We all want to be loved and accepted. We want to be appreciated and heard. We want our man to take notice of us and love us unconditionally. But after the wedding vows are said, life happens and for some marriages, the love that was once so strong slowly starts to fade.
Problems start to surface. Fighting becomes the norm. The cold shoulder is given. And intimacy is lacking or maybe even non-existent.
What went wrong?
How did your marriage end up like this?
Before we deal with the symptoms (problems), let's look at the types of love in the Bible, and afterwards I'm going to give you some tips that you can apply to help make your marriage stronger.
There are 3 types of love depicted in the Bible.
- Agape Love which would describe God’s divine love for us. John 3:16 reflects Agape love.
- Phileo Love is brotherly love. The passage in John 21:15-17 where Jesus asked Peter if he (agape) loved him 3 different times, and each time Peter replied with "yes Lord you know I (Phileo) love you." This is a picture of brotherly love.
- Eros Love is simple to understand. It is an erotic or romantic love; the type of love between a husband and wife found in the Song of Songs.
A typical love story goes something like this:
He's good-looking. He finds you attractive. You talk for hours. He's kind to you. Your heart skips a beat when you see him, and he starts to sweep you off your feet. Romantic feelings, emotions, and lust take over, then you fall in love, hence Eros love has taken place. You get married with the hopes and expectations of living happily ever after.
Many husbands and wives try to live off of Eros love, but when the problems of life creep in and your emotions and feelings for your man start to wane, the future of your marriage almost seems like it is doomed to fail. But is it?
A strong marriage has a strong Phileo love. The couple has established, built, and continually works on the deepening of their friendship.
So, that's where we're going to spend our time today; strengthening your Phileo love in your marriage.
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| Work on building your friendship with your husband. |
But first, let's read what the Bible has to say about us as wives.
In the book of Genesis, even after God created all the animals, Adam was still alone. God, being an all-knowing God, knew that Adam needed a companion, one that was suitable for him. So what did our smart God do? He made woman. That's you and I friend! Wives are designed to complete the husband.
And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." Genesis 2:18
We play a huge role in our marriage and don't let society (or the Enemy) tell you otherwise. Our men need us; they were designed that way and we were designed for them.
As a married woman, you were created for your husband. This is a concept that the world does not embrace and many times we wouldn't even hear this message in the Church, but, hey, it's right there in the scriptures so don't ignore God's wisdom!
For man is not from woman, but woman from man. Nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man. 1 Corinthians 11:8,9
Your man needs you. He needs loving you. Encouraging you. Uplifting you. Gracious you. Kind and content you. If you haven't noticed, all these things make for a great friend, but unfortunately your man has let you down. He disappointed you. Hurt you. Offended you. Stopped listening to you. Stopped wooing you. And romancing you went out the window a long time ago, unless of course he's trying to have sex with you!
So, how in the world do you turn your cold, angry, and maybe even bitter heart around and love him back and make your marriage stronger?
It all starts with Phileo love; brotherly love. Well, really it starts with forgiveness first, but as a Christian woman, that's implied here.
Build your friendship first before you fix the Eros love in your marriage. Learn to do things with your husband. Here's a quick tip. Seeing how you were created for man, don't expect your husband to pick up needlepoint or scrapbook with you because that is not how he is designed! It is much easier for a woman to learn to do something that the man likes. Get involved with his hobby or his favorite sports team, rather than expecting him to do something you enjoy. They lead, we follow. Keep taking an interest in him and learning about him. Do these things without criticizing, condemning, questioning, or bossing him. You are not there to change him, rather you are there to be his friend.
Think of building your friendship with him the way you would with one of your girlfriends.
Would you treat him differently?
Would you speak to him differently?
Would your attitude towards him be different?
Would you be more loving, kind, and gracious?
Use these questions as a tool to help you become a better friend to your man.
By building the Phileo love; friendship love in your marriage, you are essentially building your marriage. And over time, your respect for him will grow and so will your Eros love. (Plus, when this takes place, that whole submission thing that you may be struggling with, that will get a whole lot easier as well!)
Live a poured out life for Christ,
Linking up with: No Ordinary Bloghop, The Better Mom, These Five of Mine Plus Two, Raising Arrows, Time Warp Wife, Far Above Rubies, Women Living Well, A Wise Woman Builds Her House, A Pause on the Path, Wifey Wednesday, Lessons from Ivy,
Unveiled Wife,
I have a passion for marriage so I invite you to join me every Monday for this link-up!
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