After 14 Years, I Still Can't Fit into My Wedding Dress

It was over 14 years ago when I stood in that checkout line with the man I was engaged to be married to.  As we stood there waiting our turn for our groceries to be rung up, my Beloved noticed the tabloid magazines on display.  One had a caption that read, “Why Get Married.”  My godly fiance replied, “So I can get Jolene in bed.”

Dismayed by what I heard, my jaw dropped to the floor and I am certain my face turned several shades of red.  I was completely offended by his callous, unromantic, not to mention, ungodly response as to why he and I should be united in marriage!

Perhaps I said his comment was offensive, (I can’t remember now that so many years have passed) or maybe he saw the look of utter shock on my face, therefore, he proceeded to explain himself.

He, being a direct and straight to the point, kinda man, shared that you can be friends with each other and do all sorts of things together.  You can be emotionally, mentally and even spiritually connected, but one thing you can’t have according to God’s Word, is to be united physically.  The act of marriage, aka, getting me in bed, is ONLY reserved for a husband and wife.

But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.  1 Corinthians 7:2 (NLT)

I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.  Song of Songs 8:4

Well, that made complete sense to me.  In a nutshell, the act of marriage is what makes a marriage different from any other relationship.  I took that concept and held onto it for the next 14 years allowing it to change me into a wife.

You see, I grew up as a tom boy.  Competitive sports, ponytails and sweaty clothes.  Certainly not a girlie-girl, and on top of all of that, I was a take charge kinda woman yet, coming to Christ and becoming a wife, changed all of that.  My heart was to learn how to be a God-fearing woman; or should I say, a feminine lady.

14 years ago today, my wedding day was the epitome of biblical femininity.

It was the second best day of my life.

The day I said, “I Do” to becoming his wife.

Surrendering my life into his hands; submitting to him until death do us part.

I expected him to lead me; lead me to Christ.

No, I didn’t walk down the aisle in a wedding pant-suit, rather, I wore a wedding dress.   A white, form-fitted, elegant dress.  Every ounce of it screamed femininity, along with what I wore underneath it. (wink)

Mr. and Mrs. Eric Engle

March 14, 1998

But when my babies came into the world they changed my body.  The girlish figure I retained until I was 30, was now turning into a woman’s.  The widening of my hips made it impossible to squeeze into my most favorite dress!

A dress that symbolized a

romantic love,

a bride,

vows,

the coming together physically,

and when the ceremony was over, the dress symbolized….a wife.

So, today as a wife I am nowhere near the same size I was on the day I got married!  I was a skinny mini thing back then, but I had to starve myself and workout endlessly to get that way.  Yet in spite of all of that, I was oh so self-conscious of standing bare-skinned before my new husband on our wedding night!  I know I am not alone in this, even the Shulamite woman who married Solomon had her insecurities as well!

Do not look upon me, because I am dark, because the sun has tanned me.   Song of Solomon 1:6

I soon realized on my honeymoon how the negative view I had of my body could hinder my marriage bed.  I didn't want those insecurities to come between us, so I continued to workout and watched what I ate in the years to come.

But when the babies were born, so did the chronic illnesses, the thyroid and hormone issues along with the physical limitations of my body.  Infections took place in my body that ravaged the marriage bed for a long period of time.  Family persecutions happened.  Homeschooling needed to fit into the schedule.  Financial turmoil made life difficult.  And of course there was outside ministry as well.

The weight came on and it didn't want to go off.  My metabolism came to a screeching halt.  More cellulite was added to my body, along with fat rolls, a muffin top, and a big fat baby pooch.  All areas that I wanted to cover up.  Why couldn't my feet get fat instead of my waist?  As well, I've come to realize that I am allergic to standing on my bathroom scale; it makes me depressed and there is no allergy medicine to reduce the reaction, except for working out and watching what I eat!

I am thankful for a husband who did not marry me for my outer appearance and for not complaining about my body over the years.   He married me because of the heart I have for the Lord and he knows that beauty is fleeting.   And when I get depressed about my body, he reminds me that my job is not to be a super model.  However, I know when I walked down the aisle that day, I was not walking down to marry Jesus!  No, I was marrying a man.  A visual, flesh-filled man.  A man who enjoys seeing my hair curled, lipstick on my lips, high heels on my feet, and sweet smelling perfume on my body.   Just like the day I walked down the aisle as his bride!  He's a typical husband wanting to enjoy the beauty of his wife.

So, even if I can't fit into my wedding dress anymore, I am still a wife.  A feminine lady who wants to be pleasing to her husband with her countenance and her outer appearance.  Regardless of how difficult life has been for me, I still try to look and act feminine for my man.

You have ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; You have ravished my heart with one look of your eyes, with one link of your necklace.  How fair is your love, my sister, my spouse! How much better than wine is your love, and the scent of your perfumes than all spices!  Your lips, O my spouse, drip as the honeycomb; Honey and milk are under your tongue; And the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon.  Song of Songs 4:9-11

Here's a few things I have learned over the course of our 14 years of marriage:

1. Maintain a submissive attitude towards my husband.  As a result of this, he feels honored and I feel cherished.


2. The more feminine I become, the more manly he becomes.  Today I wear more lipstick and skirts and less sweatpants now that I am married.


