When Your Husband is Attracted to Other Women...& a Link Up

Immodesty is EVERYWHERE in our society.  You can find it on the billboards, t.v. shows, commercials, movies, driving through town, at a shopping mall and sadly even at church.  You can't avoid the bare-skinned, tight-fitted, short skirts, and cleavage that is displayed ALL OVER THE PLACE and neither can a visually-made MAN!  Not only are these women immodest, but some of them are down right gorgeous and it's hard not to notice them!  And I'm a woman saying this so imagine how a married man must feel!

I had a reader ask me a question about how do good Christian women keep a healthy and fulfilling intimate life with our husbands based on all the immodesty that surrounds us, along with all the immoral women out in the world. 


Last week I addressed the first part of her question on how to have a fulfilling intimate life and this week I'm going to address the beautiful, exquisite, and immodest women that are found far and wide.

Male or female, attractive people are just that, attractive, and sometimes you can't help but gawk notice them.

But what happens when your man's eyes are on just about every attractive woman that walks into a room?

Sorry to say friend, but you don't have too many options.

It's not like you can shield him from society or lock him up in a room so he'll only have eyes for you.  Nor can you put extra clothes on these women and make them look ugly!  And putting a bag over their head isn't the answer either.  (Wishful thinking, I know!)
 

So, what do you do?  How do you deal with this issue?

First, here's two things to help you better understand your man....

1. God made men to be visual.  Your man is a flesh-filled, imperfect human being; he's not Jesus.  So this is one area where you'll want to practice extending grace to your husband.
2. Recognize the fact that you can't control your husband's flesh and you can't control his heart; these two issues are a matter for the Holy Spirit to transform. 

But I think this thought might help you in your situation.....

 

There's a big difference between a man who finds a woman attractive, and a man who is lusting after her.  One is a sin and the other is not.

"But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."  Matthew 5:28

"Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, nor let her allure you with her eyelids."  Proverbs 6:25

"But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts."  Romans 13:14

7 Tips for a Healthy Marriage

• Let's face it, there will always be someone prettier than us, so make sure you check your jealousy at the door because if you don't, it'll harm your marriage.  Remember who you are in Christ and that you were made in His image; let Him speak to your heart so you can ward off the jealousy that might be brewing in your heart.

• Refrain from pointing out to your spouse how you think another man or woman is drop dead gorgeous.  Essentially, it's like you're opening a window to let the Enemy come in and sow seeds of insecurity, jealousy, and potentially lust into your marriage.  This seemingly innocent and fun people-watching activity doesn't build up your marriage nor you and your spouse in anyway, shape or form.   

• Do what you can to look attractive for your husband.  (But be careful on this one because it can be a slippery slope, meaning your outer appearance should not become an idol.) Also, a wise husband will be understanding of a woman's changing body and that's when he should be gracious to her.  Babies change things, illnesses and injuries change things, hormones change things, and of course the aging process takes a toll on a woman's body.

• Don't deprive your husband of your body; let him see you in your birthday suit!  Generally speaking, there is a reason why men find immodest women attractive....it's because they are! These women are all dolled up and they're showing their parts!  Try doing that for your husband on a regular basis.  You can read more about that here and here.

• Be vulnerable with your husband and share your heart with him.  Let him know how it makes you feel when he is looking at other women, or worse yet, when he's making comments about them in your presence!  He may not even realize he is doing this or that it even bothers you. 

Here's a simple dialog you can have with him:  Hey love, I know there are beautiful women all over the place, and I wished I looked like some of them!  I do realize that God has made you to be very visual, however, when I'm with you and you're looking at these women, it makes me feel unattractive to you and it hurts my feelings.  So can you do me a favor?  Do you mind keeping your eyes on me when you're with me?  When you do that, I feel a great amount of love by you and I feel desired by you.

• Pray for your man and what he wrestles with.  Don't forget that we are in a spiritual battle and the Enemy would love to destroy our marriage.

 "The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."  Matthew 26:41

• One last tip, but this one is to help you help someone else's husband.  Be mindful of how you dress in public.  Is what you're wearing something that you would want another woman to wear around your husband?  Seeing how you'll want to be modest in public, you'll need to come up with some creative ways to be immodest around your husband!  

Talk to your man about what I've shared here and get his thoughts on this as well!


In case you're wondering why I don't spell out s*x, it's because I don't want this post to be blocked because of parental controls or filters on one's computer.

Live a poured out life for Christ,

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I have a passion for marriage so I invite you to join me every Monday for this link-up!

Please share your post on any and all things related to being a wife, i.e. homemaking ideas, ways you minister to your husband, dating ideas, and/or hearing what the Lord is telling you about your most important earthly relationship!

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Are Titus 2 Women the Modesty Police?

"Oh sweetie, don't bend over, I'll get the sodas from now on."  That's what the older woman said to me as I was wearing short shorts and a tank top in the middle of the summer, while serving at my church for a men's event! Umm, yeah, can you say immodest?  But, hey, I was new in Christ, what did I know?  Apparently not much in the modesty department!

