This is Not Your Typical Love Story

Fourteen years ago I walked into a local gymnasium to play volleyball through my church.  As I stood across the court, I couldn't help but notice a man who looked very familiar to me.  While straining my eyes, I thought for sure that who I saw was my former high school volleyball coach.  I stepped closer for a better look.  Yep, that was him.

Hmph, I thought to myself, what  is he doing here?

Why is he here playing volleyball through my church?

Does he attend there as well?

Well, isn't he gonna be surprised to find out that I am now saved!  (When I was on his team, he was always preaching to his players about having a relationship with Jesus Christ.)

I walked over and said hello and then asked him what he was doing here.

What am I doing here?  What are you doing here? Was his response.  (After all, it was church volleyball and the last time he saw me, I was the furthest thing from being saved!)

I briefly shared my testimony, then I asked about him.

He told me his wife divorced him.

I patted him on the back like a buddy and said, "Don't worry Eric, God's got the perfect woman for you!"  Little did I know that one week later God would reveal to me that I would be that woman!

If you are new here you can read my earlier post on, The Story of My Arranged Marriage.

I met the list.  He was real.  Not only was he everything I prayed for on the list, but he was 10 times more than what I had ever imagined!  But there was one problem.  I couldn't believe it!

Him of all people.  Really Lord?  Are you kidding?  This is a joke right?  This man can't possibly be my future husband?  Those were the thoughts that ran through my mind when I saw him again.

The first time I met him, I was 14 and he was 21.  I was a Freshman in high school and he was my coach.  He was the man that I butted heads with.  The man I sassed, talked back to and argued with.  The man that made me run extra laps because of my belligerent attitude.  The man I didn't like.  He was the last person on earth that I would have ever married!

Yet, many years had passed, 10 to be exact, and I was no longer the same person.  My life (and heart) had been radically transformed by Jesus Christ.

Within one week of meeting him I knew he was the one that God had chosen for me despite of who he was.

But thoughts ran through my mind about my past.  I was like the woman at the well.  Would he still have me when he hears about my baggage and sins?  After all, he was a godly man, one who grew up knowing AND believing in Jesus Christ.  As a young man he lived his faith when he was my coach.  He made it clear to all his players who he lived for and who he believed in.

But he had a scarred past too.

When I was 17, he coached me again in my senior year.  He was engaged at the time and he brought his fiance' to meet his team.  My thoughts when he introduced her:  Who cares.  Get off the court princess.  You are wasting valuable court time!  (I had a severe personality before I came to Christ!)

She was a beauty queen.  One who said she'd love him forever.  One who said she was a Christian.  Within the first year of their marriage she said she wasn't going to submit to some man.

Although he was raised in a Christian family, all that he was taught was to marry a believer.  He saw the many 'red flags' during their engagement period but not having enough training, guidance or wisdom, he didn't realize how those 'red flags' would manifest in their marriage, so he overlooked them.

Even though she proclaimed to be a Christian, her actions said otherwise.  He was deceived.  They were married for 9 years and every year she said she wanted a divorce.

'God hates divorce' was always his response to her, yet she sought it anyways and filed on his birthday.  What a loving thing to do! (sarcasm noted)

He was a solid Christian man, one who was committed to his Lord regardless of the pain he went through.  His name was now smeared and tarnished.

He wasn't going to be deceived again.  So he made a list of godly attributes for his future wife and he prayed over it daily.  (When he shared that with me I nearly fell off the bench I was sitting on!)

Had he divorced her, I wouldn't have married him because he would've been outside of the Word of God.  I wasn't interested in being yoked to a man that wasn't obedient to the Word of God.  I wouldn't give him my hand in marriage.  Yet, that was not his situation.  He was honorable so I had no issue with his divorce.

But if the husband or wife who isn't a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace. 1 Corinthians 7:15 NLT

He knew within a week that I was 'his list'.  He saw the radical transformation that Jesus Christ had made in my life and there was no doubt in his mind that I was truly a follower of Christ.

I knew he was the one as well.  I knew it mentally and spiritually because he was what I prayed for.  Without a doubt, he was the list in life form!  All of the essentials, the primary godly character traits were in check.

But this is where the story takes an unusual turn from the typical love story.  I did not fall head over heels in love with him (just yet!) It was as if God put a protective barrier around my heart so I would not walk into this relationship with my emotions.

Rather, God's spirit was at the center of our relationship.

He was walking with us.

