“I feel like I am about to perform on the stage of America’s Got Talent, yet, I have no talent.” Those were the words that I said to my husband this morning as we drove to church.
Let me explain what happened.
Yesterday I sent an email to a fellow blogger, stating, “If the Lord leads you to use me as a contributing blogger for your series, so be it.” I fully thought that this blogger would graciously tell me, “thanks, but no thanks”. However that was not the case.
She replied the same day and said that was awesome and she thanked me for being a guest blogger! She put me down on her schedule to have my post on her blog for October 8th and asked if I could have my article in about a week, along with my bio and picture. (gulp)
Yes, I answered God’s call but I did not expect this outcome!
My concerns: How am I going to be able to do all of this? And can I do it all before my deadline?
I live in a home with not just 1 family, but 2! There are 5 homeschooled kids who run through the house day in and day out, there are two women in the kitchen fixing meals, doing dishes, sharing the washer and dryer and two schedules to plan around, not to mention the 3 animals that live with us. There’s no peace and quiet around here because it is like a 3-ring circus! How am I going to hear myself think, let alone hear the Lord speak to me as I write this article?
What did I just get myself into? I thought.
I share the news with my husband and he is thrilled for this ministry opportunity. I tell him the topic is Marriage, and then as I started to share my fears, I begin to break down and cry.
“I can’t do this, I say.”
He thought I was being ridiculous. “What do you mean you can’t do this?”
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| One of my favorite topics to share and teach on is Marriage, yet I was filled with fear. |
He said to me, “If there was any subject for you to write on that you know best, it is the topic of a Godly marriage. You’ve written on it before and you’ve even spoken on it at workshops! You’ve led Bible studies and you’re always encouraging women to be respectful and submissive to their husbands.” “You love to teach on Marriage!” (We even have plans in the future to write a book on marriage.)
“I know, I know, I tell him.” But my issue is not that I don’t understand God’s Word regarding a Godly marriage; it’s just that when I write, it is God who leads me. I don’t write with deadlines or specific topics, or a certain amount of words, etc.
I’m not in constraints when I write, because my writing ministry is Spirit-led. It felt like I was being forced to wear a size 3 pair of pants, when in reality, I’m a size 12.
Plus, I tell him, “I am writing with other bloggers; women who are writers and who have been doing this blogging thing for a long time! I have only been doing this for 6 months! I feel like now I’m playing in the ‘big leagues’ yet I am still trying to figure out how to hold a bat!
“Not to mention, I’ll be in the spotlight more and I’m not a spotlight kinda gal. Did you know I need a bio and a picture of me? This is all really uncomfortable for me," I tell him.
I think I started to hyperventilate. I couldn’t breathe. Why did I sign up for this?
Can God meet my deadline, I thought?
Sure, I could write some Scriptures and thoughts on marriage, but I want to have the Lord move before me because I want His thoughts, not my own.
He knows what women will be reading the post that day.
He knows whose lives need to be touched.
He knows what marriages are suffering.
He knows….
You might be wondering why this is such a big deal to me.
Because I am about my Father’s business and I want to please the Lord. I want to see His daughters strengthened, equipped, and encouraged so they too will want to pour out their lives like the perfume in an Alabaster Jar.
Well of course the Lord spoke to my anxious heart.
Daughter, turn to your online friends. Ask them for prayer because I will move. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. James 5:16 Get their thoughts, insights and desires of what they would like to read about on the topic of marriage.
Okay Lord.
So, I will be guest posting at the Time-Warp Wife’s blog for her challenge called, “31 Days of Love”. Her challenge is for women to live beyond themselves, put aside their preconceived ideas of what romance should look like, and seek out true love that is sacrificial and intentional.
For those that are willing to graciously pray for me, here are some specifics:
- · For the Lord to breathe all over me with not only the topic He wants me to write about but also the message that He wants me to convey to His daughters so their marriages would bring Him glory.
- · For me to be still so I can hear from the Lord (and for me not eat too much chocolate due to my anxiety (smile). You know I just had to throw that in there!)
- · For the article to be short in length and the message to be clear.
- · For me to meet the deadline
- · For the readers to be drawn closer to the Lord.
There are various sub-topics to write about within the topic of Marriage. My post has to be short so I can’t address all of these ideas. So, if you’d give me your time, I’d like to get your perspective.
Here are some thoughts that have been swirling around in my mind:
- · Building Up Your Husband
- · What Does Marital Oneness Look Like?
- · Seeking and Obtaining Marital Oneness
- · Leaving and Cleaving
- · When You No Longer Respect Your Husband
- · Disillusioned, Disappointed and Discontented with Your Husband
- · Anger and Bitterness in Your Marriage
- · Fixing What is Broken
- · When Your Husband is Not Being the Spiritual Leader of the Home
- · Any other ideas
I would so appreciate it if you can leave me a comment. Reply as ‘anonymous’ if you’d like or you can email me directly at: respectyourhusband{at}joleneengle{dot}org.
So, I am casting my bread in hopes that the Lord's ministry will reach many. Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days. Ecclesiastes 11:1
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