Marital Oneness Mondays

Sex, money, and in-laws are the common things that couples fight over, and many marriages today are either crumbling or the husband and wife are living parallel lives under one roof.  Yet, that is not the type of marriage that God intended for His children.

I am passionate about marriage and that is why I am starting a weekly link-up!  If you are a blogger and you write about marriage- anything that ministers to your man, whether it be related to homemaking, creative dates, or insights from the Lord, please link up your post here each Monday.

Let's make an impact on the world today by truly having a 'oneness' marriage; the type of marriage that God intended.

Starting next Monday, February 27th

Marital Oneness Mondays

So next week, come by this community and encourage, equip, and inspire others in their marriage by linking up your posts.

Please do me a sweet favor as well.  Can you spread the word about this new link-up with your friends?  Your help is appreciated. ♥

If you're not a blogger and you would like to have a better marriage, we would love to have you join us each Monday to read more on this blessed union.

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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A Biblical Blueprint for Married Women

We have no reason to be ignorant about God's Word regarding what we, as wives, should be doing with our lives.  Here's a list to put things in proper order:

A Biblical Blueprint for Married Women

1.  God

She puts God first in her life.

"You shall have no other gods before Me.”  Exodus 20:3   “And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. This is the first commandment.”  Mark 12:30 “If you love me, you will obey what I command.”  John 14:15

2.  Husband

A husband and wife are one, and it is the most important ‘earthly’ relationship. “And the two shall become one flesh'; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.”  Mark 10:8

She is a helper to her husband. "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." Genesis 2:18

She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:12

She is respectful.  Let the wife see that she respects her husband.  Eph. 5:33

She is submissive.  Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.  Colossians 3:18

She is to be obedient to her husband.  Titus 2:5

3.  Children

She raises and trains up godly children.

“Didn't the LORD make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. Malachi 2:15

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.  Proverbs 22:6

She is to love her children.Titus 2:4

4.  Home

She manages the affairs of her home.

She is to be a keeper at home.  Titus 2:5

She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.  Proverbs 31:27

5.  Outside Ministries

She gives of her talents and gifts.

The older women are to be teachers of good things.  Titus 2:3

She extends her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.  Proverbs 31:20

6.  Enterprise

She is creative and capable.

She considers a field and buys it; from her profits she plants a vineyard.  Proverbs 31:16

She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies sashes for the merchants.  Proverbs 31:24

So why align your life like this? So the Word of God is not blasphemed.  Titus 2:5

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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Two Divorced People Teaching on Marriage...What's Up with That?

We teach on marriage, but both of us have been divorced.  So you might be asking yourself, "How on earth are we qualified to teach on the subject?"

We had a reader ask a similar question and in this post we are sharing those answers, along with tackling the question, "What about remarriage?"

Comment from our reader:

I enjoyed your radio show. You and your Beloved feed off of each other in thought and mind. The “never say divorce” was such a great piece of advise. I loved your husband’s analogy to pointing a gun at your boss- the trust is broken and it is very hard to take that back.

I just have a question. I have read about the fact that both you and your beloved have been divorced. Did you both have a biblical reason to get divorced, because unless there is adultery, abandonment by an unbelieving spouse, or possibly physical endangerment, divorce is not an option, right?

We responded to her, and in doing so, we felt we should give our testimony to all of our readers as well.

Dear Reader,

Glad to hear you enjoyed the radio show! And, yes, we do feed off a each other. 

Regarding our divorces…

Eric's Response: I was married for 9 years. When I met her, she claimed to be a Christian, but as a young man I did not receive a whole lot of of instruction from my parents in choosing a spouse. I chose her on the basis that she said that she loved me and loved the Lord. From the first year of the marriage she said that “she wanted a divorce” hence my personal insight to the instruction given on the radio show. I never said it to her and never wanted one either. God hates divorce and so did I. I begged her not to say that word because I knew of the damage that it did to me as well as to the marriage.

