Your Marriage is Your First Ministry & a Link Up!

I recently received an email from a reader asking me for some advice that I'd like to share with you as well.
  

Dear Jolene,
How do I balance being a wife at the same time while serving in the church as a leader?   Keep in mind, my husband isn't saved yet. We normally have differences & at times I feel like resigning.   What should I do?

I'm so glad this reader wrote in and asked this question because this issue needs to be addressed and in a big way!  Many marriages are crumbling because Godly women are gone from the home and serving in the Church.  Their men have been left to fend for themselves on a constant basis.  A marriage should not be like this, nor would Jesus be too pleased if the marriage is being forsaken so outside ministry can take place.

So this response is to all wives, whether one's husband is saved or not.  Also, if you're involved in outside ministry but you don't hold a position of leadership, the counsel given here is designed to give you clarity regarding your Godly priorities.

I Need You!

If you've been a reader here for awhile, then you know I'm part of the group Christian Marriage Bloggers Association, (CMBA).  Well, they are putting on a 1/2 marathon blog challenge starting this coming Monday.  

You might be asking yourself what is that?

Let me explain.

10 Ways to Deal with Your Attitude When Faced with Financial Concerns...and a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up!

I once knew a Christian woman who was planning on leaving her husband because of financial problems.  Our world's were very similar.  Her man was self-employed and he was struggling in this economy, as was mine.  They had lost their home and we had lost our home.   Life became difficult for her and I completely understood how she was feeling.  However, she came to me one day saying that she might leave her husband.  I was shocked and dumbfounded by what I heard.  She told me her reasons for doing so was because her husband wasn't being the spiritual leader of the home.

Surprised by what she said, I asked her a question.  "What's your definition of a husband being the spiritual leader of the home?"

Her response, "He provides for me financially.  And I didn't sign up for this."  (She was used to fine things as well as having what she wanted when she wanted them.)

Well, I let her know that her understanding of her husband being the spiritual leader of the home wasn't biblically correct.  And if she chose to divorce her husband over finances, then she was outside of the will of God.

Yes, a husband is to provide for his family, but sometimes things happen for a time, but that doesn't mean he is no longer appointed by God as the head of the home.

A man's spiritual leadership is not defined by how much money is in his bank account.  His spiritual headship is defined by God, the Maker of the Universe.

A Letter to My 16 Year Old Self

Dear Self,  (and all the other girls and women who need to hear this message,)

You've barely lived and you already have so many scars from this harsh world.  The loneliness, rejection and insecurities you're facing can still bring this 42 year old woman to tears.  I'm so sad for you that someone hasn't extend their hand to help and guide you to the One who made you and saw that you were good and that you were fearfully and wonderfully made.  No, this is not your reality at age 16...

However, I'm here to tell you there is One who is pursuing you, One who will never leave your side, and One who will call you His own.  So don't despair sweet child, He's coming for you.  And when He finds you, He'll heal your scars through His own.

But just know that He'll come for you a little bit later in life, after you've ran your world into the gutter and you've hit rock bottom.  Being that you're a strong, pig-headed kinda gal that's what it's going to take for you to admit your need for a Savior.

How to Obtain Financial Security...and a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up!

I stood in the kitchen that afternoon preparing dinner as usual when my man and I were discussing our current financial dilemma...  Our problem of the day?  We couldn't afford to pay our rent.  It wasn't as if we were out spending money left and right because that certainly wasn't the case.  The problem was his income wasn't enough.  Actually, that's putting it nicely.  He was more like unemployed rather than self-employed.

Then he asked me something that I'll never forget.

"Don't you ever long for stability?"

Well, I laughed at his question and then I responded directly to him.

"No offense, but I gave up on looking to you for financial stability a long time ago.  It's the Lord I seek the financial stability from and I already have it.  In fact, our life couldn't get any more stable because it's built on a Rock!"  (Of course through the world's eyes if one were to look at our dire financial situation they'd think we were a bunch of religious fanatics.  Well, they'd be almost right, however, I prefer the term, "Jesus Freaks"!)

Now I didn't say those words to my man with the intention of insulting or offending him, my reasoning was quite the contrary.  I shared my direct viewpoint with him because one, he's a man and he speaks and hears 'direct language'.  And two, as his sister in the Lord, I wanted to encourage him, challenge him, and remind him to have a biblical viewpoint regarding our financial stability.  After all, as God's little sheep, we sometimes forget that our Shepherd is always with us.  Plus, as his wife, I wanted my Beloved to know that I did not want to add anymore pressure to the weight that he was already carrying on his shoulders.  I still valued him, respected him, and loved him just as much that day as the day I married him.   I didn't want our financial turmoil to define our commitment and love towards one another because I knew if I did, it would destroy our marriage.

If you've missed my earlier posts in this series, you can read Got Financial Concerns in Your Life? and Are You Living in Financial Uncertainty? to see what I've lived through as well as what the Lord has shown me regarding this very important topic.

Are You Living in Financial Uncertainty?

In my 14 years of marriage not once has my Beloved received a paycheck.  There has been no income that I could count on and budget for, and no dependency of what he'll bring in each month. All this equates to me living with no financial stability throughout our marriage.   It's always been this way because he's been self-employed his entire working life.

When we were engaged I let him know I wanted to quit my well-paying, career-type job because I wanted to be a helper to him.  Everyone thought I was crazy for doing this.  My employer, who was a Christian man, tried to bribe me to stay by offering me a pay raise and he even said he'd create a daycare space for my future children so I could bring them to work!  I politely declined his offer.  I knew what the Bible had to say.  I was now a wife and I was created to help my husband  (Genesis 2:18).  He's self-employed and owned his own business and I was good at business, so it seemed like a perfect fit.  Plus I didn't want to get used to living off of two incomes because someday I hoped to stay home and raise future children in the name of the Lord.  So I left the company, but what I really left was the so-called financial security that an employee receives.

Got Financial Concerns in Your Life?...and a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up!

Lately I've been receiving more and more emails from wives sharing about their money problems and the strains it has placed on their marriages.  Now of course I can totally understand this concern being that my Beloved and I have lived through an IRS audit, was dragged through a lawsuit, had our home foreclosed upon, couldn't afford to pay rent for the rental home we were living in, and then we had to live with friends.  But other than those few minor hiccups in our marriage, I totally get the strains these problems can place upon your marital union.  Yes, I said minor hiccups with complete sarcasm!

9 Things About My Sex Life that I'd Share with a Young Wife

For those of you that don't already know some of my story, my man and I were not virgins when we married.  He was married once before, as was I.  However, when we dated and were engaged, we remained pure until our wedding night where we could receive our beautiful wedding gift from God; sex!

Looking back over the past 14 years of our marriage, I kinda feel like our sex life was ripped away from us within the first 2 years of our marriage because of the ravages of illnesses, birthing babies, hormonal imbalances, and of course, trials.

Photo Source

Elizabeth, from Warrior Wives asked us older women, (over 40) to share our insights and experiences of how our sex lives have changed over the years. Her desire is for us old ladies (smile) to pass on what we've learned to the younger wives.  So, today I'm doing just that!

You can read the rest of my post over at Warrior Wives.

Live a poured out life for Christ,

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Are You an Overly Sensitive Wife?...and a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up!

If you like to watch videos, then I've got a treat for you!  I finally did my first 'speaking' video.  The Lord's been nudging me for some time to start doing videos and today I finally did it.  Thanks to my wonderful husband for his efforts.

If you're having trouble viewing the video, click here.

For those that are not video fans (which is how I am), I already had this post written, so you can read it below.