He was hovering above us.

He was standing in the middle of us.

He held our hands as we held each others.

It was a beautiful and supernatural experience.

But my emotions kept questioning.

It was an unusual experience with my mind and spirit knowing he was the one, but my heart being still.

The enemy was at work as well as he continually planted seeds of doubt.  So, I picked the man apart and assessed ALL things about him.  There were personality quirks (like the type of music he listened to) that I wasn't quite sure about.   Stupid, dumb, petty stuff that didn't matter a hill of beans to a God-fearing relationship.  But the enemy was looking to destroy what God was doing in our lives.   Would I be deceived by him?

I went back to my list; my foundation.

• He was a godly man. (check)


• He wanted to lead me. (check)


• He had integrity and honor. (check)


• He attended my church. (check)


• He was a solid believer who could teach and lead me spiritually. (check)


• He was sooo much like me.  We shared the same convictions, morals and values. (check)

He was the exact piece of the puzzle that I was praying  for.  All of the sides lined up.  It was a perfect fit.

I soon realized that some of the things that I was hung up on were none essentials.  They did not define his character.  The Godly foundation was what mattered.  He had all of that and more.

So, I surrendered to the Lord.

We courted for 3 months, then on December 21, 1997, he asked me to marry him.  Actually, he wrote it in the sand on a beach in Southern California.  (I still have the stick he used and some of the sand that he wrote it in!)

I said yes.  Then the flood gates of love poured out from my heart and I fell madly in love with him.  The protective barrier that the Lord placed around my heart was opened and I gotta tell ya sister, WOW, I have never experienced anything like that before!

Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.  Song of Solomon 2:7

Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.  Song of Solomon 3:5

Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.  Song of Solomon 8:4

3 months later on March 14th, 1998, I became his wife and he became my Beloved.  I couldn't wait to leave the reception so I could finally 'know' my husband.  I never ate cake so fast! (wink)

I found the one whom my soul loves.  Song of Solomon 3:4

Words can never fully describe the spiritual experience that took place during our courtship & engagement because it was just that- a spiritual experience.

Was it easy?  The surrendering?  The waiting?  No.  No. and No.

So, was it worth it?

Let me ask you this question.  When God is at the center of any good thing, is it worth it?  I know you are smiling now because you know the answer is a resounding yes.

As a mother today, I can only hope and pray that the guidance and instruction that we have given to our boys will be heeded so they too can have the presence of the Holy Spirit in the midst of their courtship with the one that God has chosen for them.

I encourage you as either a single woman or the parent of an unmarried child to implement a Marriage Safety Checklist making sure the list has the essential biblical standards for a successful godly marriage.  Consider it like a flight safety check list so the plane doesn't crash, only, it's for marriage!

Comb through the scriptures to find out what to look for in a God-fearing spouse.  (Go back to my prior post for some helpful tips.)

If you are married and you are doing this for your children, apply those verses to your life as well.  Become the type of woman that the Bible is referring to and your marriage will become better.

To those that are already married and you don't have the best marriage remember this,

The LORD directs the steps of the godly.  He delights in every detail of their lives.  Psalm 37:23

My Beloved and I talked about how our paths crossed early on in life, yet we did not marry one another during those years.  We couldn't help but wonder what would've happened if we had waited or if all that we had gone through was a part of God's plan.

I don't know those answers.  But I have two words that you will understand.

Free will.  God allows His children to do many things.

Even though my Beloved went through 9 years of heartache and pain, he was faithful and the Lord blessed him.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.   Romans 8:28

There are many marriages today where the husband and wife made their choice and God was left out in the choosing, however, here is the beauty of our God...HE IS ALWAYS A PART OF THE EQUATION!  God is working on your behalf in your marriage.  God may not have chosen your mate before you walked down the aisle, but as soon as you said your, 'I Do's', He did!  He has made you 'one' with your spouse.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.  Genesis 2:24

Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.  Mark 10:9

I'm going to leave you with this...

Free will applies to my marriage today.  I have a marriage made up of two sinners and baggage!  A great marriage takes hard work and I work hard on my marriage.  I don't put my marriage on auto pilot just because God chose my husband.  But rather, I choose to make it my first ministry.

Yet, I am not so naive nor pious to think that hard times won't come because I have lived through them!  From losing our home, to an IRS audit, to a lawsuit, to not being able to afford rent and then having to move in with friends, I know what it's like to have strains on my marriage.  If the first marriage that God arranged was attacked in the Garden where things were perfect, then mine can be attacked even more so. 

