family.  This will help you to know where he is coming from.  Maybe he wants you to get a job, maybe his doesn't.


• Perhaps he feels that it is okay for you to get a job, but just for a short time.  If that is the case, ask him at what point you can come back home (if that is even an option).  Examples, marriage is starting to crumble, children are acting out, etc.  Know your exit point from the workplace.  Keep your eyes peeled out for potential red flags in the home and make the commitment to leave the workplace if your home life starts to go down the toilet, even if it means less income for you.  Make sure you and your husband are in agreement with this.


• If both of you are Believers, and your man is in denial (Husband B) about his situation and he refuses to communicate with you, then go to one of the Elders (men) of your church.  Ask them if they (the body of Christ) would be willing to feed you and your children if you ever get to the point where you have no money for food because your husband is not working.   You can still share your situation with them, but be ever mindful that you DO NOT tear down your husband in the process.  Remember, the two of you are 'one'.  In doing this, your man might just get admonished by another brother in the Lord, and because of this, he might be a little more diligent to find work.   Here is what the Apostle Paul had to say regarding a man not working found in the 2 Thessalonians passage:

And if anyone does not obey our word in this epistle, note that person and do not keep company with him, that he may be ashamed. Yet do not count him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.  2 Thessalonians 3:14,15

• If your man is Husband A, then stay the course laid out in the scriptures.  This is NOT easy.  It takes great faith and a surrendered life.  Both husband and wife need to be fully committed to God's will for their lives in this scenario regardless of how bad their life gets.  If this is your man, you need to encourage him greatly.


•  One of woman's greatest fears is the lack of financial security. We figure if our man can't provide the income, than we'll provide it for ourselves.  So, we veer off from the path that God has laid out before us and we take matters into our own hands.  Many, many women do this because they don't know what else to do.  Some don't really know the path or the role of a wife, so they figure they'll help their husband by getting a job even if their husband would rather them not.  But the idea of living a tremendously difficult financial life seems daunting to the wife.  This woman does not take into consideration what working will do to her marital relationship and the role that she has a mother and homemaker.

Whatever your situation, keep this in mind:  The more a wife steps up and takes control, then the less apt the man would be to step forward and fill the role that God has called him to.  Why?  Because the role is already filled and therefore, he is not needed.  That, dear one, is a DANGEROUS place for your husband to be!

My challenge and encouragement to you is this:  Don't allow your pursuit of comfort to tear down your marriage and family, because if you allow it, it will.  Not only will you have financial problems, but you'll have marital and family problems as well.  Satan would love to have another believer leave their spouse and have a broken family over monetary issues.

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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When His Purpose for Us Hurts

Today I am sick and have been now for several days.  It's just the flu, but I can't help but freak out mentality when I get ill.  I start hoping, praying, and pleading that the Lord does not take me back to that place...

That place that caused me so much pain and suffering.

That place that made me feel like I had no life.

That place where I was trapped in my own body.

That place were I looked fine on the outside, but on the inside I was a wreck.

That place where I just had to push through life.

That place that forced me to abandon my dreams.

That place where I was never physically enough for my family.

That place where I felt like a failure as a wife and mother.

That place where I felt useless for His service.

That place that still brings me to tears even as I type this now.

No, I don't want to go back to that place; that place called the land of chronic ill-health.

Since my body suffered with some many various issues over the years, I have certainly become well-rounded in the ill-health department.  And because of this, I've had many women ask me lots of health-related questions along with how did I live life in the process.  These are women, who are either in physical pain themselves, or it's their husband or children, and it's hard for them to not feel scared, frustrated, and helpless because of their situation.  My heart is always sad for them because I believe, at least for me, when one goes through the challenges of chronic ill health.....that, my friend, is a storm!  Your world is rocked.  The rug is pulled out from underneath you.  And you need to figure life out.

Some days it can seem like time is moving in slow motion and then there are other times when you feel like everyone else is living life all around you.   Although you may not look physically handicapped, you are.  Your spot in life is on the couch.

Pain.  Suffering.  Frustration.  Anger.  Apathy.  Depression.  Despair.   All of these become your new wardrobe.  You wear them daily and some days, you just can't take them off.  That's a wardrobe I'd like to throw out and never put back on, but we don't have a choice in this!