She would ask me if I was happy. My response then is the same as it is now… “The call from the Lord and the Bible is to be obedient, NOT TO BE HAPPY” I was committed for life to this woman. I was not confused with the difference between happiness (the current circumstances, or happenings) and obedience (the call of the believer to follow the Lord no matter what the circumstances are…even unto death!) I expressed to her that if she wanted a divorce that she would have to follow through with it because I never would. Needless to say she announced to me on my birthday, 9 years later that she had filed for divorce. I told her that I still wasn’t leaving! (I did not think that she would follow through)… but she did.  So I was free. 1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

Although I am divorced, I never divorced anyone, but she did divorce me. Ironically, had I participated in the divorce, Jolene would never have considered me for marriage, because my character would have been ruined as a Man of God. Don’t misunderstand… I do feel that after 9 years the Lord did deliver me from being a lifetime recipient of continual verbal abuse, physical abuse, and rage, but I never would have filed for divorce outside of biblical reasons, and I never did. I was committed to Obedience to the Lord no matter what… Oh how he rewarded me with Jolene for that faithfulness. By the way, the second time I married, I let the Lord pick her. He picked someone I would have NEVER picked, yet I am blessed in this marriage beyond any relationship that I could have ever imagined. Go figure…GO LORD!

Jolene's response: I was not saved when I got married the first time. He became abusive and I left. A few years later he remarried. A few years after that, I got saved. Then the Lord picked my Beloved to be my husband. Needless to say, through all of the pain of our previous marriages, the Lord has used what the enemy meant for evil to be used for His glory.

Our story is all for His glory, and He's given us a heart to encourage and equip other Christian couples so they can have a 'Oneness' marriage; the type of marriage that God intended.

Source: Pinterest

The reader further asked:

If I got divorced outside of the Bible’s given exceptions when divorce is okay, can I get remarried?

Let's first take a look at what the Bible has to say about divorce.

1)  God hates divorce and He wants you to stay married.

"For I hate divorce!" says the LORD, the God of Israel. "To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,*" says the LORD of Heaven's Armies. "So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife."  Malachi 2:16 (NLT)

"Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."Mark 10:9

2)  If your spouse is an unbeliever and he wants to remain married to you- then you stay married.

If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 1 Corinthians 7:12,13

Seeing that God is a merciful God, He has made provisions in His word regarding painful marriages.

3) If your unbelieving spouse wants to leave...don't let the door hit him on the way out, I mean, let him leave. :)  God always wants restoration and reconciliation in your marriage, but you only have control over yourself.  He has given everybody free will.  You can't force another human being to want to restore the relationship.  Let them go and be filled with God's peace.

But if the husband or wife who isn't a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace. 1 Corinthians 7:15 (NLT)

4) Divorce is allowed if the spouse has committed adultery.

I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."  Matthew 19:9

Perhaps you are considering divorce but you have no biblical grounds in which to do so?  This is what God's word says about it:

Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.  1 Corinthians 7:10,11

Stay married!  You will be outside of God's will for your life and you'll miss out on His blessings if you choose your own path.  Don't make your own choice; be obedient to God's Word.

Perhaps you have a difficult marriage?  God knows your hurting heart.  He's with you and He's  in the business of restoration and redemption.  Be patient and faithful.

Stay connected here for more encouragement and guidance for your marriage.  

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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Resolving Conflict in Your Marriage

Today, I'm going to address one of my reader's questions regarding conflict in marriage:

I was wondering if you and your husband could address how you have gotten through times when you did not necessarily agree or feel united together. While I admire your strong marriage, I wonder if you could share times when you and your husband were struggling in your relationship and how you overcame those challenges.

So, has there ever been a time in my marriage that I was at odds with my man?

When we couldn't see eye to eye?

When we weren't on the same page?

When he made me fuming mad?

When he brought this sweet thing to tears?   (lol)

You betcha!

Take two, imperfect, human beings that are filled with sin, put them under the same roof and guess what you get?  CONFLICT, with a capital "C"!

But who enjoys having a marriage like that?  Certainly not me!

So, let me give you some biblical principles that my Beloved and I have applied to our marriage so we can:  decrease the amount of conflict in our marriage,  reach a resolution much quicker so we can remain 'one', and minimize my tears!

Conflict WILL take place in your marriage- expect it!  But this list should help you be prepared to handle it in a way that is pleasing to the Lord.  I've called this list my Marital Manifesto.  It's not an exhaustive list, but rather a starting place.  Feel free to come up with some of your own rules for your marriage.