I didn't know the woman personally and I had zero understanding of what her issue was.  It's not like I had read the verse about not causing our brothers to stumble.  Well, maybe I did read it, but I clearly did not understand it!

I was thankful for her tact and graciousness.  I was thankful that she did not condemn me for not dressing like a good, sweet, Christian woman.  Although I was one, I was still learning and growing in the Lord.

Can you look at this woman without judging her because of what she is wearing?

I once had a friend that I brought to church, and over time I encouraged her to grow in the Lord.  She was a very pretty and thin gal, but not the most modest.  I spent quite a bit of time mentoring her in various aspects of her life, including her walk with the Lord, equipping her in her marriage, along with encouraging her in her parenting.  But never once did I address her immodest clothing.  I wanted to, but I felt like she was already dealing with enough as it was.

One day she came to church in what looked like a very short and small, black cocktail dress.  It screamed provocative.   When I saw it my mouth dropped open in shock and I thought to myself, should I say something to her or not.  She's around my husband and other men and I'm sure she is certainly causing some of these guys to stumble!  

So, here's my question to you.  Would you have said something to her regarding her inappropriate dress?

Now here's the rest of the story....

Later that day I found out that her husband was heavily involved in pornography and had been for many years.  My friend felt unwanted and unloved and she felt like she was competing for her husband's attention.  My heart broke for her.

Has your answer changed based on her situation?  Do you have a little more compassion for her and a little more grace for the choice of clothes that she made that day?

Now a word to the Titus 2 ladies........

I hear you as I type these words.  I know you are saying we should tell these younger believers to cover themselves up.  I once held that view, but my heart has changed.  It has softened a bit.  In fact, I don't even feel qualified to type this post about being a little more gracious to our sisters who are not the most modest, because I don't feel I have extended enough grace to them; the Truth, yes, but Grace, not so much.

Let me explain.

I see the scriptures in 'black and white'.  To me, the counsel given in the Word of God is crystal clear and I never really understood why some people would see things as being 'gray'. 

But God's teaching me a few things and I am thankful for the grace that He has extended to me.  I am thankful for the graciousness the older woman extended to me.  I am thankful that the Holy Spirit told me to keep my mouth shut regarding my friend so she could receive the Lord's grace. 

I see God's truth in black and white, 

but every now and then, I see His GRAYce.

• Who's to decide what is modest or immodest?
• Should a Christian sister point out to any Christian sister that she is dressed immodestly?
• Do we, as Titus 2 women become the 'modesty police'?  I kinda felt like I did at one point, perhaps you could've even called me the Sarge.  You know how it is. We admonish them in the name of the Lord, as ironing sharpening iron, or helping them to grow in Christ.  I think the heart intentions are probably right but sometimes we can become very legalistic in this.

Here's some things to consider if you are a Titus 2 Woman:

• Do you have a friendship with the younger sister?  If not, they will most likely feel condemned by what you have to say to them.  But if you do have a friendship with her and she has asked for your opinion, then give it to her in love and most likely she'll receive it. 

• Can you offer more grace and understanding to the weaker believer?  Often times we are so concerned about whether or not her dress will cause a brother to stumble, but in confronting her do you ever stop to consider if what you have to say to her will cause her to stumble?

• Sometimes our younger sisters just need to see our example of modesty.

• If you tell a woman she is dressed immodestly, always keep in mind what that will do to her spiritual walk.  

Will it sharpen her?
Will it draw her closer to the Lord? 

Or will she feel like she can't measure up to your standards or worse yet, feel like the Lord has some unattainable standards?

Sometimes in our journey of pursuing the Lord, it takes us a while to grow and mature in Christ, even as a Titus 2 woman regarding this particular issue!  You see, I am a Titus 2 woman to other women in my life, but I also have women that are Titus 2 women to me.  I'm sure they're wondering when I'm going to be more loving and gracious when I speak God's truth to the women the Lord has put in my path.  These women have always extended me grace rather than dished out a bowl of condemnation.  However, that's not to say I was never convicted.  Quite the opposite in fact.  I just wasn't convicted by their words, but rather, through the Holy Spirit piercing my heart.

 

If You're Wondering What is Modest....

I'm not going to give you a detailed description of what type of clothing is considered modest because the Bible does not define modesty!

Instead, take a look at.....

God's Dress Code

• Put on tender mercies.
• Put on kindness.
• Put on humility.
• Put on meekness.
• Put on love.

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering.  Colossians 3:12  But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.  Colossians 3:14

• God looks at your heart.

For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

• God desires a gentle and quiet spirit.

Do not let your adornment be merely outward--arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel--rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.  1 Peter 3:3,4

Now, I can tell you some of the things I wear or don't wear in hopes that it would help you, but I'm not going to do that either and here are the reasons why:

To some, I won't be dressed modest enough.  

Therefore, you will fall into the sin of being critical and judgmental, and seeing how I don't want to stumble you, I've decided not to share with you what's in my closet.

To others, I'm dressed too modest.

I don't want to cause another sister to feel like she can't measure up to my standards.  My walk with the Lord, is just that, my walk.  Your walk is your walk.