3. I have learned not to over commit myself to outside ministry because it will hinder my marriage.  I just don't have time to do it all!


4. Homeschooling (or parenting, if you happen not to homeschool) is a black hole.  It can swallow me and my marriage up and it can become an idol in my life if I allow it.  Therefore, we will not bow down to the altar of academics.  I can't and shouldn't do everything and it's okay to let some things go.


5. My Beloved is my husband and that means he is my first ministry and comes before all others.  Exercising and eating right is a part of that ministry to him because he is to physically delight in my body, and I don't want to deprive him of that because of my insecurities.  I fail daily in these areas because who in their right would like to eat salad and veggies and limit their chocolate and dessert intake, especially when life gets hard and you start to recognize that you have become an emotional eater?  I'll let you know right now that I  will not be the first one to raise my hand on that one, but, nonetheless, I will keep trying!


6. If my marriage bed is hindered, so is my marriage.  This propels me to work on being physically attractive for my man even with all of my physical limitations, time constraints, or when I don't want to curl my hair because I am lazy!  Yet, I am mindful of keeping a balanced life and making sure my outer appearance does not become an idol as well.

Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman, or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman?  Proverbs 5:18-20 (NLT)

No, taking care of my body is not easy and I could come up with every excuse in the book...and be justified in using it.  But the last thing I want to do is rob my husband (or myself!)  from the blessings of physical intimacy that we get from being married.  Yes, we have a great friendship, but I want a great marriage as well, and we all know what sets those two relationships apart....it's the act of marriage!

His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me. Song of Songs 2:6

So, do you struggle with maintaining a pleasing outer appearance for your husband as well?  What do you do to overcome your struggles?  I'd love to hear your ideas!

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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When Your Faith is Deeper than Your Husband's

Has there ever been a time in your marriage that you had the faith like the Roman Centurion and your husband had the faith like Doubting Thomas?  When your faith was deep but his was shallow?  Or when you were on one side of the faith pendulum and he was on the other?

What is a wife to do if she finds herself in this situation?

Do you step forward and take over the spiritual things in the family?

Do you nag him about reading his Bible, attending church, doing family devotions,  or fill in the blank?

How do you make the right decisions for your family?

I hear these things often from Christian women; women who have a deep desire to follow the Lord and seek Him in all things, but their man might be distracted, or he's a little complacent, or maybe he's somewhat apathetic in his walk with Christ.  Many times women don't know how to deal with these issues in their marriages seeing how the man is to be the spiritual leader of the home.  So, what is she to do?  How do husband and wife come together spiritually with these differences?

So today I'm going to tackle these issues.

But first, let's take a look at what the Bible has to say about faith.

• We grow in our faith when we  hear the Word of God.

So faith comes from hearing, that is, hearing the Good News about Christ.  Romans 10:17 (NLT)

• God has given each one of us a measure of faith.
  

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.  Romans 12:3 (NIV)

• Some Believers have been given the spiritual gift of faith.

God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us.  A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other.  To one person the Spirit gives the ability to give wise advice; to another the same Spirit gives a message of special knowledge.  The same Spirit gives great faith to another, and to someone else the one Spirit gives the gift of healing.  1 Corinthians 12:6-9 (NLT)

Keep these 3 aspects of faith in mind when you and your man do not see eye to eye.  Perhaps you have more time to dig deeper into the Scriptures or listen to Bible radio programs throughout the day and as a result, your faith is stronger.  Or maybe God has given you more faith than your husband.  If either of these things are the case, then have some humility and self-control and don't rub it in his face.  If you choose to have a sort of spiritual arrogance towards him, you'll push him away and that will cause him to not want to spiritually lead you at all.  Now, this may be soooo very difficult for you because you feel that he is not directing your family very well.

But let me remind you of something, sweet friend...

Because of your desire to know Christ better, your Savior KNOWS your situation!  He KNOWS your man needs to step up to the plate, but maybe, just maybe, the plate is covered by you and your man can't step up to it.  What da' ya think?  Is that maybe a possibility?

If this is an area that you struggle with in your marriage, here are some practical tips to help bridge the spiritual gap:

1. Keep going deep with the Lord.  Don't lessen up your pursuit of Christ just because your husband's faith is not as strong as yours.


2. Make sure you don't condemn, criticize, or nag your man for not having the depths of faith that you have.


3. If God gave you the spiritual gift of faith, my encouragement to you would be to memorize Romans 12:3.  God gave you that beautiful gift to bring Christ glory, not to make your husband feel like a worthless spiritual leader.


4. Learn to become more understanding and gracious when your husband's faith can't move a mountain.


5. Ask him how you can pray for him that day and then ask him if he can pray for you too, (this shows him softness, humility, and vulnerability).


6. Submit to God and surrender all areas of your life to Him....even when it is oh so difficult!  Let the Holy Spirit lead your husband spiritually, rather than you having the attitude that you need to lead your man.  God won't let you down.  He'll protect you and He'll be by your side.