Lately, God has been stirring in my heart about the subject of chronic ill-health.  Recently, He has brought people into my life that are experiencing many of these similar issues.  In fact, just the other day, one woman said I probably help so many people because of all that I have learned in the alternative world of health.  I smile and let her know that my passion is to encourage women to live for Jesus Christ; to equip them so they can grow in Him, bring Him glory, and then ultimately, live a life poured out for Him.  Of course I will give them some tips here and there, but God has not placed on my heart a strong desire to write about one living a life of chronic-ill health, instead, He has asked me to do the following:

1. Write my story.


2. Equip and encourage women in their marriages.


3. Strengthen women in their faith (trials, whatever they are, will ALWAYS be a part of the believer's life.)  When a woman's faith is strong, she'll be able to weather any storm that comes her way.

Sure, there might be times when the Lord prompts me to write a post about homemaking, child rearing, living a frugal lifestyle, maybe even a post on homeschooling, but again, those topics are not the focus of The Alabaster Jar. They might show up from time to time, but they won't be the norm.  I'll continue to share my life because I believe that stories help people to see the bigger picture as they learn the biblical principles that I try to present, plus it shows them that I am real.

Just today I had a sweet on-line friend comment to me about her ill-health journey and our similarities, and she shared with me this verse and I thought it would minister to you as well (whatever your trials may be):

“As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.”

"but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him"......do you see that dear one?  Do you see that what you are going through is that the works of God might be displayed through you?  I do hope so!  You were put here on earth for a reason.  You are going through this trial for a purpose.  It may hurt.  But the purpose, if you shift your eyes ever so slightly, will outweigh your pain.  You, dear one, get to be used by The Almighty God because of your suffering.  All so He can be displayed......through you!  Don't lose heart.

I wrote this post about a year ago and for those of you that are new here, that have no idea what health trial I am referring to, I thought I'd share it with you in hopes that it would encourage you in your trials.

Lord, Why on Earth Would You Allow This?  (The Refiner's Fire, Part 2)

First, let me begin by telling you I had no intentions of writing this post anytime soon because, quite honestly, I did not want to mentally and emotionally relive the past feelings of my life where I experienced so much physical pain, long-suffering, hopelessness and times of despair as I walked with the Lord.  I knew at some point the Lord would have me share this part of my life with you, but I did not think it would be written now, in the middle of me telling you about our financial trials!

In fact, every time I’ve thought about writing on this subject matter, I would come to tears.  Just the other day as I was having a hard time coping with the reality that the Lord was going to have me face those many years of brokenness, I cried to Him and said, “Can’t you use my strengths instead of my weaknesses?   I am sure He was probably smiling down on me when I said that!

 "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Lord, why on earth would you allow this?

I can’t tell you how many times I have asked the Lord that question.  All I’ve wanted to do since I gave my heart to Him was serve Him.  When I married, I wanted to make sure I lived a life where I brought respect and honor to my husband and that I served him as well.  When I had my children, I desired to raise them in the Lord as I spent time homeschooling them and teaching them to build God’s kingdom.  I did not understand why the Lord would allow my body to have one disease and disorder after another and for so many years.  But God had a plan in all of my pain and there was a purpose for it!

The story below was the beginning of my refining process.  If you missed part 1 of The Refiner's Fire you can read it here, just click on the link.

So because of God’s grace, I will briefly share my weaknesses.

 

The pain was unbearable.  When would it end?

It was 1998.  I had been saved for almost 2 years and married for one month.  I received a call from my doctor telling me I had pre-cancerous cells of my cervix and I needed laser surgery.  They were not sure if I would be able to have children as a result of the damage to my cervix.  I was not expecting to hear those words!  Here's God's hand in the midst of the heartache, fears, lost dreams and pain.  About a year later I became pregnant with my firstborn son and 1 year after he was born, I was pregnant with my second child.