So, that's why I'm not going to tell you what I wear because I care about your spiritual growth.

Let the Holy Spirit penetrate your heart and guide you when choosing your clothes; that should be your modesty meter.

Although, I will leave you with this tip: 

 

Who Are You Dressing For?

1. Do you dress for yourself?
2. Do you dress to show off your body and make other women feel jealous or insecure about theirs?
3. Do you dress to attract the attention from other males?
4. Do you dress for your husband? (If you're married.)

If you're married, ask your husband if what you own is appropriate to wear out of the house or not.  Since he's a man, he'll have a better understanding of what can cause another man to stumble.

If you're single, ask your dad, or brother, or mother, or another sister in the Lord what their thoughts are on your outfits.
 

None of us have mastered perfection and sometimes we just need to look at others through GRAYce-filled lenses.

Live a poured out life for Christ,

I am linked up with: Women Living Well,Winsome Wednesday, A Holy Experience, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, No Ordinary Blog Hop, We Are That Family, Beholding Glory,Time-Warp Wife,

A Fulfilling Intimacy Life

I had a reader ask me a question about how do good Christian women keep a healthy and fulfilling intimate life with our husbands based on all the immodesty that surrounds us, along with all the immoral women out in the world. 

So, today, I am going to address just the first part of that question and then in another post, I'll address the rest of it.


But before I answer, let me give you a little background first.

Before I came to Christ, I acted like the immoral woman; immodesty and all. But when I married my Beloved, I was a Christian but I had a very difficult time in my mind learning how to reconcile my old ways with my new ones.   Of course I learned a few things based on what I read in God's Word and one of those things was to keep the marriage bed pure and to not have sex outside of marriage.

So, my man and I waited to have sex until our wedding night.  Yes, it was very difficult to wait, but it was the right thing to do in God's eyes.  But here's something that I struggled with regarding intimacy:  I was unsure of how to act.  I certainly couldn't act like the tramp immoral woman I once was!  But the opposite of that was to be the good, Christian woman, but I didn't know what that looked like in the marriage bed.

I didn't have any godly women in my life teaching me those things.  What would be considered modest or immodest?  What's appropriate in my marriage bed and what isn't?  What do I show my husband and what don't I show him?  All those questions ran through my mind and it was all very difficult for me.   I think at one point I would have swung towards having a prudish attitude based on what I perceived from other Christian women.   But, I wanted the straight Truth, so I searched the scriptures for the answers.

What I found in God's Word was the furthest thing from a frigid or prudish wife!

So, I had resolved in my mind that I wouldn't turn my Beloved away whenever he wanted to be sexually intimate with me, and here were my reasons why:

#1  My man's body belongs to me.  I loved reading the following verse as a soon to be wife!  Remember, I hadn't been intimate with my man yet!

The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

#2  I wanted to protect my marriage from the Enemy

Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  1 Corinthians 7:5

#3  I wanted my husband to delight in me, not some other woman.  And I didn't want some other woman to entice him because I wanted to entice him! 

Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice with the wife of your youth. [As a] loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love. Proverbs 5:18,19

#4 The act of marriage is what makes a marriage different from all other relationships.  In other words, biblically speaking, you can't have sex with anyone other than your husband.

Knowing those scriptures and resolving to hold fast to them helped me as a young bride to lay the proper order for our marriage. So when the homemaking duties came, the babies entered into the world, the homeschooling began, and the outside ministries took place, my marital life (including intimacy) did not take a backseat to any of these very important responsibilities. 

Modesty and the Marriage Bed  

Let me touch on this one because I think it needs to be discussed.  Plus, I believe it will bring a greater amount of fulfillment to your intimacy.

The marriage bed is undefiled.

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.  Hebrews 13:4 (ESV)

Perhaps you have been raised in a very conservative, Christian home and you're not sure how to act.  Well, mama done taught you well!  She showed you what was modest and what was not and what was appropriate and inappropriate for a lady.  She has helped you act in such a manner that it caught your man's eye and ultimately, you became his wife!

But mama's time teaching you is done.....at least when it comes to the marriage bed.  Your gauge for what to do and how to act in the marriage bed is what your man wants, not what your mama taught you!

Wannna know how to act, just ask your husband what he likes!  Yes, it is that easy.  If you're newly married, he may not have all the answers just yet, but over time, he will.

If he likes a lot of makeup, then wear it.  If he likes lingerie, then wear.  If he likes high-heeled shoes, then wear them.  You get my point.

When I walk outside and go through life I try to be modest.  When I am in the house with my boys, I try to be modest, but when I am with my husband and no one else, I am not modest.  As insecure as I am about my body, I realize that my body is the ONLY naked body that my husband is biblically allowed to look at.  That's why I am eating less chocolate now!  I do what I can to make sure my husband is sexually content and he is enjoying the wife of his youth.


Many times we get busy in life meeting all of the demands and responsibilities before us and adding the act of marriage at the end of the day can seem exhausting.  Here's my advice to you.  Take a nap in the middle of the day or feed your husband a hot dog for dinner.  I'm sure he won't care if you don't cook him a 3-course meal because you decided to save your energy for the marriage bed that night!