Live a poured out life for Christ,

I am linked up with:

May His Word Go Forth

The Liebster Award??

The other day I received this sweet comment  from Piper over at Mercy Saved Me.

I received this award a few days ago and I thought of you when I finally sat down to post about it, now I am paying it forward by awarding it to you!! You have blessed me!!  ~Piper

You have been awarded the Liebster Blog Award.

The award is to showcase up and coming blogs with less that 200 followers.

Frankly, I originally thought this was a spam comment that came through or some type of spoof because I had never heard of such a thing!

So, based on the Liebster Award criteria, I would be honored to accept this award, (thanks Piper) and I am forwarding this award on to the  new blogs listed below.

These ladies all have a heart for the Lord and I think you'll like what they have to share on their blogs.

In Christ Alone Family

Proverbial Homemaker

Stringer Mama

Narrow Way Wife

Triple Braided Life

The rules to accept are:

The Criteria: The Liebster is meant to showcase bloggers who have fewer than 200 followers. This is all done in the spirit of pay-it-forward.

The Rules: You must mention and link to the person who awarded you the Liebster, and mention 5 other blogs with fewer than 200 followers who you think are worthy of the Liebster!

'Liebster' means "favorite" or "dearest" in German. This award, which originated in Germany, recognizes up and coming bloggers.

In accepting this award, I agree to:

Thank the person who gave me the award, and link back to their blog

- copy and paste the award to my blog

- reveal the 5 blogs I have chosen to award and let them know by commenting on their blog

- pay it forward by awarding it to bloggers they would like to honor

I am touched that another would think of me and I'm thankful that I have been given this opportunity to reach others to encourage them in their walk with Christ.

Whether you blog or not, may you always be a willing broken vessel for Christ, pouring out your life so His Word may go forth.

The Story of My Arranged Marriage

Yep, you read that right.  I have an arranged marriage by my Father.  Oh, and I live in America and I got married in 1998 when I was 28 years old.  It sounds absurd, doesn't it?  Who in their right mind would allow their Father to pick their husband?  In a free country?  In the 21st century?

I did!  Feel free to call me an idiot or one who made a wise decision. (smile)

For those of you that are already married, don't think this post doesn't apply to you because it does.  I have also written it for the single woman, along with women who have unmarried children.

So if you fit into any of these categories, read on my friend!

To my friends that are wives:

This was a hard post for me to write because you are already married!  To some that are reading this, you may have a fabulous marriage and to others, that's the furthest thing from the truth.  Now, I know how we women like to compare ourselves to one another, BUT I caution you NOT to do that!  Sister in Christ, don't go there!  We shouldn't be comparing or competing with one another ever, because all it does is bring hurt and disappointment.  Furthermore, the last thing I am here to do is plant seeds into your head telling you that you do not have a wonderful marriage if  the Lord did not arrange it.  You can still have a marriage that the Lord has blessed.  Remember, He has plans for you that are good, not evil.  Don't be discouraged either if your spouse happens to be Mr. Wrong in your eyes.  God is in the business of transforming lives!  The journey might be difficult and hard as you overcome many obstacles, but in the end you can have a glorious marriage.  In the coming weeks I will be writing many posts on marriage, so stay tuned!  But in the meantime, I wanted to share with you my pre-courtship story.  It will give you a little more background on me and my marriage, which I think might be helpful to you when reading future posts on the subject of Wedded Bliss, (or the lack of).

Also, I STRONGLY encourage you to be an older woman to a younger one who is in need of Biblical direction regarding marriage.  Share with her my story AND your story.  Plus show her what to look for in her future husband.

Now....on with the story!

How can a young woman without the proper Biblical upbringing know how to discern what to look for in a husband?  Those were my thoughts as I headed out on this journey.

For me, I felt with the right husband my life could be wonderful and with the wrong husband I could be living a life that was like a death sentence.  (No need to go there because I already made that choice!)  You can read a little more about that here and here.

I wanted my Father's help; my Heavenly Father, that is.  Surrendering to the Lord and asking Him to intercede on my behalf, for Him to choose my husband just for me.  I can honestly tell you it was the second best decision I made, with following Christ as my number one.

Here's where I was when this process began.