However, little did I know that during my first pregnancy, a host of illnesses were brewing in my body and they were about to explode.  Over a 10 year period of time I saw one doctor after another for all of the diseases and disorders that were manifesting in my body.  There were days that my husband would send his assistant up to our house to watch my babies just so I could get some rest.  The night before I did not get any sleep due to severe joint pain, infections or vomiting which prevented me from getting any rest.  Many weeks I saw doctor after doctor for treatment after treatment.  For a two month period of time I saw 4 different doctors per week to help restore my health.  Below is a list of doctors that had treated me over the years:

·       A doctor of internal medicine

·       A rheumatologist

·       An ophthalmologist

·       Several gynecologists

·       A gastroenterologist

·       A clinical nutritionist

·       An alternative medicine doctor

·       A dentist to treat Periodontal Gum Disease

·       A physical therapist

·       An alternative medicine doctor for PMS and thyroid disorders

·       A doctor of Chinese medicine accompanied with acupuncture

During my time with them, they diagnosed me with:

·   An autoimmune disease of my glands known as Sjorgren’s syndrome.  As a result of this syndrome, I was unable to nurse my children but I did not know that at the time.  I had chronic fatigue and chronic joint pain.  I was constantly sick and I was starting to have vision problems.  The doctor told me I had abrasions on my eyes due to lack of moisture because my glands were not functioning, so he plugged my tear ducts.  I was also diagnosed as having border-line Lupus which is also an autoimmune disease, along with fibromyalgia and IBS.  Life long drugs were their answer to all my problems.  (We decided it was best for us to seek alternative treatment.)

·      In the alternative world of medicine I was treated for Candida Albicans which is an overgrowth of yeast in one’s body that can destroy the immune system.  During the course of 1 ½ years, I took over 90 pills a day which were natural supplements and my diet was restricted to protein and veggies.  (It was enjoyable to say the least.) sarcasm noted

·      Along with Candida, I was diagnosed with Leaky Gut Syndrome, because I had microscopic tears in my intestinal lining, and if that wasn't enough, I was also Insulin Resistance which was a precursor to Diabetes.

·       At one point in my life I was rushed to the ER by ambulance because I was doubled over in pain, unable to stand and I was constantly vomiting.  We thought my appendix might have burst.  After an ultrasound, a vaginal ultrasound and a CAT scan, they found that I had a ruptured ovarian cyst.  Little did I know I would experience that pain every month for the next 6 months.  I was soon diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.  My hormones were severely out of balance which caused an ongoing, monthly depression just before my menstrual cycle.  On top of all of that, my entire endocrine system was bogged down and I was functioning off of my adrenal glands which caused a lot of the chronic fatigue, the anxiousness and irritability.

·      In addition to everything else that was going on in my body, for 1 ½ years I had a severe vaginal and rectal infection that greatly hindered my ability to just get through the day.  The doctors had never seen anything like it and they did not know what it was.  (That was comforting to hear.) Just 1 month after my rush to the E.R. for my ovarian cyst, I had a Colonoscopy at age 34 to find out the cause of the rectal infection, yet, they could not see everything because of a blockage in my small intestine.  (Hmmm, I guess all of the years of chronic constipation would create a blockage!)  Again, no answers and no relief.   The medication that the docs gave me for my vaginal infection caused me to break out over my entire body with hives.  It was a Mother’s Day I would never forget.  I couldn’t take any more pain.  I felt like it was killing me.  All I longed to do is go home to be with Jesus.  That Sunday morning, my husband took me to the elders of the church for prayer and oil.

“Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.”  James 5:14

Throughout those long and painful 10 years, I had treatments that would range from:

·       6 months of nightly enemas with probiotics in them.  (I was 33 years old at the time and I felt like I was living in a body of an 80 year old woman.)

·    Taking natural progesterone that was injected into me rectally 3 times a day for at least 5 years because of my ovarian cysts.

·       I gave myself weekly B-12 shots in hopes that the fatigue would go away.

·     I was hooked up to an IV once a week for 8 weeks for chelation treatments hoping to rid my body of toxins.

·      At one point, my blood was run routinely through an IV that was under a UV ray light in hopes that the light rays would kill off any viruses in my body.

·      Not to mention all the disgusting green drinks and restrictive diets that I had to be on in order to restore my health.  (Eating soup with chicken feet in it was not enjoyable!)

Because we sought alternative medicine, the office visits, treatments and supplements were not covered by our insurance.  For 1 ½ years the cost for my health would range from $1000-$1500 per month.  Over the next 5 years, that number would decrease to $800 and then to $300 per month. There were days that I was becoming healthier.  One day in particular, I can remember the excitement I had as I shared with my husband that I was able to make my young boys lunch!

During year 5 of my health journey, I prayed for contentment. 