7. Ask him questions with a loving heart!  Ask him how he wants to handle certain situations.  This shows him that you value his opinions and it shows him that you desire his leadership.  Plus,  it also helps him to step forward and lead!  This is a very small thing, but it can make a huge impact in your marriage.


8. Initiate spiritual conversations.  Ask him what he thought about the message given that day at church.  What he got out of it, etc. and be prepared to share your thoughts on it as well.  Ask him about things in the Bible that you don't understand (even if you think he won't know the answer!)  This might encourage him to open up the Bible and find the answers.  This is something you can do together and then discuss your findings.  All these things should be done in a non-threatening and non-judging way.


9. Rest in the Lord.  God has given your husband the grave responsibility of leading his family.  When life here on earth is over, your husband will have to stand before the Lord and give an account of what he has done.  It is better for you to be by your husband's side asking him how you can help him, rather than telling him he is doing it all wrong.


10. If you are married to an unbeliever....you can still do some of these things but you'll need to tailor it to fit your specific situation.  Some husbands are not angry towards God and therefore they may be a  little more open to what you have to share, but others can be hostile towards the Gospel message and a lot of these things you can't discuss with them.  Remember, it is your conduct that will win him over, not your words.

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.  1 Peter 3:1,2

Wise women fear the Lord.  Give honor to Christ by submitting to the spiritual leadership of your husband.

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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15 Tips to Becoming Frugal and Creative in the Kitchen

I don't like to cook.  Never have.  Even as a young girl is was not my thing and it's still not my thing today and now I am in my 40's.  However, because I want to honor the Lord in all that I do, I cook for my family regardless of how I feel.

When I was newly married, I had a rude awakening seeing how I did not know how to cook and yet that was my role. I managed to get by with preparing the basics like pasta or food in a box, but that was about all I knew how to do and quite frankly, that was all I was really interested in doing.  But then I became ill and my Clinical Nutritionist put me on a strict diet of just protein (meat) and veggies.  Say what, Doc?  Um, I don't know how to cook meat!  And where's the sugar and carbs?  But, I didn't have much of a choice seeing how this was for my health.  So I learned and taught myself.... and there where many, many meals of undercooked chicken and overcooked, dry pot roast!

After 1 1/2 years of a diet like that, I moved into the organic-whole foods way of life.  There I had to learn to purchase and cook new and unusual types of foods still because of my health.  Spelt flour?  What is it?  Will it work in chocolate chip cookies?

Where do I find these unique foods? What do you mean I have to drive to a store that is 30 minutes from my home? You mean to tell me these foods are not sold in the market right around the corner from my house?

So I drove the distance so I could prepare nasty, disgusting dishes, nutritious whole foods for my family.  I even learned how and why to sprout grains and nuts.  I felt like a regular pioneer woman!

Photo Source

A few years later I learned that I needed to eat gluten-free.  You have got to be kidding me!  I was never going to get out of the kitchen.  You might as well just chain me to the stinkin' stove!

But eating gluten-free made me feel so much better so I was willing to cook and eat the dense, dry, and tasteless breads that you could choke on.

My trappings in the kitchen went on for years.  It just became part of my life that I couldn't get away from so I learned how to make all these various types of foods in the quickest way possible so I could get out of prison as fast as I could!  All the while I'm preparing alternate dishes so the rest of my family (husband) didn't have to eat that stuff!  (Nor did he need to.)

Even though my journey with preparing foods has not been easy nor enjoyable, the Lord has been with me every step of 'I can't believe this is my life' sorta way, and I believe because of what I have gone through in my past, it has helped me with my present, anemic financial situation.  After all, I am used to eating unappetizing meals, foods that I don't care for, so I guess it's all in one's perspective. :)

When our finances became an issue, I had to figure out how to prepare some of these foods as inexpensively as possible.  Once again, I needed to learn how to be a creative homemaker for a new stage in our life.

So here are some basic cost saving tips for you and your situation.  Pick and choose what might help you and apply a few tips at a time so you don't get overwhelmed.  For some, this list may seem very basic because you have been doing these things for years.  If that is the case and you have more ideas, please leave me a comment so we can glean from your experience.

1. Have a budget and stick to it.  For those of you that have a husband that is self-employed, I know having a budget is hard because you never know how much money he'll bring in that month (if any!)  I understand and I'm in the same boat, but we still have a set amount and if there is a time when the electricity might get turned off because a bill needs to be paid that day :) hmmm, I have been there as well, I find what I can in the cupboard, and we pay the bill.  And when there is money, I spend as little as possible to feed our family until the Lord provides more work for my man.  Which He always does by the way.  I have yet to lose weight because we did not have enough food in our house!  It may have not been our favorite food, but it is food nonetheless.


2. Plan your menus in advance.  I usually plan mine once a week and get everything  I need so I am not wasting my time and gas heading out the door over and over again.  Plus, it prevents the tendency of grabbing expensive fast food because you were unprepared to feed your family, (if that is even an option for your family).


3. Cut out boxed meals and prepared sauces and learn to make a lot of recipes from scratch.  This will usually save you money plus it's a lot healthier for you.


