To Date or Not to Date, That is the Question

In this post, I'm continuing my Smitten for Him Single Series, and today I'm tackling the question: To Date or Not to Date?

Dating is very common in our culture today, in fact, even young teenagers date, which by the way, I'm not an advocate of.  Casual dating for fun can lead to lots of heartache, s*xually related activities and/or pre-marital s*x.  None of these things are beneficial nor spiritually uplifting.  And God's word is clear to abstain from sexual intercourse until marriage.

But let's also address the emotional side to dating.  Perhaps you know how it feels to get dumped by a guy.  Your heart hurts because you've given him a piece of it and now you feel unloved and rejected.  Or maybe you've dumped the guy.  Oh, that is always an uncomfortable experience!  Now imagine for a second the way that guy felt?  Did you ever stop to think that his heart could hurt as bad as your heart hurt when you got dumped?  Now think of him as a brother in the Lord.  Are you sad for him just yet?

4 Things You Need to Do Before You Meet Prince Charming

Recently, I've had some single women contact me asking if I could write a few posts just for them. Being that most of my readers are married women, I figured that if you're a mama, you could tuck some of these thoughts away and share them with your daughters when the time is right.  And if you're a boy mama like me, you can share some of these same principles and tweak them for your godly man in training, as well.

 

Because many of my marriage posts often deal with problems in wedded bliss, I wanted to give these single sisters a head-start so they can lay the proper foundation for their future marriage.  God designed marriage to be good.  He designed it to be a reflection of the love in which Christ has for the Church but unfortunately many Christian marriages do not reflect that kind of love and it truly breaks my heart. 

So what do you think?  Shall we encourage these women to have a beautiful start to what could be a glorious marriage?  Let's be Titus 2 women together, so feel free to chime in at the comment section if you have more counsel to give. (And pass this post on to others that might benefit from it.)

The Wedding Sermon & a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up!

Today I wanted to share a post from a fellow marriage blogger, Kate from One Flesh Marriage.  Her post, 100 Weddings is about lessons (and reminders!) of wedding sermons. Being that she is a photographer, she has had the privilege to attend many weddings and hear pastors speak truth and wisdom into the lives of the future husband and wife.  The neat part of the post is when she shared several quotes from the various pastors.  I know when I read them it reminded me of my own commitment to my Beloved.  I thought her post was fantastic and a great reminder for all marriages.

Remaining in the Vine

Every week you can find me writing a post or two on marriage, but I want you to know that here at The Alabaster Jar, this site is more than just a place where you receive godly counsel and encouragement for the married life.  I also have a passion for discipleship as well!  Perhaps you have noticed this, lately?  I refer to these types of posts as 'Growing in Godliness'.  Being that we are Christ-followers, we can always learn more about drawing closer to our Savior, don't you think?

So here's the story of where my discipleship heart came from, (of course it came out of pain, much like where most growth comes from).....When I was 19 years old I heard the Gospel message.  I received it with joy, but unfortunately the joy was short lived because I just didn't understand the Truth.  At that time of my life I had no one teaching me and guiding me towards Jesus, and those Kingdom seeds that were sown were easily snatched away by the Enemy.

When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path.  Matthew 13:19

During the next 7 years I made poor choices, lived a sin-filled life, and denied the existence of God.  

You Mean I Should Glorify God?

So today while reading my bible I read about the paralytic man in Luke, chapter 5 where Jesus healed him, and afterwards the man got up and he 'glorified God'.  Just a few sentences later the people that were looking on were amazed at what took place and they too, 'glorified God.'

That little statement, 'glorified God' stuck with me throughout the day.  So I decided to do a search through the scriptures to find more about this wonderful statement.  And of course I couldn't help but share these nuggets of wisdom with my closest on-line friends, now could I?  I know, I know, that's pretty generous of me, isn't it?  Well, before you start thanking me you might want to wait until you finish reading the entire list of scriptures below!  Perhaps now would be a good time to grab that chocolate for emotional support because this is going to be painful!

Fight or Flight? Or Vulnerability?.....and a Link Up!

As a young child I cried A LOT.  My nickname was 'A bucket of water'. (Seriously.) After many years of growing up with older brothers I had no choice but to toughen up.  Rug burns and bruises can do that to a gal, you know.  So over the years I learned to stuff my feelings and put my walls up to protect my overly sensitive heart and the result of that was a young gal that was mean and one that fought often.  In fact, I was sent to the Principal's office twice during my elementary school years because of fighting!

The fighting in me continued on well into my teen years and then into young adulthood.  Although I no longer used my fists, instead I used my words, and let me tell you, I would tear people up!

Eventually the crying in me became less and less as more walls went up to barricade my heart.  I found that place to be the most safest, so that's where I stayed.

Then I met Jesus Christ and He changed my heart.  He began to heal it and soften it.  And He started to tear down the fortress that was surrounding it!  (That was and still is a painful process!)

Developing God-Confidence

Whether you're a single woman or married one, all of us in some way or another deal with insecurities.  I just wish that statement weren't true, however, that's just not our reality while we're living here on planet earth.

Writing this post makes me sad because I know that somewhere out in cyberspace there is someone reading this that is feeling the way I did for many, many years and my heart just breaks for them.  That's not to say that I have mastered my insecurities because I haven't.  From time to time I let the Enemy into my life so he can speak lies to me.  It's like I put a doormat out for him that says, "Welcome."  "Come on in!"  This always happens when I'm walking in my flesh rather than my spirit!  Sigh!