I came to Christ at age 26 with a desire to someday meet my Prince Charming and have the fairy tale wedding that all women dream of.  However, as I dug into the scriptures I soon learned that a God-fearing woman was to submit to her husband.  (I had to do what?)  Not wanting to do that anytime soon, nor wanting to settle for a man that was second-best, I soon became content in my singleness!  (Before Christ, I was the epitome of a contentious woman, with a capital 'C'. There was much for me to learn before I was willing to hand my life over to some man that I had to follow.)

I read the Bible, referencing all the scriptures that talked about a woman or a wife because Godly wisdom is the BEST wisdom to have!  Along with that, I also read a short book called, Let Me Be a Woman, by Elisabeth Elliot which certainly made a profound impact on me.  (And no, I don't receive compensation for saying that.)

I had a lot to learn about being a Godly woman.  I became asleep to my desires of being married, much like when God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep so He could fashion Eve from him.

So, into a deep sleep Adam went while God was in the process of arranging the first marriage of mankind.

And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. Genesis 2:21,22

While being asleep to my desires, I started to grow in the things of the Lord.  Seeking the scriptures and trying to be obedient to what I was learning, even if it didn't feel good.

Soon, I started to meet men (mostly from church because that was the only place I went to, outside of my job or the all-female gym that I had attended).  Remember, I wasn't seeking out the next hot guy that I could date for fun.  I was content seeking the Lord.   Learning.  Growing.  Serving Him.

"But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you."  John 14:26

Some rules that I had established in my mind, thanks to the Lord's prompting:  I made the decision that men had to approach me because I was unwilling to approach them.  Not because I was playing any games with them but because I wanted to start off any future courtship with the man God chose for me with the right foundation.  In God's word it says that a wife is to follow her husband.  So, I felt it was best to not play the game, Follow the Leader as me being the leader.  If the man was interested in me, then he needed to ask me out, not the other way around.

Here's the right foundation:  When married, the man leads.  Therefore, when courting, the man leads.  If the man did not act like a God-fearing man or a gentleman when I first met him, then he soon learned he was not the man that God had for me.  In other words, if he couldn't lead me while on a date, he couldn't lead me in marriage. (Next.)

Also, I would examine their character more so than their outer appearance (even if they were easy on the eyes!)  I wanted to see if they would qualify to the standards held in the scriptures for a Godly man, after all my future husband would be leading me for the Rest. Of. My. Life. so I didn't want to make that decision based on how I felt about him.  I asked the Lord to guard and protect my heart.  To not be deceived by my emotions.

During this time I made a list of character traits along with other things that I felt my future husband should have and then I daily, prayed over the list.

1. He was to be a God-fearing man.  I know that may seem vague to some, but being that I had only been a new Believer for about 1 year, that was the only way I knew how to define my standards.  Very quickly I learned that even though some men proclaimed to be Believers their actions said otherwise.   Watching him is how you can determine his character.  If it doesn't measure up in the beginning...Tell him to hit the door Jack and don't you come back no more.


2. He was to lead-(not rule).  Now that might be an odd character trait to some women, but to me it wasn't.  The reason why is because I was always the one who led in prior relationships.  Most of the men were unwilling to take charge...so I always did, plus I would have fought for control even if they tried.  (Remember, I used to be a contentious woman.)


3. He was to be a man of honor and integrity.  His 'yes' was to be his 'yes' and also, he would honor the Lord by keeping me pure until our wedding day.


4. He was to attend my church.  Here was my reason why. When I first got saved I went church-shopping.  After attending 3 different churches in 6 months, I later found the church where I still attend 15+ years later.    The several churches that I attended said the same message over and over.  "Jesus loves me and died for my sins." Yes,  true statements but I hungered for more.  The Bible is a big book and I knew there was more for me to learn but it wasn't being preached on a Sunday morning at the churches that I had attended.  Being that I did not know much about the Word of God and that a husband was to be the spiritual leader of the home, I wanted my future husband to know more about the Bible than I did because I did not want to lead him spiritually.  I wanted him to take me by my hand and lead me spiritually.  I felt I was most protected, spiritually speaking, if my future man sat under the same teaching as I did.  Plus, I was not willing to leave my church because I was being equipped there.  If I married a man who happened to attend another church....guess what?  I would have to follow him and he might believe in some weird doctrine that I did not know about when we were courting.  (I wasn't willing to risk my spiritual growth in order to be married.)