Or sometimes our husbands are just flat out jerks and the last thing we want to do is have sex with them.  Talk to him and let him know your feelings have been hurt over XYZ issue.  Do your best to forgive him, resolve your conflict and move on.

My encouragement to you would be to protect your marriage and one of the ways that you could do this is to not deprive your husband of sexual intimacy. 

Live a poured out life for Christ,

Did you enjoy reading The Alabaster Jar?

Subscribe through email or 'like' my page on Facebook to receive future posts.

Linking up with: No Ordinary Bloghop, The Better Mom, Time Warp Wife, Far Above Rubies, Women Living Well, A Wise Woman Builds Her House, Wifey Wednesday, A Pause on the Path, Winsome Wednesday, Lessons from Ivy, A Holy Experience, Raising Arrows Beholding Glory, We Are That Family

Finding Beauty, 

I have a passion for marriage so I invite you to join me every Monday for this link-up!

Please share your post on any and all things related to being a wife, i.e. homemaking ideas, ways you minister to your husband, dating ideas, and/or hearing what the Lord is telling you about your most important earthly relationship!

Link to your actual “Marital Oneness Mondays” post, not just your general blog address--that way if readers come by later in the week, they can click your relevant post.

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When and Why I Act Like a Pharisee

So, I was totally convicted today when I read about the Pharisees (and some scribes) ask Jesus why his disciples did not do things the way they did.

Here's the passage that pierced my soul:

Now when they saw some of His disciples eat bread with defiled, that is, with unwashed hands, they found fault. For the Pharisees and all the Jews do not eat unless they wash their hands in a special way, holding the tradition of the elders. When they come from the marketplace, they do not eat unless they wash. And there are many other things which they have received and hold, like the washing of cups, pitchers, copper vessels, and couches.Then the Pharisees and scribes asked Him, "Why do Your disciples not walk according to the tradition of the elders, but eat bread with unwashed hands?"  Mark 7:2-5

What convicted me in this passage was this- why don't people do things the way I do them?

 

I Act Like a Pharisee When....

I think a woman is not dressed modestly enough.
I think a married woman is not respecting her husband enough or training her children well enough.
I think a long-time Christian should have a better understanding of the Word of God.
I think a Believer should be more committed, more faithful, and more obedient to the Lord.

I Act Like a Pharisee Because....

I am a chief sinner like Paul.

I am vile like Job.
I need more of Jesus in my heart.
Christ needs to be on the Throne of my life, rather than me putting myself on the Throne.

Photo Source

Although I don't mean to act like a Pharisee, because that is not my heart, the unfortunate thing is, I do.  My desire is to draw people towards the Lord not away from Him, and finding fault in their walk will definitely be a turn-off!

While I know that my Savior is very forgiving towards my sin, it still saddens my spirit to know that I have caused others pain or perhaps I have even stumbled them!

I know that Christ is not finished with me yet and He'll continue to refine me, but in the meantime I hope this part of my flesh will continue to die!

Do you struggle with this as well, friend?  If so, let me lift both of us up in prayer.  I know I certainly need His help and strengthen!

Lord Jesus, please change our hearts so it reflects more of your love and grace.  Help us to not find fault in others the way the Pharisees did.  Continue to cleanse us and change us so we are a sweet smelling aroma for You.   In your name I pray, Amen.

Live a poured out life for Christ,

Linking up with: Time-Warp Wife, Women Living Well, No Ordinary Blog Hop, Winsome Wednesday

A Strong Friendship in Your Marriage will Make for a Stronger Marriage...& a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up!

We all want to be loved and accepted.  We want to be appreciated and heard.  We want our man to take notice of us and love us unconditionally.  But after the wedding vows are said, life happens and for some marriages, the love that was once so strong slowly starts to fade.  

Problems start to surface.  Fighting becomes the norm.  The cold shoulder is given.  And intimacy is lacking or maybe even non-existent.  

What went wrong?  

How did your marriage end up like this?

Before we deal with the symptoms (problems), let's look at the types of love in the Bible, and afterwards I'm going to give you some tips that you can apply to help make your marriage stronger.

There are 3 types of love depicted in the Bible.

1. Agape Love which would describe God’s divine love for us.  John 3:16 reflects Agape love.
2. Phileo Love is brotherly love.  The passage in John 21:15-17 where Jesus asked Peter if he (agape) loved him 3 different times, and each time Peter replied with "yes Lord you know I (Phileo) love you."  This is a picture of brotherly love. 
3. Eros Love is simple to understand.  It is an erotic or romantic love; the type of love between a husband and wife found in the Song of Songs.

A typical love story goes something like this:

He's good-looking.  He finds you attractive.  You talk for hours.  He's kind to you.  Your heart skips a beat when you see him, and he starts to sweep you off your feet.  Romantic feelings, emotions, and lust take over, then you fall in love, hence Eros love has taken place.  You get married with the hopes and expectations of living happily ever after.  

Many husbands and wives try to live off of Eros love, but when the problems of life creep in and your emotions and feelings for your man start to wane, the future of your marriage almost seems like it is doomed to fail.  But is it? 