Here's a snapshot of where I've been in my journey.

Why a Husband Does Not Desire His Wife, Part 2

I don't want to write this post.  I don't want to offend, condemn, nor put pressure on any wife that is reading this.  But, I have to write it because the issues below need to be addressed.

Yesterday, I listed the many reasons why a husband may not desire his wife and you can read that post here.  And today I'm going to address some areas that a wife may contribute to this problem in her marriage but before I go into those issues I want to share a story with you.

Let me rewind to about 14 years ago.  Just a few days before I was to marry my man, we met with our Pastor for our last pre-marital counseling session.  The talk that our Pastor gave us was on the Song of Solomon; sex, enjoying your wife's body, and so forth.  He further went on to say how a woman's body will change when she has babies and how our outer appearance will change with age.  He also shared his wife's struggle with her own weight issues that she had had for many years.

Why a Husband Doesn't Desire His Wife....& a Link Up!

Today I'm addressing a question from one of my readers about how she does not feel desired by her husband.  I realize that this is not the norm in most marriages, but I am finding that this concern is starting to become more and more prevalent.

Now some of you reading this probably wished you had this woman's issues because you deem having sex with your husband as a chore, but that's another post.  However, imagine how you would feel if your husband did not pursue you and you did not feel desired by him.


Question: What do you do when YOU (the wife) desire sex and your husband does not? It is a good marriage, both husband and wife are faithful and strong Christians and she is praying much over this issue, but she is unfulfilled and feels undesired by her husband. This is directly opposite of the situation most women find themselves in and therefore, there is not a whole lot of Godly advice out there. Can you offer any thoughts?

The 3 inch Crocodile that Resides in Our Mouth

Recently, I had a reader ask if I could address the way some wives speak to their husbands.  This particular bride struggles with having an unkind tone and also has used jokes as a weapon towards her man.  The reader further asked if I could address how women often talk to their husbands as if they were speaking to their children.

I think this is a great question and one that I am sure is very relevant to many women today.  It's so easy to have our feelings hurt or lose our patience and then retaliate with unkind speech or speak to our husbands in a belittling way. 

I'm Tired of Serving the Most High God... and a Link Up!

I've been in full-time ministry for many, many years now.

Ministry to my husband.

Ministry to my children.

Ministry within my home and outside of my home.

I'm tired of serving others all in the name of Jesus Christ.

I'm tired of being rejected and persecuted for my faith.

What If...

I'm going a little philosophical on you today so I hope you don't mind! 

I've been wrestling with some thoughts lately, thoughts that seem to go against the norm of the Christian culture, thoughts that challenge me and stretch me to the core.  Perhaps these thoughts that have been swirling in my brain will challenge you in your walk?  Maybe they'll further you towards Christ as well?

Let me start here.  Since God has called me to the field of ministry where one writes, I often hear in this type of ministry that one should find their voice or use their voice.  At first I kinda scratched my head about that concept not quite knowing what the so-called experts were talking about, but then I figured it out.  Here's what it means in case you didn't know either: basically when you write something you should use your personality; you should be you.  Hence, that's your voice.  It's a simple concept, I know.  But hey I'm kinda slow!  

  

There's nothing wrong with that thought process, it's just that for me it goes against my spirit.  

Here's what I mean.  

What if instead of trying to find my voice or use my voice, I seek to use His voice when I write?  Would the words that are typed out on this screen be different?  More useful?

How about these thoughts....

What if in ministry we make the choice to rely on the Lord's strength rather than our own?

Be Careful Little Eyes What You Read

I love to read books, I always have even when I was younger.  When I was unsaved, I read mostly romance novels- which isn't a wise path, by the way, and a path that I wouldn't encourage anyone to take; whether one is single or married.  

Now, I know there are Christian romance novels that are out, but when I married, I didn't find that these books would add any value to my relationship with my husband.  In fact, in my mind, I thought what I read would only cause me to stumble in my own marriage.  I didn't want to compare what was written on the pages of a book, to my romance with my husband.  I believe it would have set me up for failure if I took that approach.  So, I just resolved to stay away from them and even the Christian ones.  I guess you can say I was more adamant about writing my own romance novel as I lived out my marriage.

So, this brings me to my point of the post.  I know there are many women who do read romance novels and I've recently heard about a new e-reader book that's now out all over the internet.  Apparently this book falls under the 'erotica' type.  I know just a little about this book, in addition to what I have read from other fellow, Christian bloggers on this topic.  I don't intend to gather much more research because I don't care to put that kind of filth before my eyes any more than I have to.  Plus, I don't care to be tempted by the Enemy.  So, I'll trust their judgement and just stay away from it.

But now I'm sharing this information with you in hopes that it with help you, strengthen you, or protect you depending on your situation; whether you're single or married.  Plus, if you're a parent of a teen daughter, this will help you protect her as well.  That's something I wish would've taken place in my life when I was a teen.

Although I'm quite hesitant to share the title of the book with you because I don't want you to be tempted, however, on the flip side, I don't want you to innocently pick up the book and start reading it either.  

Hmmm, what to do, what to do!

Well, I feel it's best to give you the head's up on this.  The title of the book is called 50 Shades of Grey, but I don't know the author's name. 

If you happen to be a woman who's drawn into the romance and erotica novels, please take the time to read Sheila Gregoire's post addressing this issue, Why Kindles Can Wreck Your Marriage.  Even though her post is addressed to married women, I believe a single woman can glean from what she has shared.

Oh, be careful little eyes what you read!

Live a poured out life for Christ,