5. I wanted a man that was just like me.  I wanted his spiritual convictions, morals, values, and resolve to be in-line with my own.  I also wanted his personality and the way he thought to be very similar to the way I thought because I wanted him to understand me.  I know that sounds strange especially when people say opposites attract.  But I figured there would be less problems and misunderstandings in our marriage if we were able to understand one another.  Males and females bring in their own uniqueness just by being, 'males and females'.   We are opposites by nature and that is still a BIG enough difference in my book.

"And the LORD went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so as to go by day and night."  Exodus 13:21

And the Lord went before me...

For single women

Here is a list of ways to discern if the man is spiritually mature enough or not to be your future husband.  (I am sure more could be added to this list.)

• Are they passionate about their relationship with Jesus Christ?


• Do  they attend church even if you can't make it for some reason?


• Are they daily reading God's Word?


• Do they initiate spiritual conversations with you or others?


• Do they complement your character, virtues or just your outer beauty?  If he is a God-fearing man, then he will be looking for Godly attributes in you. 

Watch for some of the 'Red flags,' that are listed below.  If he is not the man God has chosen for you, these will surface, either when you are just getting to know him or when the relationship is just beginning to develop.  Be alert and pray for discernment.  And if ANY of these come up, run away from him as fast as you can before your emotions get the better of you!

• He makes continual poor choices or decisions that you do not respect.  (This will continue in marriage and it will make it extremely hard for you to respect him.)


• He has his hands all over you.  Obviously entering into a physical relationship too soon is a big fat no-no!  What I mean by a physical relationship is lots of kissing, embracing, touching.  In this instance, I am not referring to the act of marriage (s*x).  That time is only reserved for a husband and wife.


• He only complements your outer appearance, personality or things the two of you have in common, yet never refers to your heart for the Lord because that is not important to him.  (For some married women, they have this issue in their marriage and the result:  their husbands do not like it when they are serving Christ.)


• He only talks about the Lord when you bring Christ up in your conversation.


• You have become his 'girl' way too soon.  (After all, you can't even remember his last name!)  He becomes possessive of you or is extremely jealous.  (There are insecurity issues with him!)


• He is calling you all the time.  (Didn't he have a life before he met you?)


• You have become the center of his life rather than Jesus Christ being the center of his.  (This will show you real quick if Jesus Christ is really the Lord of his life.)

If there are any 'Red Flags' surfacing at the onset of your time with him, this is NOT God's best for you!

Things I did so my Heavenly Father could arrange my marriage:

1. I surrendered and prayed for the Lord to choose my husband.  Seeing how God is a lot smarter than I am, I decided to let Him make the decision.  (I knew I would mess it up and lead with my heart rather than have the decision Spirit-led.)


2. I was content in my singleness.


3. During my singleness, I sought to grow in the things of the Lord, becoming the Godly woman that a Godly man desired.  (That's a big key ladies!)


4. I made a God-fearing list and prayed over it so I knew what to look for when the Lord brought the man to me.


5. I prayed for discernment and for the Lord to open my eyes to see any 'Red Flags'.


6. I prayed for the Lord to protect my heart so I would not make a decision based on my emotions.


7. I prayed for the Lord to keep my passionate feelings to a minimum so as not to cloud my vision.

For Parents

You can take all of these thoughts and concepts and teach them to your daughters (and sons).  Since I only have sons, my husband and I teach many of these ideas and principles to our boys and they are only 10 and 12 years old!  (Obviously, for boys you will add to the list to teach them to lookout for the 'immoral woman' as well as other things.)

So, in closing, did my Father deliver when I surrendered my life to Him...in the choosing of my husband?  Did He give me a God-fearing husband?  One that matched the list?

You bet He did!  He blew me away with His choice, but funny thing about it was I was rather shocked and surprised by who He picked.

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."  Ephesians 3:20,21

You can read about my courtship and engagement post called, This is Not Your Typical Love Story.

Live a poured out life for the Master,

I am linked up with:

Thankful for Afflictions

Thanksgiving.  A day when it is a time to be thankful, but sometimes when life is hard, it is difficult to utter a word of thanks.

How could I see good in these afflictions?

Broken relationships with my family
Hurt by Christian women
Struggled in ministry to stay afloat
Years of chronic and debilitating illnesses
Lost of our home (twice)
A Christmas season when we barely had money for food, let alone presents (again)
The inability to pay for our rental home and then having to move again
Living with another family because we didn’t have a place to go
Dealing with my own fears, insecurities, failures, depression and rejection

How do I say, "Thank you Lord, for this life?"