4. Re-purpose leftovers as much as you can.  In other words, try not to let any food go to waste.  For example, I had a recipe that called for heavy cream the other day (which is quite pricey), but I didn't need to use the full amount in the carton.  So instead of it going bad as it sat in the back of the fridge without a purpose for it, I designated the rest of it to be used for fresh whip cream to go with waffles.  That was a treat for my family!


5. Reduce your amount of meat consumption.  We buy some meat, but not a lot because meat is expensive.  Many of our meals consist of beans and rice which is a complete protein.


6. Start to incorporate soups made from scratch into your menu.  They are nutritious and affordable.


7. Cut out or limit juices and serve your family water instead.  Our children don't need the extra sugar anyways and our bodies probably need more water intake as it is.


8. Cut out or limit sweets and junk food.  This is such a difficult one for us because we LOVE our desserts!  It all depends on how much money we have as to whether there are sweets in our house or not.


9. Portion out your food for your meals.  For example, I usually buy 1 pkg. of turkey bacon per week and with that package I utilize the meat for a morning breakfast or two, and then I save a portion to make BLT's one day for either lunch or dinner.  My family has learned to not consume all of the meat in one sitting because I re-portion the leftovers.  And, no, they have never left the table hungry. :)


10. When it's gone, it's gone-don't buy more.  This can be milk, bread, fruit, etc.  We do without and wait until the following week to buy more.  We have never been in a situation where we had absolutely no food in the house.  On many occasions we've had eggs for dinner and no one has died from this!


11. It's not a big deal if you don't have enough money for a side dish or a salad to go with dinner.  We've had meals absent of these things often!


12. Use coupons as much as you can or shop at bargain discount stores.  I know in my area a few of the large discount stores such as Target and Wal-Mart are now offering a grocery section in their stores and many times their items are cheaper than a regular grocery store.  Know your products and know their prices so when you are out you can make wise, low-cost choices.  But also keep in mind the rising fuel costs, in other words, don't just drive there so you can save $0.20 on tomato sauce.  In my neck of the woods, the price of fuel is well over $4.00 per gallon so I don't drive around town from store to store like I used to because of the additional costs I would incur.


13. Start your own garden.  We have had a few herb plants in the past, but we have moved too often for us to have a large garden.  This is something that I have been wanting to do and hopefully this year we can start one if we have the extra funds.  Having a garden will help you save money on your produce.  Check out Deep Roots at Home:  Planning the Family Garden who has great ideas for starting one.


14. Don't be afraid to fail.  Over the years I have thrown out many inedible meals.  Remember that part of your calling is to care for your family and many women in our society have not been taught the basics of homemaking- let alone how to cook frugally.  Have fun learning and get over your fears.


15. Here's the best tip that I can give you and the one you need to remember the most!  The Lord is with you.  He knows your needs.  He will not forsake you.  He is strengthening you and growing your faith.  Keep your eyes turned towards heaven; this will help you have a grateful spirit, rather than a discontented heart.  Be mindful of the fact that your situation can always be worse, and don't forget to thank Him for the food He has provided for you!

Even though I spent many years in the kitchen as I learned to become a creative homemaker, it is not something that I am passionate in sharing with others.  However, I wanted to address one of my readers questions about keeping our food costs down based on my recent post, A Working Wife, Welfare, or a Wild Faith?  I am passionate about writing on faith, marriage, and deepening your walk with the Lord, and I won't do as nearly a good of job of some others who have a passion for homemaking, so I have included some wonderful sites below that I think you can benefit from.  These are all godly woman who have a heart for what they share, and they'll go much deeper on being a creative homemaking than I will!

Stacy Makes Cents:  10 Easy Ways to Cut Costs in the Kitchen

Stacy Makes Cents:  8 Ways to Use Up Leftover Produce  (This post is written from a guest blogger, The Humbled Homemaker who writes on various homemaking topics.  You can find some good saving tips on her site as well, especially if you have younger children.

Money Saving Mom:  31 Weeks to a Better Grocery Budget Series

Heavenly Homemakers:  Very Limited Income for Real Food Purchases Being that I have health issues that require me to eat healthier, I highly recommend this site!  Even if you don't have health issues today and you can eat a lot of processed food.....just be careful to not take your health for granted.  I realize that whole foods can sometimes be more expensive than processed, but there's a saying and it goes like this:  "You can either pay the farmer now or the doctor later."

I hope what I have shared will help you in your journey!

Live a poured out life for the Master,

Did you enjoy reading The Alabaster Jar?

Subscribe through email or 'like' my page on Facebook to receive future posts.

I am linking up with:  Raising Mighty Arrows, Feminine Adventures, The Purposeful Mom

The Good Samaritan Wife and a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up

Sometimes our men get hurt.  They get attacked.  They get beaten and stole from.  They don't know where to turn, they fall, and they don't know how to get up.   Some feel like they are left for dead in their circumstances.

I recently read the story of the Good Samaritan, a parable that I have read many times before, but while I read it this time, the Holy Spirit pressed upon my heart how similar the husband/wife relationship could be to this well-known parable.

Let's take a look:

A Jewish man was traveling from Jerusalem down to Jericho, and he was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him up, and left him half dead beside the road."  Luke 10:30

A husband can sometimes take the wrong path in life and/or he can travel at the wrong time.  This certainly could've been the case of the Jew as he was traveling from Jerusalem to Jericho on that fateful day.