A strong marriage has a strong Phileo love.  The couple has established, built, and continually works on the deepening of their friendship.  

So, that's where we're going to spend our time today; strengthening your Phileo love in your marriage.

Work on building your friendship with your husband.

But first, let's read what the Bible has to say about us as wives.

In the book of Genesis, even after God created all the animals, Adam was still alone.  God, being an all-knowing God, knew that Adam needed a companion, one that was suitable for him.  So what did our smart God do?  He made woman.  That's you and I friend!  Wives are designed to complete the husband. 

And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." Genesis 2:18

We play a huge role in our marriage and don't let society (or the Enemy) tell you otherwise.  Our men need us; they were designed that way and we were designed for them.

As a married woman, you were created for your husband.  This is a concept that the world does not embrace and many times we wouldn't even hear this message in the Church, but, hey, it's right there in the scriptures so don't ignore God's wisdom!

For man is not from woman, but woman from man. Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man.  1 Corinthians 11:8,9

Your man needs you.  He needs loving you.  Encouraging you.  Uplifting you.  Gracious you.  Kind and content you.  If you haven't noticed, all these things make for a great friend, but unfortunately your man has let you down.  He disappointed you.  Hurt you.  Offended you.  Stopped listening to you.  Stopped wooing you.  And romancing you went out the window a long time ago, unless of course he's trying to have sex with you!

So, how in the world do you turn your cold, angry, and maybe even bitter heart around and love him back and make your marriage stronger?

It all starts with Phileo love; brotherly love.  Well, really it starts with forgiveness first, but as a Christian woman, that's implied here.

Build your friendship first before you fix the Eros love in your marriage.  Learn to do things with your husband.  Here's a quick tip.  Seeing how you were created for man, don't expect your husband to pick up needlepoint or scrapbook with you because that is not how he is designed!  It is much easier for a woman to learn to do something that the man likes.  Get involved with his hobby or his favorite sports team, rather than expecting him to do something you enjoy. They lead, we follow.  Keep taking an interest in him and learning about him.  Do these things without criticizing, condemning, questioning, or bossing him.  You are not there to change him, rather you are there to be his friend.

Think of building your friendship with him the way you would with one of your girlfriends.  

Would you treat him differently?  

Would you speak to him differently? 

Would your attitude towards him be different?  

Would you be more loving, kind, and gracious?

Use these questions as a tool to help you become a better friend to your man.

By building the Phileo love; friendship love in your marriage, you are essentially building your marriage.  And over time, your respect for him will grow and so will your Eros love. (Plus, when this takes place, that whole submission thing that you may be struggling with, that will get a whole lot easier as well!)

Live a poured out life for Christ,

Linking up with: No Ordinary Bloghop, The Better Mom, These Five of Mine Plus Two, Raising Arrows, Time Warp Wife, Far Above Rubies, Women Living Well, A Wise Woman Builds Her House, A Pause on the Path, Wifey Wednesday, Lessons from Ivy,
Unveiled Wife,

I have a passion for marriage so I invite you to join me every Monday for this link-up!

Please share your post on any and all things related to being a wife, i.e. homemaking ideas, ways you minister to your husband, dating ideas, and/or hearing what the Lord is telling you about your most important earthly relationship!

Link to your actual “Marital Oneness Mondays” post, not just your general blog address--that way if readers come by later in the week, they can click your relevant post. And link back to this community, either by using the button below or a text link. You can find the button code here for you to insert in your post:

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Ministry is Not About Us

I recently spent quite a bit of hours and days working on the technical side of this blog, and in case you didn't know, this on-line space is a ministry.  In a nutshell, here's what happened.  I updated my old site and then everything went haywire.  But you, dear reader, couldn't see the issues because the problems were behind the scenes.

For days I worked to fix it.  Then my Beloved worked to fix it.  Then we called our hosting company to try to fix.  We even considered purchasing something, yep you guessed it, to try to fix it.  And of course I prayed for the Lord to fix it.  In the process, I felt like I had become a graduate of ITT Technical Institute because of all the research, repair and time involved in order to rectify the situation.

Being that I am not a computer programmer, a graphic designer, or a web site developer, nor do I want to become any of those things, goodness, it took me years to figure out how to check my voice mail on my cellphone, I soon realized that what I was doing started to make me feel like I was building this ministry for me, rather than the Lord.

Sure, the blogging program that I was working on gave me more possibilities than a simpler one, but at the same time, it also gave me more complications, which translated into more headaches, hair loss, and less time with the Lord.  It felt like the ministry was going to morph into an idol if I wasn't careful.

So, I started to examine what I was doing and why I was doing it.
Why did I feel like I needed a better program?
Is bigger, better, and faster necessarily needed in order for me to minister in Jesus' name, or was I more concerned about my name? 
Who was I trying to tell others about?
What was my original goal when I started in ministry in the first place?

What was it that God was calling me to do?
The answer was simple.

• To write on His behalf.
• To proclaim His name.

But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;  1 Peter 2:9

• To lift Him up for all to see.