"Now godliness with contentment is great gain."  1 Timothy 6:6

I was tired of trying to restore my health and I no longer wanted it to be such a huge focus of my life.  I had to come to grips with the fact that I could not have the life that I longed for based on my physical limitations and I did not want my pursuit of health to become my idol.  For a few years my body was stable as long as I was still taking my supplements and limiting my diet, so I timidly stepped out to serve the Lord as we started a new ministry.

But shortly things got worse and they got worse at the wrong time!  My body started to decline once again and the supplements were no longer maintaining my health.  We were starting to have financial trials, (read The Refiner's Fire to know more about them,) and the cost of $300 a month for supplements that were no longer working did not seem like a wise purchase.

My health trial and our financial trials collided.  I did not know what to do.  I was becoming sicker and sicker and more of my organs were starting to shut down.  We had no health insurance and we maybe had $300 to our name.  Our home was now in foreclosure and I now had more responsibilities due to the new ministry.  I felt like I was drowning trying to manage all that was needed in my home because of the additional financial hardships as well.  Lord, why on earth would you allow this?

It is funny how our journey with the Lord is called our 'Christian walk'.  To me, it felt like a 'crawl'.  I never felt like I was in an upright position pursuing Jesus.  I was so broken and feeble that I daily had to crawl to Him.

"He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.  For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer." 2 Corinthians 1:4-6

God's hand of faithfulness has always been upon us even when I did not understand why God was taking us through this major storm.  When the IRS audited us, they found that they owed us several thousand dollars and the lawsuit that went on for 5 years, the plaintiffs dropped the case against my husband because there was no case.   See how God works!

The Lord is always with us but sometimes through all of the pain we can't see Him, feel Him, or hear Him.

He is with you as well.  He is refining you for a purpose that is just for Him so He can be revealed through you!  Don't get discouraged and don't lose hope.  He is always right there by your side when you are hurting and when you are questioning.

He was right by Job's side when he questioned the Lord as well.  And what was the Lord's response to Job?

"Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell Me, if you have understanding.  Job 38:4

Sometimes we are not going to understand everything that God takes us through.  We just need to be obedient and faithful to Him despite our hardships because God does not owe us anything. 

And he (Job) said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked shall I return there. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD."  Job 1:21 (my emphasis)

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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When You Need Help..... & a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up

Imagine for a moment that the Creator of the Universe asked you to do something that you are totally uncomfortable with.  Something you felt completely unqualified and ill-equipped to do.  Yet, He asked you to do it anyways?

He told you to go take charge of something and lead it, oversee it, and be completely responsible for it even though you knew you would fall short. You knew this would not be easy for you because you're not a natural at this task.

He also asked you to handle this responsibility with the utmost care and do it in a way that reflects Him while you're doing it.

Seems like a daunting task so far, doesn't it?

But He sends someone to your side to assist you in this big task in hopes that it will alleviate some of your responsibilities.

Even though you have someone to help you, you are still trying your best to figure out how to lead and reflect Christ, but of course, you still fall short.  You begin to doubt yourself.  You start to make bad decisions.  Soon, you are forced to make choices in situations that you don't know how to handle.  You look to find examples for help, but unfortunately, those examples are few and far between.  You become discouraged as others are telling you that you are doing it all wrong.  Those around you are mocking you.  Even society tells you what a fool you are.  You feel defeated.

What if the person by your side in this monumental task was kind, gracious, and encouraging?  Would that make a difference to you?  Would you be less fearful?  Feel better equipped?

Or, what if the person was judgmental, critical, and condemning?  How would that make you feel?

Which one would you rather have by your side?

Well, anyone in their right mind would choose the person who is gracious, kind, and encouraging, of course!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

If you haven't figured out what this monumental task is that I am referring to, it is that of being a godly husband.  I did a role-reversal for you!  You know, walk in his shoes for a day.

Source: wearethatfamily.com via Jolene on Pinterest

God has given our men the huge responsibility of leading our families.  He asked them to lead in such a way that is not natural to their flesh, after all, they are to love us the way Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for it.  That's a tall order, girlfriend!

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.  Eph. 5:25

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.  Colossians 3:19 NIV

Many men don't know how to be the godly husband they want to be.  Where and who do they turn to for their examples?