• If you want to remain in the center of God’s will, then don’t even mention the idea of getting a divorce*.  Nothing good can come from spewing the word, 'divorce' from your mouth and threatening your spouse with it.  You are tearing down your house when you do so and you're giving place to the enemy.  Make an agreement to not even bring up that word in your marriage no matter how bad the argument or situation is.  You may think your life is bad right now, but going outside of God’s will, will make your life even worse!  His word is clear on that.

"So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."  Matthew 19:6

• Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.  Work out your conflict before you put your head on the pillow that night…even if it is 3am and you have responsibilities to take of the next day.  Your marriage is more important than those responsibilities.  Give your marriage the priority it deserves.  By going to bed and not resolving your conflict, once again, you are giving place to the enemy to sow seeds of discord in your marriage, not to mention a host of other things that you can dig up in your mind while you stew over the argument, I mean, sleep.

"Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.  Ephesians 4:26,27

• Choose your words wisely.  Don’t hurler insults because once those words have left your mouth, you can’t take them back.  Yes, your man can forgive you for the harsh and cruel words you said, but that does not mean he'll forget about what you said, what you accused him of, or what you called him.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me...well, let me tell you something about that funny school-yard rhyme:  IT IS A BIG FAT LIE!  Mean words hurt.

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.  Ephesians 4:31 

• Don't allow seeds of bitterness to grow in your marriage.  If you allow those seeds to grow, it will break down your marital union.  You’ll lose the emotional, spiritual, and physical closeness you once had with your spouse, plus, you'll run the risk of losing respect for your man, and that, my friend, is not a good place to be!  Deal with your issues, don't sweep them under the rug.  Be intentional about resolving your conflict otherwise the weeds of bitterness can choke out the love in your marriage.

Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.  Hebrews 12:15

• Be mindful of the fact that your spouse is not perfect nor is he designed to be; he does not fill the role of your Savior.

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.  Romans 3:23

• Be the more mature Christian.  Try to let go of your fleshy desires and apologize first, even if it goes against every fiber of your being!

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

• Be mindful of Who you belong to and Who you're representing when you have conflict with your spouse.  During your disagreement, ask yourself if what you're saying and how you're acting is pleasing to the Lord?  This one little tip will start to extinguish the 'selfishness flame' real quick in your argument!

For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.  1 Corinthians 6:20

Take the time to share some of these ideas with your spouse.  Ask him what his thoughts are and what you guys can add or subtract from this list to better your times of disagreements. Then put those things into practice when the arguments come.

Here's a hint sweet friends.....the more you do those things, the less conflict you'll have in your marriage and the more unity and closeness you'll have with your man! :)

Conflict in marriage certainly makes life difficult.  Our flesh screams for our rights but my encouragement and challenge to you is this:  Be more concerned about building God's kingdom rather than building your own.

Now, this is just a short snippet of how to resolve conflict in your marriage.  You can listen in on our radio show and hear my Beloved and I talk about this topic in much greater lengths- just click the link below.  We also feel the Lord prompting us to do a Part 2 on this topic so we can give you specific examples and more application for your marriage.  I'll keep you posted here when we finish the taping of it.

*Here's two areas where the Bible allows for divorce:  1) if your man has been unfaithful and 2) if he is an unbeliever who wants a divorce.  A note:  If you are in a physically abusive relationship, please do everything you can to protect yourself and family.  This may mean you'll need to separate from your man.

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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I Could've Been Aborted

I’ve never written on this topic before, nor have I spoken much about it, but my Father has an uncanny knack of taking me to those deep, dark, painful places that are tucked away locked in the vault of my heart.  He has a way of stirring things up.  Getting to the root issues.  Ruffling my feathers.   I guess now I know where I get those attributes from!

42 years ago today, it was a part of God’s providential plan for me to be brought into this world, yet my birth mother could have easily made the decision to abort me.  Instead, she made the choice to give me up for adoption.

At just a few weeks old I was placed into my adoptive parents' home; a home that was already filled with their 3 biological sons.  I was the only girl and the baby of the family.