Or maybe the Jewish man traveled the right path at the right time but the Lord allowed those things to happen to him.  The same could be said of our husbands as they have encountered attacks- thieves that have stolen from them, beat them, and left them for dead by the side of the road.

In each marriage, attacks or adversities can all look different.  They can have debilitating health issues, financial hardships, a lost way, a broken or difficult relationship, apathy, and/or spiritual despair, etc. All these things can leave our husbands feeling like they are crippled, laying by the side of the road.

And as each traveler came by in the Jewish man's story, they each responded to the hurt man in a different way.  As I read that verse I thought about how I, as a wife, could respond to my husband when he goes through his adversities.

By chance a priest came along. But when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road and passed him by.  A Temple assistant walked over and looked at him lying there, but he also passed by on the other side."Then a despised Samaritan came along, and when he saw the man, he felt compassion for him.  Luke 10:30-32

The Priest walked by and saw him, but kept on walking.

As my husband goes through his troubles, I can think that he is just fine and he has no need of me, so I move on with my own agenda, to do list, and plans for my day, and in doing so, I represent the Priest's actions in this story.

Then there's the Temple assistant (also known as a Levite, in other versions), he walked over to the man, but then he too, kept on walking.

I can take a look at my husband and see that he is hurting, but then decide that I am too busy to stop what I am doing, therefore, I would be no different than the Temple assistant.

Here's what's so interesting about these guys-- These men were Jews, as was the hurt man- they were their own people.  Furthermore, both these men were known as 'religious'/spiritual people.

Yet, both these men were more concerned with themselves and their selfish pursuits that they did not stop to take the time to minister to this hurting and dying man.

Here's a parallel--I am my husband's wife.  I bear his last name.  I am his family.  Plus, I am a spiritual, God-fearing woman.  From outer appearances, I could look like and respond  just like the Priest and the Temple assistant did.

So, I did a heart check and asked myself a few questions as I reflected on the times when my husband has faced difficulties:

• Are there times in my own life when I feel that my husband can weather the storms without me?


• Are there times when I don't want to physically serve him because I would rather serve my own selfish desires?


• Are there times when I don't know how to help him but he just needs my listening ear, yet I am too busy and distracted to give him my attention and the honor he deserves?


• Are there times when I feel like he has made poor choices and taken the wrong path, and I am critical and condemning towards him, rather than forgiving and gracious?


• Or are there times when he just needs my countenance to be one of thankfulness and contentment rather than a complaining and disrespectful attitude?

"Then a despised Samaritan came along, and when he saw the man, he felt compassion for him.  Going over to him, the Samaritan soothed his wounds with olive oil and wine and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him.  Luke 10:33, 34

Then the hero enters in on the scene.....

Yep, you read that right, a despised man; a man that was at odds with the Jews.   I don't know about you but when someone despises me, the last thing I want to do is minister to that person.  In fact, my flesh wants to despise them back!

But what does the despised man do?  He ministers to a complete stranger giving of his own wine to disinfect the wounds, giving of his own oil to bring healing, and then he places him on his donkey and walks him to a nearby inn.  There he leaves the man in good care with an innkeeper, tells him to take care of him, then he pays the bill.

I don't think it was easy for the Good Samaritan to give of himself and his possessions for a complete stranger, but what I love about this parable is that just before Jesus told this story, this was the reason why:

"'You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.' And, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"  Luke 10:27

I can't help but think about the Good Samaritan Wife in this scenario-- one who can be married to a believer, or a man that is barely believing, or even an unbeliever.  In any of those situations, she can be at odds with her man, so much so that she is losing and/or has lost respect for him (almost despising him), yet she ministers to her husband anyways, showing him mercy, love, and compassion.  That certainly wouldn't be an easy task to do, but what Jesus wants from us is to love our husbands, (which is our neighbor), as ourselves.

When life becomes hard for my man, I can only hope to apply the Good Samaritan Principle with my closest neighbor, you know, the one I share my mattress, sheets and blankets with!  I can't find a closer neighbor than that!

Perhaps you don't know how to bandage up your man's wounds and minister to him.  That's okay, just take him to The Innkeeper; Jesus Christ.  Let the Holy Spirit penetrate your heart and guide you, and even if you don't know what to say, He understandings your groanings.

Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.  Romans 8:26

How about you?  Are you willing to do your best to become like the Good Samaritan Wife in your own marriage as you minister to your man?  I do hope so!

Live a poured out life for the Master,

Did you enjoy reading The Alabaster Jar?

Subscribe through email or 'like' my page on Facebook to receive future posts.

Linking up with:  The Beauty in His Grip, Women Living Well, Time-Warp Wife, Growing Home, The Better Mom, The Straightened Path, Graceful, No Ordinary Blog Hop, Becoming a Strong Woman of God, Far Above Rubies, On Your Heart Tuesdays, Heavenly Homemakers, Winsome Wednesdays, Deep Roots at Home, Wifey Wednesdays, Some Girls Website, Word Filled Wednesday

I have a passion for marriage so I invite you to join me every Monday for this link-up! Please share your post on any and all things related to being a wife, i.e. homemaking ideas, ways you minister to your husband, dating ideas, and/or hearing what the Lord is telling you about your most important earthly relationship!