Only because of Him.  Only because of His promises.  Knowing that all things work together for good.

My afflictions have produced good seeds.

They have:

• Strengthened my faith


• Deepened my convictions and resolve


• Brought me closer to Christ


• Weakened me; causing me to cling to Jesus, to rely on His strength rather than my own


• Given me the opportunity to watch for His hand of faithfulness upon my life


• Allowed me, a broken vessel, to be used by Him even though I am unworthy

When the seeds of affliction come falling down into the soil of your life, friend, let the Gardener pour His Living Water over you so you can produce good fruit.

"I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.  John 15:5

Yes, afflictions are hard in the physical sense, but good for us spiritually.

Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Philippians 4:11-13

Thankful for my afflictions because without them, I would remain more like me: sinful, selfish me, rather than more like Him.

Be thankful for your afflictions too, friend, because they can produce good fruit in your life as well!

Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name.  Hebrews 13:15

Live a poured out life for the Master,


I am linked up with:

Broken but Useful

He stood at the top of a 10- story building while holding a vessel in His hands.  A vessel that was precious to Him.  A vessel that wanted to be used by Him.

Yet, He made the decision that it was best to throw the exquisite vase over the side of the building, shattering it.

The pot was now broken.

To the naked eye it no longer resembled a vessel, just tiny pieces.

Most would say it was no longer fit for use.   Something of value was now damaged beyond repair.  Or was it?

The Man at the top of the building was the Creator; He was the Potter and the vessel, His clay.

Even though He plummeted the vessel to its demise, He  knew what was best for the little pot for He had a great plan and purpose for it.

But now, O LORD, You are our Father; We are the clay, and You our potter; And all we are the work of Your hand.  Isaiah 64:8

Through His hands, what was once broken and of no use, was now being mended by the Potter.

 

That was me being dropped from that 10- story building as my body endured one chronic and debilitating illness after another.  Year in and year out.  Longing to be used by Him, but physically unable.  Broken and useless.

Why, Lord?  Were the thoughts that ran through my mind many years ago.

Yet, today He has given me a glimpse into His perfect plan.

 We are all broken and in need of our Potter because our brokenness comes in varying forms:

• A painful and disappointing marriage. (or singleness)


• Difficult or severed relationships.


• Prodigals.


• Financial hardships.


• Living with limitations.


• A fearful diagnosis.

Through the disappointments, hurting, and pain, He ever so gently fashioned the vessel back together again, but this time the vessel took on a new shape; one better than before.

He filled it with His might and power and sent it on it's way.

Calling out, "My grace is all you need, He said.  And My power works best in weakness."

The little vessel stood, for there was work for it to do.

One last thing He said,

Pour into others as I have poured into you.

Live a poured out life for the Master,



I am linked up with:

Not All Mothers and Daughters Get Along, Part 2

Welcome back. If you missed part 1 of this post you can find it here at, Not All Mothers and Daughters Get Along.

I will never forget that day. The day when my mom hurled insults and made accusations towards me and my husband. I was not hurt at the time, I was ANGRY! How dare she say those things. Well, I was ready to fight, again... and momma taught me best!

But now I was saved and my heart was to be the light and show my mom how wonderful life could be with Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. So I made the decision to pray instead of fight. (So, for all you fighters out there, that is generally a much better decision.)

During this fit of rage as my mom is screaming at me (at the mall and now in the parking lot; I decided it was best to cut our shopping trip short!) I prayed. I specifically asked the Lord to give me His words to defend the Biblical upbringing that my son was receiving and the Godly marriage He blessed me with.

This is what the Lord said, "Keep your mouth shut."

What? I said to myself.

What do you mean Lord? I should be defending what the Bible has to say and the reasons for our decisions.

Again, I kept praying for the words, but He gave me none and quite frankly I was bent out of shape about that! I did not understand why the Lord did not come by my side and speak through me.

As I drove my mom home, she made a piercing statement,

"Jolene, where do you find all these losers."

She stabbed me in the heart with her words.

My Savior, My King and My God handpicked my husband specifically for me. The 'Great I Am' gave me a gift that I was (and still am) so undeserving of.

"I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine." Song of Solomon 6:3

I gently said to her, "You need to stop speaking."

There was silence in the car.

I was at a defining moment with my relationship with mom and these were the scriptures that went through my mind,

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24

"And let the wife see that she respects her husband." Eph. 5:33

I had a choice to make.