Let's just be real for a moment.  We all know there are not too many godly men in the world today!  Perhaps if they watched some t.v. they might find some good examples of a husband or father there, right?  That that's the furthest thing from the truth!  Our society has become so female dominant that it's disgusting!!  Men are being emasculated all over the place and the ones who do stand for the Lord are being mocked and told they are chauvinistic.

Sure, there are men who have a a better understanding of the scriptures and they pursue the Lord with their whole heart, but they fall short too!

But God being a great God, He knew that the person by the husband's side could help him be a better husband......unless the wife is like the helper who was judgmental, critical, and condemning.  A helper like that certainly makes the husband's job a lot more difficult!

But, have no fear, the Lord also gave your husband the Helper of the Holy Spirit!

"But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.  John 14:26

And because we can't do this whole 'helper, kind, gracious, and encouraging wife thing' on our own either, the Lord gave us the Helper too.

Husbands and wives ALL fall short.  We ALL need forgiveness.  And we need to forgive each other.  Every. Single. Day. Until. Death. Do. Us. Part.

I am thankful that God forgives me and doesn't keep a record of my sins!!

If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared.  Psalm 130:3,4

Love keeps no record of wrongs.  1 Corinthians 13:5

Which kind of helper would you like to be for your husband?  Don't forget that you have the Helper as well!

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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I have a passion for marriage so I invite you to join me every Monday for this link-up!

Please share your post on any and all things related to being a wife, i.e. homemaking ideas, ways you minister to your husband, dating ideas, and/or hearing what the Lord is telling you about your most important earthly relationship!

Link to your actual “Marital Oneness Mondays” post, not just your general blog address--that way if readers come by later in the week, they can click your relevant post. And link back to this community, either by using the button below or a text link. You can find the button code here for you to insert in your post:

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Why I Write Controversial Posts

So I have been asked a few questions by one of my readers and since we needed to put the radio show on the back-burner for now, I decided to answer her questions via my blog.

Jolene, so many of things you say are controversial and I do not agree with all of them and I LOVE IT! So many christian women who blog stick to the domestic arts, praising home-school, and quoting their favorite, non-controversial, bible verses. There is nothing wrong with that, you can tell many of these women have beautiful hearts to share. But I want something more. I want a post that makes me think, brings to attention a scripture I had not considered in a certain situation, or challenges a commonly held belief. I was wondering if, during your radio show, you and your husband could discuss how you decide what to share in a public forum and how you remain committed to submitting to your husband’s will and God’s will. Is there ever a time you feel compelled to share something where your husband advises against it, or ever a time your husband calls you to write something that you feel is beyond your comfort level?

First let me give you the reasons why I blog or speak to begin with.  In fact, I will also tell you what I won't or don't do with my blog because this helps me to explain myself as well.   Yes, the fact that I do this when asked most questions drives my husband crazy!

I have been blogging now for a year and I started doing so because God called me to write.  At the time I did not know what writing for Him looked like.  In fact, I had never even read blogs when I started on this journey.  The times I did come across a blog or two is when I did a google search for a recipe, but all I wanted was the recipe, not the 2 or 3 paragraphs the blogger wrote about her day or how she was feeling.   In a nutshell, I was really a blogging newbie when I started this ministry.  So, I had to continually seek the Lord (still do) to find out what He wanted from me.  I needed to put on blinders as well, because I have learned that there are many, many reasons why people blog and I didn't want to get caught up with what everyone else was doing.  I wanted to do what my Father has called me to do and nothing else.

Photo Source

What I don't do with my blog:

• I am not an aspiring writer, and therefore, I don't blog for the purpose of getting my name out.  I am not here to hone my skills because writing is not my thing; it's not my passion.   However, this is the platform that God has me using to lift Him up for all to see.  My passion is to encourage, equip, and inspire others to live for Jesus Christ, (and from what I've heard from some of my readers, I can now add 'challenge' to that list as well. :))  Some write a blog because they'd love to be a writer.  I say, to each his own.
  

"And I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all peoples to Myself."  John 12:32

• I do not blog for profit nor do I intend to.  There are many wonderful, God-fearing women who do, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!  They are using their time and talents to build a cottage industry for their family.  That is where God has called them, not me.

• Some women blog to keep a record of their life or to share their life with others.  Again, that is not the reason why I started this blog, because I just don't roll that way!  However, I am learning that people do want to know more about my life seeing how I have shared my story of trials.  Again, I do it with the intentions of  drawing them closer to Jesus Christ.