I grew up knowing that I was adopted; my parents didn't keep the truth from me.

"You're special."  "You're chosen."  Were the words that I heard at a young age.

Yet, I still struggled to find my way. I didn't fit in very well.  Sure, I may have had similarities like the brown hair and eyes, but I was clearly different from my family.

Who was I?

Why was I given up?

At age 16, my mother (adoptive) gave me some background information on my biological parents.  When I read about their interests and talents, I was blown away by how much I was like them.   That small piece of paper that I held in my hands said who I was, yet the truth on the page showed two people I had never met.  It was weird, I connected and identified with mere words.  Not  souls, but words.

I was haunted by the fact that my biological mother was 26 and my biological father was 29 yrs. old when I came into this world.  It's not like they were 2 teenagers who couldn't care for a baby, nor was I a product of rape.  Was it an affair?  Too much peace and free love in the year of 1969?

I'll never know why they gave me up, and for many years since I was a young girl, I have lived with the feelings of being rejected and unwanted by my own birth parents.

I wish I could say that my relationship with my adoptive parents was filled with lots of love and acceptance, but it wasn't.  Mom and I had a rocky relationship; we were at odds a lot.  I'm not sure why.  Must have been my strong-willed personality that she didn't know what to do with. Dad, on the other hand, brought home a paycheck and was involved with the boys' sporting events.  That's about it.  We didn't have much of a relationship.  However, I am thankful for the fact that my parents were brave enough to take me into their home and raise me.

Then I met Jesus Christ and my whole perspective on the adoption thing changed.  I realized that God had a plan for me to be a part of their family.

What I didn't know was that a few short years later, my adoptive parents would walk out on my life because of my faith in Jesus Christ. (There's a cost to pay for following Him.)  That hurt deeply.  I was rejected again.  First by my biological parents, then by my adoptive parents. 

How do I live with a legacy of rejection?  How do I not let those scars define who I am?

I try to figure out who I am and who I belong to.  My spirit knows those answers, but I get lost in my flesh, my fears, and my insecurities of not being accepted.

Most of the time I silently deal with the rejection.  Some days are better than others, yet the enemy knows my weaknesses and he goes straight for the jugular.

The thoughts come:

Who am I?

Who do I belong to?

Who am I like?

Who will love me?

Who will approve of me?

Who will affirm me?

And my Father steps in and answers all those questions....

He tells me over and over again that I am His Daughter.  Oh how I cling to those words.

I was bought with His blood; a crimson love.  I'm an heir to His throne.  I'm the apple of His eye.

But now God has me writing this story out.  Facing my issues head on.  Verbalizing my brokenness and clenching to the Cross in the process.

He knows the on-going rejection I face by others is hindering me in ministry.  (And the devil knows that as well.)

Child, you belong to Me.  I chose you and adopted you.  Those are life-sustaining words for me.

Just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.  Ephesians 1:4-6

And He calls me Daughter.

But on this day I can't help but think about her, the one whose womb I came from.

And then I wonder...

Who is she?

Is she still alive?

Does she hurt each year the calendar page turns to February 10^th?

Does she know Jesus?

Then I think about if she wonders who I am.

What I look like.

If I hurt each year the calendar page turns to Feb. 10th.

And if I know Jesus.

Then, the little girl tears (and the grown woman tears) fall down my face….

Without fail, my Father tenderly wipes them away.

And then, He calls me Daughter.

I belong to Him and He has my heart.  He has a perfect plan for my life.

So today I reflect on the fact that He gave me life, and yet He gave up His own life so...

He can call me Daughter.

Whatever your story and the scars you wear ...

He calls you Daughter, too.

(FYI:  my relationship with my mom has since been restored, and my dad is in heaven with Jesus.  God decided to use me to bring my father to Christ right before his death.  Hmmm, go figure.  Even in the midst of pain and heartache, God's plan for us is always perfect even if we can't see it.)

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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Remember, You're Married to a Man--Not a Woman

Men.

They don’t get a lot of things we say to them.

They don’t understand why we get all emotional and why our feelings get hurt.

They are not designed to sit and listen to us talk for endless hours.

They like to fix our problems and situations rather than be a sounding board that is filled with compassion and empathy.