"And I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all peoples to Myself."  John 12:32

It's easy to get caught up in ministry and unknowingly lose sight of our first love. We can inadvertently have the wrong focus, a wrong heart and quite possibly unrealistic expectations and thus what was meant for good, turns into self worship.

Ministry is not meant for us to receive glory, but rather it is meant for God to receive the glory.

Do a heart check to make sure your motives are pure in whatever ministry God has called you to.  Here's some questions to ask yourself:

1. Why are you involved in your particular ministry?  Is it because you're needed, loved, and accepted there?  Or perhaps you shine in that position?  Or is it because God has called you to it?  There is a difference.  One will draw you to the Lord and the other will focus more on 'self'.
2. Does spending time on what you're doing draw you and others closer to the Lord or further away from Him?
3. Whose ministry is it anyways?  Yours or the Lord's?

All these questions helped me in making my decision.  I needed a blogging program that was simpler; one that kept my focus on Christ and the calling at hand.  I needed a tool that made it easier for me to concentrate on building His kingdom rather than my own.

Let me leave you with these thoughts:

Ministry is not about us but all too often self gets in the way.  Our pride creeps in just like it did with the disciples when they argued about which one of them was the greatest.

After they arrived at Capernaum and settled in a house, Jesus asked his disciples, "What were you discussing out on the road? "But they didn't answer, because they had been arguing about which of them was the greatest.He sat down, called the twelve disciples over to him, and said, "Whoever wants to be first must take last place and be the servant of everyone else."  Mark 9:33-35

Ministry is not about how good we are.  It's not about how spiritually deep we are.  It's not about how committed to the Lord we are or even how spiritually gifted we are, because all these things come from the Lord.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.  James 1:17

Rather ministry should be purely about pouring our lives out for Jesus Christ.


Live a poured out life for the Master,

A New Home

Perhaps you have noticed that things look a little different on this site?  They are because it's like I've moved to a new house.  And anytime one moves to a new home, you still need to live in it, in spite of it's unpacked boxes or rooms that need to be cleaned and remodeled.  

I need to do those things on my new blog home as well, and of course all those things take time.  There are hundreds (yes, hundreds!) of links on posts that don't work that I need to fix, along with images that need to be re-loaded.  So, I'll keep unpacking and cleaning my home here and when I've accomplished some of that I'll do some remodeling as well!

In the meantime, I hope you don't mind showing up at my on-line house amidst boxes and unorganized rooms.  I guess I could've gotten my place in perfect order before you showed up, but I've stopped living a life of ideal perfection a long time ago!

So I appreciate you moving with me and the graciousness extended when you can't seem to find a thing in this new home of The Alabaster Jar.

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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A Love So Deep....& a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up

I went to a funeral this weekend.  The man that died loved me dearly and unconditionally.  I was precious to him.  He thought I was beautiful on the inside and out.  He adored me and cherished me and all he could see in me was good, even when I was unlovable and even when I doubted his love for me.

So, when he died, my heart broke.  I lost my best friend and the lover of my soul.

My soul was aching as I thought about his death, especially since he died for me.

I don't deserve his love, yet he has extended it to me.  That type of love is hard to comprehend and I'll never fully grasp it.    And because I want to please him, I want to do what he has asked of me; which is to follow and obey him.

"If you love me, you will obey what I command.  John 14:15

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me.  Matthew 16:24 (NLT)

Source: google.com via Jolene on Pinterest

He's a great man and a magnificent man.  In fact, he is so powerful that he raised himself from the dead!

He's alive!

I can't help but adore him.

I can't help but want to follow him.

I can't help but want to do all that he has asked me to do because I am fully devoted to him.   Did you know this man has me wrapped around his little finger?  Yeah, he does, and I'm not afraid to admit it.

He has my heart and...........

HE COMPLETES ME! :)

So, as Resurrection Sunday has come to an end, I encourage you to take the time to reflect on the love he has for you and the action he took to show you that love when he hung on the cross.

And since it's Marital Oneness Monday, the day I write on marriage, I want you to think about how you can show your spouse love.  What action can you display?  What can you do to help your spouse feel loved?  Is there something the Lord is prompting in your heart?

Please share your thoughts below and perhaps what you share here will give others some ideas!

Now it's time to link up your posts.  Oh, and can you do me a favor and spread the word about this linkup?  Let's help others strengthen their marriages!

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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Subscribe through email or 'like' my page on Facebook to receive future posts.

Linking up with: No Ordinary Bloghop, The Better Mom, Time Warp Wife, Far Above Rubies, Women Living Well, A Wise Woman Builds Her House, Wifey Wednesday, A Pause on the Path, Winsome Wednesday, Lessons from Ivy, A Holy Experience, 

Beholding Glory

I have a passion for marriage so I invite you to join me every Monday for this link-up!

Please share your post on any and all things related to being a wife, i.e. homemaking ideas, ways you minister to your husband, dating ideas, and/or hearing what the Lord is telling you about your most important earthly relationship!

Link to your actual “Marital Oneness Mondays” post, not just your general blog address--that way if readers come by later in the week, they can click your relevant post.