1. Please link to your actual “Marital Oneness Mondays” post, not just your general blog address--that way if readers come by later in the week, they can click your relevant post.

2. If you are new to this link up, please leave me a comment so I can visit you at your site and follow you there!

3. Try to visit others in this community to offer encouragement as they use their gifts to minister to others in the name of our Lord – plus, you might just hear God speak to you over there!

4. Do me a favor and spread the word about this link up as well.

5. Link back to this community, either by using the button below or a text link. You can find the button code here for you to insert in your post:

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The Alabaster Jar Out Loud- Radio Show Update

Every few weeks my Beloved and I tape a new radio show, but last week we had difficulties on two separate occasions and we were unable to tape our show.  After some investigation, we found out that the internet was in high use and that is what deterred us from our taping.  Because our phone system is over the internet (free, I might add :)) we are at the mercy of how much or should I say, how little traffic is on the internet in order for our taping to work.  We quickly realized that doing a live show in the future was NOT an option because there is no way of telling how busy the internet would be at any given time.

Therefore, we have made the decision to not move forward on our existing platform.  We will continue to do some research to see what else is available and we might even just tape our own shows as time permits and make them available to you as a podcast.  Don't ask me how any of that works....that's all my Beloved's idea!  I'll just make sure that you get the information and make it as technically easy as possible for you to listen in.

When both my Beloved and myself do a taping, of course those won't be as frequent as a blog post, seeing how it is much more difficult to find the time for two people to sit down, rather than just one.  Plus, my man needs to feed us and keep a roof over our head and that ministry comes first.  I am sure you can understand.

In the meantime, I will continue to write and I might even do a few videos as well.  (I guess now I'll have to do my hair and makeup.)  Even though I was hoping not to go down the video path, I believe doing  a short video from time to time will help me cover some those difficult-to-write-on topics.

I still have some questions that my readers have asked me and I did not get the chance to answer them via the radio program, sooooo I will figure out some other way to address them.  (By the way, my favorite time to write is when a reader asks a question!  I'm not sure why, I guess that's just how I am bent.)

Even though the radio program did not work out they way we had hoped, thanks for journeying with us in this endeavor.  Perhaps the Lord just wanted to see if we would be obedient like Abraham was when he asked him to sacrifice his son.

 

A Working Wife, Welfare, or a Wild Faith?

Today I am going to address one of my reader's questions in regards to becoming a working wife or the possibility of having to go on welfare. This will certainly be a controversial post, so please be kind as I try to share on a very sensitive issue.  Your graciousness is appreciated!

Hi Jolene,
I loved this post, (Becoming One with Your Man), especially where you talk about maintaining a oneness in marriage, even in the times when circumstances: health, finances, detractors, could very easily pull you apart. I have read in the past your convictions on staying at home to be a wife, mother, and homemaker and I applaud you for so overtly stating your beliefs backed by His word on this controversial issue. I recently read on another blog that I admire that author (a keeper at home) would not go to work unless her family was being faced with being on welfare. I have seen many close friends and family face this situation: the family facing public benefits as their only seeming option unless the wife decides to work outside of the home. Perhaps with today’s economy, money is the number one thing that drives a wedge between couples. How would you advise a Christian family contemplating going on welfare or having the wife go to work (assuming the husband was physically capable of working)? So many in our community are against government handouts, and for good reason. But this seems like a relevant issue to so many I love without a clear answer. Could you shed some light on what you would do in this situation?

~Felicity

This is a great question and one that is certainly relevant to many today, (myself included!)

For those of you that are new here, I am a married woman with children, and my husband is physically and mentally capable of working, yet our income is no longer what it once was.  However, just because that has changed, our convictions have not, and we are not willing to throw them out the window just because the economy has gotten tough and there's been a radical dip in our bank account. 

Also, I live in the land of opportunity; America- more specifically, Southern California.  Can it get any closer to living in the land of consumerism and materialism than that?

Where I live it is easy to buy into the lie that we should be filled with financial success.  We are conditioned into believing that by living in the land of opportunity that would equate to one being wealthy.  I have grown up in an area and an era where the women should be goal-oriented and career-driven.  By the way, I once held strongly to those views.  But today, I am saved, I am married, and I have children- therefore, my viewpoint is different from what I have been conditioned by.

As I turn the pages of The Good Book, what I find in there is God giving a totally different viewpoint from what society holds to- you can read my post, A Biblical Blueprint for Married Women to know more.  But God also gives us free will in making choices for our lives so that's where life gets a little more difficult in making the right, spiritually best decisions.  Note:  I said, spiritually best and not financially best; they are NOT the same.

Here' s the context for this counsel:

You're saved.  You're married.  Your husband is physically and mentally capable of providing for your family.  You're still raising your children and your husband does not want you to get a job, but you are flat broke!  I feel your pain.

What to do? What to do?

Source: healthyisalwaysbetter.tumblr.com via Jolene on Pinterest

You have 3 choices, 3 different paths:

Path #1, A Working Wife

First off, it is NOT a sin for a wife to work!  It is biblically lawful, but is it spiritually profitable for you to get a job?  That's the question to ask if you find yourself in a similar financial situation.