Many are not in tune with the feelings and emotions of a woman, because after all, they are men and God wired them differently.

photo source

Here's a few tips to better your relationship with your man:

1. Don’t expect him to respond to you the way your girlfriends do, OR more importantly, the way your Savior does.


2. Don’t expect him to always understand you, and don't fault him when he falls short in this area.


3. Don’t expect him to know how to comfort you.  As a wife, make it a point to share your heart with him and let him know how he can comfort you.  Men are doers.


4. Don’t expect him to read your mind.  Just because you have been married to him for more than one day that does not mean he knows what you are thinking and feeling on a regular basis.


5. Don't expect him to fulfill all of your emotional and relational needs.  He can't.


6. Be mindful of the fact that he does not think and feel the same way you do.


7. Extend him grace because He. Is. A. Man., not a woman, and it is not right for us to expect our men to act like a female. (We gotta love God's grace when it is extended to us, but it's sure difficult to extend to our men, yet that should be the first place grace is extended on a regular basis!)

Just being aware of these things should bring more harmony and unity into your marriage.

A peak inside my heart..............................♥

During the course of my marriage there have been many instances that I haven't been able to articulate my thoughts and feelings to my Beloved.  Seeing how I couldn't express what was going on in MY OWN MIND, I soon realized that I couldn't expect my man to understand me if I couldn't understand myself.  That would've been an absurd notion!

Whether it is today or tomorrow, the following week or month.... my advice to you to better your marriage is:

Remember, your man is a man.  Cut him some slack and appreciate his masculinity, and he just might appreciate your femininity a little bit more!

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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4 Essentials Needed When You're in the Wilderness

Wilderness moments.

Times when you question your faith.

Times when you doubt.

Times filled with hurt.

Times when you wander.

Times when you're tempted.

Difficult times.

Bleak times.

Photo credit

Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.  Matthew 4:1

Take a close look at the above verse.

Who led Christ into the wilderness?  Did you catch that it was the Spirit?

When I read that verse and saw who it was that was responsible for the difficult times that Jesus was about to endure, it gave me such great comfort to know that is was the Holy Spirit.

Jesus Christ.   The Son of the Most High God.  The Messiah.  The Savior of the world.  His faith and allegiance to God was about to be tested.

Reading that verse helped me to know that my own wilderness moments were not only allowed by God but they were appointed by Him as well.

Here's what I have learned to take with me while in the wilderness:

The 4 Essentials

• A Guide-  God's Holy Word to guide and direct you in your times of fear, doubt, hurting, temptation, and despair.  Read His word.  Grab hold of it.  Hide it in your heart.  Breathe it in, make it your life and let it define who you are!

The LORD will guide you continually, and satisfy your soul in drought, and strengthen your bones; You shall be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.  Isaiah 58:11

• Shelter-  God's love and protection to strengthen you from the harsh elements and ravenous attacks.

I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of Your wings. Selah  Psalm 61:4

And there will be a tabernacle for shade in the daytime from the heat, for a place of refuge, and for a shelter from storm and rain.  Isaiah 4:6

• Water- Living water that is.  It is vital for you to cling to Jesus Christ during times of great weakness.

"But whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life."  John 4:14

• An Eternal Perspective- You will feel defeated and possibly lose your way if you're constantly looking at your temporal circumstances.  This time here on earth is not forever.

If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.  Colossians 3:1-3

Do you happen to know what took place and what was said to Jesus right before He was led into the wilderness?

When He had been baptized, Jesus came up immediately from the water; and behold, the heavens were opened to Him, and He saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting upon Him. And suddenly a voice came from heaven, saying, "This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased."

As the Father spoke those words, I personally believe that the Son of Man had a mountaintop experience as He heard them.

Ponder this thought:  Mountaintop experiences are usually followed by times in the wilderness.

After Satan tempted Jesus this is what happened next...

Then the devil left Him, and behold, angels came and ministered to Him.  Matthew 4:11

Make sure you hold tight to the 4 Essentials when the Spirit leads you into the wilderness and don't forget that in God's timing, angels will be sent to minister to you as well!

Live a poured out life for the Master,

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