• Some blog because it is a cathartic experience.  As they write their words out it becomes very therapeutic for them.  When I started this ministry, I did not believe what I wrote would minister to me.  But I was dead wrong about that!  Many, many times as I am writing a post and I can't form my words for nothing, and my mind is a jumbled mess of thoughts, I wait for the Lord to show up and do His thing.  And of course He does and then all of a sudden there is this post!  I don't know how it happens.  I just sit down with thoughts swirling in my brain and because I don't feel like I know how to write, I just give my computer over to the Lord (after all, it is His ministry)....and then something miraculous happens.  Words spill on to the page.  Sometimes painful words.  Gut-wrenching, tear-filled words are typed out.  Sometimes beautiful, life-breathing words.  Words that edify and encourage.  Words that I have no idea where they came from.... appear on the screen.  It is not I who wrote those words, but 'The Great I Am', the Almighty God, the Lover of My Soul.  So, I have found that within this ministry, God ministers to me.  There have been numerous occasions that when I have finished reading the post I just wrote, that I am in tears.  My Redeemer soothes my soul.  He tells me He loves me and reminds me that everything is going to be okay. Even though I am ministered to by the Lord in this experience, I do not write for this reason.  Again, there can be many women out there who blog specifically because of the healing and/or ministering it brings to them, but that is not the main reason why I write.

Now that I have told you why I don't blog for certain reasons, here is the number one reason why I do write...To do the will of My Father!

So, the reader's question is,

"How do I decide what to share in a public forum?"

I have no formula for this answer.  I just listen to the Lord.  If God is calling me to write a difficult, controversial post, which He does sometimes, then I write it (sometimes with kicking, pleading and screaming!)  If I choose not to, then I won't have peace in my spirit because I am not submitting to His will.  I'll lose sleep over this, btw!  And if there are two things that I'm not fond of, one is wrestling with my Father and the other is a lack of sleep!  So, the controversial posts are written and it is well with my soul.  Yes, later I will be attacked and criticized for what was said but I need to remind myself that they are attacking Christ, not me.  It's not easy to do, and no, I have not mastered this!

My husband's thoughts on the controversial posts are this....What I write is not my message, but rather, it is the Lord's.  My Beloved is always supportive of me tackling the difficult issues.  In fact, he feels that my personality and my voice, is made to do just that.  He leans more towards me writing the deeper, challenging posts than I do.  Funny thing about it is, a few of the posts that have brought some controversy are usually his promptings or his salacious titles!

Question:  Has there ever been a time my husband calls me to write something that I feel is beyond my comfort level?

Um, ya, that's a resounding yes!  I sometimes feel my husband thinks I'm some mighty she-warrior for the Lord, ready to go into battle looking to defeat a giant as big as Goliath!  In reality, I am just a woman trying to live by faith, looking to please the Lord, wanting to be a poured out offering for my Savior....and one who gets hurt, rejected and cries.  Even though my husband does not blog, he is a vital part of this ministry because I couldn't do this without him.  The Lord has placed him by my side specifically to encourage me while I step out in faith.  God knew that I would get attacked as I spoke/wrote His message, so he gave me a husband who is designed to uplift and minister to me when I am broken and wounded because I have embraced this call.  As any warrior that goes out to battle, we come back wounded, hurt, and bleeding and God has strategically placed my man (along with a few dear women) right by my side where they use the gifts that the Lord has given to them just for this purpose and all for His glory.   More times than not, my Beloved is always the one pressing me to further step out in faith, rather than it being the other way around.  But again, he knows that the Lord has called him to minister to me for God's glory.  However, he has also learned to protect my spiritual well-being and he has figured out that I can only handle so many attacks all at once!

Question:  Is there ever a time you feel compelled to share something where your husband advises against it?

I can't ever think of a time when I felt more compelled to share something that my Beloved was not in agreement with.  However, there have been times when he has told me not to read certain comments, emails, go into forums, etc., because he knew how it would negatively effect my spiritual well-being and he is not interested in having that happen.  Been there, done that!  So, I learned to heed his words because he is wanting to protect me, not hinder me in ministry.  In fact, there have been times when he has asked me for my computer so he could reply to comments/emails and I have just handed it over to him without question.  Again, he has been placed by my side to protect me and encourage me.  He's got my back, therefore, I have learned not to control him.