If you get a job will it draw you closer to the Lord?

If you get a job will it draw you closer to your husband?

If you get a job will it draw you closer to your children as you shepherd them towards Christ?

In case you were wondering.....I'm not superwoman.  I can't handle having a deep relationship with my Maker, my husband, my children (and home-educate them), be a keeper of the home, spend time in ministry AND get a job.  It's just not possible.  Not only that, but I do not believe that when I read the scriptures and apply it to my life today, that getting a job would be spiritually best for me and my family.

Would a job provide me comfort?  Of course, along with a few trips to Starbucks and some new clothes, and perhaps even a vacation!

Would a job give me a sense of financial stability?  Yes.  But in reality, the stability is false because I am only trusting in man to hand me a paycheck rather than Christ to provide for my needs. 

Would a job deepen my faith?  Sorry Charlie..but that's a big fat no!

So, Path #1-  The Working Wife Path,  it's a no-go for this woman!  My faith in Christ is too important to have it diminished by me getting a job, and the biblical priorities set forth for me as a wife and mother is a sacred calling.  I'll choose these all day long over comfort.  But don't get me wrong, there are days that I don't want to get out of bed or eat another bowl of beans again!

Note:  In the scriptures it talks about the Proverbs 31 Woman considering a field and buying it, along with selling linens and garments.  This woman is involved in cottage industry, but she is still under her husband's headship.  She is also still training and caring for her children, along with tending to her home.  I briefly touched on this topic in a former post and you can read it here.  In the future, I will expound on this topic.

Let's look at Path #2-  The Welfare Path

Some say go on welfare.  Yes, we clearly qualify, btw!

Some Christian women who are on welfare may be reading this and let me just say....I am not here to condemn nor criticize your decision, in any way, shape or form!  Please, please, please, know that!

Your husband is the spiritual leader of the home.  He is your headship.  He is the one to make those decisions for your family, and each family is different.  Some husbands are not believers and some are barely believing.  Some husbands want their children home-educated and some don't.  Some want their wives to work and some don't.  Some families have a blended family and there is another decision maker to consider in the equation.  Again, each family is different so my encouragement to you is to pray about your situation and ask for the Lord to guide your family in the decision-making process.

Personally, my husband and I do not feel that we should be on welfare and here are some of our reasons why, (they are in no specific order):

1. We would rather do our part as best we can and then have faith that the Lord would provide for us.


2. We wouldn't want to get used to the help/income from the State because it would hinder our 'faith' muscles- you know those times when you are leaning on Him because He is all you have, and when you do--your faith grows deeper.  We would rather be God-reliant rather than State-reliant, if that makes sense.


3. We want our lives separated from the State.  We are not interested in having the State involved in the affairs of our lives and dictating to us what we should and shouldn't be doing with our family.


4. We believe that as God's children, according to the Bible, it is the Church that should be caring for their own.

By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him? My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. 1 John 3:16-18

Now, before your mind goes racing ahead thinking we are living off of our church, that's not the case.  Let me explain.  We have been attending our church for over 15 years, but not once in the last 5 years of our financial hardship have we asked the church for assistance- we didn't even seek out a food basket at Christmas time!  Yet, the Body of Christ has ministered to us in various ways and here's why-BECAUSE GOD KNOWS OUR NEEDS and He prompts His children!  He uses the Body of Christ to be His hands and feet.  This is not to say you shouldn't go to your church and share your situation- it's just that we haven't.  We took our situation straight to our Father, our CFO (Chief Financial Officer). :)

To some reading this, it won't make sense.  But we choose wild faith in the Great I Am over welfare.

Path #3- The Wild Faith Path

Source: 517creations.blogspot.com via Jolene on Pinterest

Is it easy to wait on the Lord?  Excuse for a moment while I cough up some flem over that question!

You know the answer.

Regardless of our trials, it is NEVER easy to wait on the Lord, and that whole 'Be Still and Know that I Am God, Thing' certainly isn't easy, either!  But I believe that is part of the sanctification process-- at least for me.

So, I choose a Wild Faith.  The type of faith that our forefathers like Abraham and Noah had.  Yes, I will be ridiculed by others, non-christian and christian alike, but wasn't Noah mocked for his faith as well?  I wouldn't be surprised if those who lived near him coined the term, 'the village idiot' just for him, as he was building a very large boat for almost a hundred years when it hadn't rained or rained much during his time.

I want that deep water faith.  The kind that walks on water when I keep my eyes on the Lord.

The kind of faith like George Mueller had when he sat down for a meal and the table was set but there was no food on his plate because they had none in the house-

And he prayed....

Then the doorbell rang.....

And there was a woman standing in the doorway and she said...

The Lord told me to bring you this food!

Hello people!  Does the Lord not provide all we need?  Why yes, yes He does!  But again, we live in the land of opportunity where we should be happy.  That's code for we should live in comfort. That's garbage by the way.  No where in the scriptures do I read a statement like that!  Again, it's another lie that we buy from the enemy and Christians need to wake up and stop doing it!  Take God at His Word and trust Him.