Don't forget to link back to this community, either by using the button below or a text link. You can find the button code here for you to insert in your post:

<a href="http://www.joleneengle.org" title="The Alabaster Jar"><img src="http://i1125.photobucket.com/albums/l599/joleneengle/maritalonenessmondaysjarbuttoncopy-2.jpg" alt="The Alabaster Jar" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

My Cardboard Testimony

So, I had a good hair day and I figured I'd make my first video!   Yeah, I'm vain like that.  The great thing about doing the video like this is I didn't have to prepare a script or recall things from memory while I spoke; I could just remain silent.  I kinda felt like Charlie Champlin- only serious.  However, it was still hard to be vulnerable and share all of my scars, failures and inadequacies.  But, there is POWER in one's testimony.  Christ is revealed and His goodness is on display for all to see.  So, the little awkwardness, okay, who am I kidding, the lotta awkwardness that I felt was so worth bringing Him glory!  And by the way, didn't someone say the camera adds 10 lbs?  I think they lied to us because it's more like 30!

When I was writing out my testimony it certainly stirred up lots of memories and feelings and I couldn't help but wonder how I have lived through all of that garbage.  But God is a redeeming God, and a loving, faithful, and forgiving God. Yes, my sins are many, perhaps that is why I am so intense and passionate about the Lord.  What can I say, I'm a Jesus freak and I'm so okay with that!

Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven--for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."  Luke 7:47

No matter your past, no matter your scars, no matter your present trials and failures......HE LOVES YOU ANYWAYS!  And no, we don't deserve His grace but He has freely given it to us, so dear one, freely receive it.

He's done great things for you so I encourage you to share about His faithfulness too!  Tell others what He has done in your life and please share your Cardboard Testimony here as well.  I'd love to hear how God has healed you and used you!  It doesn't have to be a video (because you might be having a bad hair day), so you can just write it out.

(Artist and song:  Sidewalk Prophets/You Love Me Anyway)

At the Cross

I think about that day when He endured the scourging for me.

The day when the crown of thorns was pushed upon His head for me.

The day when He carried His own cross against His bloodied, torn up, bare back for me.

The day when His hands and feet were nailed to the cross for me.

With outstretched arms, He hung there for me.

I think of what he endured....so I weep.

I think of my sins......so I weep.

I weep because I'm so unworthy for a love so deep.

As I reflect on Good Friday, my soul hurts because of His suffering, yet it rejoices because it is the day when Christ showed me how much He loved me, so much so that He died a horrible death.

A death with a purpose.....for all whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.  John 3:16

Photo Source

Our sins were put on that Cross, friend.  We became cleansed and right with God when He became Lord of our lives.

And as He has become our Lord, He has asked us to follow Him and pick up our own cross.  Go through hard times for Him.  Suffer for Him.  Deny ourselves for the sake of the Gospel.

When He had called the people to Himself, with His disciples also, He said to them, "Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. "For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel's will save it.  Mark 8:34,35

He gave us His all, and He wants us to give our all to Him.



Here's another one of Pastor James MacDonald's videos of Christ's steps during Passion Week.  Watch it and I know you'll be challenged, but blessed!

Following Christ to the Cross, we come to Golgotha—the place where He who knew no sin, became sin on our behalf. Here Jesus suffered more than anywhere else, and here He demonstrated His love to the very end.

~Pastor James MacDonald

It was now about the sixth hour, and there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour, while the sun’s light failed. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Then Jesus, calling out with a loud voice, said, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit!” And having said this he breathed his last. —Luke 23:44-46

Click on the link below to watch it.

Golgotha: He Suffered to the End.



He poured out His blood for us, the least we can do is pour out our lives for Him- bringing Him glory in all we do.

Life Changing Moments in the Garden

Has the Lord put a cup in front of you that you would like to remove?

A trial that is too difficult to handle?

One that brings you to your knees and leaves you covered in tears?

Has He brought you to the Garden; that place where He has asked you to surrender your will for His will?

Sometimes I feel like I live in 'the Garden' where I am constantly being asked to give up my way for His way; to die to myself.

Although I desire to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord, I do realize how very difficult that is, because my flesh is in a continual, raging battle with my spirit!

Jesus had that moment as well.  He wanted His Father to take His cup away and let it pass by Him.  Yet, He ultimately submitted to God's will.  He came here to fulfill His purpose.  To do what His Father has called Him to do.

His life changed in the Garden and our life changed as well.  Because He made the decision to submit to His Father, He chose death so we could have life.

Your life can change in the Garden as well.  Is there something that you are battling with?  Is God asking you to release, relinquish or lay something down?  God brought you here for a purpose as well.  Are you willing to do His will?

Source: google.com via Kim on Pinterest

Here's another short video from Pastor James MacDonald depicting the Garden of Gethsemane and I just had to share it with you!  In fact, he has a video for each day of Passion week and I gotta tell ya, they are so encouraging, thought-provoking, heart stirring, and packed with his 'in your face', direct talk (which I love, by the way!)  I know you'll be blessed by them!  I've added a few more of his videos to this post since I didn't catch them in time to share them with you earlier.

Let them penetrate your heart and change you.