Question:  How do you remain committed to submitting to God’s will?

He died for me.  His blood was poured out for me.  He hung on the cross for me.  He redeemed and restored this former woman at the well.  He adopted me into His family.  He has given me eternal life.  The least I can do for my Savior is pour out my life for Him and build up His kingdom....regardless of how uncomfortable that feels and how many people (Christians or non-Christians, alike) disapprove of me.  I certainly have not perfected this.  I fail daily, but daily I try again, and again.

Question:  How do you remain committed to submitting to your husband's will?

Again, we have learned that within this ministry, God has called me to write and God has called my man to minister to me.  It is an interesting ministry to say the least!  There are certainly moments when my Beloved has asked me to write something I am completely uncomfortable with, but I have to remind myself that God has placed him as my headship.  Ultimately, if I get attacked, (and I get discouraged and cry) then my Beloved comes to my side and comforts and encourages me; that's his role. It has been a learning process for both of us.  We have had conversations of what I need from him in order to keep sticking my neck out for Christ, and how I get tired of being stoned by the brethren.  I am not interested in running ahead of my husband, because if I do, I am alone and unprotected.  So, we go together because we are 'one'.

Believe it or not, I don't seek out to write controversial posts, I just write what God has put on my heart knowing full well there will be attacks.   I would be spiritually naive to think that wouldn't happen.  I am sure the enemy would love for me to keep my mouth shut, but then again, we are in a spiritual battle!

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.  Ephesians 6:12

I can't help but think about Ezekiel and Paul and all they went through for the Lord.  The call is to be obedient, not comfortable!

How about you?  Is God calling you to do something that is difficult or against the norm?  Will you heed the call even if it makes you feel uneasy?

No, I Don't Do Bunnies at Easter

Perhaps you are new to coming to Christ or you want more Christ-centered Easter traditions to help foster your children's faith, if that is the case, then take a look at these activities!  All of these ideas point you and your kiddos to Jesus.  They are great teaching tools, reminders, and faith-builders for you and your family.  You can find more activities like these listed here at, Christ-Centered Easter Activities for Your Family.

As well, you can use many of these ideas as an outreach as you teach others about the true meaning of Easter.

No one has a guarantee of tomorrow, so my encouragement to you is to be intentional and passionate about shepherding your children to our Savior, today!  Spend your time and financial resources on things that will draw you and others towards Christ.   Seeing how I do not believe there is anything that is spiritually profitable about the 'bunny' at Easter, I don't waste my time doing things that center around this animal.  In fact, I think the enemy uses the bunny as a sly way of distracting us and diverting our attention from Christ to a cute, little, cuddly critter during this time of year.  You know, he is cunning like that!

Rather, let's have our focus on Jesus this Easter seeing how He paid the debt for our sins and He poured out His blood for us.

I guess if people can be anti-Jesus, then I can be anti-bunny for just 1 day out of the year! (lol)

Now, on with the activities!

Click on the pictures below and they'll give you all the details!

Crown of Thorns Snack

Love, love, love this!

Source: freefuneaster.com via Jolene on Pinterest

Marshmallow Lambs

I think these are adorable!

Source: freefuneaster.com via Jolene on Pinterest

Empty Tomb Treats

Isn't this idea so cute and creative?  I might have to do these seeing how the men in my house LOVE donuts!

Source: freefuneaster.com via Jolene on Pinterest

Paper Plate Tomb Craft

For the non-sweets people, this one is for you!

Source: freefuneaster.com via Jolene on Pinterest

Lamb of God Baskets

Seeing how I couldn't find a picture to show you about these baskets, here's my friend's little girl with her Lamb of God Easter basket.  I wrote out the instructions for this basket here, but I thought the photo could help you.  The milk jug handle is in the back and it's the handle to this basket as well.

Resurrection Rolls

I included these on my earlier post, too, but again I had no picture.  What can I say, I like to teach and share with pictures!

Live a poured out life for the Master,

Did you enjoy reading The Alabaster Jar?

Subscribe through email or 'like' my page on Facebook to receive future posts.

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An Angry Fit and a Flying Racket on My Honeymoon...plus a Link Up!