Choice #1- the easy choice. I can pretend that what my mother said was no big deal.   In time, those hurtful things would get swept under the rug because after all, that's how things generally happened with my family, plus, our relationship would stay intact.

Choice #2- the hard choice.   A threat was made that my son could be taken away from me. On top of that was the complete disregard for my husband, our beliefs, and the way we wanted to raise our son in the Lord.

Spiritually and mentally it was a no-brainer. I was going with Choice #2.

Why would anyone allow someone in darkness make decisions on behalf of a family who lives in the light?

One word: Emotions.

I did not want to lose my mom, but neither did I want to live in fear over that fact that I might lose my son based on some false accusations, nor was I willing to have my mom 's opinions of darkness come between my husband and I.

In a moment it was like I was being asked to take sides. Either I stand with my mom so I could continue to have a relationship with her or stand with my husband and the promises in God's Word.

Well, I am 'one' with my husband so there were no sides to take on this one, plus, I am a daughter of the King!

I would be lying to you if I said it wasn't painful to stand on those Biblical precepts and truths, but it was right.

The tears came down my face immediately. The relationship that we finally had was now torn apart.

"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" 2 Cor. 6:14

As I dropped her off, I let her know that I loved her but I could not have her threaten my family, attack my husband and our decisions, nor could she insult him. I had drawn the line and I had established boundaries. I was hoping she would be respectful of them.

The relationship was gone and I cried myself to sleep for many, many nights.

Now, do you remember earlier in the story when I prayed to the Lord to give me the words to say to my mother? And He told me to keep my mouth shut?

Here's why. About a week or two after the incident, I got a phone call from one of my brother's saying he heard that mom and I got in a fight. I smiled to myself and I thought about when the Lord told me to shut my mouth.

Here was my response. "I did not get in a fight with mom. Mom was the one who did all the fighting and yelling."

Because I heeded the words of the Lord, I did not get into a heated argument with her. I did not feel convicted by how I conducted myself. I had peace, which was the by-product of obedience. Oh, if only I could be obedient more often!

Although I established boundaries for my family, unfortunately my mom was not willing to respect them. I soon gave birth to my second son and I have to admit, I was really heartbroken over the fact that she was no longer in my life. My boys did not go to grandma and grandpa's house to play, even though they lived within walking distance from our house. We did not attend family gatherings nor were they at birthday parties and celebrations for my children.

I often prayed to the Lord for restoration. He had me write letters to her even when I did not want to. Soon she became ill and I visited her, bringing flowers and such. She informed me then, that she did not want to see me if she could not see my children, yet, she was unwilling to be respectful of the way I was raising my family. I knew how the manipulation worked. I was raised in it and therefore I would not allow her to undermine all that God was doing in my life, my marriage and in the life of my children.

I would see me Dad often but he walked out of my life about a year later on Christmas Eve. I then turned to my husband with tears coming down my face saying, "My biological parents left me and now my adoptive ones have too."

Days, months, and years went by. I would call on holidays, and her birthdays and asked her if she had a change in heart and the answer was always no. My brothers would then get on the phone and attack me and my spiritual beliefs and then I would eventually hang up in tears.

I paid a price to follow Jesus Christ, but Christ paid a price for me as well. My mom is not the enemy in this story, Satan is.

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12

Because I am God's child,

"I know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

I clung to that verse for 5 years and on my youngest child's 5th birthday, God restored my relationship with my mom and she met my son for the first time.

Perhaps you don't have the best relationship with your mom, please know that I feel your hurt and pain . In fact, as I sit here typing these words tears are rolling down my face. You are not alone. Your Father in Heaven will bring you comfort, peace and healing. Show your mom the love of the Father as best you can. Continue to pray for her and your relationship. Remain hopeful that God will touch her heart.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:2

Not All Mothers and Daughters Get Along, Part 1

For a couple hours now I have been wrestling with the Lord about writing this post...in fact, if you could take a peak inside my heart you could see me pleading with Him about how I am not ready to show some of my scars and how I don't want to be vulnerable and transparent to people that I am afraid to let in.   

I cry out to Him, You are asking me to share a lot.  I am not ready to let down some of my walls.  I don't have the courage to open up to complete strangers.  They will criticize me and reject me, I say to Him.  But my Lord asked me, "Daughter, if you could reach just one woman and minister to her and encourage her or affirm her for My sake, would you be willing to share your scars with her?  Of course, Lord.  Like the words from Isaiah, "Here I am, send me."  Isaiah 6:8  So, I submit to His will and not my own.