This week is a week like no other, covering the space between the shouts of “Hosanna!” and waving palm branches of Christ’s entry into Jerusalem, and His journey to the Cross. Watch the clip below, then pray a prayer of surrender. Give to God whatever burdens you are carrying, in total submission to His will and His timing.

~Pastor James MacDonald

Click on the link below so you can view it.

Gethsemane: Are You Totally Surrendered to God?



Now Jesus stood before the governor. And the governor asked Him, saying, “Are You the King of the Jews?” Jesus said to him, “It is as you say.” —Matthew 27:11

Today we meet at Jerusalem’s Antonia Fortress—the very place where the Son of God was questioned by Pilate and falsely accused by those who wanted to put Him to death. Let this reminder of His suffering stir your heart to worship during this holy week.

~Pastor James MacDonald

Antonia Fortress: Christ’s Suffering Continues.

As we continue following the footsteps of Christ, we’re in Jerusalem on the Via Dolorosa—the road of suffering. It is the road that Jesus walked, staggering toward the ultimate sacrifice with a heavy cross upon His torn and bloodied back. So often we try to refuse the trials that God allows in our lives…where would we be if the Savior had refused His?

~Pastor James MacDonald

They took Jesus, therefore, and He went out, bearing His own cross… —John 19:17

Via Dolorosa: He Suffered Willingly.

Jesus Suffered Alone

We are in the midst of Passion Week and I just can't tell you what a time of reflection this is for me!

A time to consider all that Jesus endured.

The wrongful accusations.

The beatings.

The mockery.

The abandonment.  Left standing alone, despised, and rejected.......

All for our sake.  For our souls to be with Him for all eternity.

Here's a short video presented by James MacDonald (less than 2 minutes!) depicting the actual location that Jesus stood....ALONE where He was about to endure His trial.  I encourage you to take the time to watch it and reflect on all that Jesus went through for you.  I know you'll be blessed!

(Click the link below to watch the video.)

Caiaphas’s House: He Suffered Alone.

We’re on the steps of Caiaphas’s house in Jerusalem—the courtyard of the high priest where the Savior was left alone to endure His trial. As you reflect on Christ’s suffering, remember that we’re following in His steps. If you’ve felt like those you love aren’t there for you, remind yourself that Jesus also suffered—alone.

~James MacDonald

Then the high priest tore his robes and said, “He has uttered blasphemy. What further witnesses do we need? You have now heard his blasphemy. What is your judgment?” They answered, “He deserves death.” —Matthew 26:65-66

At times it may feel like you're alone in your trials, but remember that you are not.  Jesus is always with you, dear one!

Note: I am having blogging issues (ugh!) so hopefully this post and video came through okay, because the program won't allow me to view any post until after it is published!  As we work on the problem, please be prepared for some changes to this site in the days and weeks ahead.  Thanks for your graciousness.

Doubting Easter

It's so easy to doubt, isn't it?  We all go through times of fretting and fearing the outcome of our lives at one time or another, don't we?

We wonder......

Will He heal me?

Will He provide for me?

Will my marriage get any better?

Will my husband ever get a job?

Will my children be okay?

What if I never get married?

What if we never have a child?

What if.....

What if.....

And our fleshly fears win out.

We doubt the Lord's care in our lives.

We doubt that He has our backs.

We doubt that He delights in us.

We doubt that He wants to do us good and not evil.

We doubt.

Here's the definition of doubt:

1. To be undecided or skeptical about.

2. To tend to disbelieve; distrust.

3. To regard as unlikely.

4. To suspect; fear.

Am I undecided or skeptical about the Bible?

Do I tend to disbelieve or distrust the Lord?

Do I think that the Lord won't take care of me?

Do I fear that He'll let me down?

My answer is no to all those questions, yet, sometimes I still doubt.  I don't purposefully think that I am doubting the Lord's existence or His Word, yet when disbelief, fear, and skepticism rear their ugly heads in my mind, then the reality is, I am doubting who He says He is and I am doubting the Word of God.  It's in those moments that I become like doubting Thomas.

The other disciples therefore said to him, "We have seen the Lord." So he (Thomas) said to them, "Unless I see in His hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and put my hand into His side, I will not believe." And after eight days His disciples were again inside, and Thomas with them. Jesus came, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst, and said, "Peace to you!" Then He said to Thomas, "Reach your finger here, and look at My hands; and reach your hand here, and put it into My side. Do not be unbelieving, but believing." And Thomas answered and said to Him, "My Lord and my God!" Jesus said to him, "Thomas, because you have seen Me, you have believed. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."  John 20:26-29

The enemy loves to put questions in our minds.  When things are tough and hard, we second-guess ourselves and the decisions that we have made.  That's why it is so important as Believers to take every thought captive.

We use God's mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments.  2 Corinthians 10:4

Pray to have faith the size of a mustard seed, and even when life does not make sense, put your trust in the Lord anyways.

So the Lord said, "If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea,' and it would obey you.  Luke 17:6

So, as Easter rolls upon us, let us not just have faith in his death and his resurrection, but also for the faith that He is with us every day of the year.

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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