We were married for all of two days.  My dreamy husband and I were off to play a fun game of tennis in the wonderful sunshine of Maui, Hawaii.  I didn't know how to play tennis, in fact, I didn't even know how to keep score, yet, I owned a racket because I thought the sport would be fun.  Seeing how I had spent years playing volleyball, I felt I could pick up the game pretty quick and I thought I would be rather good at it.  Little did I know that I would be dead wrong about my athletic ability!

My man on the other hand, he knew how to play.  He was good at it and he smoked me in the game.  I became so frustrated and angry that I threw my racket!  Yep, I did!  Although, I didn't throw it at him, I threw it nonetheless!  This sweet, new, Christian bride threw it because I was so mad that I lost.  Can you say, "poor loser"!

Photo Source

Protection Against a Divisive Spirit

We quickly learned that it was not best for our relationship to compete against each other, and over the course of our 14 years of marriage, we have not.  Not even in board games!  Because I like to win at those too!  I even have a son when he was very young, chuck the board game across the room when he would lose.  Hmmm, I wonder where he got that trait from?  But the Bible tells us that one of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control, so you'd think that I, being a Christian woman, might have been able to maintain some and have a little dignity as well.  Yay, well, that was not the case on the court that day!

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.  Galatians 5:22,23

My Beloved loves to compete as well, and of course when he competes he wants to win too; who doesn't!  But  we made a choice that our marriage, our unity/oneness, was more important than either of us beating the other person in some silly game no matter how much we liked the sport.

However, after 14 years of marriage, we decided to play tennis the other day.  But this time was going to be different because we were going to play as a family.  We thought it was a good activity that all of us could do together seeing how my bad knees and hip can't handle doing many things.

Afterwards, husband and wife took to the court for a more rigorous workout.  I fully felt that I could handle playing, because after all, the Lord has fed me some humble pie for the last 14 years with all the long-suffering that I have been through.  I was much more controlled and I had a lot more gentleness.  I now had at least a few of the fruits of the Spirit under my belt!  It was okay if I didn't win, I was just happy for the opportunity to play.  Or so I thought!

Even though my Beloved lowered his playing ability, I was still poor at my game and he could see the frustration on my face and the smoke coming out of my ears.  But this time I didn't throw my racket!

He walked over to my side of the court and put his arm around me and said, "Is this a good idea?"  "Do you think we should continue playing?"

"I'm fine!" I said.  I really wasn't fine, I was bent out of shape because I was losing!

Competing Against Each Other Does Not Breed Unity

Well, the next time we played, we didn't keep score (smile) because our relationship is more important than who wins a tennis match!

So do you ever find yourself competing in any way with your husband?  If you do, ask yourself if it is hindering your oneness; the unity in your marriage.  A friendly game of competition here and there may be a little thing, but over time it could seep into other areas and become a big wedge in your marriage, slowly putting you at odds with your man.  The Lord wants the husband and wife joined and united, not just in the big things but the little things as well.

"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."  Ephesians 5:31

Maybe you're not so big on the competition thing, but your man is and perhaps he is likely to throw his racket!  Or quite possibly you love to compete like I do.  I understand your viewpoint, friend!  Here's some tips below to help you.

3 Ways to Strengthen Your Oneness

• Whatever game it is, instead of trying to compete and beat him, be on the same team.  This will help you guard your tongue from snide and sarcastic jabs that you may say to one another.  (And it will help keep you from throwing your racket in case you happen to be playing tennis!)


• Encourage him while playing.  You will be building him up rather than tearing him down.

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.  Proverbs 31:26

• Don't keep score if you are on opposing sides.  You're objective is not to win but to stay united and have fun.

A Song of Ascents. Of David. Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!   Psalm 133:1

A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones.  Proverbs 17:22

Competing can be lots of fun, but someone always loses.  This issue could seem petty, but what the Lord wants is for us as brothers and sisters (husband and wife) to be united with no division amongst us.  These few and seemingly insignificant things listed above will fortify your marriage and protect it from the sly, little, undermining thistles that opposing, competing, and contending with one another can bring.  I encourage you to be proactive in bolstering your oneness because when you are faced with bigger issues, you'll have a tighter bond.    Don't leave even a small crack in your relationship because Satan will do his best to get in there and tear the two of you apart.

How about you?  Do you struggle with selfish ambition as you compete and contend with your husband?  What do you do to combat your divisive spirit?

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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