For all those daughters out there that do not have the best relationship with their moms, this is written to help you know that you are not alone in your pain and suffering.  The Lord knows all that we need in order to cling to Him and to become more like Him.  He cares about your tears and what you have been through.  For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."  Hebrews 13:5

So here's my story.  I was adopted at birth into a family that already had 3 biological sons of their own.  (My biological parents were 26 and 29 yrs. old when they gave me up for adoption.) I grew up knowing I was adopted and I was told that I was chosen and special, yet, I did not feel like I ever fit in.  For some reason I was never really close to my mom and I am not sure why.  My insecurities developed at a very young age.  I did not have many friends at school and those I did have later rejected me and I was left to myself each afternoon on the playground.  I felt unwanted again.  Because of much hurt, the anger in me quickly became a part of who I was.  Kids called me, "Mean Jolene" (that still hurts to hear it to this day!) and of course that added to my pain and created even more hostility in me.  I lashed out in my anger when I was just in the third grade as I was sent to the Principal's Office for fist fighting!  Of course over the years I put up more walls to protect myself and more pain became my friend, whether it was being sexually molested as a child or just feeling unwanted in my own home.

Then my teen years came.  I never felt that I could please my mom or measure up to her standards, so I stopped trying and I became indifferent and I sought to receive love somewhere else.  Later I had a boy who said he loved me; oh how he broke my heart, again.  More scars and more walls were added along with more bad choices that left me so broken that I wanted to take my own life.  Later as I got older, I lived a life where I denied the existence of God and boy, those sure were some dark years.

Then  I met Jesus Christ.  My Hero showed up on the scene and saved not only the day, but my life as well.

"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons (& daughters) through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will--to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves." Ephesians 1:4-6 (my paraphrase)

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." 1 Peter 2:9



Shortly after I became saved I decided to move back in with my parents so I could be the 'light' and be a witness to them.  Unfortunately, they were not open to my new found faith.  One day in particular I remember sharing with my mom how I asked Jesus to come into my heart, forgive me of my sins and be the Lord of my life.

My mom's response:, "You have just matured, that's all."  I was perplexed by her words.  I thought maybe she did not understand what I said or she did not hear me so I repeated myself.

Her response again was, "You have just matured."  Now, I was not okay with her denying my transformation and denying what God had done in my life, so my old self of being 'Mean-Jolene' came alive, and I fiercely repeated myself for the third time!

Her response, "No, you have just matured, that's all."

In that moment I was saddened by the fact that she had discounted what I had to say and what was taking place in my life, but what she was really doing was rejecting my Savior.  "Remember the word that I said to you, 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you." John 15:20

About a year later I was getting married to a wonderful man that God chose specifically for me.  My parents did not approve of my husband-to-be, nor did they approve of my faith and the church we were getting married in, which is still the church we attend to this day.  Mom and I continued to be at odds.  Of course they were invited to my wedding and I hoped they would come but I informed them that in 4 weeks I would be getting married whether they attended or not.  (I did not know if my dad would be walking me down the aisle until the night of the rehearsal when they happened to show up.)

"Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword.  "For I have come to 'set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law'; "and 'a man's enemies will be those of his own household.'  Matthew 10:34-36

We moved forward in our relationship.  She was respectful of my faith and my marriage.  Within a year of  my wedding, I became pregnant with my firstborn and mom and I became so close.  It was wonderful and she was a fabulous grandma!  I continued to pray for hers and my extended family's salvation.  A year later I became pregnant again.  

Now comes the part in the movie when the music goes bad...really, really bad.  I am going to leave you with a cliff-hanger.  Below are some words that my mother vehemently spewed out to me one afternoon when I was 7 months pregnant.  (Shortly after what was said to me I went into pre-term labor.)

Mom:  "Jolene, if I ever see you spank your child again I am going to call Child Protective Services."

Mom:  "Because you are going to homeschool your children they are going to be withdrawn, socially retarded and they are going to end up in prison." 

Mom:  "Jolene, where do you find these losers"?  (she was referring to my beloved Solomon; my husband Eric.)

Those were some fightin' words and I was ready for a throw-down! By the way, this is all taking place at a Mall!

Let me leave you with this,  "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. " Romans 3:23

I will post Part 2 in the comings days.