Will He provide food for us like He provided manna for the Israelites?  I think so!

Will we have oil in our jars like the widow?  I think so! 

Are we not more important than the birds of the air?  Of course.

Doesn't our Father own the cattle on a thousand hills?  That would be a yes!

Is it easy to be still and wait on Him?  I think not!

Is it for a purpose?  That's a resounding yes!

Note:  Wild Faith is not an excuse for laziness, but unfortunately some husbands would fall under that category, but that's another post!

If you and your husband choose the Wild Faith Path, here's my encouragement to you:

• Hold fast to the scriptures of what God has laid out for you to do as a wife and mother.  You do your part, let your husband do his part, and let God do His part.  (I have become very creative in meal preparation, btw!)


• Have faith in the One True God and rest in Him.  I know it's not easy when the bills aren't getting paid and you barely have enough money for food, but God will provide all your needs according to His glorious riches.  I can attest to the fact that He has provided for us in miraculous ways and because of that, my faith in Him has grown deeper and deeper, and that, my friend, is priceless!


• Know that He is working through you.

Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakable, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping him with holy fear and awe.  Hebrews 12:28

Becoming One with Your Man & a Marital Oneness Monday Link Up

As a former woman at the well, with sin in this skin...

I've never known a love like this.

A blood-spilled love.

A love that covers a multitude of sins.

A Perfect Love that cast out fears.

When HE became my Bridegroom, HE took up residence in my heart and it is there that I gave HIM access to my vault; those dark, forbidden places where you let no one in, but now my spirit welcomes HIM knowing that the unconditional love and healing will begin.  And I will walk with HIM, hand in hand, from now until all eternity.

No, I've never known a love like this.  A trusting love.  A transparent love.  A vulnerable love.  A love that is intertwined with my soul.

And yet, HE calls me to connect and intertwine my soul to another; to become one with the one I exchanged my vows with and gave my life and body to--

To become one with him, my earthly groom.

But what does that look like?  How does that happen? How do two people become one flesh?  Came the thoughts of a young bride.

It's through a wild and relentless pursuit...

Of knowing HIM and him.

Of following HIM and him.

Of studying HIM and him.

Of respecting HIM and him.

And submitting to HIM and him.

Learning to fall in love with both of them over and over again, day in and day out, in spite of living through the torrential financial storms, walking through this life with a broken body, dealing with the attacks against our family and having my faith weakened.

It is there in the downright difficult life, where I clench my fists tightly to HIS robe and I take HIM at HIS Word knowing that all things work together for our good.  And when life interrupts and the enemy seeks to rip apart that which God has brought together, I do my part to protect our oneness at all costs.

And both my hands now hold each one of theirs.

And both of them have my heart.  "Please be careful with it, I whisper to them.  It's been through a lot.  It's been broken and it's fragile."

And when I look HIM in HIS eyes, I see HIS love for me.

A love so deep.

A love full of forgiveness.

A love covered in grace.

A love undeserved.

And it is because of HIS poured out love for me that I do my best to have a deep love for him.

Learning to love him with a love full of forgiveness and covered in grace enables us to have...

A trusting love.

A vulnerable love.

A transparent love.

A love where two souls become one.

"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one."  Ephesians 5:31,32

It's a love where one flesh is intertwined with the Spirit.

Tips to Making More Oneness with Your Man

1. Here's a simple one--  take his last name.  This show's HIM and him your honor and respect.  (It's the leaving and cleaving principle that we need to be reminded of in today's culture.)


2. Trust him.


3. Let him lead you as you let HIM lead your man.


4. Let go of all bitterness.


5. Learn to resolve conflict in a godly way.


6. Be vulnerable.


7. Apply the 15 Things You Can Do to Strengthen Your Marriage.


8. Take HIM at HIS Word.

Now it's your turn.  What are some of your tips?



Live a poured out life for the Master,

Did you enjoy reading The Alabaster Jar?

Subscribe through email or 'like' my page on Facebook to receive future posts.

Linking up with:  Jumping Tandem, No Ordinary Blog Hop, The Better Mom, Women of Noble Character, These Five of Mine Plus Two, Graceful, Women Living Well, Time-Warp Wife, A Holy Experience, Soli Deo Gloria, Far Above Rubies, Growing Home, Deep Roots at Home, On Your Heart Tuesdays, Winsome Wednesdays, The Run a Muck

I have a passion for marriage so I invite you to join me every Monday for this link-up! Please share your post on any and all things related to being a wife, i.e. homemaking ideas, ways you minister to your husband, dating ideas, and/or hearing what the Lord is telling you about your most important earthly relationship!

1. Please link to your actual “Marital Oneness Mondays” post, not just your general blog address--that way if readers come by later in the week, they can click your relevant post.

2. If you are new to this link up, please leave me a comment so I can visit you at your site and follow you there!

3. Try to visit others in this community to offer encouragement as they use their gifts to minister to others in the name of our Lord – plus, you might just hear God speak to you over there!

4. Do me a favor and spread the word about this link up as well.

5. Link back to this community, either by using the button below or a text link.   You can find the button code here for you to insert in your post:

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